Able to give some comments on my decision...?
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It's been 6 months ever since i broke up with my gf. It's my fault as i chat "dirty" in IRC with other gals and i told her honestly about it. I never contact nor met up with any of them. I feel guilty about it and i decided to come "clean" about it with the hope that she will forgive me and i really want to change. She feels sad and hurt and decided to break up with me after a few days. It's a LDR (Long Distance Relationship) and the time of our relationship is a year.
Alot of things happened during this 6 months period.
There was this incident, she likes another guy and started to be together after 2 weeks we broke off. I seen that guy once and chat with him over IRC a few times.
After we broke off, i still sms her and show concern for her.
Recently, 2 weeks ago, she sms me and ask me what did i said to that guy. In the sms, she said she really hate me and am i happy to see her sad? I was shocked. I called her and ask her what happen. She was in a crying tone, she ask me what did i said to that guy.
I didn't know what had happen, i ask her and she said the guy told her that "I" told him that i feel terribly upset and hurt over losing her and she would come back to me one day. Then he said that he's trying to avoid her because he thinks that i'm pityful.
I admit that when we were together, i knew she was going out with him a few times and were quite close. I told him over the IRC that i do not feel comfortable with him and my gf going out so frequently and hope that he can don't contact her so much.
After the breakup and i knew he was together with her, i chat with him again in IRC and told him to love her as much as i do and don't lie to her nor hurt her. I told him i still love her and won't give up. Then i did not contact him anymore.
I didn't said that i'm living in misery and he must pity me at all...
Over the phone session with her, at the end she told me not to sms her, call her nor care for her anymore. Now she hates me and totally ignore and avoid me.
My decision now is to continue to love her and give in. Yunhaier has said that love is about giving and expecting nothing. I admit that i feel hurt and sad when the thinking she's with another guy or getting married with him. But on the other hand, i feel happy and comfortable about my decision.
Even though she does not love me at all, but i'm happy to love her.
My friends and even her have told me to give up and forget about her. But it's my decision to continue to love her even though she ignoring me and avoiding me.
I have my decision but i really appreciated if you all can give me more comments. I don't mind you all being straight forward and hurt me cause it's better to know the truth then to keep living in dreams.
I might be living in dreamland right now though... -
imo love is about giving, letting the other party happy. When u love some1, u dun expect the other party to return anything to u.
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Been through your stage before when I was still a human....Originally posted by WuGuiDan:It's been 6 months ever since i broke up with my gf. It's my fault as i chat "dirty" in IRC with other gals and i told her honestly about it. I never contact nor met up with any of them. I feel guilty about it and i decided to come "clean" about it with the hope that she will forgive me and i really want to change. She feels sad and hurt and decided to break up with me after a few days. It's a LDR (Long Distance Relationship) and the time of our relationship is a year.
Alot of things happened during this 6 months period.
There was this incident, she likes another guy and started to be together after 2 weeks we broke off. I seen that guy once and chat with him over IRC a few times.
After we broke off, i still sms her and show concern for her.
Recently, 2 weeks ago, she sms me and ask me what did i said to that guy. In the sms, she said she really hate me and am i happy to see her sad? I was shocked. I called her and ask her what happen. She was in a crying tone, she ask me what did i said to that guy.
I didn't know what had happen, i ask her and she said the guy told her that "I" told him that i feel terribly upset and hurt over losing her and she would come back to me one day. Then he said that he's trying to avoid her because he thinks that i'm pityful.
I admit that when we were together, i knew she was going out with him a few times and were quite close. I told him over the IRC that i do not feel comfortable with him and my gf going out so frequently and hope that he can don't contact her so much.
After the breakup and i knew he was together with her, i chat with him again in IRC and told him to love her as much as i do and don't lie to her nor hurt her. I told him i still love her and won't give up. Then i did not contact him anymore.
I didn't said that i'm living in misery and he must pity me at all...
Over the phone session with her, at the end she told me not to sms her, call her nor care for her anymore. Now she hates me and totally ignore and avoid me.
My decision now is to continue to love her and give in. Yunhaier has said that love is about giving and expecting nothing. I admit that i feel hurt and sad when the thinking she's with another guy or getting married with him. But on the other hand, i feel happy and comfortable about my decision.
