My Story... My Agony
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Met a guy about 10 years older then me and fell crazily in love with him. He is a foreigner, expat, married and my boss. I know it's all wrong but I really can't help feeling so much for him that I can almost convince myself that I will die without him.
Now, if you think that this is a typical SPG relationship or a materailstic bimbo's story then I must say you thought wrongly. For one, I'm not in for the money, 'coz I've more then enough monetary means to ensure my own survival without even working and the fact that he is a foreigner doesn't do much for me. I've grown up in a foreign environment and been independent all my life till now. He is the first guy I fell in love with but not my only love. My ex is a girl but that is another story. I shall just focus my story on my current life
I live alone here in sg and have just started working about 2mths. Him being my boss, works in the same office as I am and we meet each other at work also everyday. Things were really very platonic initially, with him ensuring that I fitted in really well in the office, ensuring that I know my job scope, etc. He just came across to me as a really wonderful boss. He has no airs about him and he was just really sweet. However, things started to get a bit different a few weeks later especially when I'm working directly with him for the project. As the company was working on the final stages of a huge project, there were many late nights and burnt weekends spent in the office. As I was his "personal" assistant then we spent many hours at work together and small chats soon became lengthy conversations. We hitted off really well and like me, he is also alone in sg, (his wife is in states) and we shared many comman interest. Things started to get really comfortable and when the project was finally completed a month ago, we had already made plans to go on weekend diving trips, golfing sessions etc together once everything was completed. I must admit, I was already attracted to him by then because he was just so different from other guys i've met and we got along really well. I was fully aware that he is married but i thought that him being married and all would only mean that we would not bring our "friendship" to the next level and I never expected him to develope any form of attraction towards me. I must make it clear that I never thought or hope that things will work out, i was juts secretly admiring him. I mean who won't, he oozes charisma, he is gentlemanly and almost everything a girl would ask for .... but perhaps forbidden fruit always test the best ?
Anyway to cut the long story short, one thing just lead to another and about 10 dinner/lunch dates and 2 weekends together, we ended what we are today. A couple. Issues like past hurts, relationship, virginity etc were brought up and many tears, fights and begging for forgiveness occurred on my part for events or issues that we couldn't accept or agree upon, were brought up last week. But it was also through the events that happened last week that i've realised that I've allowed myself to sink so deeply into this relationship that i can no longer pull myself out from it when need comes. I felt that I've totally lost myself in this pass month for someone whom I dun know would be willing to spend his entire life with me. He is married and I'm the other woman, he claims that he does not love his wife and I'm the best thing that had ever happen to him. His marriage was kinda "forced". I feel used, confuse and totally wreck, but I'm so addicated to him. With him i feel love, i do not feel like i'm alone in this world since my family is kinda non existance.
I just needed an outlet to voice my fasturations......... please dun judge me. -
its better to stop asap cos theres jz no future... dun b a 3rd party, its not worth it, if he can cheat on his wife, he can oso cheat on u too... let time wash it away or find some frens to hang out... cheers..
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you can suggest to him that you rather be his second wife than to lose him. i think westerners are open to anything anyway.Originally posted by springtime:Met a guy about 10 years older then me and fell crazily in love with him. He is a foreigner, expat, married and my boss. I know it's all wrong but I really can't help feeling so much for him that I can almost convince myself that I will die without him.
