I got dumped and I need help, please.
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Good evening all big brothers and sisters. Need your kind advice on this situation. Thank you. My gf dumped me last week. I really cant get over her, I attempted suicide. Reason for leaving: Don't want to hurt me further. From what I assume, throughout our seven months relationship, she didnt even love me or she is just not sure. She broke up with me on the third day and since then, the break-patch routine continues. Throughout all the patches, it was me who intiate them. I went from begging her desperately to doing really stupid things. She says she is not making me happy which is not true. She has really changed my life tremendously. But no matter how I explained to her, she had left without a word. She broke up with me over the phone and I was really having a bad period of other problems. What a time to break up manz!
Firstly, I find it hard to get over her because I really love her a lot. I have my mind set up to marry her and accept her for who she really is. To practice good communication, etc. Yes I had my flaws, my temper caused me to slam the phone time and time again but I have improved myself because of her. I am very committed and I believe that I can only love one person in my life, which is her. I am a very low esteem person but the relationship was the sole thing I was confident in. I was so sure everything will stay so after the sixth month, I focused my time on work to work hard for our future.
I would like to feed as much information as I can so that I can get help. One thing about her is that whenever she is at fault, she will find ways to make it my fault. Yes, she has a big ego. She told me that I was never important to her and I was not in her priority list at all. Meaning her family and friends come first. I had to teach her how to love me. I thought that since I was her first boy friend, she had no prior experience.
I realised that I was blinded. I do not know if she ever liked me or not. Or she was just in a relationship cause it gives her the attention she needs. She has plenty of friends, mostly guys who she would love to have freedom to hang out with. Will someone have to teach you how to love someone? Friends have adviced me to move on and forget about it. I feel cheated but I am stucked and do not know what to do to move on. Its like I am confuse. In my heart, I still feel that maybe she was just hiding something. But reality shows that she didn't even bother or appreciate me at all.
I believe in love. Meaning when I go into a relationship, I will fight it till the very end. I dont believe in going into a relationship just to try. If our personalities clashes in the long run, there can be lots of resolution. Of course, careful thinking have been done before a relationship is pursued. But it seems this world has no love? People go into relationship just to see if they fit. If it doesnt then sua, just leave and find another one. I cant live with that.
My question is: Did she love me? I have ignored her for a week after all the advice I have got. She didnt call or email me though. She is telling all my friends and her friends to take care of me as she wont be there for me. Telling them to keep it a secret from me. What is she trying to do? She wants to make me feel pitiful? How can she continue with her life so happy after 7 months of relationship while I am here so sad about it. People are so realistic? Please help me and I will feed more information when I think about them. Thank you so much.
PS: Ok I did a very lame thing you may say. At 5am in the morning, I went to her house to leave her guitar outside of her door and also all the letters she gave me. Then I left. I am really shock and tramautised.
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dude...i dun even need to finish reading wat u read....but it has always been "I", "I " ' "I"..... e relationship is not onli about u....u talk about e changes u made n e sacrifices u have made.... so do u love her more or do u love urself more?
Suicide is a coward's way out.... wat about ur parents?They raise u up all these years n u kill urself over a gal...wake up ur idea....u kill urself not cos u love her but cos u love urself more n that u do not know how to live without her.....
E world does not stop spinning for a single person.... get that into ur head n move on.... nothing in this world is forever..... just be glad that u have had some great times together...better now than when u fall deeper in love with her...better now when u still feel love for her ...than later where u can have onli hate n disgust...
WAKE UP N MOVE ON!!!! -
hmmmm about the same thing happen to me.... but i dun have temper or doing lame things , commit suicide is a no no out.
But my r/s crash bcos how to comm with her sometimes.the communication is a big role sometimes even we love each other.
-Mistake you have done and corrected is good. But sometimes is slighty too late to rewind back.
-What you learn now...try to apply the next girl. You will be happier.
-Sometimes...pulling towards a fish you don't have exp is bad, you can sink the whole ship. Sometimes you need to cut the line and catch the next fish. -
i knew i will be getting these responses. at least i tried. and if you think its a i i i relationship, you are wrong. you are judging me too fast dude. the whole relationship was dominated by her who is always quarreling with me as she is the one that always do the i i i. i guess this will be my last message. bye.
