My story
-
-
marriage.. too reckless..
love guy k.. too complicated..
can u stand ur guy to leave u every now and then? nope
can u stand a uncaring unfufiling marriage? nope
hard to say.. whether or not, its ur choice
hope u can make up ur mind and move on..
>support< -
-
I know I shouldnt be loving K, after how he had treated me. But how many ppl in this world can find another person whom makes the heart flutter? I know this is very deceiving, but I am really trying hard to take things easy. Issues of the heart are always so traumatising. Its easy to say that I should leave this guy but its difficult. Though I know its a must.
-
Sorry that you've gone thru such a bad patch in life, Alchemy.
Nevertheless, I've just this 2 things to say :-
STEER CLEAR from Guy K. Dun keep falling into the vicious cycle of letting him interfere with your life! I understand it's near to impossible to reject any chance of being together with a man you like...but reflect on what he has brought you all these while...he has brought you illusions and sorrow. 
If you're still clinging on with hopes to be with Guy K, try to let go of Guy A...you're not being fair to him. Everyone deserves to be with someone who loves him/her as well. Considering that Guy A utterly devotes to you, you're doing him great harm as each day his love for you develops. Can you bear to hurt such a romantic at heart, a humourous, caring and loving guy? Dun do things unto others what you dun want others to do onto you..... 
Pls dun be offended by what i've stated above. I'm not berating you here. I'm merely sharing my thgts strictly based on what you've stated. I may have get the pic wrong...if so, my apologies.
Watever it is, I wish you courage to break free from Guy K! -
I understand what u are saying. In fact, my mind is telling me exactly the same things. I told A the facts. I was very sad to hurt him but he told me that he understands. He is willing to work hard to regain my confidence in relationships. I am giving myself some more time to do so...Originally posted by on tenterhooks:Sorry that you've gone thru such a bad patch in life, Alchemy.
Nevertheless, I've just this 2 things to say :- STEER CLEAR from Guy K. Dun keep falling into the vicious cycle of letting him interfere with your life! I understand it's near to impossible to reject any chance of being together with a man you like...but reflect on what he has brought you all these while...he has brought you illusions and sorrow. If you're still clinging on with hopes to be with Guy K, try to let go of Guy A...you're not being fair to him. Everyone deserves to be with someone who loves him/her as well. Considering that Guy A utterly devotes to you, you're doing him great harm as each day his love for you develops. Can you bear to hurt such a romantic at heart, a humourous, caring and loving guy? Dun do things unto others what you dun want others to do onto you.....
Pls dun be offended by what i've stated above. I'm not berating you here. I'm merely sharing my thgts strictly based on what you've stated. I may have get the pic wrong...if so, my apologies.
Watever it is, I wish you courage to break free from Guy K! -
Guy A is indeed a devoted and understanding man. Fate has not been that cruel to you afterall.Originally posted by Alchemy:I understand what u are saying. In fact, my mind is telling me exactly the same things. I told A the facts. I was very sad to hurt him but he told me that he understands. He is willing to work hard to regain my confidence in relationships. I am giving myself some more time to do so...
I empathise with you...but I feel for Guy A too. Much as he keeps saying upfront he understand your pain and is willing to work hard for this relationship....he is also bleeding inside too...it's just that he hasn't got someone like himself to want to nurse his wound, isn't it? Then again, i suppose he's greatful to be given the chance to help you nurse your wound...That's perhaps his greatest comfort in the midst of his pain...haiz....
Well, i sincerely hope that you'll have a fruitful relationship with Guy A!