Now, if you think that this is a typical SPG relationship or a materailstic bimbo's story then I must say you thought wrongly. For one, I'm not in for the money, 'coz I've more then enough monetary means to ensure my own survival without even working and the fact that he is a foreigner doesn't do much for me. I've grown up in a foreign environment and been independent all my life till now. He is the first guy I fell in love with but not my only love. My ex is a girl but that is another story. I shall just focus my story on my current life
I live alone here in sg and have just started working about 2mths. Him being my boss, works in the same office as I am and we meet each other at work also everyday. Things were really very platonic initially, with him ensuring that I fitted in really well in the office, ensuring that I know my job scope, etc. He just came across to me as a really wonderful boss. He has no airs about him and he was just really sweet. However, things started to get a bit different a few weeks later especially when I'm working directly with him for the project. As the company was working on the final stages of a huge project, there were many late nights and burnt weekends spent in the office. As I was his "personal" assistant then we spent many hours at work together and small chats soon became lengthy conversations. We hitted off really well and like me, he is also alone in sg, (his wife is in states) and we shared many comman interest. Things started to get really comfortable and when the project was finally completed a month ago, we had already made plans to go on weekend diving trips, golfing sessions etc together once everything was completed. I must admit, I was already attracted to him by then because he was just so different from other guys i've met and we got along really well. I was fully aware that he is married but i thought that him being married and all would only mean that we would not bring our "friendship" to the next level and I never expected him to develope any form of attraction towards me. I must make it clear that I never thought or hope that things will work out, i was juts secretly admiring him. I mean who won't, he oozes charisma, he is gentlemanly and almost everything a girl would ask for .... but perhaps forbidden fruit always test the best ?
Anyway to cut the long story short, one thing just lead to another and about 10 dinner/lunch dates and 2 weekends together, we ended what we are today. A couple. Issues like past hurts, relationship, virginity etc were brought up and many tears, fights and begging for forgiveness occurred on my part for events or issues that we couldn't accept or agree upon, were brought up last week. But it was also through the events that happened last week that i've realised that I've allowed myself to sink so deeply into this relationship that i can no longer pull myself out from it when need comes. I felt that I've totally lost myself in this pass month for someone whom I dun know would be willing to spend his entire life with me. He is married and I'm the other woman, he claims that he does not love his wife and I'm the best thing that had ever happen to him. His marriage was kinda "forced". I feel used, confuse and totally wreck, but I'm so addicated to him. With him i feel love, i do not feel like i'm alone in this world since my family is kinda non existance.
I just needed an outlet to voice my fasturations......... please dun judge me. -
Originally posted by springtime:Met a guy about 10 years older then me and fell crazily in love with him. He is a foreigner, expat, married and my boss. I know it's all wrong but I really can't help feeling so much for him that I can almost convince myself that I will die without him.
Now, if you think that this is a typical SPG relationship or a materailstic bimbo's story then I must say you thought wrongly. For one, I'm not in for the money, 'coz I've more then enough monetary means to ensure my own survival without even working and the fact that he is a foreigner doesn't do much for me. I've grown up in a foreign environment and been independent all my life till now. He is the first guy I fell in love with but not my only love. My ex is a girl but that is another story. I shall just focus my story on my current life
I live alone here in sg and have just started working about 2mths. Him being my boss, works in the same office as I am and we meet each other at work also everyday. Things were really very platonic initially, with him ensuring that I fitted in really well in the office, ensuring that I know my job scope, etc. He just came across to me as a really wonderful boss. He has no airs about him and he was just really sweet. However, things started to get a bit different a few weeks later especially when I'm working directly with him for the project. As the company was working on the final stages of a huge project, there were many late nights and burnt weekends spent in the office. As I was his "personal" assistant then we spent many hours at work together and small chats soon became lengthy conversations. We hitted off really well and like me, he is also alone in sg, (his wife is in states) and we shared many comman interest. Things started to get really comfortable and when the project was finally completed a month ago, we had already made plans to go on weekend diving trips, golfing sessions etc together once everything was completed. I must admit, I was already attracted to him by then because he was just so different from other guys i've met and we got along really well. I was fully aware that he is married but i thought that him being married and all would only mean that we would not bring our "friendship" to the next level and I never expected him to develope any form of attraction towards me. I must make it clear that I never thought or hope that things will work out, i was juts secretly admiring him. I mean who won't, he oozes charisma, he is gentlemanly and almost everything a girl would ask for .... but perhaps forbidden fruit always test the best ?
