Lost & Confused..
-
Hi, I have this question which I really need advice on. I have been leading a restricted life. So much that it is affecting my life alot. I have become a very quiet, shy, unconfident and introvert girl. I am always feeling sad and slightly depressed as my father is very strict. He expects me to stay at home during weekends during school term. I am already in my 3rd yr in poly so that means I'm 20 this year. I really wish he would just leave me alone. He always nags at me to study. I don't know why he doesn't let me go out to destress myself since I don't do anything studying during my school days or even on weekends till 1 or 2 weeks before my exams. It's not that I have been neglecting my studies. I have been consistently scoring B's and B+'s in school.
I don't relate to him very well at all. Never liked to confide in him too. He was so against me even going out during public holidays. Sigh.. I really do not know what to do. I don't want to go for counselling as I don't want my parents to feel that I hate them or dislike them coz I know that their intensions are all for my own good.
The other problem I have is I really want to get married with my bf as soon as I can. We both love each other very deeply. I have always wanted a life and family of my own. Am I really too young for all these still? Am I still too immature for all these? Coz I am very tempted and prepared to leave my home and stay with my boyfriend if my father doesn't give me the freedom once I graduate from poly in 5mths time and start work.
I really hope someone can advise me about this. Been very troubled all these years and its ruining my life bit by bit. I have always tried to be an obedient girl and listen to them.
Also, a friend of mine had recently got herself pregnant and thou it was intentionally, she knows she can't keep the baby even thou she wants to so badly. The only solution at this time it seems is for her to have an abortion. But the problem is she doesn't know which private clinics do abortions and does she have to let her parents know about all these before being able to have an abortion? Price is not a concern. How can I advise her on this? -
just get it done at KK hospital.
as for yourself, run away from home and become a porn star -
your head.Originally posted by theTelepath:just get it done at KK hospital.
as for yourself, run away from home and become a porn star
on the second part. -
since u reaching final year liao, bear wif it n finish ur studies first... when u go out to work u can go fight for ur freedom.... as for marrying ur bf, its better tat u wait for him to finish his ns n has stabled b4 making tat decision...
-
Dear spirit24,Originally posted by spirit24:Hi, I have this question which I really need advice on. I have been leading a restricted life. So much that it is affecting my life alot. I have become a very quiet, shy, unconfident and introvert girl. I am always feeling sad and slightly depressed as my father is very strict. He expects me to stay at home during weekends during school term. I am already in my 3rd yr in poly so that means I'm 20 this year. I really wish he would just leave me alone. He always nags at me to study. I don't know why he doesn't let me go out to destress myself since I don't do anything studying during my school days or even on weekends till 1 or 2 weeks before my exams. It's not that I have been neglecting my studies. I have been consistently scoring B's and B+'s in school.
I don't relate to him very well at all. Never liked to confide in him too. He was so against me even going out during public holidays. Sigh.. I really do not know what to do. I don't want to go for counselling as I don't want my parents to feel that I hate them or dislike them coz I know that their intensions are all for my own good.
The other problem I have is I really want to get married with my bf as soon as I can. We both love each other very deeply. I have always wanted a life and family of my own. Am I really too young for all these still? Am I still too immature for all these? Coz I am very tempted and prepared to leave my home and stay with my boyfriend if my father doesn't give me the freedom once I graduate from poly in 5mths time and start work.
I really hope someone can advise me about this. Been very troubled all these years and its ruining my life bit by bit. I have always tried to be an obedient girl and listen to them.
Also, a friend of mine had recently got herself pregnant and thou it was intentionally, she knows she can't keep the baby even thou she wants to so badly. The only solution at this time it seems is for her to have an abortion. But the problem is she doesn't know which private clinics do abortions and does she have to let her parents know about all these before being able to have an abortion? Price is not a concern. How can I advise her on this?
I do suggest that you should have a talk with your parents.. let them know that you are no longer a small kid.. You have grown up.. And you can handle your things yourself.. and independently.. In the eyes of parents.. no matter how old are we.. they still think that we are still a little kid.. Glad that you know that they do all these for you is good intentions.. maybe they are afraid that you might join the bad company and neglect your studies form then on..
