my sad story for 4years..plz help
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infact i have this problem for very long time,hope u guys here can advise me on what to do its kinda long..sorry!
i got a crush on my classmate 4years ago..at that time we arent in gd terms,just chat in icq and irc if she is online...
in sch i dun have the guts to approach her..
soon she did not come online often came online to d/l mp3s only,we got no chance to chat anymore.
after afew mths of not talking to her,i pluck up my courage to ask her for her fone number,that was the 1st time i asked a ger for her number,i was quite a shy person in sch at that time..and she was in my class for the 1st year..
But the sad thing is that i still have no guts to call her.. i would sms chat with her and she will only reply me sometimes and i did sms her goodnight everynite..but ofcos no reply..
after 2years of not much talking..we suddenly bcome very gd frens in sec5,i was in NA so i studied till sec5.
she and her group of frens cant be together anymore,so i was by her side.. i introduce her into my group of friends..all male... all of them know i liked her they helped me alot..
but to no avail.
that year,i celebrated her bday with her by having bbq party at west coast park..i planned everything i almost gave her everything to let her enjoy.. paying all the expenses when we go out as shes not kinda rich and im slightly better as in still have 1-200 of allowance per mth..
so i shower her with gifts and sponser her handphone,clothes so on..
at that time we were just like couples,calling each other when we woke up,talk everynight..study together.despite my mum cooking everyday lunch and dinner,i still meet her out to eat with her,bcos if i dont she will just skip her meals.
just days b4 xmas i decided to try again by asking her to be my gf,but again i was rejected... it was my forth time,i asked thru sms 3 times and irc 1 time,but all rejected..
The following day we meet up because her ex bf, my used to be good fren wanted to patch with her,ask me to help.. this gd fren of mine,knows that im interested in her when we were in sec3. he told me to leave the matter to him and he would help me,but in the end he sneak from behind and got her to patch without me knowning... i was disappointed but i forgave him.. now he wanted her to patch with him again,he wants me to help him quietly by not letting this ger know bcos he knows that me and this ger are close buddies...
:at the moment she kinda like a guy from her ex-cca group and always talk about this guy,shes kinda shy too interms of not able to approach the guy she likes..
when i know about it i often encourage her to approach him,creating chances for them to talk,gif her opinion and also console her when she know some bad news about thsi guy.
ofcos during all this talking,i felt hurt deep inside:
Anwyay i meet up with my buddy and b4 telling her about my frens plan and tell her i like her..but i did not ask her to be my gf,and she jsut said,"u wanted to meet me just to tell me that?" smiling away like its kinda ridiculas..
so after telling her i told her her ex-bf wanted me to help him get her back to him,and she was furious.. but did not blame me or anything..
things still goes well,we still talk on the fone from night to morning hog onto the fone for hours even watching a show on tv we would just hold the fone and stay quiet to watch the show.we would only talk during advertisments.
after that she went home.. 2dayhs later it was Xmas eve.. i had a small party at home with my frens and i invited her to my home with all tis frens of ours..
we had a enjoyable night...
the following day on xmas things arent the same anymore.. she started to ignore me,she asked me to gif her more room to breath..leave her alone..and stop all fone calls,sms... she never wanted to tell me why and i never got my answer..
i felt so hurt all this while.i wanted to call her to talk or meet to talk abt it,she just dont want to meet up.
i was so pissed off that i hate her!really hate her...i thought i treated her so nice.. waited her for so long..from single to attached to single again.. instead of appreciating me,she avoided me!
but one fine day,she ring me up and said she misunderstood her..she knows i dote my godsister alot and she called her to explain..insisting that we did not give her a chance to explain herself.. but it was no use i was still very pissed off that time..
until last oct,her bday i gave her an sms and we bcome kinda close again,i forgive her and forget about everything...we all start afresh..
now we are kinda gd frens again,just that we dun tok everynite or call each other when we got awake.
