What is she thinking?
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This is a story about me & 2 girls, T & B. We all started off as friends. T was a very sweet & caring girl with average looks. We both clicked very well & became very good pals. B is a very pretty & sweet looking girl. But too bad, her character doesn't really match well with her good looks. She's the, sorta childish & short tempered girl. But I still regard her as a friend. We 3, we're all friends.
Not long after I got to know B, I began to have a little crush on her. And since I & T were such good pals, I told her about it. She wasn't a bit surprised, since B has lots of suitors all along. However, it was during this period that T & B started to drift apart. B's character was stating to irritate not only T, but most of the friends around her. Soon, they dun talk to each other as often as before. Not to the extend of being enemies... they still smile & greet each other once in a while.
To me, I dun really like B's character as well. I dun think she's suitable for me. In fact, sometimes she irritates me too! That's why I've never taken any actions to woo her. She doesn't have feelings for me also. But she does look for me when she faces problems. And as a friend, I'll always try to listen to her & talk to her. I dun have any intentions at all. I'd listen to anyone of my friends who's willing to share his/her problems. Soon, the little feeling I had for her fades away.
Meanwhile, me & T have always been very happy together, as friends. No problems whatsoever. Though we are friends, we actually cared quite a bit for each other. After I lost the feeling I had for B, I begin to fall for T! It was almost 2 years before I develope any special feeings for her. Again, though I liked her, she is not to be touched. She's already attached & I have no intentions of breaking them up. However, I continue to shower her with my care & concern while ensuring I dun reveal too much about how I feel to her. I dun know if T knows or not & I dun know how she felt about me.
I'm gonna leave soon. I'm gonna leave B & T and I may not be seeing them in a long long time. Maybe never again. Both of them knows that I'll be leaving too. I'll really be missing T a lot. I really felt sad having to leave her, but I have no choice. And she's not mine anyway. So before I leave, I've decided treat T with all the care I can give, but not telling her anything.
Recently, things starts to go wrong. B was having problems again. She looked up for me & spend quite some time talking with me. I didn't turned her down. I spoke with her & try to help her out. I dunno if it's because of this, T started to give me the cold treatment. She dun talk or joke with me anymore. I felt devastated! I dun get it. I dun understand why she had to do this to me.
Why is T giving me the cold treatmet? Do you think talking with B is the reason? I can't think of any other reason! She never treated me this way before! I was only talking to B. EVEN if I had the intention to woo B, is that the reason to treat me this way?!
What do I do now? Anyone can give advice?
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Most of the time, friendships dun last forever... there will come a time whereby the friendship becomes stale or if one of the party finds a new friend whom he/she is able to click well with...
I can't think of a resonable explanation for such things... but sometimes when the feeling of the friendship turns stale, doing things together, talking, joking, just dun seem as enjoyable as before...
Anyone has a resonable explanation for friendships becoming stale even though nothing bad happened between teh two parties? -
Instead of sitting there imagining the worst of things, just go and ask T to clear the air. -
Maybe there might be something to do with B. I mean have you thought about B looking for T sometime ago and said things like, 'I thought you said he likes me? How come he seems to care for you more?' Yeah, maybe that. Or maybe I am just thinking too much.
Or perhaps. T starts to realise that after you came into their lives, their friendship soured? Or perhaps.. T's bf got wind of how good you are treating her so told her off or something.
Anyway, just ask her whats wrong and see if things could work out. Time will tell.
Best wishes. -
I dun think so. They dun talk about these things anymore. Now, they're more of the "hi & bye" kinda friends.Originally posted by Dudu:Maybe there might be something to do with B. I mean have you thought about B looking for T sometime ago and said things like, 'I thought you said he likes me? How come he seems to care for you more?' Yeah, maybe that. Or maybe I am just thinking too much.
Or perhaps. T starts to realise that after you came into their lives, their friendship soured?
The problem with their friendship has got nothing to do with me... though I did try to pull them back together. Apparantly, I failed.
Or perhaps.. T's bf got wind of how good you are treating her so told her off or something.
I dun think her bf even know I existed... Only T knows how much I cared for her. No one around us realise that. It's quite obvious. The friends around me will only joke about me & B.
Actually, I really wanted to ask her. But I know that she'll brush it off by saying "No, I'm not treating you coldy."
Anyway, just ask her whats wrong and see if things could work out. Time will tell. Best wishes.
