why am i such a failure?
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i was rejected and because i still had some of her cds with me, i sms her to tell her that i would just drop them outside her place. at least i feel that though im rude, at least none of us has to deal with the possible awkwardness if we see each other..(and really because i still like her and i thought if i don't see her, it will be less painful). however she replied that she does not mind meeting up with me. it's up to me to decide whether to meet up or not.
i really feel that im such a failure because she can be so magnanimous whereas im so narrow minded and at the same time, i was kinda surprised by her response because i thought she would try to keep a distance from me..
can anyone tell me why im such a failure???
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on the surface of it, it's pretty natural. girls are able to "be friends" more readily than a guy after the break up.
in a way girls still hold on to old times and still wanna be in touch, but guys have their ego in the way. i'd say it's normal lar, from wat u've written. -
It takes time to learn..
It aint ur fault -
Well.. she jus wanna be friends with you.. though both can't be lover.. It's good that she don't mind and still wnna be friends afterall..Originally posted by simulacrum:i was rejected and because i still had some of her cds with me, i sms her to tell her that i would just drop them outside her place. at least i feel that though im rude, at least none of us has to deal with the possible awkwardness if we see each other..(and really because i still like her and i thought if i don't see her, it will be less painful). however she replied that she does not mind meeting up with me. it's up to me to decide whether to meet up or not.
i really feel that im such a failure because she can be so magnanimous whereas im so narrow minded and at the same time, i was kinda surprised by her response because i thought she would try to keep a distance from me..
can anyone tell me why im such a failure???
you're not a failure.. jus that you cannot digest it too fast like her.. you like her more than she do.. or maybe she doesn't.. that's why you take a longer time to heal..
The chinese saying :Chang tong bu ru duan tong.."
Maybe as time goes by.. you 2 will become the best friends.. maybe its better to stay this way..
Cheers!
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i also feel that i'm a failure because i do not how how to reply her.. should i try to be more magnanimous and meet up with her (and try to bear with the possible awkwardness and pain) or should i just simply leave the stuffs at her place and not see her at all? i had thought about it the whole nite and i still do not have an answer!!!
why do girls still wanna be friends with guys they had rejected?
do they really get such a kick from looking at the guys' dejected looks?
arent they even worried about leading the guy on, especially if they know that the guy likes her? -
if they make it very clear to you that.. is impossible for both.. then she won't lead you on in any way.. you jus have to find and source for your own life again..Originally posted by simulacrum:i also feel that i'm a failure because i do not how how to reply her.. should i try to be more magnanimous and meet up with her (and try to bear with the possible awkwardness and pain) or should i just simply leave the stuffs at her place and not see her at all? i had thought about it the whole nite and i still do not have an answer!!!
why do girls still wanna be friends with guys they had rejected?
do they really get such a kick from looking at the guys' dejected looks?
arent they even worried about leading the guy on, especially if they know that the guy likes her?
rather than dwelling into this.. be brave and face it..
you are running away... she's not the only girl around..
you find another better one.. you seems very reluctant to be friends with her..
your concept is.. cannot get her.. mean bye bye for good.. and forever.. is obviously.. that you jus wan her to be your gf.. and that's it..
cannot get.. mean the end.. -
I feel tat mayb is coz u still lik her, tat's why u feel tat it is hard to meet up wif her lor... Nope, i dun think tat u R a failure lor,,, It is really hard to accept a rejection.Originally posted by simulacrum:i also feel that i'm a failure because i do not how how to reply her.. should i try to be more magnanimous and meet up with her (and try to bear with the possible awkwardness and pain) or should i just simply leave the stuffs at her place and not see her at all? i had thought about it the whole nite and i still do not have an answer!!!
why do girls still wanna be friends with guys they had rejected?
do they really get such a kick from looking at the guys' dejected looks?
arent they even worried about leading the guy on, especially if they know that the guy likes her?
Jus gonna accept the fact lor. True, it is kinda of awkward in the beginnin lor... I feel tat u should jus bear wif it, n treat her as a normal friend lor...
I feel tat it will be kind of rude jus to leave her things outside, without intendin to meet her lor. Think she could sense the uneasiness in u, so she decided to meet u... Could tell she quite understandin of u, coz she so know tat u most prob won't turn up... But i think tat tis is a gd chance for u to have mantain a friendship wif her lor... If u do tat, - leaving her things at the gate, it seems lik u very Jue qing lor... N quite mean... sorry to say tat... And i feel tat it will also break her heart lor...
Better have a friend than an enemy rite? At least next time meet on the street, not so awkward lor...
Really think tat u should meet up wif her lor... Jus act lik normal friends la...
U asked why do gals still wanna be friends wif guys they have rejected... I feel tat coz they still lik u as a friend lor. Even though u may not be suited for each other, but she cherish the moments she spent wif u, n don wish for it to end jus lik tat, coz u r not suited for each other... Being friends, could at least means u both will still be in contact wif each other lor.
If she really get a kick from seein ur dejected face, i don think she will even make the effort to meet u out, n give u a choice to decide to meet up or not... Either she will jus say, don want fine, or jus ask u to put her things outside her door...
Worried about leadin the guy on???
I think tat most gals feel tat coz she rejected u once, u should know v well her intention liao... She only want mantains as gd friends lor... Tat's why have no worry lor...