Even though she does not love me at all, but i'm happy to love her.
My friends and even her have told me to give up and forget about her. But it's my decision to continue to love her even though she ignoring me and avoiding me.
I have my decision but i really appreciated if you all can give me more comments. I don't mind you all being straight forward and hurt me cause it's better to know the truth then to keep living in dreams.
I might be living in dreamland right now though...
Love is about giving and not expecting... Relativity's definition of 'love'? This statement is often valid mainly in an at least 2 way relationship... It can also benefit as a 'pushing factor'....
Understand that your 'relationship' is now more of a mono-directional.... She's not much responding... Might not even be on 'receiving mode'? Though not a 100% thing, it's quite likely to remain this way unless... 1. There're some major changes 2. Hidden factors 3. You finally walk out of it...
My difference from you back then was that I just love her... I don't even sense much disappointment when she's with other bf(s)... She told me her things... I just listened... Of course, it's not uncommon for you to feel this way by objective definition of love... And through a relative definition... A true defined love should be something like this... The complications it brings in based on simple principles... Humans are complicated by nature...
Oh well.. Why am I telling you all this?
In your current stage and without much changes... In time you'll probably walk out of it.... And if you don't? (for now or quite a long run...) As long as it's not giving you much problems and affecting your mood, it's consider quite ok.... -
Devil,
In your case, u mention u love a girl without asking for anything back right?
Does the girl knows that u love her? Love her as in real love and not those friendship kind of love? -
Originally posted by WuGuiDan:It's been 6 months ever since i broke up with my gf. It's my fault as i chat "dirty" in IRC with other gals and i told her honestly about it. I never contact nor met up with any of them. I feel guilty about it and i decided to come "clean" about it with the hope that she will forgive me and i really want to change. She feels sad and hurt and decided to break up with me after a few days. It's a LDR (Long Distance Relationship) and the time of our relationship is a year.
Alot of things happened during this 6 months period.
There was this incident, she likes another guy and started to be together after 2 weeks we broke off. I seen that guy once and chat with him over IRC a few times.
After we broke off, i still sms her and show concern for her.
Recently, 2 weeks ago, she sms me and ask me what did i said to that guy. In the sms, she said she really hate me and am i happy to see her sad? I was shocked. I called her and ask her what happen. She was in a crying tone, she ask me what did i said to that guy.
I didn't know what had happen, i ask her and she said the guy told her that "I" told him that i feel terribly upset and hurt over losing her and she would come back to me one day. Then he said that he's trying to avoid her because he thinks that i'm pityful.
I admit that when we were together, i knew she was going out with him a few times and were quite close. I told him over the IRC that i do not feel comfortable with him and my gf going out so frequently and hope that he can don't contact her so much.
After the breakup and i knew he was together with her, i chat with him again in IRC and told him to love her as much as i do and don't lie to her nor hurt her. I told him i still love her and won't give up. Then i did not contact him anymore.
I didn't said that i'm living in misery and he must pity me at all...
Over the phone session with her, at the end she told me not to sms her, call her nor care for her anymore. Now she hates me and totally ignore and avoid me.
My decision now is to continue to love her and give in. Yunhaier has said that love is about giving and expecting nothing. I admit that i feel hurt and sad when the thinking she's with another guy or getting married with him. But on the other hand, i feel happy and comfortable about my decision.
Even though she does not love me at all, but i'm happy to love her.
My friends and even her have told me to give up and forget about her. But it's my decision to continue to love her even though she ignoring me and avoiding me.
I have my decision but i really appreciated if you all can give me more comments. I don't mind you all being straight forward and hurt me cause it's better to know the truth then to keep living in dreams.
I might be living in dreamland right now though...
This is the dilemma of people in love. You must understand roots of theories before knowing the best course to pursue in matters of the love. Love without expecting anything in return in a psychological mechanism to protect the mind and heart. High demands ALWAYS brings deep disappointment.
In love, we always need a partner. It's so much different from studying, learning an music instrument or any other things in life where if you work hard and with decent wisdom - you can be expert in no time.
