How do I court her...
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I'm a professional in my mid 20s who recently broke up with my gf.
Last week, I found myself attracted to a colleague who's 20 yrs older than me.
She's a divorcee.
We meet on our way to work every day & chat abt casual stuff.
I wanted to court her but didn't know how to.
After all I'm worried abt what she thinks of me & how she'll react when she finds out my intentions.
Can anyone share with me his/her tots?
Thanks. -
use the same tactic from ur previous relationship lor...
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Hi. I understand your heartbreak and how awful it is to experience a break-up. As you mentioned that your break-up was recent, I suggest giving yourself more time to recover from this hurt. Don't fall into a relationship again too soon as your heart right now may not be stable enough due to the break-up. Try spending more time on yourself instead. Once you get over the hurt (I mean REALLY get over it), then you may start to allow yourself to have some chance.Originally posted by dream_ing:I'm a professional in my mid 20s who recently broke up with my gf.
Last week, I found myself attracted to a colleague who's 20 yrs older than me.
She's a divorcee.
We meet on our way to work every day & chat abt casual stuff.
I wanted to court her but didn't know how to.
After all I'm worried abt what she thinks of me & how she'll react when she finds out my intentions.
Can anyone share with me his/her tots?
Thanks.
However, about the woman you've mentioned, she's much too old for you. Okay, these days many would say that age doesn't matter. But think about this, when you marry her, she'll have difficulty bearing you a child as her age is the limit. There would be a danger in doing so, biogically. Okay, assuming that to you no children is alright, but then when she turns 60, how old are you only? 40 plus? Hey 40 plus is quite young compared to 60 odds. Are you going to waste your youth just like this? There're many things you can do.
In conclusion, this is just an infatuation. I suggest go give yourself some time to settle your emotions and stuff, then think about relationship. It is however, a serious matter. You may choose to continue to be friends with your female colleague and know where to draw the line.
Once again, a suggestive advice: Go get a girl younger than you and then live happily ever after. Rather than having to suffer your remaining years of old age as a widower. Guess you won't want that right? -
Probably u found something in her that u felt was lacking in your last fail relationship. for example, her maturity, worldliness, confidence etc..
U have to look deeper than that. -
Although i had nothing against going into a relationship with someone older, and in fact my gf is 2 years older, somehow.. dont you think you are using her as substitue?Originally posted by dream_ing:I'm a professional in my mid 20s who recently broke up with my gf.
Last week, I found myself attracted to a colleague who's 20 yrs older than me.
She's a divorcee.
We meet on our way to work every day & chat abt casual stuff.
I wanted to court her but didn't know how to.
After all I'm worried abt what she thinks of me & how she'll react when she finds out my intentions.
Can anyone share with me his/her tots?
Thanks.
You mention in your post that you broke up with your ex-gf recently, which means the force of depression and agony still hide deep down your heart. And meeting on the way to work and chatted everyday about stuff doesnt mean feeling exist..
Yes, you are not wrong in finding someone older. But then again, how will your parents feel about your interest? Your peers reaction? Lets not talk about marriage first as it might be alittle far away.. just a question.. Will you not mind people looking at you and her?
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Originally posted by SoonKeong:
Dude.. ur gf is 2 years.. His is 20 years.. alot of difference..
Although i had nothing against going into a relationship with someone older, and in fact my gf is 2 years older, somehow.. dont you think you are using her as substitue?
You mention in your post that you broke up with your ex-gf [b]recently, which means the force of depression and agony still hide deep down your heart. And meeting on the way to work and chatted everyday about stuff doesnt mean feeling exist..
Yes, you are not wrong in finding someone older. But then again, how will your parents feel about your interest? Your peers reaction? Lets not talk about marriage first as it might be alittle far away.. just a question.. Will you not mind people looking at you and her? [/b]
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Dear dream_ing,Originally posted by dream_ing:I'm a professional in my mid 20s who recently broke up with my gf.
Last week, I found myself attracted to a colleague who's 20 yrs older than me.
She's a divorcee.
We meet on our way to work every day & chat abt casual stuff.
I wanted to court her but didn't know how to.
After all I'm worried abt what she thinks of me & how she'll react when she finds out my intentions.
Can anyone share with me his/her tots?
Thanks.
Both of your needs are different.. physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually...
Are you sure you wanna court her be cos you really like her? OR Are you jus taking as a subsittute??
You broke up with your gf not long after you said you fell for this lady who is 20 years older than you... You might be jus replacing her as your ex.. You need jus a companion who will be by your side.. Maybe you jus cant stand being single or alone..
Finding a lady who you think you like.. how much you know her.. jus be cos she and you always happen to meet your way to work.. and chatted.. That doesn't mean anything.. You might be recovering from the break-up which you couldn't accept..
Moreover she's divorcee.. what's more she wants is someone who she can really find her true love and settle down.. cos she doesn't wan to have just a relationship.. her needs and your needs differ alot.. Do you think you can give her what she needs? You have your career... you still can enjoy life and have fun..
Not saying that you cannot have older woman to be your gf.. you can if you can counter and bear all consequences behind.. Noone can stop you from doing it.. If you really think you can give her happiness.. and not to let her suffer another broken r/s like her previous.. then do what you think is right.. But if you can't.. then back off.. remain as good friends.. and colleague too..
Cheers
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What does SHE think about you and a relationship with a much younger man? Maybe you should just bring it up casually in a conversation and find out first.Originally posted by dream_ing:After all I'm worried abt what she thinks of me & how she'll react when she finds out my intentions.