So, puker up ur courage, n go meet her la! Gd luck! Remember to come back tell us how it went wor! -
think you shld meet up with her...
is better to have another friend than another enemy or becoming strangers with someone you like. -
simulacrum, girls simply think in a different way than guys. It doesn't means anything even if she don't mind to meet up with you after she rejected your request to take your friendship to a higher level.
No need to feel bad about it if things doesn't work out. It doesn't means that you are inferior to her in any way. Continue to be her friend if you don't mind, but erase any hopes of her going back to you...usually it works better because you will be less nervous with her if you don't have any desire for her to be your gf...and she might be attracted to the real you once you start to relax and open up to her. Since you cannot go after her, might as well let her be attracted to you instead. Afterall, there is no fixed route to getting a gf.
Cheer up, simulacrum! Life is short...so stay happy. -
No you're not a failure! Come on, I mean look guys are always at an advantage when it comes to courting a relationship. Yes, some of us might have more rejections than others but you win some and you lose some, you can't win them all... most impt, is to keep trying!Originally posted by simulacrum:i was rejected and because i still had some of her cds with me, i sms her to tell her that i would just drop them outside her place. at least i feel that though im rude, at least none of us has to deal with the possible awkwardness if we see each other..(and really because i still like her and i thought if i don't see her, it will be less painful). however she replied that she does not mind meeting up with me. it's up to me to decide whether to meet up or not.
i really feel that im such a failure because she can be so magnanimous whereas im so narrow minded and at the same time, i was kinda surprised by her response because i thought she would try to keep a distance from me..
can anyone tell me why im such a failure??? 
In essence, there's so much more fish out there. Yes the time for you to forget about your love for her will take some time to mend and heal, but remember, you can't force someone to love you and if she does'nt want to start or be with you, its better to be friends then to lose a friend, i always say.
Now comes the good part, as guys we can keep trying, even after facing rejection, it makes you stronger and build confidence in yourself. Just keep trying!
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thanks for the replies so far..i guess you are a gal and i really appreciate the alternate views from the opposite gender..
i guess im being very mao2 dun4 all these while. we started out as friends and i had feelings for her after some time down the road. on one hand i do not wish to lose her as a friend but on the other, i also feel that after telling her how i feel about her and got rejected, it is not possible to pretend nothing happened and continue our friendship in the same way..
i guess "i don't want the friendship to be affected. you get what i mean?" statment from her means that she had already made things very clear to me.. it must be my narrow-minded nature to think that there might be any misunderstandings in the future..Originally posted by SunRisE:if they make it very clear to you that.. is impossible for both.. then she won't lead you on in any way.. you jus have to find and source for your own life again..
rather than dwelling into this.. be brave and face it..
you are running away... she's not the only girl around..
you find another better one.. you seems very reluctant to be friends with her..
your concept is.. cannot get her.. mean bye bye for good.. and forever.. is obviously.. that you jus wan her to be your gf.. and that's it..
cannot get.. mean the end.. -
Some people can accept it, some people can't... If you belong to one who can't accept such, then don't make things difficult for yourself... Just leave the things by her doors...Originally posted by simulacrum:i also feel that i'm a failure because i do not how how to reply her.. should i try to be more magnanimous and meet up with her (and try to bear with the possible awkwardness and pain) or should i just simply leave the stuffs at her place and not see her at all? i had thought about it the whole nite and i still do not have an answer!!!
You still can choose to be her friend thereafter... Just learn to take things easy and slowly...
Don't mess yourself up with such a simple task... You might still have got a long way to go...? -
-Double post-
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my signature already tells you my gender!!Originally posted by simulacrum:thanks for the replies so far..i guess you are a gal and i really appreciate the alternate views from the opposite gender..
i guess im being very mao2 dun4 all these while. we started out as friends and i had feelings for her after some time down the road. on one hand i do not wish to lose her as a friend but on the other, i also feel that after telling her how i feel about her and got rejected, it is not possible to pretend nothing happened and continue our friendship in the same way..
i guess "i don't want the friendship to be affected. you get what i mean?" statment from her means that she had already made things very clear to me.. it must be my narrow-minded nature to think that there might be any misunderstandings in the future..
ahaha..
cheer up..
if you really cannot accept it right now.. then i guess dun force yourself... maybe you send her things back to her thru parcel..
Maybe as time passes.. you straightened your thoughts.. and maybe you both can be friends again..
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oh yah... one last thing..
Dun run away from it..
you have to face it soonner or later..
be brave and face the reality..
maybe not now.. maybe someday..
take care pal.. you jus needed time to calm yourself.. from this rejection..
At least you know that she likes you as friend.. you should be glad that she treated you this way.. and not one that she rejected and forever despised you and dun even wanna talk to you..
Won't this be even more hurting!!?? -
Originally posted by simulacrum:i was rejected and because i still had some of her cds with me, i sms her to tell her that i would just drop them outside her place. at least i feel that though im rude, at least none of us has to deal with the possible awkwardness if we see each other..(and really because i still like her and i thought if i don't see her, it will be less painful). however she replied that she does not mind meeting up with me. it's up to me to decide whether to meet up or not.
i really feel that im such a failure because she can be so magnanimous whereas im so narrow minded and at the same time, i was kinda surprised by her response because i thought she would try to keep a distance from me..
can anyone tell me why im such a failure??? 
It is your mindsets and your preception in love. If you can't alter them, it stays with you forever.
If love maturity has a rating scale, between you and her would probably be a vast difference. It is not even about being magnanimous - its how your heart desire to see situation and things. Remove ego and allow rejection to regenerate you instead of resisting that spiritual growth.
Cheers