She came back... But i feel different.....Shud i stay.....

• lZeNl

  2 Mar 04, 14:48

  There is this gal i've been goin out with, we've been together for 3 years now, until last year, i caught her cheating on me with another guy. I told i'm willing to forgive her and not mention a word about everything that has happen, that i'm willing to accept her back. She gave a deadline of 3 months which is the end of march this year, but in less then 2 months, she make her choice and came back to me. I really do love her but i feel uncertainties now. I know things will be different ever since that incident, and i feel like a spare tire. I dun appreciated by her, and she call only when she need me. I know i choose to be a fool and i'm being a fool. I guess i juz need an assurance and she couldn't gave it to me.[/img]
• I-like-flings(m)

  2 Mar 04, 14:50

  Originally posted by lZeNl:

  There is this gal i've been goin out with, we've been together for 3 years now, until last year, i caught her cheating on me with another guy. I told i'm willing to forgive her and not mention a word about everything that has happen, that i'm willing to accept her back. She gave a deadline of 3 months which is the end of march this year, but in less then 2 months, she make her choice and came back to me. I really do love her but i feel uncertainties now. I know things will be different ever since that incident, and i feel like a spare tire. I dun appreciated by her, and she call only when she need me. I know i choose to be a fool and i'm being a fool. I guess i juz need an assurance and she couldn't gave it to me.[/img]

  forget her... if she can do it once to u... she can do it again.... u want to wait till u are married with her then realised she always cheat u??
• epImetheus

  2 Mar 04, 14:52

  so if you are going to be happy being her fool, then continue.
  different people has different expectations of love & committment
  
  but be prepared that she might leave u again.
• sepjc96

  2 Mar 04, 14:59

  Originally posted by lZeNl:

  There is this gal i've been goin out with, we've been together for 3 years now, until last year, i caught her cheating on me with another guy. I told i'm willing to forgive her and not mention a word about everything that has happen, that i'm willing to accept her back. She gave a deadline of 3 months which is the end of march this year, but in less then 2 months, she make her choice and came back to me. I really do love her but i feel uncertainties now. I know things will be different ever since that incident, and i feel like a spare tire. I dun appreciated by her, and she call only when she need me. I know i choose to be a fool and i'm being a fool. I guess i juz need an assurance and she couldn't gave it to me.[/img]

  i have no comments bout cheating on one person again, but i think if she look you up for the sake of killing her time or when she is bored, den i guess, its not very wise to carry on...hey hey hey, dun take yourself for a fool, you r juz being devoted. hmmmmm....i muz agree dat most gers are quite flirtatious nowadays...
• lZeNl

  2 Mar 04, 15:12

  nonetheless i love her, i used to be a flirt too, is what they call kharma? What goes around comes around. Maybe her turn will come soon. dono what i gonna do when that time comes.
• jtst

  2 Mar 04, 17:34

  Ok, so you are sure that you you still love her.
  
  Ask yourself this... can you trust her? If you answer is yes, the my 2 cents is... carry on with the relationship.
  
  If No, then whats the point of being in a relationship with someone you cannot trust?
  
  You say you love her..... do you love yourself? Treat yourself to someone who is deserving of your love.
  Fear, insecurities, jealously and mistrust kill a relationship from within, like a cancer, no need outside intervention.
  
  Think about it
• Devil1976

  2 Mar 04, 17:56

  Originally posted by jtst:

  Ok, so you are sure that you you still love her.
  
  Ask yourself this... can you trust her? If you answer is yes, the my 2 cents is... carry on with the relationship.
  
  If No, then whats the point of being in a relationship with someone you cannot trust?
  
  You say you love her..... do you love yourself? Treat yourself to someone who is deserving of your love.
  Fear, insecurities, jealously and mistrust kill a relationship from within, like a cancer, no need outside intervention.
  