LDR is a very risky business. You jump into it - i presume you did your consideration and stuff. You did the dirty chat and get the kick out of doing it - emotionally, you ain't disciplined enough to step in LDR. Base on that alone, it can almost guarantee you a failure LDR especially if her stay overseas is going to be quite long. (Unless CloUdiSm unorthodox methods is used, but I won't be explaining here)
Your relationship is fragile and weak; she enter another relationship with another guy within 2 weeks. So I presumed this is another LDR? Or someone she knew overseas?
Actually I don't see a point to speak to the guy really, because trust me - deception and unorthodox methods of love can indirectly cut you badly and die without knowing why. Telling him that you still love her, don't treat her bad - are all silly craps of a modern man standard. SOCIETY these days teaches man to be an SNAG, therefore must respect, but everything else....
If I was had a serious case of Libra tendency or if I am pure scheming - I could dump her and use your words against you completely, which you cannot defend yourself and lose all points of impression she has in you - exactly what took place in your case. Then if he is a skilled player, dumping in other laws in the art of seduction, she would be binded by his will and you will be crushed forever and there is no way you could ever win him by then...
You want to win competitors in love, this is not the way.
Love is between two - not between a market. It's completely unneccessary to let another third party know anything about your love affairs especially if he/she is involved directly and you don't see him/her as a good friend.
*** Knowing that she doesn't love and but you do - following your heart to enter a relationship will result in high risk hurts.
Learn to make the girl fall in love with you before you enter a relationship with her. Love is unconsciously, but a relationship is a freewill choice. If you want to make use of a relationship to make her fall for and love you deeply, sometimes, it doesn't work.
P.S: Your future relationship will be clearer. Every fall is a step ahead. I am sure you will do well next time. Are you an Aquarius?
Cheers -
Eh...i'm a aquarius. What do you have to say bout Aquas??Originally posted by Yunhaier:P.S: Your future relationship will be clearer. Every fall is a step ahead. I am sure you will do well next time. Are you an Aquarius?
Cheers
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Devil, i'm still quite ok except for emotional upsets at times like keeping silence and thinking about her. My friends told me i look and sound better than 6 months ago.
Originally posted by Yunhaier :This is the dilemma of people in love. You must understand roots of theories before knowing the best course to pursue in matters of the love. Love without expecting anything in return in a psychological mechanism to protect the mind and heart. High demands ALWAYS brings deep disappointment.
In love, we always need a partner. It's so much different from studying, learning an music instrument or any other things in life where if you work hard and with decent wisdom - you can be expert in no time.
LDR is a very risky business. You jump into it - i presume you did your consideration and stuff. You did the dirty chat and get the kick out of doing it - emotionally, you ain't disciplined enough to step in LDR. Base on that alone, it can almost guarantee you a failure LDR especially if her stay overseas is going to be quite long. (Unless CloUdiSm unorthodox methods is used, but I won't be explaining here)
Your relationship is fragile and weak; she enter another relationship with another guy within 2 weeks. So I presumed this is another LDR? Or someone she knew overseas?
Actually I don't see a point to speak to the guy really, because trust me - deception and unorthodox methods of love can indirectly cut you badly and die without knowing why. Telling him that you still love her, don't treat her bad - are all silly craps of a modern man standard. SOCIETY these days teaches man to be an SNAG, therefore must respect, but everything else....
If I was had a serious case of Libra tendency or if I am pure scheming - I could dump her and use your words against you completely, which you cannot defend yourself and lose all points of impression she has in you - exactly what took place in your case. Then if he is a skilled player, dumping in other laws in the art of seduction, she would be binded by his will and you will be crushed forever and there is no way you could ever win him by then...
You want to win competitors in love, this is not the way.
Love is between two - not between a market. It's completely unneccessary to let another third party know anything about your love affairs especially if he/she is involved directly and you don't see him/her as a good friend.
***
Knowing that she doesn't love and but you do - following your heart to enter a relationship will result in high risk hurts.
Learn to make the girl fall in love with you before you enter a relationship with her. Love is unconsciously, but a relationship is a freewill choice. If you want to make use of a relationship to make her fall for and love you deeply, sometimes, it doesn't work.
P.S: Your future relationship will be clearer. Every fall is a step ahead. I am sure you will do well next time. Are you an Aquarius?
