I've Had Enough!!!!
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I have something to ask you guys...
I have this penpal and she's from HongKong, we've been writing to each to other for the past 4 years. Frequency I would say 1 month once. My gf knew of this, and for the past few years, I let her see my letter because I have nothing to hide. Recently, my gf been giving me headache, saying, why must I write letter only to her, why cannot write to her. I told her saying that, "because we can meet each other, and even if we don't, I call up to talk about everything"
Yea, everything, till she don't realise that it becomes a norm to her, and that she complained I wrote stuffs that she even don't know. What is this..I let her see the letter, nothing much one could write in a letter right? How bout the times we been together going out, she said other than the normal things we talk about, there's nothing special to say? Yea, maybe we are together for 5yrs plus, it's a NORM to her.
Is it due to the fact I'm going to meet my penpal soon (with my family for a tour at the same time)and that my gf can't go. I didn't say she cannot go, it she who keep on thinking I don't want to let go. What is all this nonsense....driving me mad. I don't feel appreciated at, all the things I accomodate to her, giving in to her. Help her this help her that, she got problem, I'm there, but in the end what I do I get, problems from her. Guys and gals, please give me some advice...I feel sad now... -
Come to think of it, its partially your fault. She's right about the not writing to her part. You make her feel neglected in a way. Your arguement that you can both meet everyday will never meet up to standards in a gal's terms.
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ya, she abit lost it... solutions? can onli hope she can get some understanding lor... try to put it nicely lor, send her some love letters lor...
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Solve the problem then ... juz WRITE sweet little nothings to her ...
assure her again and again and again ...
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Originally posted by sonic_seed:I have something to ask you guys...
I have this penpal and she's from HongKong, we've been writing to each to other for the past 4 years. Frequency I would say 1 month once. My gf knew of this, and for the past few years, I let her see my letter because I have nothing to hide. Recently, my gf been giving me headache, saying, why must I write letter only to her, why cannot write to her. I told her saying that, "because we can meet each other, and even if we don't, I call up to talk about everything"
Yea, everything, till she don't realise that it becomes a norm to her, and that she complained I wrote stuffs that she even don't know. What is this..I let her see the letter, nothing much one could write in a letter right? How bout the times we been together going out, she said other than the normal things we talk about, there's nothing special to say? Yea, maybe we are together for 5yrs plus, it's a NORM to her.
Is it due to the fact I'm going to meet my penpal soon (with my family for a tour at the same time)and that my gf can't go. I didn't say she cannot go, it she who keep on thinking I don't want to let go. What is all this nonsense....driving me mad. I don't feel appreciated at, all the things I accomodate to her, giving in to her. Help her this help her that, she got problem, I'm there, but in the end what I do I get, problems from her. Guys and gals, please give me some advice...I feel sad now...
If there is one thing you ought to realise by now, it would be this: irregardless of how logical you are in your explaination like letting her see all the letters because you feel that there is nothing to hide - woman are still woman. Man are still man. Jealousy hits by first degree situations, not anywhere further.
If I found twenty dollars on the floor, I would have pick it up without hestitation and place it in my wallet, without thinking if the person who lose it, will need it for emergency because it seemed not too big of a sum.
Like you, who doesn't feel that it's too much of a problem to be transparent. It's good to remain open with each other, but I don't see a need to show her on my initiated accord unless she wants to go through them. You keep triggering this first degree situations, which served as grounds for her mental and emotional poison to seep through and produce jealousy.
All you need is one time show and that's it. The rest leave it to trust. If she want to re-check again, can, but it goes to show how much trust she has in you and this relationship, therefore unless your relationship is already shaky - usually, this wouldn't happen if she has basic respect for space and freedom.
Cheers -
yun yi the answer is still the longest n most sensible...
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1stly, i find u'r fortunate in tis r/s..er..i mean ur gf still so cling on to you only,,,,not the problem she gv you.