But ever since we bcome close again,i does quite afew sweet talks to her,which i usually dont do.
1)i would praise her like saying she have slim down,bcome much prettier..
2)I did not ask her to let me know when she reach home safely anymore.
3) i did not tell her that her skirts are tooshort and ask her to get a longer pair.
4) i did not try to ask her to slp early like wat i use to..
This vday.i have asked her out for a date,telling her just wana have a gathering with this very gd fren,as iknow shes under quite some stress.. i would like to help her relief some stress and try to enjoy as much as possible..as a fren,and she agreed.
i spend 1wk to plan everything and make sure she could haf a big suprise.. but after doing so much,spending so much $.. i asked myself..
=isit worth it?
=now she got a new crush too..why am i doing so much things for her?
=she doesnt seems to appreciate me more than just a fren..y did she reject me so many times... isit bcos im really bad in my looks? bcos she always fall for guys when she dun really or dun even know them.. and the relationship doesnt last longer than 1-2mths..
=Will it be bcos of how to behave in the past,like toking to each other like a couple and im always there when she needs me... so she thinks that,that is what she wans from a bf and she got it..so there is no need for us to get into a relationship?
Hope u guys would spend some time reading and teach me what to do, thanks. -
since she had no interest, then no need to persist... leave her...
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to answer your question: no, it aint worth it.
u made it too easy for her.
i only have ur side of the story but it seems to me that u are falling for the wrong girl.
spend ur time and money on something or someone else more worthy.
the solution is as simple as that but i have an ultimate question for u, do you have the balls to leave her if u think u have to?
lastly, concentrate on ur studies lar. -
i think the problem is simply becos u have been too good a fren to her and she does not wan to risk losing this friendship, as well as the attention from u...
i might be unfair of me to say this of her but i feel she is jus making use of u.. gals are very weird creatures.. they believe that as long as both of u are still frens u will still continue to care for her but things might change if u r in a relationship.
i always believe that if u wan to go after a gal, u shd make known ur feelings early. once u have established too strong a friendship, its unlikely she would wan to take a risk of losing the friendship...
just my 2 cents worth
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she onces told me she prefers frenship than relationship years ago..Originally posted by marlboro:i think the problem is simply becos u have been too good a fren to her and she does not wan to risk losing this friendship, as well as the attention from u...
i always believe that if u wan to go after a gal, u shd make known ur feelings early. once u have established too strong a friendship, its unlikely she would wan to take a risk of losing the friendship...
not long ago she told me im the 1 who knows her the most,beside her some of her family memebers.
so what shld i do?shld i remind tis way,or try to gif it a shot? -
It would be best if u can really let go, treat her as u would to a friend/sister but i know its hard to do. I cant tell u wat to do, u have to lead ur own life...Originally posted by lolsuck:she onces told me she prefers frenship than relationship years ago..
not long ago she told me im the 1 who knows her the most,beside her some of her family memebers.
so what shld i do?shld i remind tis way,or try to gif it a shot?
then again, maybe u can use this vday as ur last shot. if really still kena rejected then i think is time to move on -
Ooh - friendship and not relationship? After such a long time, that's the kiss of death, my friend.
It looks like it was a friendship for way too long at the start, and now she can't see you any other way. Also, it's great how you've been so protective of her, but that was done in a very brotherly fashion. That's really sweet, but let's face it, would she want to date her brother?
Bottom line, move on. You seem to have a lot of great qualities that will make you a great boyfriend to whomever you end up dating, but in this case, it really doesn't look like it will work. However, it does look like you do have a very good friendship here - enjoy it for what it is.
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Dear ExNA student who is now very sad.
Why waste your time and $$ on an el bit*ho who is using you to get the attention and things that she doesn't get from her boyfriend/crush/lover whatever.
As in my other post for you other thread.
Drop it, someone else deserves it more than she does. She'd probable come running back once you stop paying attention to her.
