Anti-social
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My friend invite me to a party a few times but then I always reject,not say the ppl there I dunno,but not very well,I could make more friends but I scared I go,I act very anti-social but fact I scared of making myslef look stupid and ppl treat me even more anti-social
Any Ideas on how to improve meself? -
go for outing here lor... Croco organise for u want or not
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My friend invite me to a party a few times but then I always reject,not say the ppl there I dunno,but not very well,I could make more friends but I scared I go,I act very anti-social but fact I scared of making myslef look stupid and ppl treat me even more anti-social
Any Ideas on how to improve meself?
first of all... be presentable. wat they said ah, first impression last or something.
anyway, try to smile, not smile stupidly or too wide kinds. then dun think so much lah. -
juz be confident of urself and u will be fine
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Originally posted by StarPuppy:My friend invite me to a party a few times but then I always reject,not say the ppl there I dunno,but not very well,I could make more friends but I scared I go,I act very anti-social but fact I scared of making myslef look stupid and ppl treat me even more anti-social
Any Ideas on how to improve meself?
Because you fear how others would see you, you became defensive and acted anti social. If you want to expand social circle, drop that attitude for it will hinder your social networking.
Be yourself and stop being so conscious, with regards to yourself. You do not have to know everyone to be yourself in the party - since you want to enlarge social circle, there is no point if you knew everyone there very well.
Cheers -
StarPuppy,Originally posted by StarPuppy:My friend invite me to a party a few times but then I always reject,not say the ppl there I dunno,but not very well,I could make more friends but I scared I go,I act very anti-social but fact I scared of making myslef look stupid and ppl treat me even more anti-social
Any Ideas on how to improve meself?
i was like you as well....let me share wif you a way out.
Everytime a friend invite you to a party, think this way. I am going to the party because for my friend took the effort to invite me...I'm going there for my friend's sake...nobody else. If I chat up with someone, it's a good to have...If I din chat with with anyone, at least me being there is a form of me showing my friend that i appreciated his/her gesture of inviting me.
Shift your focus from yourself towards your friend...it's difficult but it's not impossible. Practice this mentality enough and you'll get there!
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I don't get invited to parties very often due to my old age and lameness. So you should take the chance my dear StarPuppy.
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There are lots of insecurities in yourself.Originally posted by StarPuppy:My friend invite me to a party a few times but then I always reject,not say the ppl there I dunno,but not very well,I could make more friends but I scared I go,I act very anti-social but fact I scared of making myslef look stupid and ppl treat me even more anti-social
Any Ideas on how to improve meself?
You'd rather keep your present friends and dare not thread upon other opportunties of widening your circle. Or even to allow your friends to see the fun side of yourself.
What you are facing now is a esteem problem.
People with low self esteem never feel in charge of their own lives. They often feel like victims. They feel like outsiders, left out, unimportant....blah blah blah
What you are doing now is to put yourself down and elevate others before you, making them seemed a much authoritative figure compared to you. This is called Disempowerment.
No one else could take away your empowerment, only yourself.
Not that they have power over you....but you have disarmed youself of the power.
They are your friends for heaven sake. You don't have to seek approval for whatever you do!
Every time you think, “I can’t do this,” you are creating your own reality, and that makes you exactly right. You can’t! When you tell yourself that you don’t deserve something then you don’t. It really is as simple as that. What you tell yourself is true.
Stop all those sick thoughts and tell youself to be positive.
If need be, you should go to the mirror and speak to yourself. Please be responsible of your own life and take charge of it. Earn your esteem by treating yourself right and refuse self conciousness anymore.
Stop being a people pleaser. It won't get you anywhere.
1-Mix around with positive people, confident friends.
2-Make a positive contribution to others, you begin to feel more valuable, which increases your sense of your own value and raises your self esteem
3-Involve yourself in work and activities that you love.
4-Start getting to parties and activities!
p.s
If you feel self-conscious in a social situation, it's usually because you don't have enough to do! Focus on what your purpose in the situation is. Whether you're there to:
-find out if you like the other people in the situation
-make others feel comfortable
-find out some information
Hope you'll get something out from this,
Yunnie had shared the gist of his post. Here's my addition.