  Think about it

  NICE...
• AaLviNn

  2 Mar 04, 21:37

  will the love between 2 people not feel the same anymore after people patch? what are the things that changes?
• WrX_STi

  2 Mar 04, 22:03

  love is all about trust.. no trust in love and its totally not gonna work out..
  
  as for ah ma qs, love break liao den patch again its the same like u break 1 glass bottle and u try to mend it again.. its never the same again....
• hiamjio

  2 Mar 04, 22:38

  Originally posted by lZeNl:

  There is this gal i've been goin out with, we've been together for 3 years now, until last year, i caught her cheating on me with another guy. I told i'm willing to forgive her and not mention a word about everything that has happen, that i'm willing to accept her back. She gave a deadline of 3 months which is the end of march this year, but in less then 2 months, she make her choice and came back to me. I really do love her but i feel uncertainties now. I know things will be different ever since that incident, and i feel like a spare tire. I dun appreciated by her, and she call only when she need me. I know i choose to be a fool and i'm being a fool. I guess i juz need an assurance and she couldn't gave it to me.[/img]

  IZeNI, you noe.. ur situation is like mine. just tat things were a lil' more complicated. I've made up with my boyfren 1.5 mths ago. Made up? yup... we led our own lives for almost 6 mths. Initially, he refused to associate with me becoz he was just too mad at me. why? becoz i 'cheated' on him in a way. Though how much i've tried to assure him that nothing of such sorts will EVER happen again, he just refuses to give me a 2nd chance. devastated i was, but as i reflect on the things i've done, it made me realise that he was the one and only one i truly loved. I held on to 6 lonely months, waiting on quietly for him to forgive me. It paid off.
  
  i noe, definitely, there'll be a 'wound' there, a stain... the trust has been breached, and insecurity is a sure-will-have. and he's been hurt by me. but it's all about how i help him heal. help him and myself build up the trust once again.
  
  Things has been well for the both of us so far. Why? becoz i'm repented. I wanna make up for the wrong that i've done. i have the will to make things right again. becoz i truly love him. i proved it to him.
  
  IZeNI, you are just like my bf, and I, i'm just like ur gf. but you see, the difference between us is that i've realised my mistakes, and i cherish the chance my bf has given me. i don take him for granted. i won't allow any chances to arise that may jeopardize the r/s.
  
  but wat about ur gf?
  
  i'm not saying that she doesn't love u or wadever.. but maybe u could tok to her about it..[/b]
• Farmer Brown

  3 Mar 04, 00:16

  do you love her? i'm not gonna be like the other ppl that have replied. i think u should still give her a chance. i think she wouldn't be that vicious to come back to you just to break your heart again. have a good talk with her. let her know u dun feel assured.. BUT you love her. most imptly tell her you want to resolve things which is why you brought it up.. remember to let her know how u feel for her.
  
  and finally..be true to yourself k?
• Yunhaier

  3 Mar 04, 02:01

  Originally posted by lZeNl:

  There is this gal i've been goin out with, we've been together for 3 years now, until last year, i caught her cheating on me with another guy. I told i'm willing to forgive her and not mention a word about everything that has happen, that i'm willing to accept her back. She gave a deadline of 3 months which is the end of march this year, but in less then 2 months, she make her choice and came back to me. I really do love her but i feel uncertainties now. I know things will be different ever since that incident, and i feel like a spare tire. I dun appreciated by her, and she call only when she need me. I know i choose to be a fool and i'm being a fool. I guess i juz need an assurance and she couldn't gave it to me.[/img]

  Firstly, let us look at the objective of wanting her back. Since love would have sink relatively deep into you through the 3 years relationship, to see it being destroyed eventually - you don't have the heart to or simply can't bear to.
  
  Your love is generous enough to accept her if that's what she wants.
  
  You have gotten what you wanted; she came back.
  
  So now, you are lost emotionally. Why? Forgiveness not as simple as 'I won't mention this to anyone (social norms - face), would accept you back, etc' and forgiveness comes automatically. Look at yourself now - you got her back, no doubt - but do you think you have gotten the love you wanted?
  