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try to cool down......Originally posted by eccentrical:i knew i will be getting these responses. at least i tried. and if you think its a i i i relationship, you are wrong. you are judging me too fast dude. the whole relationship was dominated by her who is always quarreling with me as she is the one that always do the i i i. i guess this will be my last message. bye. -
Originally posted by eccentrical:Good evening all big brothers and sisters. Need your kind advice on this situation. Thank you. My gf dumped me last week. I really cant get over her, I attempted suicide. Reason for leaving: Don't want to hurt me further. From what I assume, throughout our seven months relationship, she didnt even love me or she is just not sure. She broke up with me on the third day and since then, the break-patch routine continues. Throughout all the patches, it was me who intiate them. I went from begging her desperately to doing really stupid things. She says she is not making me happy which is not true. She has really changed my life tremendously. But no matter how I explained to her, she had left without a word. She broke up with me over the phone and I was really having a bad period of other problems. What a time to break up manz!
Firstly, I find it hard to get over her because I really love her a lot. I have my mind set up to marry her and accept her for who she really is. To practice good communication, etc. Yes I had my flaws, my temper caused me to slam the phone time and time again but I have improved myself because of her. I am very committed and I believe that I can only love one person in my life, which is her. I am a very low esteem person but the relationship was the sole thing I was confident in. I was so sure everything will stay so after the sixth month, I focused my time on work to work hard for our future.
I would like to feed as much information as I can so that I can get help. One thing about her is that whenever she is at fault, she will find ways to make it my fault. Yes, she has a big ego. She told me that I was never important to her and I was not in her priority list at all. Meaning her family and friends come first. I had to teach her how to love me. I thought that since I was her first boy friend, she had no prior experience.
I realised that I was blinded. I do not know if she ever liked me or not. Or she was just in a relationship cause it gives her the attention she needs. She has plenty of friends, mostly guys who she would love to have freedom to hang out with. Will someone have to teach you how to love someone? Friends have adviced me to move on and forget about it. I feel cheated but I am stucked and do not know what to do to move on. Its like I am confuse. In my heart, I still feel that maybe she was just hiding something. But reality shows that she didn't even bother or appreciate me at all.
I believe in love. Meaning when I go into a relationship, I will fight it till the very end. I dont believe in going into a relationship just to try. If our personalities clashes in the long run, there can be lots of resolution. Of course, careful thinking have been done before a relationship is pursued. But it seems this world has no love? People go into relationship just to see if they fit. If it doesnt then sua, just leave and find another one. I cant live with that.
My question is: Did she love me? I have ignored her for a week after all the advice I have got. She didnt call or email me though. She is telling all my friends and her friends to take care of me as she wont be there for me. Telling them to keep it a secret from me. What is she trying to do? She wants to make me feel pitiful? How can she continue with her life so happy after 7 months of relationship while I am here so sad about it. People are so realistic? Please help me and I will feed more information when I think about them. Thank you so much.
PS: Ok I did a very lame thing you may say. At 5am in the morning, I went to her house to leave her guitar outside of her door and also all the letters she gave me. Then I left. I am really shock and tramautised. 
The only way a person suffering from inferior complex could ever attract or be in any healthy BGR, would be to evolve his/her own personality before he/she could even try to learn to love others. Seriously, I am not surprise over afflicted preception/reaction like:
I) Begging desperately.
II) Set mind to marry at early stage or regardless of short/long term circumstances.
III) Sucidal attempt.
And when you are wondering wth is she doing as she goes around telling others to take care of you, at the same time, telling them not to tell you - she demonstrated YOUR kind of quality - conflicting, confusing and self pity. To break up within 3 days is a sign that your relationship wouldn't go very far, even if you were to muster all your strength to carry them through. No proper relationship ends on such short notice and you know it at the back of your head - this intense relationship has already ended long ago. You resist the idea of moving on and delude yourself into thinking that everything will be fine.
CloUdiSm Remix III states that anything after the first break without ample recovery phrase is gone forever. Further attempts to salvage is merely to drag the process of death. Repeated cycle of break-patch is a vicious system that only further bleed both party off their emotions. Your relationship is already cloying with touch of decay - no means of resurrection is possible.
P.S: I seen far too much of such cases. I even have a case that drags over 10+ years that ended up SAME as their second break. What does it take for you to wake up? You are willing to learn, but your spiritual growth has cease. Pause and retrace your route - some relationship are never meant to be our final stop, much as we want them to.
Cheers -
THANK YOU! I really agree with you, really appreciate your help.
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cloudism remix? so do i have depression? do i need to see a doctor? so i am condemed cause i am different from people?