Anyway to cut the long story short, one thing just lead to another and about 10 dinner/lunch dates and 2 weekends together, we ended what we are today. A couple. Issues like past hurts, relationship, virginity etc were brought up and many tears, fights and begging for forgiveness occurred on my part for events or issues that we couldn't accept or agree upon, were brought up last week. But it was also through the events that happened last week that i've realised that I've allowed myself to sink so deeply into this relationship that i can no longer pull myself out from it when need comes. I felt that I've totally lost myself in this pass month for someone whom I dun know would be willing to spend his entire life with me. He is married and I'm the other woman, he claims that he does not love his wife and I'm the best thing that had ever happen to him. His marriage was kinda "forced". I feel used, confuse and totally wreck, but I'm so addicated to him. With him i feel love, i do not feel like i'm alone in this world since my family is kinda non existance.
I just needed an outlet to voice my fasturations......... please dun judge me.
We are all victims of circumstances - why did God allow me to meet him when there is no way for us to be together? Welcome to the Truth of Love, the mysticial way of its doing, often brings in afflicted romance brought about by our previous incarnation.
Felt that you love him too much and could die without his presence - you will be so wrong.
From this post; its kinda obvious that the bonds between you and your family are weak - and probably weaker bonds with your mum. Man are difficult to be trusted upon and none could gain your affection - you feel more secure with women as you feel that the frequency and understanding is there. Your love, previously, revolves around ladies.
Now you met this guy and you feel completely different vibes from the other guys, with a different twist - a married man, ten years older and foreigner. You can easily overcome the barrier of him being a foreigner, a little more about the age part, but can you truly put away his maritial status?
How much can you say about someone who will have an affair while his wife is back home? Do you truely think you are safe from this in the future as well?
Your emotional feel is largely based on the security you could place-onto-a-person, which eventually leads you to discover that a lesbian-relationship are so similiar to a BGR and in fact, facing additional problems that a normal relationship wouldn't have. You then departed those unfulfilling love, leaving behind a shattered heart somehow. Now a guy comes into the picture - this dependancy is placed on him because it seemed all so natural. Biologically, spiritually, emotionally, physically mutuable, like yin and yang. Sounds familiar? That's how it's like when we entered into our first serious relationship.
You have already accepted a relationship with him, but the grounds for your relationship is weak and shaky. In a way (Thank goodness), you both had a soul talk last week, which made you and him understand one another from deeper angles. Just a note for you: Do not demonstrate your weakness of the inability-to-lose-him-or-your-life-shall-end kind of thingy or you may regret when it is used against you.
P.S: We all wished for our own form of fairy tale relationship. Although I don't support dating a married man because its karmic by nature. Adopt a walk on and look tactics - remember if there isn't anybody around and you needed that ranting - Aunt Agony is always open.
Cheers -
Thanks Yun, for your post. Just thought that it's only right of me to reply your lengthy posts. I must say you mentioned quite a bit of stuffs which kinda hits the spot.
My family as you have mentioned is kinda dysfunctional as many would say. My mom passed away when I was about 5, my dad remarried when i was in my teens to this BITCH whom is a typical material woman sort. Not because she is my step mom that made me say that, but she simply she doesn't deserve a better title. My dad loves me loads or used to maybe? She had never abuse me in anyway, but just keen to get me outta her sight. We relocated overseas shortly after my father married her and i spent the remaining of my teenage years in a boarding school. An all girls school. However, thankfully, admist her pressence in our life, my dad and i were still on good terms. He pretty much respected my decision to study and live in another state during my uni days and my decision to come back to sg to bulid my own career. He knows that I hated that woman and he told me that he won't force me to acknowledge her.
My only other love revolve around a girl whom betrayed my trust at the end of our 6 years relationship. It ended very badly, but I've already moved on from that. Imagine going home after a long day in Uni to find your partner in bed with another. Dramatic, you may say but it's was too much for me to take. That's also partly the reason why I choose to come back home, to start afresh ... Ha, an absolute irony I guess judging from my current situation.