They jus wan you to finish your studies first.. score a good grade.. can a decent job with decent pay.. then maybe when you reach 21 they let go? Who knows right.. maybe that's what they planed for you till age of 21?? Communicate with your parents.. let them wat you want.. what's your needs.. No communication.. you never know anything.. You have to ask..
As for you and your bf.. I think is rather a rush for you to settle down so early.. you are currently not working.. no stable income.. how can you support a family.. Marriage is no joking matters or like kids playing toy.. don't can throw aside.. it really takes alot of commitment.. and other manys.. Jus be cos you are so tied down by your parents.. that's why you think tha tby getting married you can flee from their hands.. Jus like a bird being caged in a cage.. that wanted to fly away and find it's own freedom.. Getting married and settle down.. doesn't mean you got your freedom.. Dn't get married jus becos of this.. This is a bad move if you ever do that.. Do you think it will last after you got your freedom.. Do you think you both are really suitable for each other??
Being together and staying together is a totally different thing.. Bear in mind that there's alot of things to compromise and also you have to think of the other partner.. not jus yourself.. Are you mentally prepared for all these?? Or is jus a "CONG DONG" to do and say.. Yes, you both may be in love with each other so much.. but then "remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your needs for each other.."
For your friend, I dunno which clinic that does such abortions.. but be careful and find a good and trustworthy doctor to do that operation for her.. I think you need an adult aged 21 to accompany her for abortions.. i dunno.. but i think so.. Dun ever get yourself pregnant.. Always take precautious.. Don't give in too easily or succumb to your bf.. Though you loved him deeply.. but then should respect each other too.. Getting pregnant then go for abortions.. is not a funny thing.. you get yourself into trouble.. and oso.. you killed a litlle in there.. is your own flesh and blood.. But then i think she should let her parents know about it.. You can check out the hot line for all these in some magazines if you really got no resources..
Cheers..
-
Originally posted by spirit24:Hi, I have this question which I really need advice on. I have been leading a restricted life. So much that it is affecting my life alot. I have become a very quiet, shy, unconfident and introvert girl. I am always feeling sad and slightly depressed as my father is very strict. He expects me to stay at home during weekends during school term. I am already in my 3rd yr in poly so that means I'm 20 this year. I really wish he would just leave me alone. He always nags at me to study. I don't know why he doesn't let me go out to destress myself since I don't do anything studying during my school days or even on weekends till 1 or 2 weeks before my exams. It's not that I have been neglecting my studies. I have been consistently scoring B's and B+'s in school.
I don't relate to him very well at all. Never liked to confide in him too. He was so against me even going out during public holidays. Sigh.. I really do not know what to do. I don't want to go for counselling as I don't want my parents to feel that I hate them or dislike them coz I know that their intensions are all for my own good.
The other problem I have is I really want to get married with my bf as soon as I can. We both love each other very deeply. I have always wanted a life and family of my own. Am I really too young for all these still? Am I still too immature for all these? Coz I am very tempted and prepared to leave my home and stay with my boyfriend if my father doesn't give me the freedom once I graduate from poly in 5mths time and start work.
I really hope someone can advise me about this. Been very troubled all these years and its ruining my life bit by bit. I have always tried to be an obedient girl and listen to them.
Also, a friend of mine had recently got herself pregnant and thou it was intentionally, she knows she can't keep the baby even thou she wants to so badly. The only solution at this time it seems is for her to have an abortion. But the problem is she doesn't know which private clinics do abortions and does she have to let her parents know about all these before being able to have an abortion? Price is not a concern. How can I advise her on this?
Restriction and weak bonds with dad - you ought to have very influential Saturn placing in your birth chart and your dad will likely to affect you for good or for ill. This restriction, limits your domestic/love affairs to look beyond the space that you have only seen so far.
Because of that, I doubt you should engaged in early marriage or even cohabitation. Your emotions are screaming for freedom, but because of this deep rooted parental influence that have been imparted to you since young, there are many issues in love you may not have been matured to handle because you didn't had the chance to 'explore' the realm outside the control instigated by your parents.
