Personal feel....Originally posted by cutecuteboy:Hi everyone here,
I have this problem which I would like to have some opnions about..
I have a very close girlfriend whom I met since I was 19 yrs old.
I liked her very much that time and asked her to be my special girl. She chose another of her suitors instead. But we remained very close friends then.
All these yrs of being her close confidante, I shared many tears and joys with her.
Both of us went through couple of long term relationships but whenever we are down, we would always be by each other side.
Whenever we have problems with BGR, families, friends, we will stand by each other. Whenever she has a problem regardless its bf, family, friends) she will turn to me first.
Fast track 6 yrs later, (guess you ppl shld knw my age now)
She matured into a fine young lady and become an air stewardess, where else I am soon to become a "fine young man", having a professional career in another year time.
Recently, I broke up with my gf again, then I spend much much time reflecting back, I realised I still loved the very first one and bcos of her, I cannot commit myself fully to any other girls.
Yeah, I know I am kinda bastard, but then, I didn't even realised it till I become single and did some self-reflection.
Now... there is this problem. I told my childhood sweetheart that she is still one for me but her first reaction was smile and ask why.
Told her the truth but yet, she said our personalities are different. She is more of a "night-time" ppl (kinda chiongster) while I am more conventional. And she told me its not possible, at least for now, cos she thinks we are too different.
Well... I admit its kinda different but the thing is I loved her strong character and loved her inner beauty and appreciate all the things she has done and most of all, she is able to communicate with my inner soul. I feel as if I found my soul mate.
Sigh.... Right now, she got many many "flies" around (single, you see) and I kinda feel abit challenged though. Not in terms of looks, career or qualifications but in terms of them being closer to her "category". And that's the only thing she "complained" about me...
*Headache*.... Frankly to all my friends here, I also don't know how to refute this weird rejection reason. And the funniest thing is that she told me to marry her should she be unable to find a suitable guy by age 30. Frankly, I also dun knw whether am I a subsitute or what??
Next coming year May, I would be graduating from university and I was thinking of kneeling down on my knees to ask her to be my special one in my graduation gown...
(Ladies! Pls comment whether you will be touched or get shocked if a guy kneel down and ask to be his special one this way?? I dun wan to get a punch in the face cos I think she is capable of doing that! She always did that to me whenever I irritate her. Hahaha)
I dun knw why, but I just think she is worth so much of me to do that on that special day cos she is always by my side whenever I am down. Without her I will not be able to achieve where I am now.
But there's one nagging thought in my mind, will she be still single??
Sorry for all the grumblings cos I feel both confused and helpless even though I dare say, my "quality" aint that low. But deep down in my heart, I only truly love her.
I make this judgement not through my thoughts or whatsoever, but by my actions for her for so many years, regardless whether I have gf or not, I always wanted to be by her side when she is down.... And always wanted her to be happy, no matter what she does, where she is...
Ignore FI she never says anything constructive!!!Originally posted by FireIce:air-waitress?
i would give it a miss.........
ignore me pls
yes yes, u'r the best, u'r the best............Originally posted by :Ignore FI she never says anything constructive!!!
She just wants to add 1 line and add +1 to her post!![]()
My gut feelings go with Devil1976...Originally posted by Devil1976:Personal feel....
You and her should be just best of pals...
Her mentality might really change in the future (maybe that what she indirectly hinted in when she's 30 you can marry her, but I ask it was more jokingly..?), but till then I still think pushing probably won't land you too far off...
Wrong... I'm the best of the best-est! lolz...Originally posted by FireIce:yes yes, u'r the best, u'r the best............![]()
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Metal Gear, Solidsnake, loved that game when it first came out on PS... Anyways back to the topic...Originally posted by MetalGear:Bro,
I'm sorry to tell you that it really doesn't matter how much of a history you have with her. In fact, all the more that you were so much of a close confidante to her that she already has a pre-conceived mindset of u already which is close buddies. And once you have settled into that catogery in her mind, it's very hard for u to change.
But all things are still possible. The thing with relationships is that pple treat it too lovey like as if fate plays the main role in everything. I know it sounds cheap and degrading to say this, but love and business relationships are the same technically.