Time will tell? Time is something I dun have. Like I said, I'm leaving. All I wanted is to spend our last few days happily. But...... -
Originally posted by Ah-Ken:This is a story about me & 2 girls, T & B. We all started off as friends. T was a very sweet & caring girl with average looks. We both clicked very well & became very good pals. B is a very pretty & sweet looking girl. But too bad, her character doesn't really match well with her good looks. She's the, sorta childish & short tempered girl. But I still regard her as a friend. We 3, we're all friends.
Not long after I got to know B, I began to have a little crush on her. And since I & T were such good pals, I told her about it. She wasn't a bit surprised, since B has lots of suitors all along. However, it was during this period that T & B started to drift apart. B's character was stating to irritate not only T, but most of the friends around her. Soon, they dun talk to each other as often as before. Not to the extend of being enemies... they still smile & greet each other once in a while.
To me, I dun really like B's character as well. I dun think she's suitable for me. In fact, sometimes she irritates me too! That's why I've never taken any actions to woo her. She doesn't have feelings for me also. But she does look for me when she faces problems. And as a friend, I'll always try to listen to her & talk to her. I dun have any intentions at all. I'd listen to anyone of my friends who's willing to share his/her problems. Soon, the little feeling I had for her fades away.
Meanwhile, me & T have always been very happy together, as friends. No problems whatsoever. Though we are friends, we actually cared quite a bit for each other. After I lost the feeling I had for B, I begin to fall for T! It was almost 2 years before I develope any special feeings for her. Again, though I liked her, she is not to be touched. She's already attached & I have no intentions of breaking them up. However, I continue to shower her with my care & concern while ensuring I dun reveal too much about how I feel to her. I dun know if T knows or not & I dun know how she felt about me.
I'm gonna leave soon. I'm gonna leave B & T and I may not be seeing them in a long long time. Maybe never again. Both of them knows that I'll be leaving too. I'll really be missing T a lot. I really felt sad having to leave her, but I have no choice. And she's not mine anyway. So before I leave, I've decided treat T with all the care I can give, but not telling her anything.
Recently, things starts to go wrong. B was having problems again. She looked up for me & spend quite some time talking with me. I didn't turned her down. I spoke with her & try to help her out. I dunno if it's because of this, T started to give me the cold treatment. She dun talk or joke with me anymore. I felt devastated! I dun get it. I dun understand why she had to do this to me.
Why is T giving me the cold treatmet? Do you think talking with B is the reason? I can't think of any other reason! She never treated me this way before! I was only talking to B. EVEN if I had the intention to woo B, is that the reason to treat me this way?!
What do I do now? Anyone can give advice? 
Your situations revolves around two girls, and clearly, they represent different roles in your life.
Don't worry about B because even a small crush in the past wouldn't change anything much. Trust me, getting turn off by character is much worst than looks. Even though some people may not be appealing physically, but with just normal decent heart - you will get used and probably feel that she is ok or better with time. A flawed personality with good looks fades faster with time.
B is merely a friend - your did your duty as a friend when she is feeling the blues and needed someone. There is no wrong or right here.
Then come the seemingly complication. T ignore you on the basis of thinking that you still like her:
- She probably dislike B because of her personality. Since T and you are close friends, she wouldn't like the idea of you hanging around someone she detest. (A variation to this would be that she have a liking for you - which trigger much strong reaction from her)
***
Have a nice talk with her? Friends also need that reassurance that you are on 'their side' whenever situations like this happens. I learn this gradually back through my experience: 'Very good friends can only hate the same person. The minute you share good to above neutral view on that hatred person - you effectively create a distance away from this very good friend.'
Talk and make known is the best option out. Expressing of feelings not neccessary, but if you feel it is choking you, please do so. Don't worry, it wouldn't hurt her relationship since you got no intention to chase her and stick to original objective: to make known only.
Cheers -
Talking to T about it sounds fine. But it's not like I haven't done any reassurance to her before. I've already told her about how I agrees with her that B's character is starting to turn me off. I'm juz worried that after talking to her, it might trigger a more uncomfortable situation when I get to see her. Who knows, that might NOT be the true reason she's ignoring me? (Though I can say I'm 90% sure.) How should I go about telling her about it?