This isn't a good ground for marriage. Never marry because you felt choked and needed a 'new home' (Cancers do take note).
Your best route to be taken is to communicate with your parents regarding the space and freedom you ought to have, instead of escaping that phrase and find another alternative, which you could regret ultimately. They intention are good, but you need to let them know about your side of preception. As long as you don't abuse that trust, you will be able to lengthen the line.
You know why you fear talking to him? Because you didn't established a bond good enough for proper conversation to take place. Realise this and work towards one.
*** Regarding abortion, if 'this friend' is you - it strengthen my point of avoiding an early marriage.
In all others, No - she may not need her parents to know, depending on her age (which I am not sure) and the hospital itself.
Cheers -
I think she's 20 almost 21 this yr. Since she's currently finishing her studies too. I got to know her thru a classmate of mine when we went out for a few shows.
-
Hello spirit24, give your parents some time to accept the fact that you are already grown up and is able to protect yourself and be independent. Every parents will bound to have some worries over their own child. Do not go against your parents but instead be more tolerance towards them...they are not going to be with you forever and even if your bf/friends abandon you, your parents will never give up on you as they are your family. So...please treasure them and prioritise them over your bf.
I feel that you are feeling very stress and clamped by both your family and bf. I would like to tell you that if your bf really love you, he will try to understand your situation and you shouldn't be feeling this way. It's kind of sad to read that you are often sad or depressed even when you have a bf. Personality is carved from the people you mix with or your own personal experiences. I can't help you with personality problem but I can tell you how to be happy. You need to avoid thinking/analysing situations negatively. Avoid negative thoughts and embrace positive thoughts. Life is too short to dwell in your own self-pity and always convince yourself to look at every situation in a positive manner...and I don't care if the excuses that you choose to convince yourself to accept situations positively is absurd. Hehehe...you can never enjoy life if you cannot feel happy, so learn to let go/ignore things that is not going to make you happy. I know that it is not easy, but at least you have a life target to work towards to. I believe that if your parents can see you happy often, they will feel much assured and confident to grant you your independence.
Regarding your friend who got herself pregnant intentionally, I have no pity for her and situation. So she is on her own, I can only wish her good luck with her abortion and would like to ask her to reconsider aborting the fetus. And one more thing, better to fix your own life problem first before you tries to carry another person's problem...you are still not good enough for that yet.
Anyway, good luck and I hope that you will pull yourself together as soon as possible. -
For your friend's abortion, she can go KK...Originally posted by spirit24:I think she's 20 almost 21 this yr. Since she's currently finishing her studies too. I got to know her thru a classmate of mine when we went out for a few shows.
As for you.. Either talk to them or slowly fight for your freedom... Wait till you're 21... How long have you been with your bf..? Marriage? A hitch tells me... Impulsive? Wait another 3-4 years down the line and see how..? You're not even in the working society now? Your mentality might starts to change there after... -
If u are so restricted, how did u manage to get a bf?
Well, I suggest u have a talk with yr dad (try & get mum to help).
Negotiate with him. Tell him to allow u to go out but u have to stick to his curfew.
Assure him that yr grades will not drop, that u need to spend time with friends to de-stress. Bring yr bf home & study together.
Make sure u don't abuse his trust & make sure u don't come back very late.
Don't rush into marriage/go live with bf cos u want to escape from yr dad. Marry only when both are ready & financially stable.
Be more understanding cos fathers are very protective of their daughters. Your fren is a good eg- got herself pregnant. Tell her to go to reliable doc for abortion -
Hi, i think u should talk to a counseller and ask the counseller to be the middleman to talk to ur parents if u can't communicate with ur parents. Counseller keep those things confidant. Or try telling ur mum that u are actually very unhappy... if u don't like what they tell u to do, tell them in a nice way that u don't like it. Why act that u r actually ok w it? When inside, u r actually very depressed and u feeling it's ruining ur life.
