To go or stay........??
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My heart is aching very bad now, really don know what to do.....
I believe i hav met the most wonderful gal in my life and i hav been attracted to her since i first laid my eyes on her. Maybe this is call love at 1st sight.
I really think we can be a great couple but things do not always turn out to what we want it to be. whenever when i wan to proceed further with our relationship(cos we are not couple yet, but the feeling we hav for each other is mutual) there will be some personal problems happens to her, hindering our progress.What i guess is that she will not open up her heart to me until her personal problems is solved. This has goes on for 11mths now and her personal problems is getting from bad to worse.
and one week ago, my company informed me that i hav been shorlisted to go usa for a 2yr stint.now this really put me into a difficult spot.
Cos i really believe i hav find the gal of my life thou i still need to brush away dozens of suitors away.
So do i stay on and by going throu thick and thin together with her and winning the heart of the gal of my life?
Or i shall go for the 2yr stint to gain some personal wealth, putting my career ahead instead of relationship??
Many people will choose the option to go oversea cos to them, if staying on, still need to fight for her heart and the relationship might not last. the risk is too great.
So anyone hav a good advice for me??? If u are a lady, pls feel free to give ur comment. -
go for the us trip, but keep close contact wif her... keep ur options open as theres many gals arnd n u havent even reali noe tis gal...
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i still dun really know ur problem so cant really take my words....Originally posted by virginheart:My heart is aching very bad now, really don know what to do.....
I believe i hav met the most wonderful gal in my life and i hav been attracted to her since i first laid my eyes on her. Maybe this is call love at 1st sight.
I really think we can be a great couple but things do not always turn out to what we want it to be. whenever when i wan to proceed further with our relationship(cos we are not couple yet, but the feeling we hav for each other is mutual) there will be some personal problems happens to her, hindering our progress.What i guess is that she will not open up her heart to me until her personal problems is solved. This has goes on for 11mths now and her personal problems is getting from bad to worse.
and one week ago, my company informed me that i hav been shorlisted to go usa for a 2yr stint.now this really put me into a difficult spot.
Cos i really believe i hav find the gal of my life thou i still need to brush away dozens of suitors away.
So do i stay on and by going throu thick and thin together with her and winning the heart of the gal of my life?
Or i shall go for the 2yr stint to gain some personal wealth, putting my career ahead instead of relationship??
Many people will choose the option to go oversea cos to them, if staying on, still need to fight for her heart and the relationship might not last. the risk is too great.
So anyone hav a good advice for me??? If u are a lady, pls feel free to give ur comment.
But
1.in the first place can u solve her problem ?
2. is this trip going to shape how ur future will look like?
3. will the trip generate finance aid to solve her problem?
4. keep in mind that u have not comfirm wif her to become couple...
few things i like to say....
of cos it will be plus pt if u can stay and give wat ever support u can to her...but do consider if she still didnt solve her problem...will u still b wif her? wat if in the end u didnt win her heart? besides i believe u have not really know in depth of ur lady fren...
wat u can do...
if finance allows, chose to go us and phone back to chat wif her...
fly back to look for her ...
Stay and show ur support if u think u have the capablilty to climb the corperation ladder without going oversea...
dun look at money as so impt becos u can always earn them back at a later time.
Note
u have to weigh ur priorities and protential loss if things dun turn out well. There will also be some stuff that u might need to left out cos u cant do much about it...in order to facilitate ur analysis. There will be risk....
U r the one in the pic...so work out a way cos u know the details...
all the best to u...
[/b] -
Originally posted by virginheart:My heart is aching very bad now, really don know what to do.....
I believe i hav met the most wonderful gal in my life and i hav been attracted to her since i first laid my eyes on her. Maybe this is call love at 1st sight.
I really think we can be a great couple but things do not always turn out to what we want it to be. whenever when i wan to proceed further with our relationship(cos we are not couple yet, but the feeling we hav for each other is mutual) there will be some personal problems happens to her, hindering our progress.What i guess is that she will not open up her heart to me until her personal problems is solved. This has goes on for 11mths now and her personal problems is getting from bad to worse.
and one week ago, my company informed me that i hav been shorlisted to go usa for a 2yr stint.now this really put me into a difficult spot.