-
wow... poor thing.... <> drop guy K. u don't need men like these in your life. as for guy A, give it some more time? you are so blessed to have someone who is willing to be your life buoy if feelings are still not there, then it is only fair to let him go. if u are strong enough, be single for now? it helps to clear out out stuff and when u heal, u would know who is the one for you.
take care gal.... and thanks for sharing -
x 2Originally posted by the_don:wow... poor thing.... <> drop guy K. u don't need men like these in your life. as for guy A, give it some more time? you are so blessed to have someone who is willing to be your life buoy if feelings are still not there, then it is only fair to let him go. if u are strong enough, be single for now? it helps to clear out out stuff and when u heal, u would know who is the one for you.
take care gal.... and thanks for sharing -
x2....Originally posted by ^sylvia^:marriage.. too reckless..
love guy k.. too complicated..
can u stand ur guy to leave u every now and then? nope
can u stand a uncaring unfufiling marriage? nope
hard to say.. whether or not, its ur choice
hope u can make up ur mind and move on..
>support< -
if a guy keeps on going MIA, something is very fishy~
cant be trusted leh -
It's just love...?Originally posted by Alchemy:I understand what u are saying. In fact, my mind is telling me exactly the same things. I told A the facts. I was very sad to hurt him but he told me that he understands. He is willing to work hard to regain my confidence in relationships. I am giving myself some more time to do so...
If you want it, understand that there'll always be a chance of getting hurt by it. Do not be too afraid though? It's all just part of life... -
Guys, thanks for all the listening ear.
I did not get married on impulse. I do have feelings for him. But it is what he did that made me feel lose it and the confidence in the marriage. Remember the marriage vows - "love him, honor him, comfort him, and keep him in sickness and in health; forsaking all others, be true to him as long as you both shall live"? That did not happen to me. Rather than all parties be sad, why not start the pain now, knowing that the marriage could not possibly continue in those circumstances and that people were unwilling to change. Forgiveness is still something that I have to work on, even as I try to carry on with my life.
So, why is love so hurting? Why is he treating me this way, only he could answer. -
Originally posted by Alchemy:Need to burst this bubble off my chest... After so many yrs, really hope to let this issue rest. But still think of him now and then...
More than 5 yrs ago, this guy K happened to see me at my work place. I knew from friends that he is sort of interested to know me but I was attached then. 1 and half yrs later, he tested h2o by asking if I would be interested if he were to date me. I replied I dont know. He MIA. 2 yrs later, he appeared again and asked me out. I have passively been liking him and we went out a few times. During this time, I was on a happy long-distance relationship, in its 2nd yr. My then-fiance would try to return every 6mths fm work to be with me for 2 weeks or so. Guy K popped out into my life again at that time. After going out a few times, he MIA again. The heartbroken me decided to take a safe route and be with someone who loves me. I got engaged to get married within the next half yr. He messaged me if I was serious. I told him that he was too late, that I had given him enough chances, that he didnt treasure me and that I don't want to be hurt by him again. He asked to remain friends. We did.
A few mths after getting married, my marriage became rocky. My then husband neglected me and when I fell seriously sick, he did not take care of me and told me to leave. I left and filed for divorce. The now ex-husband only asked me to return through phone and refused marital counselling. The dejected me decided to go ahead with separation. Throughout this time, Guy K was with me, offering support. I was very touched and emotions started running again. Then he MIA again after 2 months. After which another Guy A came in. A romantic at heart, a humourous, caring and loving boyfriend, all that a woman would ask for. Just too sticky at times. But feelings were not exactly there. Something is missing. Maybe it is because he is still studying and I am working. Just when things between guy A and me were starting to settle, guy K appeared again. Asked me out for supper every now and then, and did not tell me that he was already attached with another. I let him be for a while to see if he would do anything. When he finally admitted, I told him to choose. I don't want to be a third party. He said he don't want to lose either. I gave him a piece of my mind and left, refusing to reply his sms.
Commitment phobic I would say. Everytime he would pop in and out of my life, leaving me heartbroken. Yet I was silly enough to let me back everytime. I just like him so much. And it still hurts now and then.
I know A is very nice, caring and understanding. But I have been hurt before and is afraid. And my heart is with K, although I am trying to forget him. There are three guys in the case; all three belonging to different era, different positions and different lessons. Beneath the problems, lies a similiar situation - guys appearing at critical moment to shake your relationship violently.