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Hello eccentrical,
i do feel sorry for you, but i guess by now u surely knwo that sucide is not goin to solve any problems.. it just creates new problems for other ppl..
i know u muz be feelin rather sad over the break up..
can i query how old are the 2 of u all actually??
what are the reasons that she broke up w you on the 3rd day??
i mean if she cannot commit, then i feel its her fault for leading u so long...
perhaps she`s right that she`s not making you happy..
have you ever pondered why she need to break away from you??
are you the one giving her prob??
as you`ve mentioned your`re the one showing her `bad temper`
yes, you may say that u love her a lot..
u may even feel that u love her a lot..
but are you doin it the correct way??
its the way u handle things tat makes them turn out certain ways u`ve nv expected them to be..
regarding yor question..
i cant tell you if she really loved you..
but u can think about these..
have she ever done anything `just for you`??
did she tell you her secrets??
have you all done a heart to heart talk????
is she proud to be with you??
at least these are the few min signs that she may have loved u b4
i feel that u should really take a break from all these..
let life live itself.. don think abt her ( at least try not to )
get some distraction
and ponder wat do u really want to get out of life
i know it aint easy but try
it`ll make u feel better, fret not for a r/s..
Let True Love come to you,
there`s no need to rush Love like you had..
and when it comes to you, there`s no stopping of it.
Chill out -
Originally posted by eccentrical:cloudism remix? so do i have depression? do i need to see a doctor? so i am condemed cause i am different from people? You are not different from people - in fact, I know of alot of people falling under your kind of case. Just that if you are a woman, the man you will attract will likely to abuse you in some aspects, namely emotional abuse (of course, there are chances of other forms of abuse).
If you can't handle them alone or if it is terribly affecting your lifestyle - you ought to seek help because online assistance is like online virus scan - it works only when you are logged into internet.
Love is projected two ways - you and your partner. If you can't even handle the Self element - attempting to engage in a relationship will usually bring more sorrow than happiness. You are the sort of clings for emotional dependancy and it's true for people who lack the self esteem - because you can't find it yourself, you had to source it from other people. Reasoning includes: Rather die than to live without her, she is the only one - no one else, etc (Major water elements in their astrological chart will serve similiar effect) Ironically, it became like drugs, you had to stablize more with each clings and it deepens your wounds on the relationship.
You must be self substantial and stable and NOT think that a relationship will help to achieve this. Relationship makes a person wholesome and complete - but it cannot assist in areas like this unless you are enligten and wisdom shines into your life.
P.S: Nobody is condemn - you can learn it or lose it here. Understand why this relationship has to go - acknowledge. Take a deep breathe and focus on how you should improve yourself than to chase after a souless relationship. You can return back to your so called past - but I shall guarantee you that another break is set on a date down the road. Don't do things for the sake of doing things - DO things because you KNOW what's good ultimately.
Cheers -
Don't you worry lil soldier, m@A will help you with his limited wisdom. Some key terms to note before u read my essay:
Definition of weak: Overly-nice behaviour, perfect guy, wussy, ah gua etc. No man is truly WEAK, all men are strong when they can find their strength, for all people can learn and change things. Giving the girl whatever she wants
Definition of utility: Enjoyment derived from engaging in an activity or purchasing a good; in this case; its the joy we humans have by being in love
Basic assumption: Most girls/women in the world are currently into jerks in the short run, not gentlemen. (reason being gentlemen are boring and have connected with girls from young due to fairytale media and CME classes, jerks being the "fresh thing on the menu" for many girls reaching womanhood). But in the long run, many gentlemen end up winning women because many women get bored with jerks in their short run and tend to choose more interesting gentlemen for the long run remainder of their lives.
Basic ideas i gather from you and your approach with girls;
1. U are weak, or at least you APPEAR weak. And i believe this caused the downfall of your relationship
(regardless, in todays world, initial perception or guesses about perception ARE REALITY, there is no truth even though there may be, but there is only PERCEPTION)
2. You are caught in a cycle of appearing weak. You have been conditioned to appear weak, plus your 7 months and prior time of experience has not done much to correct your "weakness" by rote.
3. You have a slight inferiority complex, which must be rectified slightly so u can have future successes with girls and people instead of failures.
4. *MOST IMPORTANT* You have failed here, but that is nothing to be ashamed of, be proud for you possess the power NOT to fail again.
OK we will go about this by quatations of your testimonial above; lets GO!