Cheers
It's a mono-directional love that's true but i won't force myself to do some things that i don't want. Nor i will force her to be with me. I can't forget her so i won't, i still love her and so i will continue to love her.
I want to protect her from hurt and sadness. I will always be here for her. Be it she appreciate what i did or not, it's no longer a issue for me now. Cause i feel happy about what i'm doing.
Yunhaier, i'm a gemini. The guy she liked is another guy from her hometown. I understand that this is a fall. No matter how much i want to be with her, it's impossible. But right now, i still love her and care for her.
Chatting 'Dirty' in IRC is wrong and i feel guilty about doing it. She ask me why i don't hide it from her but i can't. It's a thing that i have already done and no point crying over spilt milk. I've learnt.
For anything you do, before you want to expect anything in return, you must give in first. Give in your best and give in everything. I start to feel and understand this theory a few weeks ago.
Yuhaier said: High demands ALWAYS brings deep disappointment.
So why not take what you will receive? Nobody will know what you want until you tell them. Even if they can't give you what you want, don't force. Cause we are humans, we have our limitations and there are some factors that makes us can't give you what you expects.
I don't know if i will do better next time. Nobody knows the future, now i hope i can purse my own interests and do the things i want to do. I do not think so much about relationships now. I wanna let things be and let it flows with time. Be it good or bad, no regrets i hope and i will accept whatever will happen.
And for furthur info, she don't trust me. She said i'm crazy and don't know who am i. She don't even know the words i said is truth or a lie. She said only me myself knows it's a truth or a lie. I know my actions at times don't follows what i said. This is a truth as i have ask some of my friends. But i know myself that whatever i've said is all the truth. What can i do nor say then? I've learnt.
Actions speak louder than words. -
Originally posted by WuGuiDan:...Yunhaier, i'm a gemini. The guy she liked is another guy from her hometown. I understand that this is a fall. No matter how much i want to be with her, it's impossible. But right now, i still love her and care for her.
Chatting 'Dirty' in IRC is wrong and i feel guilty about doing it. She ask me why i don't hide it from her but i can't. It's a thing that i have already done and no point crying over spilt milk. I've learnt.
For anything you do, before you want to expect anything in return, you must give in first. Give in your best and give in everything. I start to feel and understand this theory a few weeks ago.
Yuhaier said: High demands ALWAYS brings deep disappointment.
So why not take what you will receive? Nobody will know what you want until you tell them. Even if they can't give you what you want, don't force. Cause we are humans, we have our limitations and there are some factors that makes us can't give you what you expects.
I don't know if i will do better next time. Nobody knows the future, now i hope i can purse my own interests and do the things i want to do. I do not think so much about relationships now. I wanna let things be and let it flows with time. Be it good or bad, no regrets i hope and i will accept whatever will happen.
And for furthur info, she don't trust me. She said i'm crazy and don't know who am i. She don't even know the words i said is truth or a lie. She said only me myself knows it's a truth or a lie. I know my actions at times don't follows what i said. This is a truth as i have ask some of my friends. But i know myself that whatever i've said is all the truth. What can i do nor say then? I've learnt.
Actions speak louder than words. I can see you gain alot from this - she made you see your relationship with your heart.
P.S: Avoid LDR whenever possible. It's truely a feat.
Cheers -
Nothing.Originally posted by M?square:Eh...i'm a aquarius. What do you have to say bout Aquas?? 
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Yo man, I really take my hat off for you. Your love to her is deep, however her heart is not with you. To me, love is about sharing, neither give nor take. I maybe wrong but different people do have different thoughts. Bro, you are really giving off a lot. Why not channel this energy to another girl who needs your love. LDR is a relationship that ties to lots of trust, at least your are honest to admit the 'dirty' chatting. So if she cannot forgive and forget, means that her heart is not with you totally. To carry on loving her or not. the decision is still yours. As long as you really feel happy, I will give u my support
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Thank you, to me it's the truth that whatever we do, we shall do our best, do it willingly and be happy about it. I understand this theory now.