Mayb she is scare,jealousy among u & tat pen-pal...cos female thinking is kind of ...dunno how to express in words...mayb she feel that u & her always the same through the yrs, meaning abit monotoneous-but u wil write to pen-pal..mayb she ever seen wat u write to her den she jealose.cos mayb in te letter, u r more creative in te way u express den in talking to her. or u take time to write....i tink in her heart now is lik,"is ur pen-pal more important or me" stuff lik tat..true..at time female can be unreasonable, but u think, why they suddenly become lik that...some female sometime lik dun care but their eyes mayb very watchful of wats happening around....so if she flare temper, mayb u do something lor..but i dunno .
Jus try to assure her, that nothing will happen, if u really want to be long r/s wid her,say things lik-she ever told me in her letter last time, she very fat 1 lah..boost her self-esteem.etc..get wat i mean, if lik that also cannot, but u want to save the r/s, bring her go along lor...
Hope u wun be lik the state i'm in now... -
What? The poor kid can't even have the freedom to write to someone else? WHO IS A PENPAL?Originally posted by ditzy:Come to think of it, its partially your fault. She's right about the not writing to her part. You make her feel neglected in a way. Your arguement that you can both meet everyday will never meet up to standards in a gal's terms.
Why is it that you have to write love letters to your girlfriend? This is not.. the 18th century. You can take a bus/cab/walk and meet her face to face. Or even better email.
I think she is being unreasonable. Like a lot of the girlfriends of friends here that i know.. They don't like it that their boyfriends play on the xbox. What harm is there if it is something that he enjoys? Even if my boyfriends said he is going to the strip joint with the boys, i'd be like ok.. do you want to be picked up? Because he drops me off when i want to go out with my friends without him. Being possessive doesn't equate to love. It equate to jealousy. -
How old are both of you? Try to talk to her and makes her understand... From the way I see it, she's either pretty young or she's behaving rather childishly... You should give her a little guidance... It's good that you give in to your gf, but it's also equally important that you explain things to her and let her understand your stand and the situation... Just like a child... You can't just always give him / her what she wants to coax him / her? On the long run it won't work....Originally posted by sonic_seed:I have something to ask you guys...
I have this penpal and she's from HongKong, we've been writing to each to other for the past 4 years. Frequency I would say 1 month once. My gf knew of this, and for the past few years, I let her see my letter because I have nothing to hide. Recently, my gf been giving me headache, saying, why must I write letter only to her, why cannot write to her. I told her saying that, "because we can meet each other, and even if we don't, I call up to talk about everything"
Yea, everything, till she don't realise that it becomes a norm to her, and that she complained I wrote stuffs that she even don't know. What is this..I let her see the letter, nothing much one could write in a letter right? How bout the times we been together going out, she said other than the normal things we talk about, there's nothing special to say? Yea, maybe we are together for 5yrs plus, it's a NORM to her.
Is it due to the fact I'm going to meet my penpal soon (with my family for a tour at the same time)and that my gf can't go. I didn't say she cannot go, it she who keep on thinking I don't want to let go. What is all this nonsense....driving me mad. I don't feel appreciated at, all the things I accomodate to her, giving in to her. Help her this help her that, she got problem, I'm there, but in the end what I do I get, problems from her. Guys and gals, please give me some advice...I feel sad now... -
haha just ask yourself if u really love your gf and really dun have any feeling for your penpal deep down in your heart??? if ur answer is yes. u love her and got not even a bit of feeling for your penpal.. then let her be lor.... then wait till u go HK. .. u write soon nice nice letter and send to sg lor. haha that way she will be suprise and touched lah.. haha
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I guess you explain to me how she felt. Often I asked her why this n that, she would say she have to think, and I would get impatient and tell her, when she has finish thinking then call me. We have gone through quite alot in our R/S and we are in our early twenties. She's a sweet girl and shes one who has her heart only to her guy. However, the occasional headaches that she gives me sometimes wonder whether I can take it in the long run. Well, nothing is perfect.Originally posted by bo liao:1stly, i find u'r fortunate in tis r/s..er..i mean ur gf still so cling on to you only,,,,not the problem she gv you.
