What will you do if...
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4 yrs of r.s.,
Seems like getting rather cold, dull..., understand that it's common in a long r.s
It's not a matter of miscommunication, where things are always being talked out, although both are trying to give in....
The bf's an insensitive and possessive kinda man,
The gf's a freedom seeker..
The bf always hope that the gf pays attention to him.
But he himself will often neglect the gf's feeling.....
The bf's get easily blow up....
The gf will compromise, even though she is upset and will try to cheer the bf up...
The bf's is insecure, cos most of the gf's friends are guys, and all were classified as 'Dangerous' by the bf, so the gf's gets rather hard to go out...
The bf's is not that bad, he can be a real gd man that dotes on his gf...
The r.s is hoping to get further till everlasting marriage...
if as all the above, is dis r.s healthy?
or shld it be sorted out asap?
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the gf must uppercut the bf asap.Originally posted by IamAngeline:4 yrs of r.s.,
Seems like getting rather cold, dull..., understand that it's common in a long r.s
It's not a matter of miscommunication, where things are always being talked out, although both are trying to give in....
The bf's an insensitive and possessive kinda man,
The gf's a freedom seeker..
The bf always hope that the gf pays attention to him.
But he himself will often neglect the gf's feeling.....
The bf's get easily blow up....
The gf will compromise, even though she is upset and will try to cheer the bf up...
The bf's is insecure, cos most of the gf's friends are guys, and all were classified as 'Dangerous' by the bf, so the gf's gets rather hard to go out...
The bf's is not that bad, he can be a real gd man that dotes on his gf...
The r.s is hoping to get further till everlasting marriage...
if as all the above, is dis r.s healthy?
or shld it be sorted out asap?
and u said the BF doesnt care about the gf's feelings, so how does he dote on her? -
doesn't care in the sense of when things happen, he assumes the gf can be as strong to handle some matters but in fact she needs a lot of support from him...Originally posted by the.raven:the gf must uppercut the bf asap.
and u said the BF doesnt care about the gf's feelings, so how does he dote on her?
Yesh he dotes on his gf, in his way he think it is... like helping to pay some of the gf's expenses, and be nice to her parents... -
i think the root of the problem in this r/s is the guy's lack of trust and confidence in the ger. he himself is lacking that self-confidence too.
the r/s is definitely unhealthy, no doubt. especially so when it is 4 yr old. what have they been doing this 4 yrs? the couple shd really sort this out asap, otherwise, the gal will go on feeling restrained, and hurt. the guy will continue feeling insecured.
it's the mentality that has to be changed. the ger can stop going out with all her guy frens and get married to this guy. but if the guy's mindset doesn't change, problem will occur again. -
It's already been lessen, or even to none..Originally posted by Paperboat:i think the root of the problem in this r/s is the guy's lack of trust and confidence in the ger. he himself is lacking that self-confidence too.
the r/s is definitely unhealthy, no doubt. especially so when it is 4 yr old. what have they been doing this 4 yrs? the couple shd really sort this out asap, otherwise, the gal will go on feeling restrained, and hurt. the guy will continue feeling insecured.
it's the mentality that has to be changed. the ger can stop going out with all her guy frens and get married to this guy. but if the guy's mindset doesn't change, problem will occur again.
The gf's friends that the bf dun like, she has been avoiding them...
but occasionally a few outings with some friends, the bf will appear to get annoyed, when the gf ask for permission to go...
well, so how should it be?
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the bf has to learn to trust.. there's no other way.
maybe it'll be good to have the bf meet some of your friends.. getting him to being friends with them might help.. -
not so long ago, the same scenario occur.
gf left bf. -
Done what's above...Originally posted by sillyme:the bf has to learn to trust.. there's no other way.
maybe it'll be good to have the bf meet some of your friends.. getting him to being friends with them might help..
Spoken what's all above...
but no way...................... -
then both parties to decide.Originally posted by IamAngeline:Done what's above...
Spoken what's all above...
but no way......................
one has to learn to trust.
one has to decide if she can live in this distrust.
it's good to have always a group a friends out of a relationship for support.. -
it is essentially not the lessened frequency, or the gender composition in a group outing. unless the ger is talking to a monk, i reckon the guy will still be unhappy.Originally posted by IamAngeline:It's already been lessen, or even to none..
