Originally posted by boy in blues:i am already attached to a girl called 'A'. but i have a close platonic friend who is a girl called 'B'. now 'B' thinks i like her even though i have no feelings beyond platonic friendship for her. should i mention this concern of mine to her? if yes, how is the best way for me to mention it to her? if not, what should i do? i definitely do not want to risk my friendship with 'B'. she is a very trustworthy and sincere friend.
My thoughts is that unless she tells you - just leave it as it is UNLESS she really being very obvious through her body language.Originally posted by boy in blues:i am already attached to a girl called 'A'. but i have a close platonic friend who is a girl called 'B'. now 'B' thinks i like her even though i have no feelings beyond platonic friendship for her. should i mention this concern of mine to her? if yes, how is the best way for me to mention it to her? if not, what should i do? i definitely do not want to risk my friendship with 'B'. she is a very trustworthy and sincere friend.
Originally posted by Yunhaier:My thoughts is that unless she tells you - just leave it as it is UNLESS she really being very obvious through her body language.
If she expose herself through words or obvious body language - you could choose to tell her how you look upon your friendship with her. The key element to take note is to smile, be frank and be flattered if she says she has feelings for you. Opt to remain good friends no matter what (and don't ever say things like "i pretend I never hear this kind of things). Acknoledge and move on and act normal
Cheers
Originally posted by boy in blues:i stupidly went to reassure 'B' and she suggested we stopped meeting each other! and i actually laughed and jokingly said i fully agree with her! wa man, how it pains man! pain pain pain! i had no choice but to agree with her for the time being because i have not thought of an excuse to disagree yet. but i need to allow a window of absence for her to forget this awkward situation. i am determined to salvage what i can. but roughly how long should this window be and how should i start talking to her again? under what circumstances? i can feel how destructive my stupid words were and now i only want to salvage whatever friendship possible. what is my best course of action now? how i regret that stupid move, man!
Originally posted by Yunhaier:Welcome to the art of seduction - third law, sending mixed signal. How you want to salvage? I suggest sending opposite message reinforcement, which means a continuous constant message that suggest a different intention over a period of time. I suggest you take this few route:
I) Avoid SMS, calls, private meeting unless neccessary. Don't have to reject her outrageously. Just handle it normally and probably get yourself real busy these period.
II) Avoid using avoidance tactics - sure to backfire. You wanna retreat, but you don't have to run away.
III) Do things gradually less. A quick drastic change of your attitude towards her signify something. Don't be awkward when you see her as well - attitude is kinda two way thingy, the minute you react in a weird way, so will she.
IV) Don't panic, don't stress, don't worry. The most important thing is to be yourself, keep calm and [b]always behave the way you usually do.
Cheers[/b]
Originally posted by sillyme:there's no fixed rule to when and how to start initiating contact..
once she's ready, she'll talk to you..
Originally posted by boy in blues:ok. you may be right. but i was worried that since she suggested the stop of contact, it will be unlikely that she resume it again. moreover she's a shy, nice girl worried about being third party. even less likely. i was thinking the initiator of contact should be me. but i need to do it very very carefully. there is no more room for mistake for me. no second chance. should the initiation of contact be SMS, phone call, e-mail or meeting? what to talk about after such a long absence? we used to meet everyday and chat everyday. this sudden change is affecting me.
Originally posted by Yunhaier:Sometimes all it takes is a little something to ruin everything. Since she wanted that private space and you had already respected it - it truely up to her wish on how long she wants to remain in this mode. If she never face/acknowledge that side of her reality - there is little you can do.
Probably you can try initiating a little virtual chat or something months down the road. Let me tell you - you will be splash with cold water almost definitely. So I suggest to give it a period of time instead of one attempt to see how. If she is still unresponsive - then its time to let things be. After all, you can't force her on anything.
Cheers
Originally posted by Devil1976:Does 'B' knows about 'A'?
Originally posted by ^mm^:does 'A' know about 'B'
Originally posted by choco B:If B is such a good and close friend, she would already know that you're attached, and will automatically back off from you or discourage your interest in her (assuming that she thinks you like her). All you gotta do is keep it light and play it strictly platonic.
Originally posted by Paperboat:yup, keep it platonic but gotta be tactful not to hurt B. tell B you like her so much that you want her to be your sworn sister and u as her sworn bro. that shd deliver the msg across (i think).
Like what I had said in other posts - you can't expect things to return back to normal once you had leap across the chasm towards another phrase of your relationship/friendship with her. Just like when you grow up, you gradually grow out of playing with toys and it's ridiculous to expect you to do the things you used to do last time (or even LAN gaming for 13 hours in a day for example)Originally posted by boy in blues:ok. sounds a good solution. i agree i must give enough time for her to forget that awkward situation before initiating contact. otherwise i willl aggravate situation much worse and delay normalizing of friendship. is 1 month enough? can give some examples of virtual chat topics? she used to confide EVERYTHING in me and always giggled when we met to talk. now she suddenly become less bubbly, joyful, cute .....