Yes, I cannot get over the fact that he is married and he is suppose to belong to another woman. He told me that he had never cheated on her before till he met me. Like I mentioned he said that he only married her because he had too. He is not an angmo, he is an ABC. His was brought up in a very traditional chinese family and they got him a wife from their hometown and such. I couldn't even believe it when I heard that but it's true. I mean this time, this age ?? Anyway, according to him he never loved her and he has opted to get an overseas posting from the company to work in sg just so to run away from his life back in states. I guess that does not change the fact that he is already married, but he told me that he just need some time to divorce her. Like when his parents or dad has pass away or something. In his words, I'm the best thing that ever happen to him and he had never met anyone who could create such an impact in his life.
The future as you mentioned is really bleak at this current moment. I dun even know what to think now. i dun wanna bring my hopes to high now... just living my life as days passes. It took me some time to think things through really and I asked myself over and over again, do you wanna be the other woman? Is this how you really wanna start your life as an adult. I'm in my early 20s btw.
As for how dependant and weak I am emotionally, um... think he knows it all too well by now. I was the one who begged him to come back to me when I choose to end our relationship last week. The instant he left my apartment after begging me to reconsider my decision, which i had adamently stood to by then, I could feel my world crashing down. The slamming of the door kinda woke me up. Like I mention, I felt totally lost, empty and painful the moment I know it's over. The feeling was terrible. I had never imagine myself begging for the forgiveness of someone in my entire life and there I was, on my knees and in tears, begging him to give me another chance and that I said everything only in a moment of foolishness. Talk about fickleness in a woman... Now do you really feel that I'm hopeless ??? I won't blame you, coz i think so myself!
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Springtime> Happy Chinese New Year....
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well...life isn't a bed of roses...
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this is wat i call a hong hong lie lie da ai qing ... if i were you, i dont mind to die early ...Originally posted by springtime:Met a guy about 10 years older then me and fell crazily in love with him. He is a foreigner, expat, married and my boss. I know it's all wrong but I really can't help feeling so much for him that I can almost convince myself that I will die without him.
Now, if you think that this is a typical SPG relationship or a materailstic bimbo's story then I must say you thought wrongly. For one, I'm not in for the money, 'coz I've more then enough monetary means to ensure my own survival without even working and the fact that he is a foreigner doesn't do much for me. I've grown up in a foreign environment and been independent all my life till now. He is the first guy I fell in love with but not my only love. My ex is a girl but that is another story. I shall just focus my story on my current life
I live alone here in sg and have just started working about 2mths. Him being my boss, works in the same office as I am and we meet each other at work also everyday. Things were really very platonic initially, with him ensuring that I fitted in really well in the office, ensuring that I know my job scope, etc. He just came across to me as a really wonderful boss. He has no airs about him and he was just really sweet. However, things started to get a bit different a few weeks later especially when I'm working directly with him for the project. As the company was working on the final stages of a huge project, there were many late nights and burnt weekends spent in the office. As I was his "personal" assistant then we spent many hours at work together and small chats soon became lengthy conversations. We hitted off really well and like me, he is also alone in sg, (his wife is in states) and we shared many comman interest. Things started to get really comfortable and when the project was finally completed a month ago, we had already made plans to go on weekend diving trips, golfing sessions etc together once everything was completed. I must admit, I was already attracted to him by then because he was just so different from other guys i've met and we got along really well. I was fully aware that he is married but i thought that him being married and all would only mean that we would not bring our "friendship" to the next level and I never expected him to develope any form of attraction towards me. I must make it clear that I never thought or hope that things will work out, i was juts secretly admiring him. I mean who won't, he oozes charisma, he is gentlemanly and almost everything a girl would ask for .... but perhaps forbidden fruit always test the best ?
