My girlfriend's fears
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if her ex (yr gf ex) still carry on like this
i advises u to presaude her to make a police report
who knows wlll he do anyhing harms to her in the future....
do understand yr gf
it is berry hard to forget some1 she love b4
if she can forget him easily
i think will do the same thing to anyone else
i dun mean any harm
if my word do hurrts u somehw
hope u dun mind -
try bringing her to those build up confidence camp/talks... or jz be by her side n assure her tat u r always here for her... advice her to ignore her ex... n if he gets anywhere close call the cops...
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Dear Erastus,
U haf NO idea how irritating it is to be pestered by an ex. It can be v. traumatising, sickening, irritating & frustrating. Even tho u've made urself clear tt u wun take the ex back, the ex will still harbour hopes & feelings for some time. This cld be wat ur gf is feeling now.
The fears she has, No matter how ridiculous to u, r v. real to her. Many guys r Not able to see the devastation, cosh, unless they've been in such a situation, they'll never be able to truly empathise wif her plight.
Reassure her of ur willingness to protect her, & if she's really still v. frightened, perhaps u cld bring up the possibility of taking out a restraining order against her ex, or making a police report of the threat she feels, juz for her peace of mind?
RPOriginally posted by Erastus:Dear Aunt Agony,
I just got recently attached with this girl for about two months already, but she is still living under her ex-boyfriend's shadow.
My girlfriend inititated a breakup with her ex many months ago, because he has been mistreating her, hurling verbal abuses and insults on her during their relationship. However, to him, he never sees it as a breakup. He sees it as a temporary transition in a relationship and still thinks that she will be back to him eventually. No matter how clear she has made it across to him.
Ever since their breakup, her ex has been querying her movements and her whereabouts. If he ever saw my girlfriend with another guy friend, he will hurl further verbal abuses and insults.
Recently, her fears began to heighten. She says her ex has been stalking her, or might be sending his "connections" or a network of friends to spy on her movements. I've told her there is nothing to be afraid of. She has me as a boyfriend now and I will protect her no matter what happens. But she just wouldn't listen.
She is still living under her ex's shadow, she sees him "so high up there", like an almighty, who is capable to do anything bad to her if he wants.
Perhaps my persuasive power or my convincing power isn't good enough. She just don't have the confidence in me no matter how much I assured her that I will be by her side, protect her at all times.
She has no confidence in herself. She has no confidence in me. I find it very difficult to carry on. You might advice me to be patient and give her time to build up the confidence. But from the situation that I see, the more time I give, the more she'll lose confidence in everything, living in more fear under her ex's shadows.
What should i do?
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You ok?Originally posted by Erastus:---- -
i am okOriginally posted by Devil1976:You ok?
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I am Croco, Croco am I -
if u are those dare dare kind, u can just ask her ex out, and the 3 of u settle it once and for all, even if her ex feel that he and your gf are still together, just dump him when he meet u all lor...
but if u are not those kind, then u should ask your gf to sms or call him to tell him it is al over.. if he this dare to pester her or do any thing to her... just call the police lah......
have to settle it fast.. the longer it is and more trouble is lah -
Originally posted by Erastus:Dear Aunt Agony,
I just got recently attached with this girl for about two months already, but she is still living under her ex-boyfriend's shadow.
My girlfriend inititated a breakup with her ex many months ago, because he has been mistreating her, hurling verbal abuses and insults on her during their relationship. However, to him, he never sees it as a breakup. He sees it as a temporary transition in a relationship and still thinks that she will be back to him eventually. No matter how clear she has made it across to him.
Ever since their breakup, her ex has been querying her movements and her whereabouts. If he ever saw my girlfriend with another guy friend, he will hurl further verbal abuses and insults.
Recently, her fears began to heighten. She says her ex has been stalking her, or might be sending his "connections" or a network of friends to spy on her movements. I've told her there is nothing to be afraid of. She has me as a boyfriend now and I will protect her no matter what happens. But she just wouldn't listen.
She is still living under her ex's shadow, she sees him "so high up there", like an almighty, who is capable to do anything bad to her if he wants.
Perhaps my persuasive power or my convincing power isn't good enough. She just don't have the confidence in me no matter how much I assured her that I will be by her side, protect her at all times.