  You want to accept someone who have broken your trust, this girl has much to prove herself because there is alot of work to do to rebuilt what she had lay destruction in your relationship. If she refuse to rebuilt and assume to navigate this relationship in the original direction you both would once surf and enjoyed - this relationship has lost all meaning - do you think she learn her lesson and truly repent?
  
  Bottomline - are you happy? Do you even see lasting positive changes in your relationship?
  
  Cheers
• BrUtUs

  3 Mar 04, 02:10

  Originally posted by lZeNl:

  There is this gal i've been goin out with, we've been together for 3 years now, until last year, i caught her cheating on me with another guy. I told i'm willing to forgive her and not mention a word about everything that has happen, that i'm willing to accept her back. She gave a deadline of 3 months which is the end of march this year, but in less then 2 months, she make her choice and came back to me. I really do love her but i feel uncertainties now. I know things will be different ever since that incident, and i feel like a spare tire. I dun appreciated by her, and she call only when she need me. I know i choose to be a fool and i'm being a fool. I guess i juz need an assurance and she couldn't gave it to me.[/img]

  tell her how u feel... then c wat will she do in time...
• boy in blues

  3 Mar 04, 03:56

  Originally posted by lZeNl:

  There is this gal i've been goin out with, we've been together for 3 years now, until last year, i caught her cheating on me with another guy. I told i'm willing to forgive her and not mention a word about everything that has happen, that i'm willing to accept her back. She gave a deadline of 3 months which is the end of march this year, but in less then 2 months, she make her choice and came back to me. I really do love her but i feel uncertainties now. I know things will be different ever since that incident, and i feel like a spare tire. I dun appreciated by her, and she call only when she need me. I know i choose to be a fool and i'm being a fool. I guess i juz need an assurance and she couldn't gave it to me.[/img]

  since you're still unattached, might as well just tell her you will forgive and accept her back, after all got her better than nothing. but meanwhile try to find yourself a better girl. then just tell her sorry, i don't deserve you. just kidding ok? whether or not she's reliable, you should know better than me.
• jtst

  3 Mar 04, 12:26

  If the two of you do end up being together, bear in mind that you have to let go of what happened, do not use it agianst her. You will have to learn to trust her again.
  
  Most importantly, DO NOT expect the relationship to "go back" to how it was like before. Relationship do not "go back". the both of you need to grow the relationship and move forward, not go back.
• Ayukat

  3 Mar 04, 13:17

  Play along and make sure you win.
• lZeNl

  3 Mar 04, 16:06

  Thanks guys, I'll and talk to her about it eventhough she's always busy about it. I guess time will eventually tell. And you are right, Things will never be the same again. I kow things will be very different
  
  Find another girl? I doubt i have the heart and strenght to carry on like this, How many 3 years do i have? It's juz like holding a cup of glass and u break the glass with ur hand, the bits and pieces on ur hand will eventually cut the other person's hand that you hold.
  
  I dono about you guys, but i guess i really expierence the madness of love in it. You guys all sound so clear headed, but i'm juz like a fool to rush in.
• boy in blues

  3 Mar 04, 16:17

  Originally posted by lZeNl:

  Thanks guys, I'll and talk to her about it eventhough she's always busy about it. I guess time will eventually tell. And you are right, Things will never be the same again. I kow things will be very different
  
  Find another girl? I doubt i have the heart and strenght to carry on like this, How many 3 years do i have? It's juz like holding a cup of glass and u break the glass with ur hand, the bits and pieces on ur hand will eventually cut the other person's hand that you hold.
  
  I dono about you guys, but i guess i really expierence the madness of love in it. You guys all sound so clear headed, but i'm juz like a fool to rush in.

  you're right. how many 3 years do we have? it's better to start anew than to hang on to something improbable. but if you have faith in her, then carry on lor..
• WrX_STi

  3 Mar 04, 20:43

  how are u sure she is playing.. mayb she need him to prove something mahz..
• Lingos

  6 Mar 04, 14:22

  Zen.. if you feel that you don't want to be with her again. Just take the plunge...
  And leave.. what's the point of hanging around a girl that you can't trust and can't get back to an trustworthy and strong relationship with again.