Maintaining Friendship
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Do you think that friendship has to be maintained as well?
Usually, most of us will maintain bgr relationship but often neglect friendship. Only when we need help from a particular friend, then we start to call them up or contact them. Isn't it pathetic and superficial? Is this still consider as being "good friends"?
To me, friendship must always be maintained and not be taken for granted. Good friends doesn't have to see each other all the time but at least a call of concern once and then is required. And of course during birthdays or any festive season, sending a card is the minimum thing that a good friend should do. Friendship can be between guys/girls themselves or platonic friendship between guy and girl. But regarless of which form it is, it has to be maintained and not neglected.
Anybody agree with me?
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Yup, definitely agree. If you're going to count someone as a friend, you need to make the effort to let them know that you care, even if it's just calling them up once in a while and saying, "Just checking to see if you're still breathing".
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Can most of us really do it? Very often, we know that it should be maintained but we just neglect it when we get busy with our work, family, bgr etc..
In my opinion, especially platonic relationship, it is very hard to be maintained especially when it is a pure friendship between a guy and a girl. Normally guys will tend to have the feelings of being taken for granted by the girls. Or it can be the other way round as well. As it is pure friendship, the guy/girl doesn't have to always impress the other party or try to always give in since there are no obligations.
In my opinion, since I am a guy,
I feel that it is usually the guy who sacrifice for the girl and always help the girl, showering the girl with care and concern, helping the girl with almost anything upon requested. (Of course it doesn't applies to everyone) But it is usually one way. Very often, after the help from the guy and when she doesn't need his help anymore at least for that particular moment, she will not contact him again. And when she needs his help again (it can be a few months later or maybe years), then she will contact him again. And It goes on and on...
That was when a guy will feel that she is just making use of him and being taken for granted. Maybe she doesn't realise it but it may be too late to gain back the trust. The trust of being "good friends".
From what I have observed, or maybe it only happens to me only, girls wll tend to look up a guy only when she needs his help. And usually after the incident, she will return to her bf if she has one. Why doesn't she ask her bf for help in the first place? Maybe she feel that her bf is busy enough and she doesn't want him to be bothered with such trivial matters. But does that mean that good friends should always be the one to help you settle the problems and then you will cast him/her aside after your problem has been resolved?
In my opinion, the way we maintain our friendship is similar to the way we maintain our relationship after marriage. Even if we are married to someone, the relationship between us shouldn't just stop there. It just goes to another stage. We stil need to shower our wife or husband with care and surprises. We still need to go out together individually once a while or go for a holiday regardless of how long we have been married. This is the minimum way of showing our love for each other. And this is the same thing that should be applied to friendship.
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If they're worth it, then make the effort to try & contact them. It's Not tt difficult : )
RPOriginally posted by darrendon:Can most of us really do it? Very often, we know that it should be maintained but we just neglect it when we get busy with our work, family, bgr etc..
In my opinion, especially platonic relationship, it is very hard to be maintained especially when it is a pure friendship between a guy and a girl. Normally guys will tend to have the feelings of being taken for granted by the girls. Or it can be the other way round as well. As it is pure friendship, the guy/girl doesn't have to always impress the other party or try to always give in since there are no obligations.
In my opinion, since I am a guy, I feel that it is usually the guy who sacrifice for the girl and always help the girl, showering the girl with care and concern, helping the girl with almost anything upon requested. (Of course it doesn't applies to everyone) But it is usually one way. Very often, after the help from the guy and when she doesn't need his help anymore at least for that particular moment, she will not contact him again. And when she needs his help again (it can be a few months later or maybe years), then she will contact him again. And It goes on and on...
That was when a guy will feel that she is just making use of him and being taken for granted. Maybe she doesn't realise it but it may be too late to gain back the trust. The trust of being "good friends".
From what I have observed, or maybe it only happens to me only, girls wll tend to look up a guy only when she needs his help. And usually after the incident, she will return to her bf if she has one. Why doesn't she ask her bf for help in the first place? Maybe she feel that her bf is busy enough and she doesn't want him to be bothered with such trivial matters. But does that mean that good friends should always be the one to help you settle the problems and then you will cast him/her aside after your problem has been resolved?