She has no confidence in herself. She has no confidence in me. I find it very difficult to carry on. You might advice me to be patient and give her time to build up the confidence. But from the situation that I see, the more time I give, the more she'll lose confidence in everything, living in more fear under her ex's shadows.
What should i do? 
I feared for you.
Not because of her ex-bf, but because of the timing you got her. If you gotten her as a gf within 2 months of her break-up, there could be self-containing problems hidden in your relationship that could trigger in the future. Nvm about this though. I am just a paranoid spirit.
Your gf has to learn one thing: pure ignore. Seriously, it's not matter of speaking logics into her ex-bf or anything. Its about ignoring and how she goes into complete ignoring when it comes to her ex-bf. How her ex-bf wants to scold, thinks or feel doesn't matter because they are already over. If he doesn't get it into his thick skull - you people don't have duty to get it through. That's his problem.
To handle this crisis, strong firm continuous body language and reinforcing has to upkeep. Here is a list to consider:
I) Don't waste time: change line - change number. If he calls her house, she has the right to slam the phone even before he can say b*tch. Don't have to listen anything at all because he is already over. No point because there is absolutely nothing constructive his ex would talk about, apart from getting back together.
II) Anticipate next problem: Send her home everyday if possible.
So the important question is what if he caught her alone? Then she has to be prepared for such scenes, which will likely to happen unless his ex gave up in phrase one. He will probably run after her, lock her and probably pull her somewhere to talk and close any means of escape. When that happen, she has to learn art of body language. If she has a choice and doesn't want to talk to him - keep walking. If he gripped her shoulder, she has to counter him aggressively by loosing her arms violently. Keep doing for a few times, he will get the message and wouldn't retain her anymore.
But if he still does and that doesn't stop him - she must stop suddenly, turn to where he was - looked and stare into his eyes for 2 seconds, breathe deeply and start SCREAMING at the top of her voice, continue for about 10 seconds until she is breathless, look away first and continue walking. This almost always works.
But if she has no choice and has to listen to his talks...
- Give him a time frame, say 5 minutes.
- She must fold arms, put bag in front of body, cross leg, eyes wander, lips in yawning position, brow frown, overall face impression into ignore and can't be bothered mode. If she has a watch, keep checking watch.
He will say this: 'When I am talking to you, pay attention' kind of thingy. Then reply him this 'Time is running.'
Leave when time is up.
*** He will stop for sure. Anything more critical than that - you may like to call the cops.
Cheers -
Give him some money and ask him to " siam. "
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Thats the worst advice ever.Originally posted by Ayukat:Give him some money and ask him to " siam. " -
Okay for me, I like to give you scenarios whereby you can play around. So ie you can choose option 1 + 3 + 5 or a mix or all.Originally posted by Erastus:----
1) Does her dad/parents know about her ex? If they do, its best the parents are informed that her ex has been causing her trouble. The best way, is to get her parents/dad to call the parents' ex. IE if the dad is stern enuff, and every dad is protective to his princess, the dad will probably say, 'touch my daughter again, i report police or *&%%^$^'
2) IF parents do not know about ex and she is not suppose to have a bf, then.... make a formal police report. How? Go to any neighbourhood police station with your gf, speak to the constable or IO, lodge a report saying that her ex has been bothering her and hurling verbal abuse, say that you're afraid the ex might beat her up. Listen to what the IO has to say, get the IO's number, keep it with you and gf's hp. Next time, the ex shows up, call the IO in case anything happens. IF, the ex threathens to take your gf's live or beat her up over the phone, the police can take action. Otherwise, they will just wait.
3) You or your gf, your gf would be a better choice, gather the guts , to call the parent's ex, talk to them nicely and explain to them the situation.
4) Ask her to keep a tape recorder in her pocket each time, the ex appears, record the converstaion, any accusation to kill or murder or beat up her, can be used in court.
5) Other than all these legal and peaceful means, thats about it. I suggest to you to let it rest for a while. Meanwhile, stay close to your gf and assure her that while you are with her, nothing will harm her or her family. -
Yes. And I can tell that you're ok...Originally posted by sgboy2004:i am ok
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I am Croco, Croco am I