Ok, I agree on ur part that 'Very good friends can only hate the same person." So what should I do with B? Ignore her like T? I've done what I can to avoid communications with B. But B is the one who wants to talk to me all the time. Do I turn away when she needs to talk to me? Someone here actually trust you so much so that she'd tell you her problems. How can I juz turn her down like that? Well, in fact she doesn't only come to me when she needs to talk. It can be anyone. Why is it that T will only give ME that weird treatment when B talks with me? -
I agree with what "on tenterhooks" said.
do not to speculate why T is treating you this way. maybe coincidentally, she's feeling down (e.g. had a quarrel with her boyfriend on her friendship with you). maybe she problem with schoolwork. maybe she doesn't want you to leave having feelings for her. there are just too many reasons she behaving in such a way.
go clear it up with her. it only shows her that you care about this friendship.
as for B, helping someone in need is a good thing. you did the right thing. whether her character is flawed is another matter. -
Probably a misunderstanding between you and T.... I do have a few spectaculated scenerios of my own... Then again... I thought of not mentioning them here? As the possibilities can really be quite limitless?Originally posted by Ah-Ken:Talking to T about it sounds fine. But it's not like I haven't done any reassurance to her before. I've already told her about how I agrees with her that B's character is starting to turn me off. I'm juz worried that after talking to her, it might trigger a more uncomfortable situation when I get to see her. Who knows, that might NOT be the true reason she's ignoring me? (Though I can say I'm 90% sure.) How should I go about telling her about it?
Ok, I agree on ur part that 'Very good friends can only hate the same person." So what should I do with B? Ignore her like T? I've done what I can to avoid communications with B. But B is the one who wants to talk to me all the time. Do I turn away when she needs to talk to me? Someone here actually trust you so much so that she'd tell you her problems. How can I juz turn her down like that? Well, in fact she doesn't only come to me when she needs to talk. It can be anyone. Why is it that T will only give ME that weird treatment when B talks with me?
If you want, you can try a softer and 'gentle' approach on T to find out about the reason...
~good luck to you. -
u shld just tell T. since like uve said u never get to meet her again. even if the relationship is jeopardized it doesnt affect much. this is a chance for u
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Go look up T, she's probably getting your attention by drifting away. Go talk to her..
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well where r u leavin to??
u sure u won see them again??
i sense some emotoins involved in T`s reaction when u`re on good terms w B.. however like wat other`s had said, it may only be a coincidence..
but always like tt?
i`m not too sure then..
btw T already haf a BF.. since u`re goin to go away.. u need not be too worried..
there`ll be ppl to look after T.. as for B. like u`ve said she got a character that turns u off..
neverthless... as a fren u still like her..
don worry.. she still haf many suitors rite??
now the thing u should do is to make a gd image of urself before u leave for sometime..
at least u`ll still be well liked by then when u come back...
til then let love find u..
don be too hurry to huant them.. -
She may have problems of her own, yesh. But I'm the only person she's giving the "special treatment". She seems to be going with her friends as usual, talking & laughing away. To me, she wouldn't speak more than necessary.Originally posted by sillyme:do not to speculate why T is treating you this way...
I'm always very gentle to her when comes to these things.Originally posted by Devil1976:If you want, you can try a softer and 'gentle' approach on T to find out about the reason...
I'd really wanna know why. So maybe I'll do just that. (Like there's any other way... 
)
T has NEVER treated me this way before. She's really a kind-hearted & caring girl. Before this incident, the only time she got pissed with me is when I tried to confront her to befriend B (yes, it's B again) again like in the old days. I was still having feelings for B then. She got irritated with me & told me off a bit. I was really stunned... never seen her "shouting" at me before. Great isn't it? Now she's only ignoring me....Originally posted by BaByBoY:i sense some emotoins involved in T`s reaction when u`re on good terms w B.. however like wat other`s had said, it may only be a coincidence..
but always like tt?
I'm not worried about T. I know she's in good hands. I only miss her. The thought of leaving her makes me really upset. But... no choice. If I were to be worried of someone, I'd be more worried for B.... as a friend I mean. She really have to wake up her idea. But... that's another thing already.now the thing u should do is to make a gd image of urself before u leave for sometime..
at least u`ll still be well liked by then when u come back...
Making a good image before I leave... That sounds fine. But that's not totally my intention. I juz wanna treasure every moment with T. I want to spend as much time with her as possible. Be there for her as much as possible & be as happy together as much as possible while there is still time. What else can I do? I can't make her mine anyway. So the time I leave shall be the deadline for everything to end. It's sad... but it's the most I can do. -
Originally posted by Ah-Ken:Talking to T about it sounds fine. But it's not like I haven't done any reassurance to her before. I've already told her about how I agrees with her that B's character is starting to turn me off. I'm juz worried that after talking to her, it might trigger a more uncomfortable situation when I get to see her. Who knows, that might NOT be the true reason she's ignoring me? (Though I can say I'm 90% sure.) How should I go about telling her about it?