Anyway to cut the long story short, one thing just lead to another and about 10 dinner/lunch dates and 2 weekends together, we ended what we are today. A couple. Issues like past hurts, relationship, virginity etc were brought up and many tears, fights and begging for forgiveness occurred on my part for events or issues that we couldn't accept or agree upon, were brought up last week. But it was also through the events that happened last week that i've realised that I've allowed myself to sink so deeply into this relationship that i can no longer pull myself out from it when need comes. I felt that I've totally lost myself in this pass month for someone whom I dun know would be willing to spend his entire life with me. He is married and I'm the other woman, he claims that he does not love his wife and I'm the best thing that had ever happen to him. His marriage was kinda "forced". I feel used, confuse and totally wreck, but I'm so addicated to him. With him i feel love, i do not feel like i'm alone in this world since my family is kinda non existance.
I just needed an outlet to voice my fasturations......... please dun judge me.
gals and guys how to have such relationship? -
When we were young, are influence on us is like baby to crossfire - we are helpless victims of what's going on around us. What freewill we have is kinda controlled by our authority - namely our parents, who will decide which school we were to go to, etc, etc.Originally posted by springtime:Thanks Yun, for your post. Just thought that it's only right of me to reply your lengthy posts. I must say you mentioned quite a bit of stuffs which kinda hits the spot.
My family as you have mentioned is kinda dysfunctional as many would say. My mom passed away when I was about 5, my dad remarried when i was in my teens to this BITCH whom is a typical material woman sort. Not because she is my step mom that made me say that, but she simply she doesn't deserve a better title. My dad loves me loads or used to maybe? She had never abuse me in anyway, but just keen to get me outta her sight. We relocated overseas shortly after my father married her and i spent the remaining of my teenage years in a boarding school. An all girls school. However, thankfully, admist her pressence in our life, my dad and i were still on good terms. He pretty much respected my decision to study and live in another state during my uni days and my decision to come back to sg to bulid my own career. He knows that I hated that woman and he told me that he won't force me to acknowledge her.
My only other love revolve around a girl whom betrayed my trust at the end of our 6 years relationship. It ended very badly, but I've already moved on from that. Imagine going home after a long day in Uni to find your partner in bed with another. Dramatic, you may say but it's was too much for me to take. That's also partly the reason why I choose to come back home, to start afresh ... Ha, an absolute irony I guess judging from my current situation.
Yes, I cannot get over the fact that he is married and he is suppose to belong to another woman. He told me that he had never cheated on her before till he met me. Like I mentioned he said that he only married her because he had too. He is not an angmo, he is an ABC. His was brought up in a very traditional chinese family and they got him a wife from their hometown and such. I couldn't even believe it when I heard that but it's true. I mean this time, this age ?? Anyway, according to him he never loved her and he has opted to get an overseas posting from the company to work in sg just so to run away from his life back in states. I guess that does not change the fact that he is already married, but he told me that he just need some time to divorce her. Like when his parents or dad has pass away or something. In his words, I'm the best thing that ever happen to him and he had never met anyone who could create such an impact in his life.
The future as you mentioned is really bleak at this current moment. I dun even know what to think now. i dun wanna bring my hopes to high now... just living my life as days passes. It took me some time to think things through really and I asked myself over and over again, do you wanna be the other woman? Is this how you really wanna start your life as an adult. I'm in my early 20s btw.
As for how dependant and weak I am emotionally, um... think he knows it all too well by now. I was the one who begged him to come back to me when I choose to end our relationship last week. The instant he left my apartment after begging me to reconsider my decision, which i had adamently stood to by then, I could feel my world crashing down. The slamming of the door kinda woke me up. Like I mention, I felt totally lost, empty and painful the moment I know it's over. The feeling was terrible. I had never imagine myself begging for the forgiveness of someone in my entire life and there I was, on my knees and in tears, begging him to give me another chance and that I said everything only in a moment of foolishness. Talk about fickleness in a woman... Now do you really feel that I'm hopeless ??? I won't blame you, coz i think so myself!
I just have something to say about your stepmum - your dad is right about the part where he won't force you to acknowledge her because by now, you ought to realise that love is exclusively between two parties. Personality differences and our preception will form images of people around us. Now that you are grown up, and you have fallen for a married man - even though everyone in here were to advise you to drop this relationship, would you? We recognise her presence and as long as the main actor himself is happy and satisfied - we just let it be. Afterall, people's life, people's route.
