need your help urgently, please!
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i am already attached to a girl called 'A'. but i have a close platonic friend who is a girl called 'B'. now 'B' thinks i like her even though i have no feelings beyond platonic friendship for her. should i mention this concern of mine to her? if yes, how is the best way for me to mention it to her? if not, what should i do? i definitely do not want to risk my friendship with 'B'. she is a very trustworthy and sincere friend. -
Does 'B' knows about 'A'?
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does 'A' know about 'B'
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clarify your doubts with B.. make things known..
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Tell her you have feelings only for 'A'. Its not that you don;t like her, but you already have someone you love. Can still stay as friends.
But from what I think, the thing is that you only think that 'B' has feelings for you. You better confirm 1st if you dun want to get urself into an awkward situation. -
well, if u really want 2 remain as friends, then better dun say anything. dun talk abt it to B. may hurt her feelings and/or cause awkward moments in your friendship.
if she is sincere in her friendship to you, she will back away as long as she knows u love A very much. and please DO NOT mislead her feelings. certain actions you do may seem to be helping her not to feel hurt but you could mistakenly put wrong message across. careful!!
otherwise 3 people hurt!!! -
If B is such a good and close friend, she would already know that you're attached, and will automatically back off from you or discourage your interest in her (assuming that she thinks you like her). All you gotta do is keep it light and play it strictly platonic.Originally posted by boy in blues: i am already attached to a girl called 'A'. but i have a close platonic friend who is a girl called 'B'. now 'B' thinks i like her even though i have no feelings beyond platonic friendship for her. should i mention this concern of mine to her? if yes, how is the best way for me to mention it to her? if not, what should i do? i definitely do not want to risk my friendship with 'B'. she is a very trustworthy and sincere friend.
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yup, keep it platonic but gotta be tactful not to hurt B. tell B you like her so much that you want her to be your sworn sister and u as her sworn bro. that shd deliver the msg across (i think).
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My thoughts is that unless she tells you - just leave it as it is UNLESS she really being very obvious through her body language.Originally posted by boy in blues: i am already attached to a girl called 'A'. but i have a close platonic friend who is a girl called 'B'. now 'B' thinks i like her even though i have no feelings beyond platonic friendship for her. should i mention this concern of mine to her? if yes, how is the best way for me to mention it to her? if not, what should i do? i definitely do not want to risk my friendship with 'B'. she is a very trustworthy and sincere friend.
If she expose herself through words or obvious body language - you could choose to tell her how you look upon your friendship with her. The key element to take note is to smile, be frank and be flattered if she says she has feelings for you. Opt to remain good friends no matter what (and don't ever say things like "i pretend I never hear this kind of things). Acknoledge and move on and act normal
Cheers -
Originally posted by Yunhaier:My thoughts is that unless she tells you - just leave it as it is UNLESS she really being very obvious through her body language.
If she expose herself through words or obvious body language - you could choose to tell her how you look upon your friendship with her. The key element to take note is to smile, be frank and be flattered if she says she has feelings for you. Opt to remain good friends no matter what (and don't ever say things like "i pretend I never hear this kind of things). Acknoledge and move on and act normal
Cheers i stupidly went to reassure 'B' and she suggested we stopped meeting each other! and i actually laughed and jokingly said i fully agree with her! wa man, how it pains man! pain pain pain! i had no choice but to agree with her for the time being because i have not thought of an excuse to disagree yet. but i need to allow a window of absence for her to forget this awkward situation. i am determined to salvage what i can. but roughly how long should this window be and how should i start talking to her again? under what circumstances? i can feel how destructive my stupid words were and now i only want to salvage whatever friendship possible. what is my best course of action now? how i regret that stupid move, man! -
Originally posted by boy in blues: i stupidly went to reassure 'B' and she suggested we stopped meeting each other! and i actually laughed and jokingly said i fully agree with her! wa man, how it pains man! pain pain pain! i had no choice but to agree with her for the time being because i have not thought of an excuse to disagree yet. but i need to allow a window of absence for her to forget this awkward situation. i am determined to salvage what i can. but roughly how long should this window be and how should i start talking to her again? under what circumstances? i can feel how destructive my stupid words were and now i only want to salvage whatever friendship possible. what is my best course of action now? how i regret that stupid move, man!
Welcome to the art of seduction - third law, sending mixed signal. How you want to salvage? I suggest sending opposite message reinforcement, which means a continuous constant message that suggest a different intention over a period of time. I suggest you take this few route:
I) Avoid SMS, calls, private meeting unless neccessary. Don't have to reject her outrageously. Just handle it normally and probably get yourself real busy these period.
II) Avoid using avoidance tactics - sure to backfire. You wanna retreat, but you don't have to run away.
III) Do things gradually less. A quick drastic change of your attitude towards her signify something. Don't be awkward when you see her as well - attitude is kinda two way thingy, the minute you react in a weird way, so will she.
IV) Don't panic, don't stress, don't worry. The most important thing is to be yourself, keep calm and always behave the way you usually do.
Cheers -
Originally posted by Yunhaier:
Welcome to the art of seduction - third law, sending mixed signal. How you want to salvage? I suggest sending opposite message reinforcement, which means a continuous constant message that suggest a different intention over a period of time. I suggest you take this few route:
I) Avoid SMS, calls, private meeting unless neccessary. Don't have to reject her outrageously. Just handle it normally and probably get yourself real busy these period.