Economically, during your 7 months, i believe during the 1st few months, she was attracted to you, you were the sole male product in her life and u 2 were happy. As time went on, as with most people, she became exposed to more male choices in the market; more males that were obviously NOT YOU or different than you, most likely different in terms of esteem and manly stature (mostly behaviour).I really cant get over her...I attempted suicide...Throughout all the patches, it was me who intiate them...I went from begging her desperately to doing really stupid things......Ok I did a very lame thing you may say. At 5am in the morning, I went to her house to leave her guitar outside of her door and also all the letters she gave me. Then I left. I am really shock and tramautised.
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You may really not be able to get over her. Its hard, we know. But this is sensitive information that does not endear you to her. Most girls don't feel attraction for weakness, although you may think she is touched by your "devotion to her", it makes u look weak. The fact that she prolly knows u committed suicide is an even more "mission failed" point for you. THe fact that you keep initiating patch ups, shows you are the one who "wants her", and not she who wants you, also, it further shows in her eyes how weak you are. The fact that you begged undermines your "I AM A MAN URAAAGHH!!!!
"-image, which is not good for girls.
You should mask this weakness, and not expose it, especially not to her or her agents.I am a very low esteem person but the relationship was the sole thing I was confident in
You must find other ways to gain your esteem in. You must be proud of your other features, which i am sure you have, every man has a basic set of features that add to his ego.
basics: 1. Physique (you can train this up)
2. Personality (you can modify it to suit the demand for guys by girls curve)
3. Titles, authority, your ranks, what class your in, how smart you are, your qualifications, your abilities, your talents etc. You must magnify these and find confidence.She has really changed my life tremendously. But no matter how I explained to her, she had left without a word.
It appears, the reason for your relationship problem, lies in the fact that she does not feel attracted to you anymore. That is something near impossible for you to change at this point, but the important thing is you overcome the reasons why she dumped you. And i believe the main reason is your lack of confidence and commanding "manlyness".She has plenty of friends, mostly guys who she would love to have freedom to hang out with.
*Now we will focus more on your personality flaws*
[quote]I thought that since I was her first boy friend, she had no prior experience.Your assumption is/was FLAWED, because people learn all the time, even though a girl is technically with a guy, she will be exposed to many guys trying to hit on her, or guy friends whom she fantasizes because her current bf may not be as attractive as her fantasies. Its human nature. Also, every girl has prior experience or expectations about guys that have been engrained from Disney romance films and CME classes. Thus, most girls tend to fall for nice guys for a while, until as time goes on they become self aware of different choices (not necessarily better, but perceptively to them better for them because they become attracted to other alternatives). Thus she gains experience.
I bet you the guy she is currently with will not satisfy her for long, because i believe no person is forever satisfied. (note the word forever). There is only short run and long run. Many guys succeed in the short run but fail in the long run, and the "runs" are subjective, in your case 7 months. In my case my long run was 2 years.she has a big ego
*IMPORTANT*
By implication of this comment, you have a relatively smaller ego than her. Thus it chips away your attraction factor. Most girls want a guy with an ego that matches or challenges their own.If our personalities clashes in the long run, there can be lots of resolution.
Technically true, given the basic assumption that is in most cases, the downfall of your thesis- "the willingness of parties to resolve issues." Especially in this day and age, we people want everything DONE fast and easy.
Face it, the amount of time/resources needed for 2 romance parties to resolve their differences (so that they may gain more utlity) is WAY LARGER/LONGER than for the 2 parties to split up and find other parties so that they may continue obtaining utility.
There can be, but there is often NO Resolution because of basic economics. Which is why a culture of pic/mix/match/try-again has evolved in human peer bonding.
More concrete personal example with me: I can't click well with many ppl in class, cant socialise, they have issues with my personality that they can't understand, and this impedes us from clicking and forming a peer group. Now, they don't want to spend excess energy to start from scratch and understand me as a person, they would rather continue with other familiar people (not me) and engage in conversation etc to derive utility of frendship. I will then look out for people i can click with, and if i can't, both parties ignore each other and move on. It is the current way of life.
U have very eloquently illustrated this with your quote:But it seems this world has no love? People go into relationship just to see if they fit. If it doesnt then sua, just leave and find another one. I cant live with that.
Yes the world is a ****ing unfair beast, no wonder the Cathars regarded it as evil and called it "rex Mundi". That fact you can't live with that now, is as good as you comitting suicide. The animal that cannot adapt to its changing surroundings will inevitably become extinct. The company that cannot adapt and be more competitive will close. You must adapt and change ur mindset, or else u will always encounter these breaking situations.My question is: Did she love me? I have ignored her for a week after all the advice I have got.