Let her run after you. -
she taking things in her stride... making use of u for the things u did for her and stuffs u bought..
well.. i can suggest u not to put too much hope. -
perhaps u should move one and look for a better opportunity, like wat other pple said, she is too used to the friendship and not really willing to develope into a relationship. we can't really call her a bitch since we dunno her, besides, we've only listen to ur feelings and not hers. look, if u really wanna give it a try again, den try it out just one last time, whether it work out or not, u'll have to wake up. dream once will do, and after that, you'll knoe its time to wake up....
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read the art of seduction by Robert Greene... Sometimes u must be most evil n devilish n bad... gals are really funny creatures. Serious. They are the most interesting n weird creatures to walk this earth...
Ditch her, pay less attention. U c, u are not giving her a strong reason to chase u... n unless u do that, she will nvr agree to being with u. Spending time with her doesn't mean u are getting closer to her. Use a few tactics like being interested in other girls.Find her weakness n poke at it. Some of the strategies which u can learn by reading this book...
Love can be evil if u want it to...
Give her a reason, if u can't... u will nvr get her.. as simple as that -
Why dun u just try to forget everything? From wat i can understand (from ur story) she doesnt like u as a BF. But cos' u r too nice to her already, u hv in a way made it hard for her to reject u perhaps and hence she hangs on with u as a "gd fren".
N prob she doesnt wanna reject ur invitations for meals or outings fearing that she might lose u as a friend totally....
Well these are my humble views... but cant tell much from what you have written... might be good to hv her side of the story too....
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Yes agree. there's much much more girls out there.... heeheeOriginally posted by BrUtUs:since she had no interest, then no need to persist... leave her... -
Lecture mode: OnOriginally posted by lolsuck:.... (too long) The following day we meet up because her ex bf, my used to be good fren wanted to patch with her,ask me to help.. this gd fren of mine,knows that im interested in her when we were in sec3. he told me to leave the matter to him and he would help me,but in the end he sneak from behind and got her to patch without me knowning... i was disappointed but i forgave him.. now he wanted her to patch with him again,he wants me to help him quietly by not letting this ger know bcos he knows that me and this ger are close buddies...
:at the moment she kinda like a guy from her ex-cca group and always talk about this guy,shes kinda shy too interms of not able to approach the guy she likes..
when i know about it i often encourage her to approach him,creating chances for them to talk,gif her opinion and also console her when she know some bad news about thsi guy.
ofcos during all this talking,i felt hurt deep inside:
Anwyay i meet up with my buddy and b4 telling her about my frens plan and tell her i like her..but i did not ask her to be my gf,and she jsut said,"u wanted to meet me just to tell me that?" smiling away like its kinda ridiculas..
so after telling her i told her her ex-bf wanted me to help him get her back to him,and she was furious.. but did not blame me or anything..
things still goes well,we still talk on the fone from night to morning hog onto the fone for hours even watching a show on tv we would just hold the fone and stay quiet to watch the show.we would only talk during advertisments.
after that she went home.. 2dayhs later it was Xmas eve.. i had a small party at home with my frens and i invited her to my home with all tis frens of ours..
we had a enjoyable night...
the following day on xmas things arent the same anymore.. she started to ignore me,she asked me to gif her more room to breath..leave her alone..and stop all fone calls,sms... she never wanted to tell me why and i never got my answer..
i felt so hurt all this while.i wanted to call her to talk or meet to talk abt it,she just dont want to meet up.
i was so pissed off that i hate her!really hate her...i thought i treated her so nice.. waited her for so long..from single to attached to single again.. instead of appreciating me,she avoided me!
but one fine day,she ring me up and said she misunderstood her..she knows i dote my godsister alot and she called her to explain..insisting that we did not give her a chance to explain herself.. but it was no use i was still very pissed off that time..
until last oct,her bday i gave her an sms and we bcome kinda close again,i forgive her and forget about everything...we all start afresh..
now we are kinda gd frens again,just that we dun tok everynite or call each other when we got awake.