Originally posted by marzguy :Yo man, I really take my hat off for you. Your love to her is deep, however her heart is not with you. To me, love is about sharing, neither give nor take. I maybe wrong but different people do have different thoughts. Bro, you are really giving off a lot. Why not channel this energy to another girl who needs your love. LDR is a relationship that ties to lots of trust, at least your are honest to admit the 'dirty' chatting. So if she cannot forgive and forget, means that her heart is not with you totally. To carry on loving her or not. the decision is still yours. As long as you really feel happy, I will give u my support
I would think of this at times : If that guy is really a good guy, love her and cherish her truly, i would be happy for her but sad for myself.
But on the other hand, love should be selfish at times right? But we can't force love. We tried our best, hope for the best and prepare for the worst. It's really messy thoughts and i still got a long way to learn on the course of love...
Humans thoughts are contradicting.
I'm still learning... -
Suddenly i feel like writing this. It's my fault that things turn out to be like this. I chat "dirty" in IRC and i confessed to her about it. To me, i eased my guilt but to her, she's totally hurt and heart-broken. She lost her trust totally in me.
I can't forgive myself for doing this to her. But now, what is done is already done. I don't even know would i ever forgive myself for doing this. I never want to hurt anyone but i've hurt her more than she can bear.
Sometimes i don't even dare to face her. Though she's not in singapore now. Would wish i could be in a far away place where no one would find me or know me. But that's running away from problems. -
Hey man, everyone should learn and grow up from mistake. What was done had already past. We do not live with the past, but we live for the future. Do not stop at this mistake man, Life should continue. Take a break and try to think over, It will help. As I said love cannot be one sided, it defeat the theory of balance. No matter how good a guy is, if the girl don't response. He is wasting his energy. Sorry to say that dude, but this is what i felt. Save your energy to someone who need it more. Take Care & All the best
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Originally posted by WuGuiDan:Suddenly i feel like writing this. It's my fault that things turn out to be like this. I chat "dirty" in IRC and i confessed to her about it. To me, i eased my guilt but to her, she's totally hurt and heart-broken. She lost her trust totally in me.
I can't forgive myself for doing this to her. But now, what is done is already done. I don't even know would i ever forgive myself for doing this. I never want to hurt anyone but i've hurt her more than she can bear.
Sometimes i don't even dare to face her. Though she's not in singapore now. Would wish i could be in a far away place where no one would find me or know me. But that's running away from problems. Learn and be enlightened, or risk going through once again.
Cheers -
Yes. She did. It was kinda like an 'open' thing? Our relationship was over, I remained as her friend and listened to her woes over the other guys... She knew all the time that I still love her. She made her stand that we cannot be, I accepted that and told her that i just wanted to care and love for her... No return in kind... So it happened...? Through mails and talks... Seen her cried over other guys... Until one day I realise... It wasn't a tragedy... I mean the break up between us... It really wasn't meant to be.... She's really not my type of girl... And I also happened to realise then that I had already unknowingly got over it... My actions... The things I did... Were just practices of beliefs already demolished.... So I picked up and went on after I wrote her a last mail...Originally posted by Magnus:Devil,
In your case, u mention u love a girl without asking for anything back right?
Does the girl knows that u love her? Love her as in real love and not those friendship kind of love? -
her boyfriend just put words into your mouth without your knowing. you better go check this guy out real thoroughly before letting your ex-girlfriend go on in a relationship with such a dubious character, if you still consider her a friend.Originally posted by WuGuiDan:Suddenly i feel like writing this. It's my fault that things turn out to be like this. I chat "dirty" in IRC and i confessed to her about it. To me, i eased my guilt but to her, she's totally hurt and heart-broken. She lost her trust totally in me.
I can't forgive myself for doing this to her. But now, what is done is already done. I don't even know would i ever forgive myself for doing this. I never want to hurt anyone but i've hurt her more than she can bear.
Sometimes i don't even dare to face her. Though she's not in singapore now. Would wish i could be in a far away place where no one would find me or know me. But that's running away from problems. -
I believe you'll do just fine... If you wanna carry on with your loving her, just go ahead...? But just don't have unhealthy negative thinkings... All else should be ok...Originally posted by WuGuiDan:Devil, i'm still quite ok except for emotional upsets at times like keeping silence and thinking about her. My friends told me i look and sound better than 6 months ago.