Cheers
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Just go there and enjoy the food, the music lor... relax and enjoy....
dun be too bothered by how others look at you... -
i not really anti social, but i don't like socialising without a clear purpose, anyways, in that kind of situations, which we must face one way or another is that, you just act nice, smile more, and act interested in others. when people speak, pretend they are very interesting and funny or whatever, and you are paying attention to them. just remember the focus is never on yourself but others.Originally posted by StarPuppy:My friend invite me to a party a few times but then I always reject,not say the ppl there I dunno,but not very well,I could make more friends but I scared I go,I act very anti-social but fact I scared of making myslef look stupid and ppl treat me even more anti-social
Any Ideas on how to improve meself?
supposingly, once people likes you, you won't feel discomfort or anything le, than you'll like socialising with anybody even strangers in parties or whatever. im just naturally quiet and prefer to cut staright to the point. its not a bad thing, anti social is completely rejecting and denying any social contacts.. which you are not, you just lack the experience. its okay to look stupid, just don't remain stupid. -
Correct theory, but very 'hypocritically' delievered.Originally posted by gaoyue:i not really anti social, but i don't like socialising without a clear purpose, anyways, in that kind of situations, which we must face one way or another is that, you just act nice, smile more, and act interested in others. when people speak, pretend they are very interesting and funny or whatever, and you are paying attention to them. just remember the focus is never on yourself but others.
supposingly, once people likes you, you won't feel discomfort or anything le, than you'll like socialising with anybody even strangers in parties or whatever. im just naturally quiet and prefer to cut staright to the point. its not a bad thing, anti social is completely rejecting and denying any social contacts.. which you are not, you just lack the experience. its okay to look stupid, just don't remain stupid.
The rest are good points. -
It is good that u are invited. That means people like u. Don't be so conscious abt. how to entertain & behave towards your friends. Act natural! Be a good listener cos everyone likes to talk abt. themselves. Be sporting & participate in activities. Don't ignore the shy ones. It is good to network & get to know more people. Once u get the hang of it, should be very easy & u will be more confident.
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There is only one thing you need to do...that is to go there.... and leave the rest to your spirit within..Originally posted by StarPuppy:My friend invite me to a party a few times but then I always reject,not say the ppl there I dunno,but not very well,I could make more friends but I scared I go,I act very anti-social but fact I scared of making myslef look stupid and ppl treat me even more anti-social
Any Ideas on how to improve meself? -
Juz go, if U still scared, bring me along. I MAKE SURE U can make all those frens in da party.Originally posted by StarPuppy:My friend invite me to a party a few times but then I always reject,not say the ppl there I dunno,but not very well,I could make more friends but I scared I go,I act very anti-social but fact I scared of making myslef look stupid and ppl treat me even more anti-social
Any Ideas on how to improve meself? -
hmm...u ve got quite plentiful of good advices frm ppl here...Originally posted by StarPuppy:My friend invite me to a party a few times but then I always reject,not say the ppl there I dunno,but not very well,I could make more friends but I scared I go,I act very anti-social but fact I scared of making myslef look stupid and ppl treat me even more anti-social
Any Ideas on how to improve meself?
puppy, go to one first...take it easy..you're not paid to entertain...so dun stress...so are the rest you see there...talk to one first would be a nice start...
tell yourself "no obligation, I'm sure there's someone whom I can talk to"
just be sincere...that won't definitely make you look stupid....unless you act like krusty... -
be yourself and yet be open to the people there? dun have the idea that ppl will treat u like alien....be normal and friendly.
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well, i need to survive through all those wedding dinners, relative gatherings.. crap stuff, all these years, if not mommy not happy.Originally posted by M©+square:Correct theory, but very 'hypocritically' delievered.
The rest are good points.
but i still prefer to be myself. -
I dunno what I am really like,since small,I always stay at home,I rarely go out except to library or friends house...sometimes most outings talks $$$
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being what you are is the best
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Well... You would still have to start somewhere...?Originally posted by StarPuppy:I dunno what I am really like,since small,I always stay at home,I rarely go out except to library or friends house...sometimes most outings talks $$$ -
be yourself...you are unique.