Under Art of Seduction - you have already won the battle, but I am not interested in this: more importantly, is how your aftermath going to be like. You have already chosen your path to steer and what you must do now is to steel yourself. Since young, you suffer from emotional turmoils and for love to foster properly, we all have to recognise our past and strenghten ourselves for the future.
Shed all the tears you wish now. As days pass and we see the tears drying up and a smile across our face - we know we made the correct decision. Under the ninth Law of Love - marriage is not forever. Technicially speaking, he is your first love, in mortal sense. (Your female love was called soul love). If we want to start things afresh, we look front, not having to be worrying about our sides and the pains from the back.
I cannot guarantee your relationship with him will be a fulfilling one because frankly speaking, to achieve this dream would be a challenging one according to statisics.
I have a word of advise: When we do something and we did it - just move on with it until you remain stagnant and simply, there isn't anywhere you could go. If you choose to give up this relationship - you have to do everything possible to cut the thread from him. Quit your job, or whatever neccessary.
If you choose to be with him - one important note is to strengthen yourself. No man wants a woman fully dependant on him. A man will respect his woman when she stands beside him and not behind him.
P.S: Are you a Pisces?
Cheers -
So sad..it's a torture that you are going through..
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How to?Originally posted by antoh:this is wat i call a hong hong lie lie da ai qing ... if i were you, i dont mind to die early ...
gals and guys how to have such relationship?
"You make it happen...." -
Can I buy $5 on that too?Originally posted by Yunhaier:P.S: Are you a Pisces?
Cheers -
I really hate long posts. My advice is to snap out of it. Let's put it this way, one day he'll return to his country and you'll be left all alone. Even if he does not forget about you, you'll have to face his wife and people around you. Can you really ignore all the comments people are going to say about you? And even if you get his love, remember you are the third party and will always be one. Can you really swallow your pride and live the rest of your life this way? Imagine what you'll do when your children grow up and have the same problem as you? As parents you should tell them the right thing to do is to snap out of it, but can you really do it?
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Make that ten?Originally posted by Devil1976:Can I buy $5 on that too? 
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Nay.... Afterall... It's just a guess?Originally posted by Yunhaier:Make that ten? -
Springtime, if i were you, i would fight for my happiness. being married doesnt mean he has to be with her till death.
but, you have to be careful, if he can fall for another girl just like he fell for you. You might never know if he might fall for another girl if you 2 ever get married.
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Could have... Should have... It dosen't matter...
You'll have plenty of time to think about it later, believe me.
You can't control who falls out of the helicopter or who gets hit, you can't it's just war.
And what will happen when it goes on? More men will get torn up, more people will die. You've done good, getting this far, and now you'll have to see yourself through, just do what you're supposed to do. -
sibei cham ... don't know what to say ... good luck ...
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Originally posted by torx:Springtime, if i were you, i would fight for my happiness. being married doesnt mean he has to be with her till death.
but, you have to be careful, if he can fall for another girl just like he fell for you. You might never know if he might fall for another girl if you 2 ever get married.
Guess that's what i'm trying to do or at least i think that's what i'm trying to fight for in the end. I guess i know i want to be with him , but I cannot convince myself that it's the best option for me... the whole morality and dilema thingy.
as for the second point, yup point taken, but does it mean that people do not deserve a second chance in love ? His marriage is a mistake as he clearly put it to me, you may say that he told me all that just so to get into my pants or something, but a 50% per cent chance in being right or wrong, i choose to believe him, as all of you should be able to tell..... he married someone he didn't love, but if things were to turn out well for us ... he would have married someone he love.... -
hmm... why pisces?? you mean that have tendency to be the other woman ? or they are usually emotionally wrecked people?? hahaha .... Nah not pisces ... i'm a cancerian... so who win the $5 ?? me ???Originally posted by Devil1976:Can I buy $5 on that too? 