Ok, I agree on ur part that 'Very good friends can only hate the same person." So what should I do with B? Ignore her like T? I've done what I can to avoid communications with B. But B is the one who wants to talk to me all the time. Do I turn away when she needs to talk to me? Someone here actually trust you so much so that she'd tell you her problems. How can I juz turn her down like that? Well, in fact she doesn't only come to me when she needs to talk. It can be anyone. Why is it that T will only give ME that weird treatment when B talks with me? Ok, start settling your problem on B side first. If she don't feel like speaking to her, for she could implicate your situations and make matter worst - let your body language do the talk. Appear busy, uncontactable, when she call you, you use your phone call your own handphone, got dates, got project, etc. Eventually, she will find someone else to cling instead.
As for T, since she is merely a friend, there may not be a need to go all out to please her since in the first place, that isn't your task and 'job scope' to. Date her out as a friend, SMS her silly things, call to chat, etc - do the things you always want to do and react according to her the following behavior:
I) Don't mention B at all throughout any conversation if she is those sensitive type that absorb feelings through environment. You know she falls under this category IF her mood is easily govern by what negative message received by her senses.
II) You could mention B, but emphasise and focus on the fact that you really don't like to speak to her, etc. You could bridge the gap closer and draw chasm smaller.
Take time and start from there.
Cheers -
Originally posted by Ah-Ken:
haf u taken time totink abt wat u really wanted out of ur relationship w her??
Making a good image before I leave... That sounds fine. But that's not totally my intention. I juz wanna treasure every moment with T. I want to spend as much time with her as possible. Be there for her as much as possible & be as happy together as much as possible while there is still time. What else can I do? I can't make her mine anyway. So the time I leave shall be the deadline for everything to end. It's sad... but it's the most I can do. [/b]
wat`s ur aim in her??
u unnoticibly said tt u cant give up on her.. is she the one deep in ur heart..
u seem to mind T more than B..
u`ve made a choice already..
i hoped i helped u identified it correctly..
the rest is up to u to do.. but i say u don disturb T anymore as she got a bf..
juz leave suavly.. be a gentleman..
true love will come to u.. -
I done that before. Really. I've tried as much as possible to ignore her. And she DOES find someone else to bother. Times like now, I can even prevent eye contact with her for the whole day. But once in a while, she still come look for me. And juz one session of talk is enough for T to trigger some reactions. Once T sees us together like this, she'll think I'm having a romantic time with B. Damn...... juz why does she have to think this way? The fact is, sometimes, I really dun mind talking with B. The only reason I want less to do with B is that I'm afraid that T might get "mad".Originally posted by Yunhaier: Ok, start settling your problem on B side first. If she don't feel like speaking to her, for she could implicate your situations and make matter worst - let your body language do the talk. Appear busy, uncontactable, when she call you, you use your phone call your own handphone, got dates, got project, etc. Eventually, she will find someone else to cling instead.
CheersOriginally posted by BaByBoY :
I sure have...I never wanted anything from her. From day one I met her, I know one day that I'm gonna leave. That time, she was still single. And I didn't have any special feelings for her. I only knew she was the sweetest girl I ever known. That's why we clicked so well together. After that, she's attached. I even encourage her to stay well with her bf. I gave her my blessings & stuff. I reminded her to inform me when she's getting married. It was after all these incidents that I gradually realise that this girl plays a major role in my life.
haf u taken time totink abt wat u really wanted out of ur relationship w her??
Now that I'm leaving & she's attached. I wanted only for her to be happy. And maybe, for my own sake, I wanted to be happy with her for the last few moments that I have with her. I like her a lot. But I do not have any plans to make her mine. Her current bf will give her a better life than what I can do (I hope). I hope I can forget her in time after I leave & move on with life. -
Good for you... You may like to try and clear things between you and 'T'... But rememeber... Some things in life just don't go according to your wish.. Whatever's the outcome, just take it easy?Originally posted by Ah-Ken:I sure have...I never wanted anything from her. From day one I met her, I know one day that I'm gonna leave. That time, she was still single. And I didn't have any special feelings for her. I only knew she was the sweetest girl I ever known. That's why we clicked so well together. After that, she's attached. I even encourage her to stay well with her bf. I gave her my blessings & stuff. I reminded her to inform me when she's getting married. It was after all these incidents that I gradually realise that this girl plays a major role in my life.