U need to know u r in control in ur own life and u r responsible for ur own character development too. Even though, ur environment has made u the person that u r now, u should aso know that u choose it urself partly. U didn't
'choose' to resist ur parents. U do have a choice to say 'no'. It's never too late to change course of ur life.
eRM.. Regarding ur marriage to ur bf, u should balance the con and pro.
U want to start a family to escape ur dad? There could be a wrong intention to get married in the first place. If u want to marry cos u love ur bf, then by all mean but u aso need to be practical and consider many factors- commitment, money, housing. U aso need to have a good talk to ur bf regarding this and ur parents. -
Hi Spirit,Originally posted by spirit24:Hi, I have this question which I really need advice on. I have been leading a restricted life. So much that it is affecting my life alot. I have become a very quiet, shy, unconfident and introvert girl. I am always feeling sad and slightly depressed as my father is very strict. He expects me to stay at home during weekends during school term. I am already in my 3rd yr in poly so that means I'm 20 this year. I really wish he would just leave me alone. He always nags at me to study. I don't know why he doesn't let me go out to destress myself since I don't do anything studying during my school days or even on weekends till 1 or 2 weeks before my exams. It's not that I have been neglecting my studies. I have been consistently scoring B's and B+'s in school.
I don't relate to him very well at all. Never liked to confide in him too. He was so against me even going out during public holidays. Sigh.. I really do not know what to do. I don't want to go for counselling as I don't want my parents to feel that I hate them or dislike them coz I know that their intensions are all for my own good.
The other problem I have is I really want to get married with my bf as soon as I can. We both love each other very deeply. I have always wanted a life and family of my own. Am I really too young for all these still? Am I still too immature for all these? Coz I am very tempted and prepared to leave my home and stay with my boyfriend if my father doesn't give me the freedom once I graduate from poly in 5mths time and start work.
I really hope someone can advise me about this. Been very troubled all these years and its ruining my life bit by bit. I have always tried to be an obedient girl and listen to them.
Also, a friend of mine had recently got herself pregnant and thou it was intentionally, she knows she can't keep the baby even thou she wants to so badly. The only solution at this time it seems is for her to have an abortion. But the problem is she doesn't know which private clinics do abortions and does she have to let her parents know about all these before being able to have an abortion? Price is not a concern. How can I advise her on this?
Your story is not a sad story. You should feel lucky. The reason your father is strict with you is that he dun want you to be lead astray. He nag at you to study as he wants you to excel in your life in future when you step into the working society. As you know that in Singapore, education is very important and without a qualification, you will lose out in future. With qualification, you can decide what you want to do in future.
The reason you dun relate to him at all is because you have never open yourself to him. He needs to understand you more so that he can know what you actually wants. Father will always play a strict role as in a family, father will play villian but in fact deep inside his heart, he loves you very much only he express in a different way. By the way, how old are you?
Thirdly, to get married ASAP with your bf to escape your father? Being married early it's not easy. There are lots of things to think about. Financial, emotional and mentality. Do you think you can handle all the stress? Put yourself in your father and mother's shoes? How do they support you to grow up so healthy? It's not easy to get married so early and have a child if you have any at your age. Try to communicate with your dad more. Be more initiative. You will never know that your dad will actually listen to your opinions.
As for your friend who's pregnant and now preparing herself for abortions, what you need to do is nothing! It may sound cruel but you have to help yourself first before you are able to help your friend. In life, there are many choices you can make in life if you make the right one. Be positive and confident! -
So Kuai. Teach you the evil way.
For me, I had that problem when I was younger. So, I simply use whatever lie that works that I know my parents will not stop me from going out.
Anyway, are you going to work after graduate? If yes, then easy loh. Can always say got OT what.
Ideally, of course, should really build trust with your parents loh. But that takes time and effort. -
are you the only daughter at home? if yes, that for sure that your parents, especially your dad will react like that. I m the only daughter at home , so my dad was very strict to me.. even when i was mid 20s, he still expect me spend more times at home then go out .. the best way is sit down and have a gd tok wif your dad, tell him wat you thinking and what you want.