Mayb she is scare,jealousy among u & tat pen-pal...cos female thinking is kind of ...dunno how to express in words...mayb she feel that u & her always the same through the yrs, meaning abit monotoneous-but u wil write to pen-pal..mayb she ever seen wat u write to her den she jealose.cos mayb in te letter, u r more creative in te way u express den in talking to her. or u take time to write....i tink in her heart now is lik,"is ur pen-pal more important or me" stuff lik tat..true..at time female can be unreasonable, but u think, why they suddenly become lik that...some female sometime lik dun care but their eyes mayb very watchful of wats happening around....so if she flare temper, mayb u do something lor..but i dunno .
Jus try to assure her, that nothing will happen, if u really want to be long r/s wid her,say things lik-she ever told me in her letter last time, she very fat 1 lah..boost her self-esteem.etc..get wat i mean, if lik that also cannot, but u want to save the r/s, bring her go along lor...
Hope u wun be lik the state i'm in now... -
is lik tat 1 lah..my tat gal wid me 5 yrs, know me inside out, she everytime say "nothing", nevermind,things lik that. but she keep it in her heart.
try to give in more lor..if lose her den regret wil be suffering lik me now..a living dead.lol... -
'Educate' her. People often would mature and grow... The better if you can lead each other in the right direction...Originally posted by sonic_seed:I guess you explain to me how she felt. Often I asked her why this n that, she would say she have to think, and I would get impatient and tell her, when she has finish thinking then call me. We have gone through quite alot in our R/S and we are in our early twenties. She's a sweet girl and shes one who has her heart only to her guy. However, the occasional headaches that she gives me sometimes wonder whether I can take it in the long run. Well, nothing is perfect.
Regards. -
Hiyah Sonic : )
Wat I see here, is a clash of opinions, & both coming from different perspectives. Mebbi I can help determine where both of u r coming from, then perhaps u guys can work out a common grd?
His perspective:
1. I haf shown u my letters to my penpal. So wat if she's a girl? It doesn't mean I love her, I love u, & if I din love u, I wldn't haf shown u the letters I'd written in order to reassure u & let u trust me.
2. I've done other thgs to the best of my abilities to assure u of my love. Wat r u jealous abt?
3. It's Not my fault tt u can't join me on the trip, I'm Not going there specifically to see her. I juz happen to be going on a tour to HK, & since I'm there, there's Nothg wrong wif catching up wif a fren.
Her perspective:
1. I noe she's only a fren & ur penpal, but I can't help feeling jealous cosh I'm a woman, & No woman likes to share her guy (meaning, romantically).
2. I noe I meet u ev. day, but tt doesn't mean I dowan to hear tt u love only me once in a while. And altho I noe I meet u ev. day & tt u love me, it doesn't hurt for u to pamper me once in a while by writing somethg to me, even if it's juz a card.
3. I keep thinking tt u wanna go on the trip cosh u wanna see her, despite u going wif ur folkz, cosh I'm woman, & I can't help feeling jealous.
Having finished tt, here's wat u can do:
Meet her for a heart-to-heart & explain the different perspectives tt haf caused the misunderstanding. Address her fears (remember: She's only behaving so unreasonably cosh she loves u & is terrified of losing u) & reassure her of ur love.
Perhaps having been together for so long, both of u haf taken thgs for granted. Tok this out, & try to come up wif ways together for both of u to re-inject the spark tt has gone missing in ur r'ship.
Instead of juz meeting ev. day, why Not arrange to go on a special date? It doesn't hafta be a special occasion, juz go on a date simply because : ) Whether it's a candlelit dinner (@ a restaurant or prepared by both of u wld be great) complete wif a nice card, or a nite @ the movies followed by supper & discussion of the farnie thgs in the movie, it all depends on u. Shower her wif more love & attn, cosh it seems tt she wld lurve to be pampered by u : )
The r'ship has been going on for 5 yrs, does it mean enuff to u to wan to make it work? If so, do try to tok thgs out wif ur girl nicely & calmly. U'll be surprised @ how happee she might be after : )
Gd luck!
RPOriginally posted by sonic_seed:I have something to ask you guys...