Yes she did love you, for a while. She does not love you now. How and WHY is very important for you to succeed in future. And i am glad to congradulate you for ignoring her for a week, good. THat is the 1st step.She is telling all my friends and her friends to take care of me as she wont be there for me. Telling them to keep it a secret from me. What is she trying to do?She wants to make me feel pitiful?
I believe you need to know why she does not love you. She finds you unattractive now because she finds you weak. It is obvious because she asks others to take care of you coz she won't be there, that already shows she acknowledges your weakness which she finds unattractive.
***********THe SOLUTION**********
1. Move on. I know it sounds easy but it is if you have mental discipline. This is what you can try:
(i) Imagine that she is a hard rock in your brain, use willpower to dissolve that rock into nothing, dissolving her with it.
(ii) Imagine she is on an island all alone, and you are on a boat sailing away from her and never looking back.
2. You must change yourself, and i can advise you with my basic rules for romance:
"Care about girls genuinely, but don't let them openly realise it."
"Don't be too eager to please"
By all means be NICE to them whenever you see them, but do not do it too often. Do not be nice OVER FREQUENTLY in other words. For it gets boring in the end.
Most relationships have a breaking point, it is inevitable, just like we age, just like animals become extinct, just like companies get closed down. Nothing is certain, that is certain.
THe only thing we all can do is to maximise our SHORT RUN duration of the relationship before the break up. Now i am not denying that some relationships are solid and blissfull and nice and all that stuff, but in most cases they do not work out and people get hurt.
I will always get hurt. So will you. So will everyone. What we can do is minimise the hurt by learning to tolerate it, by being strong. THere are a few ways to do this:
1. Prolonging your relationship by making the mutual attraction last as long as possible: you do this by changing your character to what most girls want;
-be commanding and domineering, yet understanding at the same time.
-flaunt your positive points, minimise your flaws, either in appearance or conversation
-don't be too eager
-don't see each other too often
-ignore each other from time to time to gain deeper appreciation of each other
otherwise you appear feeble
2. Having multiple relationships to fall back on
-basic rule: "if a girl has not explicitly asked you to commit to her, DO NOT COMMIT." See as many people as you can, have many relationships to keep you afloat whenever some sink.
be strong.
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How can you feel so sad about it still? It's your choice?Originally posted by eccentrical:My question is: Did she love me? I have ignored her for a week after all the advice I have got. She didnt call or email me though. She is telling all my friends and her friends to take care of me as she wont be there for me. Telling them to keep it a secret from me. What is she trying to do? She wants to make me feel pitiful? How can she continue with her life so happy after 7 months of relationship while I am here so sad about it. People are so realistic? Please help me and I will feed more information when I think about them. Thank you so much.
PS: Ok I did a very lame thing you may say. At 5am in the morning, I went to her house to leave her guitar outside of her door and also all the letters she gave me. Then I left. I am really shock and tramautised.
It doesn't matter if she did love you or not... It's OVER. And seems like both of you have much character clashes and you ain't exactly working on them...
You feel CHEATED or whatever.. It's OVER...
Like you've mentioned, you've got tons of other problems to handle.. Pls handle them well....
And like what the other forumite has suggested, you can't just see things (especially the relationship) only form your own point of perception... -
im same with you and my relationship lasted 5yrs plus...
Till now, im still on the recovery route and i dunno when will i recover or will i ever recover..
SAME THING AS YOU I CANT ACCEPT ITS GONE.. but there's no choice i have to take it no matter what.. and though i feel no one really understand the pains im going through especially the person who has been with me for so long.. but i still have to go on... if not she will loathe me more.. Though we are of no concern of each other anymore.. but I DONT WANT TO COMMIT SUICIDE OR ANYTHING SILLY BECAUSE IN THIS WAY, I WILL ONLY MAKE HER LOOK DOWN ON ME SOMEMORE. Even if life is without you she can live on, y not doing the same?? without her, you CAN LIVE TOO!!! -
My sincere gratitude to each and every one of you. It just goes to show that I am not alone in these. I feel comforted when I read all of your posts and I thank you for your time. Its a miracle to see that what every of you have replied is right! It clears my mind and shows me the big picture of my whole setback. I will just add on a little to share my experience so that it can be a good discussion for all.