II) Avoid using avoidance tactics - sure to backfire. You wanna retreat, but you don't have to run away.
III) Do things gradually less. A quick drastic change of your attitude towards her signify something. Don't be awkward when you see her as well - attitude is kinda two way thingy, the minute you react in a weird way, so will she.
IV) Don't panic, don't stress, don't worry. The most important thing is to be yourself, keep calm and [b]always behave the way you usually do.
Cheers[/b] thanks a lot for your advice all this time. but the effect of what i said to her was to cause her to avoid me completely because she does not want to be a third party. what i wish is not to retreat. far from that. i wish only to very gradually normalize the friendship we had before. so far i have fully agreed to her wish to avoid me and i want to know how long should this period of absence be. and when i first start to see her again, how should i do it? how to proceed from there. because i feel the risky situation our friendship is in, i cannot afford to make another single mistake. it's really dificult not to panic. thanks a lot once again. -
there's no fixed rule to when and how to start initiating contact..
once she's ready, she'll talk to you.. -
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Originally posted by sillyme:there's no fixed rule to when and how to start initiating contact..
once she's ready, she'll talk to you.. ok. you may be right. but i was worried that since she suggested the stop of contact, it will be unlikely that she resume it again. moreover she's a shy, nice girl worried about being third party. even less likely. i was thinking the initiator of contact should be me. but i need to do it very very carefully. there is no more room for mistake for me. no second chance. should the initiation of contact be SMS, phone call, e-mail or meeting? what to talk about after such a long absence? we used to meet everyday and chat everyday. this sudden change is affecting me. -
Originally posted by boy in blues: ok. you may be right. but i was worried that since she suggested the stop of contact, it will be unlikely that she resume it again. moreover she's a shy, nice girl worried about being third party. even less likely. i was thinking the initiator of contact should be me. but i need to do it very very carefully. there is no more room for mistake for me. no second chance. should the initiation of contact be SMS, phone call, e-mail or meeting? what to talk about after such a long absence? we used to meet everyday and chat everyday. this sudden change is affecting me. Sometimes all it takes is a little something to ruin everything. Since she wanted that private space and you had already respected it - it truely up to her wish on how long she wants to remain in this mode. If she never face/acknowledge that side of her reality - there is little you can do.
Probably you can try initiating a little virtual chat or something months down the road. Let me tell you - you will be splash with cold water almost definitely. So I suggest to give it a period of time instead of one attempt to see how. If she is still unresponsive - then its time to let things be. After all, you can't force her on anything.
Cheers -
Originally posted by Yunhaier: Sometimes all it takes is a little something to ruin everything. Since she wanted that private space and you had already respected it - it truely up to her wish on how long she wants to remain in this mode. If she never face/acknowledge that side of her reality - there is little you can do.
Probably you can try initiating a little virtual chat or something months down the road. Let me tell you - you will be splash with cold water almost definitely. So I suggest to give it a period of time instead of one attempt to see how. If she is still unresponsive - then its time to let things be. After all, you can't force her on anything.
Cheers ok. sounds a good solution. i agree i must give enough time for her to forget that awkward situation before initiating contact. otherwise i willl aggravate situation much worse and delay normalizing of friendship. is 1 month enough? can give some examples of virtual chat topics? she used to confide EVERYTHING in me and always giggled when we met to talk. now she suddenly become less bubbly, joyful, cute ..... -
Originally posted by Devil1976:Does 'B' knows about 'A'? yes.
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Originally posted by ^mm^:does 'A' know about 'B' yes.
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Originally posted by choco B:If B is such a good and close friend, she would already know that you're attached, and will automatically back off from you or discourage your interest in her (assuming that she thinks you like her). All you gotta do is keep it light and play it strictly platonic. can advice on how i can let her know that it's platonic between us. without me telling her. i cannot say it out anymore.
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Originally posted by Paperboat:yup, keep it platonic but gotta be tactful not to hurt B. tell B you like her so much that you want her to be your sworn sister and u as her sworn bro. that shd deliver the msg across (i think). good idea. but i cannot suddenly suggest we become brother and sister just like that out of the blue because it becomes too abrupt and suspicious.
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Like what I had said in other posts - you can't expect things to return back to normal once you had leap across the chasm towards another phrase of your relationship/friendship with her. Just like when you grow up, you gradually grow out of playing with toys and it's ridiculous to expect you to do the things you used to do last time (or even LAN gaming for 13 hours in a day for example)Originally posted by boy in blues: ok. sounds a good solution. i agree i must give enough time for her to forget that awkward situation before initiating contact. otherwise i willl aggravate situation much worse and delay normalizing of friendship. is 1 month enough? can give some examples of virtual chat topics? she used to confide EVERYTHING in me and always giggled when we met to talk. now she suddenly become less bubbly, joyful, cute .....
The issue here is that you AIN'T the problem and the key to what you want this friendship to turn out - its all about her. If she refuse to acknowledge that fact in her mind, even if you give her 10 years, she will still avoid. You can't expect her to confide everything, giggled when you both met, now because you have enter into another phrase of your friendship and now, the ball is in her court. Do what you can. If you can't return back to normal - the least you could do is to prevent this friendship from slipping further.
Cheers -
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