Why would you buy a certain product, why not the other type? Why would you drive a BMW and not a Jaguar? Simply cause the BMW appeals to you more. What's your Unique Selling Proposition (USP)? What's your customer needs?
Similarly, you have been with her for so long, but do you really understand her inside? What are her insecurities? What does she need and want? If you can present yourself as that security to her insecurity, that's it. It sounds simple n fake but that's the key. Sit down and properly ponder over this. Think back and try to recall those times when she gave off signs of her inner self, dun judge and believe her direct words. Look out for the off hand comments, the actions, the times when she's under emotional stress which renders her unable to control her outside self.
Have you read the book, the Art of Seduction by Robert Greene? It's a very good book. It would explain in more detail what I have just said.
In very simple words, what you do is either to give her more pleasure, fun n enjoyment or remove her sadness, pain etc. Are you carrying it out well? Sometimes, being the nice guy is pointless, you gotta do it the alternative way. Stir those negative feelings inside her... ACtually just read that book. It's good...
Another thing, just let go and move on if it's too hard. Sometimes, lost the battle now to win the war tomorrow.
All the best
bro ,Originally posted by :Metal Gear, Solidsnake, loved that game when it first came out on PS... Anyways back to the topic...
MG, does make a good point to all of us, MEN, we all should position ourselves and sometimes we need to REALIGN ourselves to position and push OUR(us) product to the female species. Sorry off track was bullshiting...
But, the point that MG made about look to give her security is a very important point! You are the only one in her life now, that can give her that security and comfort zone, so push that to her and say that you will protect her and provide her for the rest of her life.
Basically, girls look for security in a bf husband.... very important!
if someone did this to me IN PUBLIC... i'd be pissed... it's like being FORCED to make a decision...Originally posted by cutecuteboy:Next coming year May, I would be graduating from university and I was thinking of kneeling down on my knees to ask her to be my special one in my graduation gown...
(Ladies! Pls comment whether you will be touched or get shocked if a guy kneel down and ask to be his special one this way?? I dun wan to get a punch in the face cos I think she is capable of doing that! She always did that to me whenever I irritate her. Hahaha)
possible and commonOriginally posted by loudmonkey:i was thinking abt this: is it usual for a person of the opposite sex to be a close confidante?
Thanks bro!!!Originally posted by MetalGear:bro ,
I didn't mean security as in that. What I mean is what's her insecurity to her now? It could be companionship, money, power, someone who lets her feed her inner desires. I strongly doubt it's security she wants now. Maybe in future.
First of all, her job as an air stewardess already reveals something, she likes freedom, she wants to see as many things as possible, she wants to experience as many things as possible. (See, Look for such signs!) She likes clubbing, it all adds to the fact that she likes to experience everything. Running to her to provide security, saying you are a great man is going to result in the opposite effects! She'll take flight. But she knows that since our good fren is the secure n stable type, she likes him very much as a fren, close confidante cause she knows she may have trouble at times with life's decisions or moments that she needs a strong helping hand, but NOT Lover. That's why she see you more as a bro for now.
What's my take on this all? Look out more for such signs which portrays her entire character and stuff. Every single event, reveals abit more of her inner self. You need to know her inner self to find that missing pieces in her jigsaw puzzle. BE THAT MISSING PIECE. And yes, the type of MISSING PIECE can change with time.
Most air stewardess types love to fly mainly because of fun and seeing the world, they are like an uncaged bird. Going to them with a cage will only frighten them off. But u c, in Asia, most air stewardesses have to retire the very latest by early thirties. Unless she can work for a british Airways or some airways with very strong unions which allow the female air stewardesses to work all the way till 50, I can sense that time will catch up on her and she will know she has to settle down eventually.
So what do you do? You know there's a time factor on this, juz that, you can't win the battle now. Love is very much like war, u have to plan, see the element,s forecast the future, anticipate, run scenerios through your mind constantly.
I really would suggest these few stuff for u to do:
1) Continue to be her close confidante
2) Get to know her more deeper, not juz haha-talk cock, i mean really know that inner character of hers. Very very important!