The gf's friends that the bf dun like, she has been avoiding them...
but occasionally a few outings with some friends, the bf will appear to get annoyed, when the gf ask for permission to go...
well, so how should it be?
the guy's mindset is the problem....and it's always easy to identify a problem than to solve it. the ger has done her part to go out less with her guy frens. so someone must now drill the correct attitude to a r/s into the guy. -
yesh true...Originally posted by sillyme:then both parties to decide.
one has to learn to trust.
one has to decide if she can live in this distrust.
it's good to have always a group a friends out of a relationship for support..
but it's either he dun like my friends or..
his friends n I no common topic.... (age gap)
welll... die lor... -
It's no matter how the gf reassure the bf, he is also very insecure...Originally posted by Paperboat:it is essentially not the lessened frequency, or the gender composition in a group outing. unless the ger is talking to a monk, i reckon the guy will still be unhappy.
the guy's mindset is the problem....and it's always easy to identify a problem than to solve it. the ger has done her part to go out less with her guy frens. so someone must now drill the correct attitude to a r/s into the guy.
even a fone call from a friend, the bf can be irritated...
Although understand he is protective, but.... haiz.. -
then think think think clearly if u can life without him now... or can tehan to be togetherwith him forever like that...if can. then try to give and take lor.. if cannot.. dun waste time..... change lah...Originally posted by IamAngeline:yesh true...
but it's either he dun like my friends or..
his friends n I no common topic.... (age gap)
welll... die lor...
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if a person's not willing to try accomodate his partner or reach a compromise, i don't see the point in carrying on.
a relationship shouldn't have to be so painful. -
Originally posted by IamAngeline:4 yrs of r.s.,
Seems like getting rather cold, dull..., understand that it's common in a long r.s
It's not a matter of miscommunication, where things are always being talked out, although both are trying to give in....
The bf's an insensitive and possessive kinda man,
The gf's a freedom seeker..
The bf always hope that the gf pays attention to him.
But he himself will often neglect the gf's feeling.....
The bf's get easily blow up....
The gf will compromise, even though she is upset and will try to cheer the bf up...
The bf's is insecure, cos most of the gf's friends are guys, and all were classified as 'Dangerous' by the bf, so the gf's gets rather hard to go out...
The bf's is not that bad, he can be a real gd man that dotes on his gf...
The r.s is hoping to get further till everlasting marriage...
if as all the above, is dis r.s healthy?
or shld it be sorted out asap?
Do not let others or ‘common case’ influence you; 4 years of relationship isn’t cold & dull if both party doesn’t want it to be – we plant our own seeds and guide the way we want them to grow. If that’s how we think of a long relationship, that’s how it will turn out to be.
Your issue doesnÂ’t revolve around communication and in fact, because you both did communicate somehow. Effort are seen and put in to keep it upright. Your relationship lasted till now because both of you is willing to make the relationship work, but failed to understand what is the world like beneath these problems and what antidote is needed to cleanse the clog in your relationship.
Freedom and possessiveness always conflicts directly. Compromising can only achieve an instable emotional balance temporary – it doesn’t solve problem. In fact, I can see hot-cold treatment in the relationship. In astrology, there are bound to be days where tempers are unleashed on bad days of relationship – for yours, it’s like virus lurking under your relationship. It wrecks much havoc the minute it has the chance to and return to its ‘hideout’ after the blow.
*** A careful study of your boyfriend will reveal three likely characteristics that exist:
I) Easily jealous
II) Possessive
III) A little chauvinist
These personalities come with him because of his perception in love. He view love as possession and therefore to prevent it from slipping, he grips tightly – completely unknown to him that his nails has sunk marks onto his own love. You felt the pinch and try to move to a more comfortable position up and he grips further, hurting all parties. [His own hands (him), his possession (love) and you].
Why?
Low self esteem and confidence is fueling these traits in him. If you could have a decent life outside the relationship - he would definitely lose his lifestyle to watch over you. This is terribly unhealthy for CloUdiSm States: One must have life outside their relationship. Please note: he is not being protective of you; in fact he is being protective of his own interest. He doesn’t trust himself and doesn’t trust man in general (of course, as for the latter, there are good reasons to). In his mindsets, he attempts to cage his own love and this limits the growth of the relationship and because you have led a long relationship – the relationship would have hit a critical peak. A complete stagnant when your love cries for the sky outside the cage.
Why fear others who may or may not be ‘dangerous’ as he claims negatively when the battle is all about himself? Who can successful win you over if the relationship is strong and have he realize what he is going against making it strong? Your relationship APPEARED to be strong, but termites are eating the interior of your love – it will leave you empty and crave for another substitute of growth gradually especially when your relationship is giving you very low returns.
Who benefits from the destruction of your relationship? HIS COMPETITORS! Ironically, he is ‘giving’ his love to his most feared nightmare.
P.S: In art of seduction, men like him are the least resistance against others’ seduction crashing against your will and your situations makes you very vulnerable. You want marriage to happen? It’s not even about the both of you (financially, etc) – have your love attain that level yet? Or is it anywhere near it?
Cheers -
Originally posted by Yunhaier:
This part is GOOD... READ it CAREFULLY... A complete stagnant when your love cries for the sky outside the cage.