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hmm.... after all these post, i think i will try strengthen myself emotionally to accept this relationship whole heartedly. i know it's not nice , and not right being the other woman, but i feel that sinced this marriage would had fallen apart with or without my presence, so what difference does it make if i just wanna try to persue my happiness in it.
I know that there are chances that he may stay with his wife etc ... but then again in any relationship there are always gambles and risk to take. Who is to guarentee that a single guy with a single girl in a relationship would not end in betrayal ??? One thing for sure ... I did not destory their marriage ... it was already destoryed before my pressence .... I was just there to pick up and mend the pieces .... However, I must admit that I've not given much thought on how people would look at me when they find out about it. Dun think my colleagues know about us yet ... though a few had became suspicious that something maybe up between us... He had been asking me to spend my lunch breaks with him in his office lately and that kinda triggered the suspicion in them. Hmm... so most likely there are already talks going on around in the office about us ...
Anyway, tonight, he suggested that I should give up my apartment and shift in with him instead... I've not given him my reply but he is very persistent about it .... it seems that he had already assume that we are cohibiting starting next month, no compromise. I dun know if i'm ready for that sort of commitment yet afterall we had only been together for about 3 weeks. Hmm... I'm still thinking ..... -
I need to highlight this:Originally posted by springtime:hmm.... after all these post, i think i will try strengthen myself emotionally to accept this relationship whole heartedly. i know it's not nice , and not right being the other woman, but i feel that sinced this marriage would had fallen apart with or without my presence, so what difference does it make if i just wanna try to persue my happiness in it.
I know that there are chances that he may stay with his wife etc ... but then again in any relationship there are always gambles and risk to take. Who is to guarentee that a single guy with a single girl in a relationship would not end in betrayal ??? One thing for sure ... I did not destory their marriage ... it was already destoryed before my pressence .... I was just there to pick up and mend the pieces .... However, I must admit that I've not given much thought on how people would look at me when they find out about it. Dun think my colleagues know about us yet ... though a few had became suspicious that something maybe up between us... He had been asking me to spend my lunch breaks with him in his office lately and that kinda triggered the suspicion in them. Hmm... so most likely there are already talks going on around in the office about us ...
Anyway, tonight, he suggested that I should give up my apartment and shift in with him instead... I've not given him my reply but he is very persistent about it .... it seems that he had already assume that we are cohibiting starting next month, no compromise. I dun know if i'm ready for that sort of commitment yet afterall we had only been together for about 3 weeks. Hmm... I'm still thinking .....
sinced this marriage would had fallen apart with or without my presence
Your stand are based merely on his words. Not wise to do that. Afterall, I would advise you not to read fully on his words, just listen and that's it.
Cohabiting?
I strongly advise you to drop this idea if you wish to have your relationship a strong lasting one. Cohabiting will stagnant progress in relationship. Your relationship IS SHAKY - please recognise and note that. Your relationship ain't ready for such thingy. (Anyway, Cohabiting has more cons than pros, plus that would be another thread altogether) Introducing Cohabiting introduces NEW potential problems. A young relationship facing too much problem will seek its easiest way out - like electricity seeking the line of least resisiance (Physics theory), which would turn out to be your worst nightmare - a break-off.
Possible complication?
You have already shown to him your ultimate weakness - your inability to live without him (as you claim). He knows it and like what I had written in my prior post - he may (i said may), used this against you for personal gains like sex, money, etc, with/without him knowing. He probably doesn't need money - the cohabiting move would trigger the sex thingy. In the first place, he wouldn't be so beastly as to make use of this to gain easy access for sex (praying so), however, whenever you have future arguements with him - you will be vulnerable to give in his demands and everything else BECAUSE your dependancy is on him - EMOTIONALLY (So what is going to happen to your Love) & PHYSICALLY (So where can you move?). Your fear of losing him has increase to X3; You now live with him. You depend on him wholesomely. To make matter worst - if you have little social life outside this bf of yours, which means viritually zero good friends to seek emotional assistance - tension, stress and stuff will suffocate you gradually.