Cos i really believe i hav find the gal of my life thou i still need to brush away dozens of suitors away.
So do i stay on and by going throu thick and thin together with her and winning the heart of the gal of my life?
Or i shall go for the 2yr stint to gain some personal wealth, putting my career ahead instead of relationship??
Many people will choose the option to go oversea cos to them, if staying on, still need to fight for her heart and the relationship might not last. the risk is too great.
So anyone hav a good advice for me??? If u are a lady, pls feel free to give ur comment.
Karma works in its cute ways; probably my insight can give you a clearer picture of what is going on. You both are bounded by a very personal problem of hers. Somehow when you advance, its like two step foward and one step back - wastage of energy, focus, time and resource. She couldn't open her heart to you:
Psychological love reason: didn't reached that level of emotional closeness required for her to pour out her unique problems like a best friend.
Spiritual love reason: If she want to handle it alone - it would takes years and toils on her, emotionally, mentally and physically. If she is enlightened to release that burden to someone who is willing to share them, lighten them and probably eliminate them - this problem is like a seed in winter, when the harsh season is over, the seeds grows from where it was planted and gradually something good will be grown from it.
There will be rain before the rainbow appears.
So what now? Good career opportunity coming in your way? See how cute this works - this opportunity WOULD be the catalysis to end this stagnant situation once and for all - either you move on better in your career, or you gain a new love, though fighting hard to banish whatever problem she is facing.
It signal a time to make good decision - neither one of the route is bad. A big however would be once you have chosen that path, there isn't any turning back.
Advice?
Its good to let her know about this, however there is this very big taboo way of expressing it and I am going to give an example below.
'I got something to tell you.'
'Yes?'
'my company informed me that i hav been shorlisted to go usa for a 2yr stint... do you think I should go?'
By saying such things, she will rather you go BECAUSE generally speaking, she wouldn't want to hold you back from a better future. (Especially she is merely a friend). You have to weigh your words carefully and emphasise NOT about the overseas opportunity, rather will she be willing to share her problems with you and begn the first step because you may not have the chance anymore in the future. Make use of this to get closer emotionally and build greater bonds.
Ok, I am playing deceptive. If it succeeded - just tell your boss saying that you want to back out without the need to let her know. Don't let her know until you finally got her as a gf and chose a good day to reveal it (Example: 99 days after being together, 1 year anniversary, etc). Of course, If she still remain the same (keeping things to yourself, etc), you still have chance to update me here in Sgforum Aunt Agony about your current situation and we could discuss it again.
Only if you know you have tried and still things doesn't go your way - you can look forward to your career in US.
P.S: Doesn't mean losing out this US opportunity means you can't get a good future - you can still succeed if you work hard in your career for yourself and the ones you love. (You wish to give a better life don't you?), but if you lose this chance with this girl, it may be the last chance it ever comes to you.
Cheers -
Wow, good advice yunhaier, u sounds as if u are there physically. What u say echoes what i am thinking right now. There is no turning back no matters which path i take.
Actually i know what her problem is and it has drain her so much emotionally and physcially.
Well i hav already tell her abt the trip to overseas before i post this topic. And i also tell her wherether i hav the chance if i stay. she replys that she certainly likes me but will not go into a more intimate relationships unless her prob is solved which will takes mths. and she encourages me to go overseas quoting that she will go too given the opportunity with the same scenerio.
Maybe i did not phrase my words as suggested by u thus the reply.
I can only say that she is one tough, mentally very determined gal and will not accept any help from others especially when the prob becomes bigger.
Well i can only try 1 last attempt to open up her heart and see how.
Wish me luck and any advice from u??? -
There are ways to drill a woman's heart and I always like to say; if one method fails, always attempt something new.Originally posted by virginheart:Wow, good advice yunhaier, u sounds as if u are there physically. What u say echoes what i am thinking right now. There is no turning back no matters which path i take.
Actually i know what her problem is and it has drain her so much emotionally and physcially.
Well i hav already tell her abt the trip to overseas before i post this topic. And i also tell her wherether i hav the chance if i stay. she replys that she certainly likes me but will not go into a more intimate relationships unless her prob is solved which will takes mths. and she encourages me to go overseas quoting that she will go too given the opportunity with the same scenerio.