But ever since we bcome close again,i does quite afew sweet talks to her,which i usually dont do.
1)i would praise her like saying she have slim down,bcome much prettier..
2)I did not ask her to let me know when she reach home safely anymore.
3) i did not tell her that her skirts are tooshort and ask her to get a longer pair.
4) i did not try to ask her to slp early like wat i use to..
This vday.i have asked her out for a date,telling her just wana have a gathering with this very gd fren,as iknow shes under quite some stress.. i would like to help her relief some stress and try to enjoy as much as possible..as a fren,and she agreed.
i spend 1wk to plan everything and make sure she could haf a big suprise.. but after doing so much,spending so much $.. i asked myself..
=isit worth it?
=now she got a new crush too..why am i doing so much things for her?
=she doesnt seems to appreciate me more than just a fren..y did she reject me so many times... isit bcos im really bad in my looks? bcos she always fall for guys when she dun really or dun even know them.. and the relationship doesnt last longer than 1-2mths..
=Will it be bcos of how to behave in the past,like toking to each other like a couple and im always there when she needs me... so she thinks that,that is what she wans from a bf and she got it..so there is no need for us to get into a relationship?
Hope u guys would spend some time reading and teach me what to do, thanks.
You want to hear a prediction? I seriously doubt you can get her.
*Thunder roars and lightning flashes*
Why?
According to CloUdism Remix - Marketing Love: your constant shift in position, roles, actions, focus and objective will not only guarantee a high rate of failure, but also to feed her huge ego in which to boost her personal confidence, self esteem and psychological-desirable-thoughts.
How have you shifted your position? What help this guy get her, what help that guy. Pardon me for the lack of better phrase, wtf are you doing? If you want to chase, do it. If you want to release her, do it. Don't try to release as you chase. It's like two step forward and two step back - one big circle, pure stagnant and meaningless. Avoid the Libra's trap.
You further reduce personal chance of getting her by:
I) Worshipping her like a goddness. Under Art of Seduction, the vibes that are brought forward displayed Anti-seductive qualities. You are unable to grasp her psychological nature, delay & prolong time instead of tactical use (what friend later then no friend, inregularly contacts, etc), lack self awareness, self absorbed and feeling insecure.
If you lack the strength, discipline and confidence to chase someone, the least you could do is to pamper her like a baby and heed her very whim.
II) Virtual communication cannot be substituted for reality-expressing BGR proposal. Seen as lack of impact, lack of sincerity and poor ground for memories as well.
III) Your psyche had presumed deeply that by 'doing' seemingly alot of things for her, you can get her. In fact, this is one of the top ten mistakes man ALWAYS make. Learn this: Shower gifts, sponsor handphone, what clothes - The physical needs of a girl is mutually exclusive from her emotional needs unless the physical needs actually satisfy Level 4-5 of her Maslow needs (Self esteem/self actualization). In simple words unless she is materialistic, then her love is for wealth would be like man for lust. Same effect. Short-lived and illusionary.
So how brown cow?
I have been frank throughout this post and will continue to be: its outrageously difficult, to the extend of almost impossible. In CloUdiSm remix III - Love-war; states that once a chase exceed an ghastly period of time, in conjunct with 3 fact (which unfortunately you had them all)
- Goddess worshipping
- Shower constant gifts
- Libra Trap
You can almost give up the idea of chasing her.
The written solution if you want to get her is to close/minimize-almost-to-nothing contacts with her over a substantial period of years. You have to allow her to walk her own path and you as well. Probably 4 years later (suggested time), both of you have grown up reasonably and you can start your contacts all over again.
The rationale of this is to brain wash her of your previous doings. Of course, the 'new' you would not have acted the silly way you had before. You have grown, matured and gain new form of thinking by then. A big however about this proposed solution is that, both of you may have walk on separate path or became attached, etc - and this would become a solution to move on with life and not a solution to get back to her.
P.S: You can prove me wrong if you follow your heart.