Now that I'm leaving & she's attached. I wanted only for her to be happy. And maybe, for my own sake, I wanted to be happy with her for the last few moments that I have with her. I like her a lot. But I do not have any plans to make her mine. Her current bf will give her a better life than what I can do (I hope). I hope I can forget her in time after I leave & move on with life. -
Questions...
- Why do you think T is the only one who's giving me the "special treatment" whereas the other of my close friends dun see anything wrong when I got "closer" to B?
- Why dun T give the the other guys the "special treatment" when THEY got close to B?
- Do you think, by any chance, T has a liking for me too? Or am I juz, at the most, a special friend to her?
I'm not gonna have any special plans, no matter what the true answers to the above questions may be. I'm juz curious... very curious. -
Originally posted by Ah-Ken:I done that before. Really. I've tried as much as possible to ignore her. And she DOES find someone else to bother. Times like now, I can even prevent eye contact with her for the whole day. But once in a while, she still come look for me. And juz one session of talk is enough for T to trigger some reactions. Once T sees us together like this, she'll think I'm having a romantic time with B. Damn...... juz why does she have to think this way? The fact is, sometimes, I really dun mind talking with B. The only reason I want less to do with B is that I'm afraid that T might get "mad". Simply because of this: actions speaks louder than words.
You can make claims about your dislike or even hatred for her, but as long as your behavior and action does not seemed to tally with your words - your action always win.
In the first place, how on earth did T catch you with her? You may want to censor some conversation relating to her if it really gets onto T's nerves. If your circumstances cannot allow you to have a win-win solution - probably you ought to show your stand and make a self-decision about how you are going to handle the both of them.
In simple, there can only be one?
Then again, who is T to you to avoid B?
Decisions.... decisions....
Cheers -
Why think so much?Originally posted by Ah-Ken:Questions...
- Why do you think T is the only one who's giving me the "special treatment" whereas the other of my close friends dun see anything wrong when I got "closer" to B?
- Why dun T give the the other guys the "special treatment" when THEY got close to B?
- Do you think, by any chance, T has a liking for me too? Or am I juz, at the most, a special friend to her?
I'm not gonna have any special plans, no matter what the true answers to the above questions may be. I'm juz curious... very curious. -
ya lor..
think what you going to do about the sutation -
For one reason, I'm very curious. Secondly, I need to know the real reason instead of juz making wild guesses IF I wanna explain things to her.Originally posted by Devil1976:Why think so much?
Current situation: B was on MC for a day. T & me seems much better than last few dayz. Though from her words, I can still feel her sacarsm about me & B being nice couples & stuff.
If she'd juz stay the way it was till the day I leave, I dun think I'll need to explain anything to her. -
What I think is, at certain points in our life we will have friends that are specially close & very connected with us, to the extend of even
better than your bf/gf/life partner.
They will like what u like, hat what u hate, share your thoughts and undertand u, even eat what u like to eat. etc..
both of u may be different but synchronised. called it 'mo chi'.
Always want the best for each other.
Probably, u 2 are in this stage?
Friendship is also about forging alliances.
T dun like B, so she dun like u to be with her?
She wants the best for u, so afraid u will get hurt by B one day? -
For 1st, being curious alone won't necessarily get you very far....Originally posted by Ah-Ken:For one reason, I'm very curious. Secondly, I need to know the real reason instead of juz making wild guesses IF I wanna explain things to her.
Current situation: B was on MC for a day. T & me seems much better than last few dayz. Though from her words, I can still feel her sacarsm about me & B being nice couples & stuff.
If she'd juz stay the way it was till the day I leave, I dun think I'll need to explain anything to her.
For 2nd, from asking us... You'll only be getting spectaculations and guesses as 'answers'.... It in no way would necessarily reflect the truth, though some of them would seems to hold a much higher likely chance of being the truth... In conclusion, you probably won't be getting a real reason by asking those questions here... If you happens to get them, it'll probably just be 'flying darts on the bull's eye...'
Personal suggestion here though? You can try this if you want? No matter what's the truth... How she think.... You just write her a letter... Telling her of everything... How you feel... How you think....
As you've stated, you'll be leaving Singapore anyway? So why don't you just let her know?
I'd previously thought of asking you to pass her the letter upon your last meet up with her... But then, there could be a chance of a little regrets for her?
So write her a letter and pass it to her at an appropriate time... There might be a chance that both of you might be smiling at each other and enjoy each other's true company before you leave?