Guy K had successfully chain you within the grasp of his seduction and is pretty sure it would be, especially, seduction law 1, 6, 9, 12, 17 and 21. (Don't ask me explain each of them - not important at all). The crucial note you have to realise is that this attraction bond you had with him did not sever right in the beginning. It set roots within your heart and clings to you like an undetected virus. When the time has ripe and he make his appearance, this virus rebel within you and shook your emotions.
Actually, irregardless of the love involved, if you haven't realise by now: at that point of time, you are not exactly ready for marriage. Issues are lurking in some corner of your life and by avoiding doesn't neccessary meant that these are past chapters. Furthermore, your marriage is born from LDR - which is treading on hazardous ground if you were to decide upon marriage within months after LDR, or still within the process of it.
It only took you a few months within marriage to realise that this guy you are married to, isn't a man you could foresee to live with for the rest of your life. You married for the right reason - but reality and basis of relationship wasn't substantial enough to hold your marriage.
A is a new guy that pops out and as mentioned, he is the kind of guy any woman who loves to have as a boyfriend. I presume you are still quite young, for this man you are considering is still studying.
From your past and everything else, you grew cautious about your environment and the new man that pops out - you said you feared to be hurt. Ironically and unknowingly, you are putting yourself at certain risk to be hurt if you preferred to remain in the grasp of K's unfulfilling love.
The new man, not too sure about that.
But your old flame? Defintely, hurtful.
You tried to address the issue and that confrontation has to be the concluding chapter for K. Don't seek for K in A - learn to release your limitation and set yourself free from K. Learn to see A more than just someone who is caring, kind, loving (or a man that woman would love to have) - see A as himself. Conflicts and personality will definitely surface as you know A better - learn to see him as a whole, not those few qualities.
P.S: You can only move after you resolve your thingy about K in yourself. A can only come in after that is done - you can't multi-task. Avoid trying to do it simultaneously.
Cheers -
I like the way this woman jump ship each time a better one comes along or returns.
Unfaithful heart u reap what u sow. -
unfaithful? Where did that come in?
If you are in the same situation where a PPO had to be obtained, you would have fled the abusive marriage as well. No one wants to be the next person to be hacked to appear in the newspapers. -
sigh..
It seems like K left a big signature in your heart.
He seems to be always there at the right place, right time.
My advise is, try to forget about him - if he is not worth it. -
Before you married your then-fiance, you already had a liking for K. Your liking for K has already surpassed that of your fiance. But, you chose to marry your fiance then because K always MIA and couldn't give you his promise. You said your husband neglected you and you filed for a divorce. Have you had any idea why you divorced in the first place? There must be an underlying reason for any relationship failure. Guy A came along and you found him to be a nice guy. But you claimed that you are a commitment phobic and you are afraid to get hurt again. Ask yourself seriously, are you really afraid to get hurt by Guy A or in any relationships again, or are you still waiting for a miracle to happen, that Guy K will reappear and tell you that he decided to choose you over his gf. If that really happens, do you think you will have any commitment phobia?
You have to ask yourself clearly who you really love, and the next step you are going to do. Dun give anybody any chances, if you know, at the end of the day, the person won't get to have a place in your heart as your heart is already reserved by someone.
Dun hurt others and dun hurt yourself again. -
You dun have to get laid by the guy to be unfaithful. U went out with that chump with an intent (which you knew clearly) cause you like him, despite being in a reln.Originally posted by Alchemy:unfaithful? Where did that come in?
If you are in the same situation where a PPO had to be obtained, you would have fled the abusive marriage as well. No one wants to be the next person to be hacked to appear in the newspapers.
Were you in an abusive marriage? Well u certainly din mention it anywhere in your earlier posts. I may sound harsh but silly woman, u do reap what you sow. Learn from your mistakes and move on.