Cheers -
Yunhaier advice are always sound and really true *bows down* I wonder how old is the archangel,he seems to gone through many phases of relationship
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erm i dont really understand part of it.. but i guess i got the idea.. thanks alot..
thanks for all who helped me..
as for now i guess i shld remain as frens,stop all privileges.. and just concentrate in my studies... thanks again
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How have you shifted your position? What help this guy get her, what help that guy. Pardon me for the lack of better phrase, wtf are you doing? If you want to chase, do it. If you want to release her, do it. Don't try to release as you chase. It's like two step forward and two step back - one big circle, pure stagnant and meaningless. Avoid the Libra's trap. <--- whats the libra's trap?
isit a behavoir that libras always use?
sorry if the question sound stupid,jsut wana know. -
Ah yah, i tel you are, the way u acting is veri guai, no no, in fact the way your behavior is like TOO guai already larrr, I tell u, gers like guys who are shiong and tough, dun be too nice. I bet with you that the crushes your ger have is all the shiong guy who dun treeat her guai guai like the way you treat her, I bet with you! Gers are like tat one, you must not be too nice, in tat sense they are like doggies or kitties, dun treat too nice, but ofcourse dun abuse larrr heh. I.E If u abuse a dog, meaning u like treat your ger neutral, dun exactly abuse larrr. But must not also treat tooo neutral lorzzz, but in your case, you treat her too nice already, you too much money heh/
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well, when thngs r meant to be, it will be lor... speakin from experience, if you 2 r meant to be together, it will not take much effort lor... was in the same situation as you sme time ago... was tryin jus as hard as you, but results were invain... & when was all disappointed & dejected, another person came into the picture... a close fren dat's near you might jus be the one... gd luck!! Cheers!!
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Originally posted by lolsuck:How have you shifted your position? What help this guy get her, what help that guy. Pardon me for the lack of better phrase, wtf are you doing? If you want to chase, do it. If you want to release her, do it. Don't try to release as you chase. It's like two step forward and two step back - one big circle, pure stagnant and meaningless. Avoid the Libra's trap. <--- whats the libra's trap?
isit a behavoir that libras always use?
sorry if the question sound stupid,jsut wana know. Nah, its just a name to call it, don't have to worry too much about this man.
P.S (forgot to post above): Are you a Libra?
Cheers -
yesterday,vday i went out with her...bought her flowers too...but i did not give my last shot,i think its all over..
and its the end of everything... i have been stupid for 4years..its time to give up and move on.. during this time it will be very tough for me,but hope u guys wish me luck to overcome this problem..
and thanks for everyone whu bothers to read that long threat of mine and give me comments and advise! -
there are many more flowers out there .... tell yrself if she dont choose you is her loss.
juz a gal .. there are many out there -
one advice - 4get her.. it will do u more gd than harm..
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Excuse me, but i'm a Libraian and what are you rambling about? Stop it.. stop looking for excuses about being trapped in 'love' with someone who doesn't return it to you. There is no one to blame but yourself dude. You chose to spend your attention and $$ on her and it wasn't your star sign that said to bloody do it. I've loved and always known when to let go. When it's over, i've always known when to let go. It's hard at first, but in the end it is great when you move on.Originally posted by lolsuck:How have you shifted your position? What help this guy get her, what help that guy. Pardon me for the lack of better phrase, wtf are you doing? If you want to chase, do it. If you want to release her, do it. Don't try to release as you chase. It's like two step forward and two step back - one big circle, pure stagnant and meaningless. Avoid the Libra's trap. <--- whats the libra's trap?
isit a behavoir that libras always use?
sorry if the question sound stupid,jsut wana know.
WTF are YOU (not we) doing! Chasing and releasing? Just stop calling her, stop doing things for her and you will be released. It appears that you don't want to do let go, then why ask us for opinions and help when the decision lies in you? -
haiya.. u suay lor kena this kinda of gal same as me