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Then who you really are actually.Originally posted by gaoyue:well, i need to survive through all those wedding dinners, relative gatherings.. crap stuff, all these years, if not mommy not happy.
but i still prefer to be myself. -
be urself.
if you do not feel like goin, don't.
there must be something that ulike to do....u can talk about thhat with pple whom share the same hobby and interest as urself.
take me for an example. i hate crowds and i hate socialising. i hate sitting there talking to some else about other crps which i hate crapping about. but if u got a topic that can click - i am wif it.....and i hate entertaining others in topics i have totally no interest in.
but usually successful pple can mix around - if u can't do that u will not go higher up the ladder in ur career. but then again, some ppl can really hang out and play the host but r still a no body in their career path.
a couple of times my immediate superior wanted me to join the fellow colleagues in my department under the account of our department head for the appreciation of our hard work but i gave silly reasons for not joining coz i hate eating at the table with lame pigs. if it wasn't for the fact that we are colleagues, i won't even wan to tok to them anyway. then there is this another immediate superior of mine told me that u have to open up urself if you intend to climb higher up the ladder but his words fell right out of my ears that night when i took the train home. i was'nt hired to do big things anyway.
the verdict is - when the time comes and i am really hired to do bigger things, i will open up. -
I'm not getting personal here. But it seems that you're having a very Individualist thought here, may i just gently remind you that you may not be right?Originally posted by 'm back:
be urself.
if you do not feel like goin, don't.
there must be something that ulike to do....u can talk about thhat with pple whom share the same hobby and interest as urself.
take me for an example. i hate crowds and i hate socialising. i hate sitting there talking to some else about other crps which i hate crapping about. but if u got a topic that can click - i am wif it.....and i hate entertaining others in topics i have totally no interest in.
but usually successful pple can mix around - if u can't do that u will not go higher up the ladder in ur career. but then again, some ppl can really hang out and play the host but r still a no body in their career path.
a couple of times my immediate superior wanted me to join the fellow colleagues in my department under the account of our department head for the appreciation of our hard work but i gave silly reasons for not joining coz i hate eating at the table with lame pigs. if it wasn't for the fact that we are colleagues, i won't even wan to tok to them anyway. then there is this another immediate superior of mine told me that u have to open up urself if you intend to climb higher up the ladder but his words fell right out of my ears that night when i took the train home. i was'nt hired to do big things anyway.
the verdict is - when the time comes and i am really hired to do bigger things, i will open up.
Lame pig is a extreme and self opinated comment esp onto another of your fellow colleague as well as human.
All the best to you when you're hired to do big things. I still have to say...if in small things, you don't have the social skill. When big projects/resposibility comes. Don't expect skills to start popping out in your brain overnight.
Unless you're confident that you're the man who has it all.
P.S - 'Hate' is a term mostly used by negetive/inferior thinking people. -
know why i used the word 'lame pig'.
my colleagues always grumble about how hard a time they are having wif massive work load and shortage of manpower. but when i came up to their area everyday i see them chit chatting and talking away. not once, twice ( i call it coincidence), but everytime.
when i ask them for some help in doin some simple things for me in private - they say they busy. but when they are unsure of stuffs and wanted me to step in to shoulder or back them up - i did no matter how busy i was at that moment. the funnier thing is in front of our immediate superior when i purposely asked them for the same help again ( and i expected so), they agreed like talking to their loupaei (father).
now i know why they always complain about no manpower distributed to our department and against our top management - giv them too many help so they can hav more time talking away?
i am not being individualistic. things can be done. the only obstruction is getting people to perform they share of the work as a whole.
i am not being individualistic again but i hate making people happy so that they can work for me.
i do not see the reason for so. i get pad, i perform y fair share of the work. my bosses do not have to sweet talk me, go to bed wif me, invite me for lunch or dinner to make me work.
no offence coz this is my 'individual' point of view.