I am currently studyin nursin course in the poly... Now jus reach 2nd yr... Nursin have always been my childhood dream... It is also my ambition to be a nurse lor... I lik not interested in any other courses, except nursin... I studied quite hard for my O level for the sake of gettin a gd cert only la... Coz nursin the requirement quite lenient lor... I did ok for my Os lor... And all my teachers advice me gainst takin nursin lor... But i was quite adamant on it... My re for L1R4 is 16pts...
Now i m feelin tat i am beginnin to kinda of regret takin tis course... I now already cannot tak it... Can bear wif it, but jus kinda of unhappy to quite an extent, tat i dunno how i will be able to tak it if i gra n pass out as a nurse... I really wonder to myself, is tis wat i really wants? Sometimes the ans is yes, sometimes the ans is no...
I know tat no job is easy... Tat everyone suffers from unhappiness in work life... But then... I dunno. Very scared tat my dream is shattered lik tat, tat my only interest turns out otherwise...
I was attached to Mt Alvernia n TTSH thru out my attachment durin the yr... Lucky for me, my dad drives me there... Coz i start work around 7a.m i gonna be there n we ends at 3p.m...
Then whenever my dad drives me to the hosp... Say Mt A... Then each time when we nearin the hosp, there is tis really bright red sign of Mt A... My whole heart would then sink... Coz tat means i m reachin there soon... I hop tat the ride never end, or tat i will nev reach that destination... If TTSH, then i see the sign Balestier, then Moulmein road... I be lik... Oh... Whole heart will sink down, become very unhappy... Sullen n down... Terrible of me hor!

I heard from a lect of mine sayin tat there was tis student who told our lect... Each time she go Mt A... There is this kinda of slope thingy u need to walk up to get to the hosp lor... The gal says each time she climbs up the stairs, her tears will drip drip drip...
There was tis time i was in TTSH... I really went home tat time, break down n cry... Of coz my parents didn't know anythin... It was jus because i am overly stress tat i couldn't tak it... I have 12 patients, tog wif another student nurse lor... And then we got to tak their bld pressure ever hour for about 8 pts... N they all different timin!!! Is lik u finish taking the first round, u start takin the 2nd round... U can nev seems to get out of the cubicle...

Tat time i was extremely to tis extend... At nite, i dream of call bells ringing... My mother was sleepin in wif me one of the days when i suddenly woke up... I didn't realise wat i was tryin to do till i was a bit more alert! I wanted to wak my mother up!!! My hand almost reach out for her to say... Sorry, excuse me, i need to tak ur bld pressure! In 3a.m in the mornin...

N coz my mother is very light sleeper... N very hard for her to fall asleep... Lucky i suddenly remembered n didn't wak her up...
Wat do we usually do?
Bathe for the pts, for those who requires assistance or weak n may fall easily...
Sponge them in bed for those who cannot get out of bed, for those stroke pts...
Takin the bld pressure once a shift, more if got every hour monitorin to do... for 18 pts... N lucky is use machine de, but is so slow... u spend at least more than 1 hour...
Servin of bed pans, urinals, or bring them to toliet... clear up...
Changin pampers...
Feedin the pts...
Each day i m in the ward... I m jus lookin forward to break... Then home... Each mornin i wake up, i dread it coz i need to go to the hosp... I slp at nite n sigh, coz the next day i need to go... in the beginnin... I cannot get to slp at nite, despite a long day, n i wak up at 5.30a.m... Then go attachment... At nite cannot slp... To the extend i will on the lights, so tat the glare on my eyes forced me to close it, n go to slp... Now ok la... Dead beat till 10p.m or 10.30 drop dead liao...
Wat i dun lik is tat... We don have such fast adaptin abilites! In school, very easy life... Jus study study, sit in lect whole day... U come out attachment, every day u work n work lik hell... There isn't really time for rest... U r on ur feet 7hrs a day... Once we get used to it... KInda of adapt to tis kind of lifestyle... Then u r back to school... Haiz.
Is tis wat i really want? I so dunno... Coz we see all the staff... Some busy till they don go eat... Or they go half hour only... Haha... I really dun see how am i able to do all tis!
I feel tat myself very bad... I dun lik people around me to be lik moody moody depressed depressed de... Coz i myself is the kind, happy go lucky de... V carefree... End up each time i attachment, in the hosp n at home surely moody lor... Don feel lik smilin!

There is tis pt... Actually she not really demandin... Coz each mornin... She ask u to wash her face towel, then give her to wipe, then rinse it for her then hang it on the bedside... But then she always ask for the bedpan many times a days... N then sometimes she wants her bed high abit, sometimes low abit... It gets abit on my nerves...
I feel tat i v fake... Coz i lik irriated wif her... Yet, still smile smile... Yes, no pro... Yes... sure... Lik tat lor... Feel very bad. I also dunno why... Not tat i cannot stand doin all tis... I dun mind doin it... Jus tat i dunno why or wat makes me feel pek chek till lik tis...
The worst i ever met was tis aunty... She very very the demandin lor... In TTSH... She got 3 tooth brush... She will give u 2, then another one to wash... Then give u her stratchin stick ask u to wash... Got to wipe for her the table, dry it... Rinse her face towel... Do alot of things for her lor... Got one time brought her to the toliet... i washed my hands liao... Then nothin to do, so play about wif the door knob... Told off by her... Don touch me... ur hands r dirty, u touch the door, People do their business touch the door, then is dirty. Wash ur hands again... etc... Alot of demands from her so... Talk on the phone, hosp line, not the private line, eg, each pt side got a phone tat kind no lor... She will hog it for 30 mins lik tat, n u got to hold it for her... So far, haven't met her match yet! N of coz don hop to...

Tat why lor... I dunno why tis aunty i met jus abit demandin... Not so much as tis aunty... But i very pek chek liao...
Of coz, we do get very happy when u see the patients well enough to go back... They always say thank u... u very gd, etc... they v warm... Which makes me very warm n touch... all if u see their conditions gettin better, u so very happy...
If now attachment only cannot stand, i dunno how can i stand it if i am workin!!!

I lik my job, yet at the same time i hate it...
I very worry... I am of coz bent on completin my course... But bent on workin in tis line? I dunno... Kinda of put off... Yet actually lookin forward to it... Haha... I crazy rite? But i am unhappy, yet still want tis job... Dunno wat's wrong wif me also...
Any advices?