3) Start looking elsewhere( A general can lose a battle here but can alwaz win a war elsewhere! Dun focus all your efforts on 1 pt)
With 3), in case you fail with her, u alwaz have others to back up on. And there's no such thing as the only one for u, there can alwaz be others out there, it's simply whether you want to let go of someone and allow other pple in.
You will need lots of patience and time my fren. Dun rush into things and dun ever get too emotional. View seduction with a lighted heart. Treat as a game of fun... Then you'll last the times.
All the best!
Metal Gear, Solid Snake, Sniper Wolf... All of them very cool eh?? My fav is Sniper Wolf. Ooops! Guess I went off track! Hee...Originally posted by :Metal Gear, Solidsnake, loved that game when it first came out on PS... Anyways back to the topic...
MG, does make a good point to all of us, MEN, we all should position ourselves and sometimes we need to REALIGN ourselves to position and push OUR(us) product to the female species. Sorry off track was bullshiting...
But, the point that MG made about look to give her security is a very important point! You are the only one in her life now, that can give her that security and comfort zone, so push that to her and say that you will protect her and provide her for the rest of her life.
Basically, girls look for security in a bf husband.... very important!
Metal Gear, Solid Snake, Sniper Wolf... All of them very cool eh?? My fav is Sniper Wolf. Ooops! Guess I went off track! Hee...Originally posted by :Metal Gear, Solidsnake, loved that game when it first came out on PS... Anyways back to the topic...
MG, does make a good point to all of us, MEN, we all should position ourselves and sometimes we need to REALIGN ourselves to position and push OUR(us) product to the female species. Sorry off track was bullshiting...
But, the point that MG made about look to give her security is a very important point! You are the only one in her life now, that can give her that security and comfort zone, so push that to her and say that you will protect her and provide her for the rest of her life.
Basically, girls look for security in a bf husband.... very important!
Bro, there's no such thing as someone loving you willingly and without intervention. Every relationship which occurs is simply because there's a certain level of seduction taking place.Originally posted by cutecuteboy:Thanks bro!!!
Anyway, I do know these kinda "art of seduction" to a certain extent.. in fact I did practice them on all my ex-gfs. All my past loved ones I managed to "get" them without much effort I dare to say...
Yet, for her, I guess I don't want to cos she is too special to me. I want her to love me willingly without "intervention", you get me??
Frankly, I do know, like you have observed correctly that she will definitely give me a very very close look the moment she wants to settle down.
With God's blesings, my career, status, $$, looks and even stability will be able to attract many young ladies.. but I just dun really want any girl cos I hate it if someone give me a 2nd look bcos of all my material stuffs.
I would very much prefer someone who have stood by me through thick and thin and seen me matured into what I am.
You are also correct to say seduction needs lots of patience and time, plus abit of $$. (Cash has to be in, at least abit.)
As for her insecurity, well... I guess she likes attention. Yeah.. I knw many ppl would be shouting Gone Case already!! Hahaha..
Whatever it is, I guess I would heed your advice and take it slow and steady. Rushing is definitely a no-no. We all know.. haha (lotsa love experts around here eh??)
But can you kinda share with everyone here how to actually tap and observe the interested party's inner character??
Thanks dude!!![]()
Thanks... Its kinda like an emotional bagguage which I cannot let go off but somehow, someday, I will have to let go.Originally posted by parn:Hahaha....that is so funny!
Hmm...take it from ron33, he is correct. Trying out that kind of stunt on your graduation day in your gradation gown might not seems to be that romantic after all. What is so romantic about it anyway? The gown? Or the mortar cap?
She is probably treating you as her close friend. Probably someone she trusts with all her problems. So this kind of girl is very difficult to be your gf lor. Firstly, you know too much of her s.h.i.t already. Secondly, you are not new to her...so, not exciting enough for her to be with you. She probably felt that it will be boring for her to be in a relationship with you. Thirdly, you probably do not have the qualities that she wants and is looking for in a guy to be her potential bf...if not, she would have chosen you ages ago.
I hope that you don't feel sad over it, but instead be encouraged to take up the challenge and turn the impossible into possible from this moment on.
You should know how to go after her appropriately since you know her so well already. Besides you got a gf before, so you should know girl's thinking a bit.
Do your best to go after her if you really love her that much. Otherwise, read my signature.![]()