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wat we can do best is to only give u advicesOriginally posted by eccentrical:My sincere gratitude to each and every one of you. It just goes to show that I am not alone in these. I feel comforted when I read all of your posts and I thank you for your time. Its a miracle to see that what every of you have replied is right! It clears my mind and shows me the big picture of my whole setback. I will just add on a little to share my experience so that it can be a good discussion for all.
and that the most we can do for you..
it`s now up to you to decide for your life urself..
brace up and face the world
best wishes in all ur decision
Don rush Love.. Let it come to you... -
Originally posted by Yunhaier:
Thank you Yun. You must be a doctor of some sort, you really broke my barrier pretty much. I know the fundamentals of a relationship cause this was not my first. Ironically, all my experiences are the same. Thats why I am what I am today: hurt and broken. Like what men@arms said, probably I will have to chase up with reality to survive. Living a life of what a real man should really be. Very good point! And the thing that sticks on with me is how she manipulated me, its painful because you gave a part of your life to someone who took it like a toy. I agree with Babyboy that true love will come one day, it doesnt have to be rushed. Worst of all, if girls are what all men@arms has said, i would rather not have anymore of them. I have to accept the fact that people are realistic. They told me not to leave for second best, but I am not realistic, I was satisfied when I had her. You are not different from people - in fact, I know of alot of people falling under your kind of case. Just that if you are a woman, the man you will attract will likely to abuse you in some aspects, namely emotional abuse (of course, there are chances of other forms of abuse).
If you can't handle them alone or if it is terribly affecting your lifestyle - you ought to seek help because online assistance is like online virus scan - it works only when you are logged into internet.
Love is projected two ways - you and your partner. If you can't even handle the Self element - attempting to engage in a relationship will usually bring more sorrow than happiness. You are the sort of clings for emotional dependancy and it's true for people who lack the self esteem - because you can't find it yourself, you had to source it from other people. Reasoning includes: Rather die than to live without her, she is the only one - no one else, etc (Major water elements in their astrological chart will serve similiar effect) Ironically, it became like drugs, you had to stablize more with each clings and it deepens your wounds on the relationship.
You must be self substantial and stable and NOT think that a relationship will help to achieve this. Relationship makes a person wholesome and complete - but it cannot assist in areas like this unless you are enligten and wisdom shines into your life.
P.S: Nobody is condemn - you can learn it or lose it here. Understand why this relationship has to go - acknowledge. Take a deep breathe and focus on how you should improve yourself than to chase after a souless relationship. You can return back to your so called past - but I shall guarantee you that another break is set on a date down the road. [b]Don't do things for the sake of doing things - DO things because you KNOW what's good ultimately.
Cheers [/b]
I dont want to focus so much on myself. What I can do now is just to help myself in my other areas of life. When I have settled down again, I will then be her friend. That is all I can do. People say that she will come back to me, but I will reject it. There are too many instances to show her disinterest in me. I was blind until all of you lovely people woke me up. Now I know what kind of person she is. She 'appeared' a naive and gullible girl but it was all a front, I was fooled. Anyway,
I can smile now. It was a bad dream. One more thing, thank you Yun for your message. I almost went to her place to gave her a letter. After reading your message I didnt go ahead. I can look forward now, leaving her on the island. THANK YOU EVERYBODY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You made a life worth living again. 
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the day never ends today, it starts every min, every sec
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reason for breakup - none. she just said she wanted to break.Originally posted by BaByBoY:Hello eccentrical,
i do feel sorry for you, but i guess by now u surely knwo that sucide is not goin to solve any problems.. it just creates new problems for other ppl..
i know u muz be feelin rather sad over the break up..
can i query how old are the 2 of u all actually??
what are the reasons that she broke up w you on the 3rd day??
i mean if she cannot commit, then i feel its her fault for leading u so long...
perhaps she`s right that she`s not making you happy..
have you ever pondered why she need to break away from you??
are you the one giving her prob??
as you`ve mentioned your`re the one showing her `bad temper`
yes, you may say that u love her a lot..
u may even feel that u love her a lot..
but are you doin it the correct way??
its the way u handle things tat makes them turn out certain ways u`ve nv expected them to be..
regarding yor question..
i cant tell you if she really loved you..
but u can think about these..
have she ever done anything `just for you`??
did she tell you her secrets??
have you all done a heart to heart talk????
is she proud to be with you??
at least these are the few min signs that she may have loved u b4
i feel that u should really take a break from all these..
let life live itself.. don think abt her ( at least try not to )
get some distraction
and ponder wat do u really want to get out of life
i know it aint easy but try
it`ll make u feel better, fret not for a r/s..
Let True Love come to you,
there`s no need to rush Love like you had..
and when it comes to you, there`s no stopping of it.