P.S: I seriously ask you to re-consider your option of cohabiting with him. We have many ways to show our love - we don't have to resort to cohabiting. Think for your future; avoid short-term views that could have drastic effect on long term relationship - if that is what you want. If he apply pressure on this issue, even after you explain to him your stand - it's time to look at him from another light.
Cheers -
your perception of his shaky marriage is based on his words alone. with all due respect he may be telling the whole truth. but you cannot deny the fact that there are other reasons why a married man would want to give a single woman that impression. being a gentleman as most westerners portray themselves, he should not begrudge you your doubts, because you have much more to lose than him. regarding that cohabiting thing, i suggest you live in his house for the 'day' as in prepare his meals, work with him, talk and chat with him, but get him to drive you home at night so you sleep alone in your own homes. this is to prevent him from getting into the habit of using your body for himself, and eventually getting tired of it. in a way, it's a test of his patience. and for you it extends your attractiveness. of course most importantly, you will have strategically reduced your risks. as you no doubt know, (generally) men and women want different things out of a relationship.Originally posted by springtime:hmm.... after all these post, i think i will try strengthen myself emotionally to accept this relationship whole heartedly. i know it's not nice , and not right being the other woman, but i feel that sinced this marriage would had fallen apart with or without my presence, so what difference does it make if i just wanna try to persue my happiness in it.
I know that there are chances that he may stay with his wife etc ... but then again in any relationship there are always gambles and risk to take. Who is to guarentee that a single guy with a single girl in a relationship would not end in betrayal ??? One thing for sure ... I did not destory their marriage ... it was already destoryed before my pressence .... I was just there to pick up and mend the pieces .... However, I must admit that I've not given much thought on how people would look at me when they find out about it. Dun think my colleagues know about us yet ... though a few had became suspicious that something maybe up between us... He had been asking me to spend my lunch breaks with him in his office lately and that kinda triggered the suspicion in them. Hmm... so most likely there are already talks going on around in the office about us ...
Anyway, tonight, he suggested that I should give up my apartment and shift in with him instead... I've not given him my reply but he is very persistent about it .... it seems that he had already assume that we are cohibiting starting next month, no compromise. I dun know if i'm ready for that sort of commitment yet afterall we had only been together for about 3 weeks. Hmm... I'm still thinking ..... -
I have little to say, but what I say I hope you listen to:
I think you already know if what you are doing is wrong or right, so I'm not going to harp on that. But allow me to point you to a very important fact:
How pure or true you think his love can be for you if he can forsake his marriage vows? Can you count on him to stay with you in the future? What makes you so sure that he won't claim no go with you and repeat the process with another lady?
The truth is, love goes beyond the action of oxytonin and seratonin, it is also a long term commintment taken by people who have made promises to each other that they will keep to the very end, come what may. I'm afriad this man hardly shows the qualities of a man worthy of your future... and frankly, you might be missing out on the real ONE if you carry on this way.
And of course, has it occured to you that the excuse of a destroyed marriage is more of him telling you what you'd like to hear (so that your current actions will be more platiable) then representing the actual truth? How much do you know about the other side anyway? Can you be sure there are no children? No people who would wonder why their loved one suddenly gone away? It is worth it? Are you willing to sacrifice other's happiness for your own selfish desires?
For look at your arrangments now... are they not shaky with hardly a basis of a long term plan in sight? Beyond the chemical love, can you envision living with him?
Cohabitation? I'm afriad it's an all too easy (and no strings attatched way) of getting his way with you without having to pay the cost.
Beyond a surface attraction to your asian nubilty and exoticness, I can't see anything else that this guy could want to get otta ya...
For somebody who does not treasure his vows, I can't comprehend how he can assure your future... -
What we can offer, we had offered here - Advice.
What to do next, you decide. Be it good or bad, live with it.
Hurting? Might. Regrets? Never.