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treat it like any other relationship
love rules
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Originally posted by borgkilla:treat it like any other relationship
love rules 
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Just be friends first
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Love is blind... if you two fall in love, so be it...Originally posted by borgkilla:treat it like any other relationship
love rules
Dun listen to what people say, but what your heart says...
Who says you have to marry a girl younger or your age? Who came up with that idea? -
It is not wrong though, for a guy to marry someone older than he is. But it's unusual when the guy's SO much younger than the gal - like 20 years??!! One or two years ain't that bad, three years.. is a little bit too old. Four years... I would say try not to (in my opinion).Originally posted by :Love is blind... if you two fall in love, so be it...
Dun listen to what people say, but what your heart says...
Who says you have to marry a girl younger or your age? Who came up with that idea?
As the topic here goes... 20 years!!! My, that's a large gap, or should I say, GENERATION GAP.
Look, to those out there, hear this: If you think getting yourself into a relationship just because you're lonely or depressed, then let me say this. You are NOT whole, you are NOT complete, you need to get yourself fixed first, so that the other party won't share your loneliness, your troubled emotions, and your baggages. I guess what most of us want is to share happiness, joy, and love. And if anyone here thinks that by marrying someone will solve a problem, neh...... think again. -
nobody here can tell or really help you on this. Perhap, the only person in this world that can find the answers is yourself. Sorry, really no offence, I can't help noticing the word 'attracted' you used and to brand it as lame reason to court her.Originally posted by dream_ing:I'm a professional in my mid 20s who recently broke up with my gf.
Last week, I found myself attracted to a colleague who's 20 yrs older than me.
She's a divorcee.
We meet on our way to work every day & chat abt casual stuff.
I wanted to court her but didn't know how to.
After all I'm worried abt what she thinks of me & how she'll react when she finds out my intentions.
Can anyone share with me his/her tots?
Thanks. -
Thanks for all ur tots, encouragement & advice.
I tot over wat u said & contemplated abt our differences.
It took me one week & I've decided to go after her.
I dunno if it's just infatuation or a crush but I've to follow my heart.
I dunno if I can give her the happiness she wants but at least I'll try.
For relationships do not always lead to marriage, they certainly leave memories for us to savour. -
GOOD LUCK.Originally posted by dream_ing:Thanks for all ur tots, encouragement & advice.
I tot over wat u said & contemplated abt our differences.
It took me one week & I've decided to go after her.
I dunno if it's just infatuation or a crush but I've to follow my heart.
I dunno if I can give her the happiness she wants but at least I'll try.
For relationships do not always lead to marriage, they certainly leave memories for us to savour. -
she drinking milk u donno where
she eating rice u donno where
she adult liao u still small kid
when she is old woman liao, u will b in your prime.
haix for me...20years gap no matter how much i like her now, i will NEVER go into r/s... -
Originally posted by dream_ing:Thanks for all ur tots, encouragement & advice.
I tot over wat u said & contemplated abt our differences.
It took me one week & I've decided to go after her.
I dunno if it's just infatuation or a crush but I've to follow my heart.
I dunno if I can give her the happiness she wants but at least I'll try.
For relationships do not always lead to marriage, they certainly leave memories for us to savour. Are you a Pisces or Capricorn?
Cheers -
Capricorn
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hope she is not an Aries....Originally posted by dream_ing:Capricorn
It takes a lot of courage if u really wana woo her...
whatever it is..as long as u are happy with it.... -
Good luck on your pursue then.Originally posted by dream_ing:Thanks for all ur tots, encouragement & advice.
I tot over wat u said & contemplated abt our differences.
It took me one week & I've decided to go after her.
I dunno if it's just infatuation or a crush but I've to follow my heart.
I dunno if I can give her the happiness she wants but at least I'll try.
For relationships do not always lead to marriage, they certainly leave memories for us to savour.
But then again, my concern is this: -
It's no doubt true to follow your heart. But do you put discernment as the leading priority? I hope there's wisdom in your choice. -
Bingo!Originally posted by dream_ing:Capricorn
P.S: Just a note: this potential relationship is way too risky to be substantial. Although Love knows no boundary, but exercise caution on this. Nothing is impossible, but like another topic in AA states: would you enter a relationship that is doomed to failure (in the future of course)?
Cheers -
hey hey, thk u had mixed up..of coz lik a woman tat older than u is not wrong but but 20 yrs difference is too much..perhaps she's so friendly n jus treat u lik her "son" therefore u "infatuated"..giv urself more time to thk abt..furthermore, u jus break up recently..i suggest dun get into another r/s so fast..although it is not wrong again but let ur mind n heart to "rest for a while" n ponder y ur r/s din work out n be a "wiser" man later , ok??
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I made the wrong decision. I finally asked her out for dinner. She was very shocked & appeared very uncomfortable. Now she avoids me by taking a different route to work. When I tokked to her at our workplace, she'd find some excuse to brush me off. This afternoon, she was so unfriendly tt we almost got into an argument & I had to apologize even when it's not my fault. I really don't want to lose her as a friend & colleague. Pls tell me how I can redeem our friendship...
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Erm, having lunch/dinner with your colleagues is quite common.
Unless you made it seem like a date or said something to that effect which may have shocked her because she might not have expected it. If she is uncomfortable with it, then you should just explain to her that it's just dinner, nothing more nothing less. People need to eat right ???