Maybe i did not phrase my words as suggested by u thus the reply.
I can only say that she is one tough, mentally very determined gal and will not accept any help from others especially when the prob becomes bigger.
Well i can only try 1 last attempt to open up her heart and see how.
Wish me luck and any advice from u??? By the way, the seemingly tougher woman are often the weakest emotionally.
You see, choosing to stay here isn't about she accepting you because generally that's what everyone sees it. We are playing a game where staying put in singapore is to assist her and lift her out of her problems. (Its about SHE giving you this chance to help herself) One big however is that she doesn't want to lift her hands out help and what we have to do before the deadline is to induce that out.
She has strong personality, someone who refuse to share problems with others because she sees the problem as something personal and why-should-she-trouble-others thinking. You have to play carefully - do not expressed/show/demonstrate words/action/behavior that suggested her inability to handle it alone - the emphasise has to be I-want-to-be-there-to-fight-with-you. To achieve that, you have have to satisy other factors before the real objective is met.
If she is drained physically - do things that could recuperate her energy faster and happier. (Massage her shoulder, get her fav food, etc).
If she is drained emotionally - do things that could remind her that she is not alone to fight this problem (write card, do things affecting the cognative structure - feelings)
In simple, let her recover fast and pick herself up whenever she is drained. Without her realising consciously, you are already helping her against her problems. Little things that shows your concern goes a long way, not in impressing her, but as in a strong firm non-verbal language to demonstrate your care. This will improve your bonds with her and allow her to gradually open up to you, which will reach our objective.
Cheers -
Originally posted by virginheart:My heart is aching very bad now, really don know what to do.....
I believe i hav met the most wonderful gal in my life and i hav been attracted to her since i first laid my eyes on her. Maybe this is call love at 1st sight.
I really think we can be a great couple but things do not always turn out to what we want it to be. whenever when i wan to proceed further with our relationship(cos we are not couple yet, but the feeling we hav for each other is mutual) there will be some personal problems happens to her, hindering our progress.What i guess is that she will not open up her heart to me until her personal problems is solved. This has goes on for 11mths now and her personal problems is getting from bad to worse.
and one week ago, my company informed me that i hav been shorlisted to go usa for a 2yr stint.now this really put me into a difficult spot.
Cos i really believe i hav find the gal of my life thou i still need to brush away dozens of suitors away.
So do i stay on and by going throu thick and thin together with her and winning the heart of the gal of my life?
Or i shall go for the 2yr stint to gain some personal wealth, putting my career ahead instead of relationship??
Many people will choose the option to go oversea cos to them, if staying on, still need to fight for her heart and the relationship might not last. the risk is too great.
So anyone hav a good advice for me??? If u are a lady, pls feel free to give ur comment.
give her a free holiday to the US. that way you've brushed away those suitors. -
if she really likes you too,then she will wait for you ,no matter how she will also wait...just keep contacting with her loh...
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~Flips a coin...~
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just wrote a letter 2days ago and pass it to her. but no reply from her. when i see her during lunch break she like avoiding me, talk a few sentence then find an excuse and run away.
looks like i hav mess it all up. does gals react this way when i reveal,my true feeling to her?? -
concentrate on yr career 1st.
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~Flips coin...~
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Go US..If she is meant to be yours, she will be. To a man, career is more important. Of course, I'm not telling you to give her up.
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Talk to her ffs.
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Hi, I have a similar problems before and Yunhaier is also my advisor(a million thanks) and well, in the end..... we parted.Originally posted by virginheart:My heart is aching very bad now, really don know what to do.....
I believe i hav met the most wonderful gal in my life and i hav been attracted to her since i first laid my eyes on her. Maybe this is call love at 1st sight.
I really think we can be a great couple but things do not always turn out to what we want it to be. whenever when i wan to proceed further with our relationship(cos we are not couple yet, but the feeling we hav for each other is mutual) there will be some personal problems happens to her, hindering our progress.What i guess is that she will not open up her heart to me until her personal problems is solved. This has goes on for 11mths now and her personal problems is getting from bad to worse.
and one week ago, my company informed me that i hav been shorlisted to go usa for a 2yr stint.now this really put me into a difficult spot.