Chill out
can i query how old are the 2 of u all actually?? I am in my 20 and she is 19
are you the one giving her prob?? I think i am relieving her from problems. I helped her a lot in her life with work and family matters.
have she ever done anything `just for you`?? There are some, but what does it show then? She do care?
did she tell you her secrets?? Nope, she hid from me a lot of things until I forced some of them out. Like how she hugged a guy who liked her.
have you all done a heart to heart talk???? Of couirse! But whenever I try to talk to her nicely, she will blow up. And I am always at fault.
is she proud to be with you?? Nope. She brags about other guys especially her best guy friend. The only thing she is proud about me is my career, thats all.
Let True Love come to you,
there`s no need to rush Love like you had..
and when it comes to you, there`s no stopping of it. Agree! I will move on. Yes, there are times where I want to go and beg her again. -
Originally posted by eccentrical:
GET A LIFE, CANT U SEE SHE IS USING U AS U HAVE A STABLE CAREER
reason for breakup - none. she just said she wanted to break.
[b]can i query how old are the 2 of u all actually?? I am in my 20 and she is 19
are you the one giving her prob?? I think i am relieving her from problems. I helped her a lot in her life with work and family matters.
have she ever done anything `just for you`?? There are some, but what does it show then? She do care?
did she tell you her secrets?? Nope, she hid from me a lot of things until I forced some of them out. Like how she hugged a guy who liked her.
have you all done a heart to heart talk???? Of couirse! But whenever I try to talk to her nicely, she will blow up. And I am always at fault.
is she proud to be with you?? Nope. She brags about other guys especially her best guy friend. The only thing she is proud about me is my career, thats all.
Let True Love come to you,
there`s no need to rush Love like you had..
and when it comes to you, there`s no stopping of it. Agree! I will move on. Yes, there are times where I want to go and beg her again.[/b] -
other than i dun love you anymore, all other reasons to break up is nonsense, at least to me. And if that someone has no feelings for you, u wanna end ur life it wouldn't bother her the least.Originally posted by eccentrical:Good evening all big brothers and sisters. Need your kind advice on this situation. Thank you. My gf dumped me last week. I really cant get over her, I attempted suicide. Reason for leaving: Don't want to hurt me further. From what I assume, throughout our seven months relationship, she didnt even love me or she is just not sure. She broke up with me on the third day and since then, the break-patch routine continues. Throughout all the patches, it was me who intiate them. I went from begging her desperately to doing really stupid things. She says she is not making me happy which is not true. She has really changed my life tremendously. But no matter how I explained to her, she had left without a word. She broke up with me over the phone and I was really having a bad period of other problems. What a time to break up manz!
Firstly, I find it hard to get over her because I really love her a lot. I have my mind set up to marry her and accept her for who she really is. To practice good communication, etc. Yes I had my flaws, my temper caused me to slam the phone time and time again but I have improved myself because of her. I am very committed and I believe that I can only love one person in my life, which is her. I am a very low esteem person but the relationship was the sole thing I was confident in. I was so sure everything will stay so after the sixth month, I focused my time on work to work hard for our future.
I would like to feed as much information as I can so that I can get help. One thing about her is that whenever she is at fault, she will find ways to make it my fault. Yes, she has a big ego. She told me that I was never important to her and I was not in her priority list at all. Meaning her family and friends come first. I had to teach her how to love me. I thought that since I was her first boy friend, she had no prior experience.
I realised that I was blinded. I do not know if she ever liked me or not. Or she was just in a relationship cause it gives her the attention she needs. She has plenty of friends, mostly guys who she would love to have freedom to hang out with. Will someone have to teach you how to love someone? Friends have adviced me to move on and forget about it. I feel cheated but I am stucked and do not know what to do to move on. Its like I am confuse. In my heart, I still feel that maybe she was just hiding something. But reality shows that she didn't even bother or appreciate me at all.
I believe in love. Meaning when I go into a relationship, I will fight it till the very end. I dont believe in going into a relationship just to try. If our personalities clashes in the long run, there can be lots of resolution. Of course, careful thinking have been done before a relationship is pursued. But it seems this world has no love? People go into relationship just to see if they fit. If it doesnt then sua, just leave and find another one. I cant live with that.
My question is: Did she love me? I have ignored her for a week after all the advice I have got. She didnt call or email me though. She is telling all my friends and her friends to take care of me as she wont be there for me. Telling them to keep it a secret from me. What is she trying to do? She wants to make me feel pitiful? How can she continue with her life so happy after 7 months of relationship while I am here so sad about it. People are so realistic? Please help me and I will feed more information when I think about them. Thank you so much.