Why fear others who may or may not be ‘dangerous’ as he claims negatively when the battle is all about himself? Who can successful win you over if the relationship is strong and have he realize what he is [b]going against making it strong? Your relationship APPEARED to be strong, but termites are eating the interior of your love – it will leave you empty and crave for another substitute of growth gradually especially when your relationship is giving you very low returns.
Who benefits from the destruction of your relationship? HIS COMPETITORS! Ironically, he is ‘giving’ his love to his most feared nightmare.
P.S: In art of seduction, men like him are the least resistance against others’ seduction crashing against your will and your situations makes you very vulnerable. You want marriage to happen? It’s not even about the both of you (financially, etc) – have your love attain that level yet? Or is it anywhere near it?
Cheers [/b] -
Try 'picking out' people which both you and him are comfortable with... Slowly build up a '3rd group'... But remember... The process has to be natural... Don't make it an intentional motive....Originally posted by IamAngeline:yesh true...
but it's either he dun like my friends or..
his friends n I no common topic.... (age gap)
welll... die lor... -
Your relationship is going 'out of shape'. It's lasting till today because of both(?) parties' effort to maintain it and keep it intact... But as it's going... It's not hard to notice that there're much 'heat' and 'friction'...Originally posted by IamAngeline:4 yrs of r.s.,
Seems like getting rather cold, dull..., understand that it's common in a long r.s
It's not a matter of miscommunication, where things are always being talked out, although both are trying to give in....
The bf's an insensitive and possessive kinda man,
The gf's a freedom seeker..
The bf always hope that the gf pays attention to him.
But he himself will often neglect the gf's feeling.....
The bf's get easily blow up....
The gf will compromise, even though she is upset and will try to cheer the bf up...
The bf's is insecure, cos most of the gf's friends are guys, and all were classified as 'Dangerous' by the bf, so the gf's gets rather hard to go out...
The bf's is not that bad, he can be a real gd man that dotes on his gf...
The r.s is hoping to get further till everlasting marriage...
if as all the above, is dis r.s healthy?
or shld it be sorted out asap?
And yup.. Such are pretty much common in a normal relationship... But there're usually 2 general modes of handling them.
1. Keeping them IN HOLD.
2. OVERCOMING them.
There're quite a couple of ways in which method (1) can be achieved... Sometimes through 'love' as a lubricant... Sometimes through being more forgiving and understanding... Depending on the matter involved, sometimes things can come back.. Or they might not...
Method (2) which is usually the more effective method (for more serious problems in a relationship)... In saying 'serious problems', I'm referring to matters of utmost importance to either (or both) individual(s) or problems which are quite persistent in reoccurance (i.e. character clashes, objective / goal clashes in life, difference in beliefs.. etc.) Although the more effective method, it's usually also the more 'painful' one. It involves much CHANGES, especially in a person's perspective of things. It usually won't happen unless much initiated or 'forced' to. And 'forced' situations are usually much more painful... Not to mention that things are probably already on the edge of falling...
What you'll need to know (and hopefully let your bf know?). Having and imposing such restrictions ain't gonna work on the long run. Unless both of you intend to go into isolation and be separated from the rest of the world? Or something like that...?
Let him understand that, IF he really LOVES you and CARE about this relationship of yours with him.. It's not about him giving in to you. It's about HOW to make this relationship WORK on the LONG RUN. So that both of you could enjoy your own life as much as you can enjoy this relationship together.
REMEMBER this. A HEALTHY relationship is as much as about 2 HEALTHY individuals. And if one party cannot be who he / she is suppose to, it's VERY UNLIKELY that he / she would be a happy healthy person. So can forget about the HAPPY HEALTHY relationship too. As long as both parties can be satisfied with his / her own life and yet not step overboard to cross extreme lines. Only then would there be HOPE for a BRIGHTER relationship together.
RESPECT, TRUST and UNDERSTANDING.
I wish you LUCK.
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drop the loser...he is a pain in the ass..Originally posted by IamAngeline:4 yrs of r.s.,
Seems like getting rather cold, dull..., understand that it's common in a long r.s
It's not a matter of miscommunication, where things are always being talked out, although both are trying to give in....
The bf's an insensitive and possessive kinda man,
The gf's a freedom seeker..
The bf always hope that the gf pays attention to him.
But he himself will often neglect the gf's feeling.....
The bf's get easily blow up....
The gf will compromise, even though she is upset and will try to cheer the bf up...
The bf's is insecure, cos most of the gf's friends are guys, and all were classified as 'Dangerous' by the bf, so the gf's gets rather hard to go out...
The bf's is not that bad, he can be a real gd man that dotes on his gf...
The r.s is hoping to get further till everlasting marriage...
if as all the above, is dis r.s healthy?
or shld it be sorted out asap?