Cos i really believe i hav find the gal of my life thou i still need to brush away dozens of suitors away.
So do i stay on and by going throu thick and thin together with her and winning the heart of the gal of my life?
Or i shall go for the 2yr stint to gain some personal wealth, putting my career ahead instead of relationship??
Many people will choose the option to go oversea cos to them, if staying on, still need to fight for her heart and the relationship might not last. the risk is too great.
So anyone hav a good advice for me??? If u are a lady, pls feel free to give ur comment.
This gal I met had problems with her family...not close with her family members, have problems with her dad etc...
Beside all these, she is still suffering from her past bad experiences and all these still hausted her from the conversations I had with her thru phones/meet up.
In the end, I discovered that I had difficulties in asking her out as she always "not free". I hinted I am leaving her and she kan cheong (I foresee no future by the way but still giving myself chances but I know of my chance) by eventually she knew of my intentions and become a bit "bo chap" in the sense that she knew I am leaving her.
I and her had a small argument during the Christmas eve on BGR issue..she told me she still did not find someone who is suitable for her but I told her straight that
1. She cannot commit herself to any new relationships fearing she will be hurt again
2. She is still living in the PAST. (she can narrate very detailly what her EX had done for her...I am really disappointed as after so many years, she still think of all these nonsense!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
After the argument, the 2 did not contact each other until I pay a visit to her during CNY eve to give her a CNY Greeting Card and and I still receive 1 and only 1 SMS from her..........
My advice to U
1. Since U told us she starts to avoid U, it is very clear picture she don;t want U to waste your time on her
2. Leave for USA where your future lies..........Go for a better one
U can stay and keep trying but chances of success is very slim.. I had seen it all and done it all (my story above)
Keep all of us inform of the progress. Thanks -
Hi, I have a similar problems before and Yunhaier is also my advisor(a million thanks) and well, in the end..... we parted.Originally posted by virginheart:My heart is aching very bad now, really don know what to do.....
I believe i hav met the most wonderful gal in my life and i hav been attracted to her since i first laid my eyes on her. Maybe this is call love at 1st sight.
I really think we can be a great couple but things do not always turn out to what we want it to be. whenever when i wan to proceed further with our relationship(cos we are not couple yet, but the feeling we hav for each other is mutual) there will be some personal problems happens to her, hindering our progress.What i guess is that she will not open up her heart to me until her personal problems is solved. This has goes on for 11mths now and her personal problems is getting from bad to worse.
and one week ago, my company informed me that i hav been shorlisted to go usa for a 2yr stint.now this really put me into a difficult spot.
Cos i really believe i hav find the gal of my life thou i still need to brush away dozens of suitors away.
So do i stay on and by going throu thick and thin together with her and winning the heart of the gal of my life?
Or i shall go for the 2yr stint to gain some personal wealth, putting my career ahead instead of relationship??
Many people will choose the option to go oversea cos to them, if staying on, still need to fight for her heart and the relationship might not last. the risk is too great.
So anyone hav a good advice for me??? If u are a lady, pls feel free to give ur comment.
This gal I met had problems with her family...not close with her family members, have problems with her dad etc...
Beside all these, she is still suffering from her past bad experiences and all these still hausted her from the conversations I had with her thru phones/meet up.
In the end, I discovered that I had difficulties in asking her out as she always "not free". I hinted I am leaving her and she kan cheong (I foresee no future by the way but still giving myself chances but I know of my chance) by eventually she knew of my intentions and become a bit "bo chap" in the sense that she knew I am leaving her.
I and her had a small argument during the Christmas eve on BGR issue..she told me she still did not find someone who is suitable for her but I told her straight that
1. She cannot commit herself to any new relationships fearing she will be hurt again
2. She is still living in the PAST. (she can narrate very detailly what her EX had done for her...I am really disappointed as after so many years, she still think of all these nonsense!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
After the argument, the 2 did not contact each other until I pay a visit to her during CNY eve to give her a CNY Greeting Card and and I still receive 1 and only 1 SMS from her..........