I have this penpal and she's from HongKong, we've been writing to each to other for the past 4 years. Frequency I would say 1 month once. My gf knew of this, and for the past few years, I let her see my letter because I have nothing to hide. Recently, my gf been giving me headache, saying, why must I write letter only to her, why cannot write to her. I told her saying that, "because we can meet each other, and even if we don't, I call up to talk about everything"
Yea, everything, till she don't realise that it becomes a norm to her, and that she complained I wrote stuffs that she even don't know. What is this..I let her see the letter, nothing much one could write in a letter right? How bout the times we been together going out, she said other than the normal things we talk about, there's nothing special to say? Yea, maybe we are together for 5yrs plus, it's a NORM to her.
Is it due to the fact I'm going to meet my penpal soon (with my family for a tour at the same time)and that my gf can't go. I didn't say she cannot go, it she who keep on thinking I don't want to let go. What is all this nonsense....driving me mad. I don't feel appreciated at, all the things I accomodate to her, giving in to her. Help her this help her that, she got problem, I'm there, but in the end what I do I get, problems from her. Guys and gals, please give me some advice...I feel sad now... -
To Yun:
Hi, always glad to see your views cox I feel that u have gone through alot and they are positive. You see things from both parties angles, be it good or bad, which I guess alot of us has to learn from you. thanx
To Bo Liao:
Hi. thanx for your replies, seems like you have gone through a painful experience and that u lost it. Sorry about your plight, I believe that you are know more about urself and how to handle things now.
To Rainbowprincess:
I really appreciate your reply and it explains well enough for both side of us. I guess it's sort of miscomm, the common quarrels between couples.
I'm fine with her now, cox meet up with her, coax as well as explain to her. Thanx guys -
Hi Sonic : )
Glad to be of help!
RPOriginally posted by sonic_seed:To Yun:
Hi, always glad to see your views cox I feel that u have gone through alot and they are positive. You see things from both parties angles, be it good or bad, which I guess alot of us has to learn from you. thanx
To Bo Liao:
Hi. thanx for your replies, seems like you have gone through a painful experience and that u lost it. Sorry about your plight, I believe that you are know more about urself and how to handle things now.
To Rainbowprincess:
I really appreciate your reply and it explains well enough for both side of us. I guess it's sort of miscomm, the common quarrels between couples.
I'm fine with her now, cox meet up with her, coax as well as explain to her. Thanx guys -
haha welcome back RP!!
anyway... RP's summed up what the situation is in a pretty lor sor way..
so what are the implications? are u gonna dump her for it? honestly i dun get what the deal is with women sometimes. its pretty ridiculous for you to mail her stuff cause you meet each other everyday. can you imagine this
day 1
u and her went out to sentosa for a romantic dinner. u return home to pen down your thoughts and prepare to send the mail off
day 2
u mail it just before meeting her and u both talk about the dreamy evening u had before
day 3
?
day 4
wooo she receives the mail...but its pretty redundant right?
ok then she'll argue...but u can write letters to her without havin to post them....thats when u need to hit her on her silly head with that plastic hammer...she's gotta wake up her idea..
i guess she's just like my first girlfriend... bloody childish and insecure...i couldn even wave to a female friend for fear of incurring her wrath. sigh...women... SIGH -
*bleahz*
Wat's wif this lor sor thg, HAR???
RPOriginally posted by Farmer Brown:haha welcome back RP!!
anyway... RP's summed up what the situation is in a pretty lor sor way..
so what are the implications? are u gonna dump her for it? honestly i dun get what the deal is with women sometimes. its pretty ridiculous for you to mail her stuff cause you meet each other everyday. can you imagine this
day 1
u and her went out to sentosa for a romantic dinner. u return home to pen down your thoughts and prepare to send the mail off
day 2
u mail it just before meeting her and u both talk about the dreamy evening u had before
day 3
?
day 4
wooo she receives the mail...but its pretty redundant right?
ok then she'll argue...but u can write letters to her without havin to post them....thats when u need to hit her on her silly head with that plastic hammer...she's gotta wake up her idea..
i guess she's just like my first girlfriend... bloody childish and insecure...i couldn even wave to a female friend for fear of incurring her wrath. sigh...women... SIGH