It's a mono-directional love that's true but i won't force myself to do some things that i don't want. Nor i will force her to be with me. I can't forget her so i won't, i still love her and so i will continue to love her.
I want to protect her from hurt and sadness. I will always be here for her. Be it she appreciate what i did or not, it's no longer a issue for me now. Cause i feel happy about what i'm doing.
Yunhaier, i'm a gemini. The guy she liked is another guy from her hometown. I understand that this is a fall. No matter how much i want to be with her, it's impossible. But right now, i still love her and care for her.
Chatting 'Dirty' in IRC is wrong and i feel guilty about doing it. She ask me why i don't hide it from her but i can't. It's a thing that i have already done and no point crying over spilt milk. I've learnt.
For anything you do, before you want to expect anything in return, you must give in first. Give in your best and give in everything. I start to feel and understand this theory a few weeks ago.
Yuhaier said: High demands ALWAYS brings deep disappointment.
So why not take what you will receive? Nobody will know what you want until you tell them. Even if they can't give you what you want, don't force. Cause we are humans, we have our limitations and there are some factors that makes us can't give you what you expects.
I don't know if i will do better next time. Nobody knows the future, now i hope i can purse my own interests and do the things i want to do. I do not think so much about relationships now. I wanna let things be and let it flows with time. Be it good or bad, no regrets i hope and i will accept whatever will happen.
And for furthur info, she don't trust me. She said i'm crazy and don't know who am i. She don't even know the words i said is truth or a lie. She said only me myself knows it's a truth or a lie. I know my actions at times don't follows what i said. This is a truth as i have ask some of my friends. But i know myself that whatever i've said is all the truth. What can i do nor say then? I've learnt.
Actions speak louder than words.
Note the highlighted in blue. That is one of your basic characteristics. You yourself probably won't much notice it as it's usually just momentary comments coming from your thoughts... People around would be much more prone to noticing it... Especially your partner if you have one. It's just a matter of whether she can accept / tolerate it or not... If you think it can give you problems, you can do a bit by mastering over it... One example would be my buddy? Though it's often your character to be bubbly and chatty (making this control a bit difficult to work..)... What my buddy does I think is that he has somehow mature and becomes more stable in his delivery of speech... Meaning he says only the things which needs to be said... What is more amazing is that he don't even have to get rid of or suppress his bubbly nature (which I think it would be a waste if he does?)... He just show it in front of the appropriate people who he's quite certain that can readily accept his behavior.... eg. close friends etc... -
imo, nothing wrong with your decision.
you'll be fine
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one more silly fellow...
there's really no need to be that brute honest in a relationship...
somemore it's just irc chatting manz! u didn't even do anything much! -
man, so much wisdom here!!! such good advice dispensed!!! y din i find this place earlier??? where were u guys when i needed these words of wisdom???
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It always not too late to learn from each other? Welcome to Aunt Agony...Originally posted by kaypoh:man, so much wisdom here!!! such good advice dispensed!!! y din i find this place earlier??? where were u guys when i needed these words of wisdom??? -
I'm stupid but i have done it already. I can't turn back time. As now what i have decided, be it she love me and want to be with me or not. It's not that important anymore.
True, if she loves me and want to be with me, i'm really would be very happy. We have hopes in life but can't help it. Face it, learn it and don't regret whatever we will choose to do.
I'm happy with what i am doing, loving her unconditionally. Sometimes i would think why did we want to enter a relationship? To make the other party happy? If so, we can't force them to do what they don't want to do right?
Of course, we are selfish and wants to keep them by ourside forever. We can say we don't want them to do this or do that. We said our piece, maybe say it twice or thrice but don't overdo it. I feel if the other party cherish us and take some little time to think and feel what we are feeling and thinking, they would understand and try to take some actions.
Sometimes, we don't bother to listen or take attention to what the other party said. Take a little time and think or feel. It's really hard to understand but at least we tried. If not, ask and you might be enlighten.
I can say all these theories but when it comes to doing it, i'm a total failure.
There's no fixed theories on what is true love. It differs from person to person. -
i think a couple should be happy in each other's company....not trying to make each other happy lo...i guess its should not be artificial...
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i think a couple should be happy in each other's company....not trying to make each other happy lo...i guess its should not be artificial...