In my opinion, the way we maintain our friendship is similar to the way we maintain our relationship after marriage. Even if we are married to someone, the relationship between us shouldn't just stop there. It just goes to another stage. We stil need to shower our wife or husband with care and surprises. We still need to go out together individually once a while or go for a holiday regardless of how long we have been married. This is the minimum way of showing our love for each other. And this is the same thing that should be applied to friendship. -
ya jus gif them a ring to check tt they are still alive???
friendship usually goes tasteless if we den keep in touch with our frd
by calling them or meeting them up for a quite some time......
we usally neglect thing n ppl we had when they are ard us -
Originally posted by darrendon:Can most of us really do it? Very often, we know that it should be maintained but we just neglect it when we get busy with our work, family, bgr etc..
In my opinion, especially platonic relationship, it is very hard to be maintained especially when it is a pure friendship between a guy and a girl. Normally guys will tend to have the feelings of being taken for granted by the girls. Or it can be the other way round as well. As it is pure friendship, the guy/girl doesn't have to always impress the other party or try to always give in since there are no obligations.
In my opinion, since I am a guy, I feel that it is usually the guy who sacrifice for the girl and always help the girl, showering the girl with care and concern, helping the girl with almost anything upon requested. (Of course it doesn't applies to everyone) But it is usually one way. Very often, after the help from the guy and when she doesn't need his help anymore at least for that particular moment, she will not contact him again. And when she needs his help again (it can be a few months later or maybe years), then she will contact him again. And It goes on and on...
That was when a guy will feel that she is just making use of him and being taken for granted. Maybe she doesn't realise it but it may be too late to gain back the trust. The trust of being "good friends".
From what I have observed, or maybe it only happens to me only, girls wll tend to look up a guy only when she needs his help. And usually after the incident, she will return to her bf if she has one. Why doesn't she ask her bf for help in the first place? Maybe she feel that her bf is busy enough and she doesn't want him to be bothered with such trivial matters. But does that mean that good friends should always be the one to help you settle the problems and then you will cast him/her aside after your problem has been resolved?
In my opinion, the way we maintain our friendship is similar to the way we maintain our relationship after marriage. Even if we are married to someone, the relationship between us shouldn't just stop there. It just goes to another stage. We stil need to shower our wife or husband with care and surprises. We still need to go out together individually once a while or go for a holiday regardless of how long we have been married. This is the minimum way of showing our love for each other. And this is the same thing that should be applied to friendship.
Maintaining a good friendship needs that regular upkeep. Even without that upkeep, a good friendship will always remain a good friend - just that we need to have a good time together to catch up with one another.
In platonic friendship, it is like all other friendship. Even if the girl has problem, seek you, solved them and vanished - I don't see any problem with that especially she is just a friend. You feel that she is as if making use of you, but generally, I have quite a few friends who are like that. But instead, I feel good because when she has problems and the first thing she thought is me. A good friends is not about sharing good times; It's about when she/he has fallen and needed that ear or ranting; I was there.
It goes beyond making use - I am willing to keep them upright. Vanished? At least when I am down, I know for sure people will be there.
Cheers -
A gd reply.i totally agree.Friends r there when u need 1 when u r at ur most down time.but provided al of te ppl here got that type of friend.i mean the person when ur friend think of when they R down.Need alot of communitation & trust between the friends.
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My exboyfriend used to hang this guilt trip on me all the time.
He keeps saying (till this day) i do not reply emails.
I felt like saying... the only emails i don't reply are from you girlfriend.
URGh.. so frustrated. He also keeps b|tching (to this day) that i do not contact my friends from back home. I'm like.. does anyone call me when it's my birthday? No.. and i don't expect the whole world to remember when it's my birthday. It's not fair to hang such expectations on them.. quid pro quo.
If you do not maintain friendships.. people move on etc..
And in the end, what you get is someone like me -->
Posting on sgforums to hunt down someone in sg from way back. Sigh.. it is very hard. But sometimes a phone call here and there wouldn't hurt anymore. Plus emails help heaps! Just upsets me when people keep sending me fwd jokes whereas i take the time to write them an email that they do not reply. -
yup... i agree wit u...well...not everyone will think so ...everyone has their own thinking...Originally posted by darrendon:Do you think that friendship has to be maintained as well?
Usually, most of us will maintain bgr relationship but often neglect friendship. Only when we need help from a particular friend, then we start to call them up or contact them. Isn't it pathetic and superficial? Is this still consider as being "good friends"?
To me, friendship must always be maintained and not be taken for granted. Good friends doesn't have to see each other all the time but at least a call of concern once and then is required. And of course during birthdays or any festive season, sending a card is the minimum thing that a good friend should do. Friendship can be between guys/girls themselves or platonic friendship between guy and girl. But regarless of which form it is, it has to be maintained and not neglected.
Anybody agree with me?