My advice to U
1. Since U told us she starts to avoid U, it is very clear picture she don;t want U to waste your time on her
2. Leave for USA where your future lies..........Go for a better one
U can stay and keep trying but chances of success is very slim.. I had seen it all and done it all (my story above)
Keep all of us inform of the progress. Thanks -
My tips to see of a gal is still keen to keep in touch with U
1. She will take the initiiative to SMS U, chat nicely with U over the phone etc.
2. She will meet U wihout any hesitations
To Virginheart:
For your case, it seems she is doing the opposite........ U can tell her your current plan and see how she reacts...if she keep quiet etc...then like what other says, Career comes 1st. All the best, keep us inform. -
thks for all the advice, i really appreciated it. ur case is very similar to mine.Originally posted by bus:My tips to see of a gal is still keen to keep in touch with U
1. She will take the initiiative to SMS U, chat nicely with U over the phone etc.
2. She will meet U wihout any hesitations
To Virginheart:
For your case, it seems she is doing the opposite........ U can tell her your current plan and see how she reacts...if she keep quiet etc...then like what other says, Career comes 1st. All the best, keep us inform.
Well my decision has been made, which is go overseas. She has been acting more and more distant since i confess to her........
By the way, she and i work in the same company, it really hurts when u see her everyday and u get the cold look from her plus the delibrate avoidance to talk to me....
So the only choice i have is the go overseas. So good luck to all of u guys and thks for the advice!!!!
So staying back is not an option now -
To virginheartOriginally posted by virginheart:thks for all the advice, i really appreciated it. ur case is very similar to mine.
Well my decision has been made, which is go overseas. She has been acting more and more distant since i confess to her........
By the way, she and i work in the same company, it really hurts when u see her everyday and u get the cold look from her plus the delibrate avoidance to talk to me....
So the only choice i have is the go overseas. So good luck to all of u guys and thks for the advice!!!!
So staying back is not an option now
Yes, nice to hear from U again.
Yes, your gal behave the same as the one I am seeing 5 months back...will start to distance herself from U etc....Yes, she will ma-chiam like a body with soul(zombie) when the 2 meet up along the way...imagine the cold look she gives to me..Really want to go up to slap her to "wake her up from her dream"...She will not have any words with U (180 degree change from the time when the 2 are on good terms ---- How cruel it might be but I must accept it)
All these gals. really I give up
I asked her out many times(with TIME FRAME given to her). guess what, she can only SMS jokes to me..cannot give an answer to me and when I get flare up and asked her for a direct answer, she will behaved very pressured and accused me of bad-tempered! I explained to her and tell her "at least U must give me an answer, how can U leave me in the cold?..she keeps mum
Enough is enough, this gal just can't think and she can only remember her past "nice experiences" with her EXs.....Go to her Exs lor if they can give her happiness......Those guys might married liao and might forget who is her liao.............Si Bei Sian.........
I believed your gal's problem is about her family right?
The gal that I knew is troubled by her bad experiences with guys in the past + her complicated family problems
Well.....go to USA will be a better choice for U
1. Will U wait for a gal who cannot give U an answer?
2. Even if U stay back, Do U think U can win her over?
For me, my answers to the 2 questions are, I will not wait and I know once a gal had made up her mind, chances are that it is FINAL and unless something special happened.
Anything else to discuss? -
To Virginheart:
Something else to add:
The last time I had an argument with her, I told her that those guys before me(she told me) are suitable for U but U did not appreciate them becuase:
1. U cannot COMMIT yourself to a new relationship as U scare U will be hurt again but by doing so, U get to NO WHERE.
2. U don't trust guys and HOW TO ACCEPT SOMEONE if U have this mentality? Forget abotu the past as it is ruining U...
After I told her all these, she disappeared into thin air till today... -
......Originally posted by bus:To Virginheart:
Something else to add:
The last time I had an argument with her, I told her that those guys before me(she told me) are suitable for U but U did not appreciate them becuase:
1. U cannot COMMIT yourself to a new relationship as U scare U will be hurt again but by doing so, U get to NO WHERE.
2. U don't trust guys and HOW TO ACCEPT SOMEONE if U have this mentality? Forget abotu the past as it is ruining U...
After I told her all these, she disappeared into thin air till today...