PS: Ok I did a very lame thing you may say. At 5am in the morning, I went to her house to leave her guitar outside of her door and also all the letters she gave me. Then I left. I am really shock and tramautised.
so wat if she did love u. DID.. not does.. tat was the past. people do change. -
Woah, something really big happened!
Her best friend was looking for me telling me that we had an appointment. I have no idea what appointment it was! Now I just put down the phone with her best friend and guess what!?
The best friend told me that a guy posing as me called her to date her out to hyatt for dinner. Saying that my ex was with her in the car but I dont drive. Then throughout the entire relationship she had never told the best friend about me. She had said to her best friend bout how cute her ex lover or best friend is but never me. She said nothing about me to her bestfriend.
Her bestfriend is pissed that she will scheme against her. My ex is simply trying to push me to her? Trying to ask another person take care of me. I am like being treated like a ball?!?! Crying and attempting suicide for nothing! That girl and I will go look for another of her best friend tomorrow to clarify the whole thing. I deserve an answer yes (although it dont mean much), but she needs help. -
wah she planning Mission Impossible 3 movie ???Originally posted by eccentrical:Woah, something really big happened!
Her best friend was looking for me telling me that we had an appointment. I have no idea what appointment it was! Now I just put down the phone with her best friend and guess what!?
The best friend told me that a guy posing as me called her to date her out to hyatt for dinner. Saying that my ex was with her in the car but I dont drive. Then throughout the entire relationship she had never told the best friend about me. She had said to her best friend bout how cute her ex lover or best friend is but never me. She said nothing about me to her bestfriend.
Her bestfriend is pissed that she will scheme against her. My ex is simply trying to push me to her? Trying to ask another person take care of me. I am like being treated like a ball?!?! Crying and attempting suicide for nothing! That girl and I will go look for another of her best friend tomorrow to clarify the whole thing. I deserve an answer yes (although it dont mean much), but she needs help. -
Originally posted by eccentrical:Thank you Yun. You must be a doctor of some sort, you really broke my barrier pretty much. I know the fundamentals of a relationship cause this was not my first. Ironically, all my experiences are the same. Thats why I am what I am today: hurt and broken. Like what men@arms said, probably I will have to chase up with reality to survive. Living a life of what a real man should really be. Very good point! And the thing that sticks on with me is how she manipulated me, its painful because you gave a part of your life to someone who took it like a toy. I agree with Babyboy that true love will come one day, it doesnt have to be rushed. Worst of all, if girls are what all men@arms has said, i would rather not have anymore of them. I have to accept the fact that people are realistic. They told me not to leave for second best, but I am not realistic, I was satisfied when I had her.
I dont want to focus so much on myself. What I can do now is just to help myself in my other areas of life. When I have settled down again, I will then be her friend. That is all I can do. People say that she will come back to me, but I will reject it. There are too many instances to show her disinterest in me. I was blind until all of you lovely people woke me up. Now I know what kind of person she is. She 'appeared' a naive and gullible girl but it was all a front, I was fooled. Anyway, I can smile now. It was a bad dream. One more thing, thank you Yun for your message. I almost went to her place to gave her a letter. After reading your message I didnt go ahead. I can look forward now, leaving her on the island. THANK YOU EVERYBODY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You made a life worth living again. Remember the date you post this - if ever you have any doubts, read this again. You will find some answers within.
P.S: Welcome tp SGF - enjoy your stay in AA.
Cheers -
Originally posted by eccentrical:Woah, something really big happened!
Her best friend was looking for me telling me that we had an appointment. I have no idea what appointment it was! Now I just put down the phone with her best friend and guess what!?
The best friend told me that a guy posing as me called her to date her out to hyatt for dinner. Saying that my ex was with her in the car but I dont drive. Then throughout the entire relationship she had never told the best friend about me. She had said to her best friend bout how cute her ex lover or best friend is but never me. She said nothing about me to her bestfriend.
Her bestfriend is pissed that she will scheme against her. My ex is simply trying to push me to her? Trying to ask another person take care of me. I am like being treated like a ball?!?! Crying and attempting suicide for nothing! That girl and I will go look for another of her best friend tomorrow to clarify the whole thing. I deserve an answer yes (although it dont mean much), but she needs help. Actually I don't see a need to know anything. She craves for love's attention, regardless of a failed relationship or not. It's like people trying to cut their hands and blatantly 'revealed' their wounds to their partners. That's so fringing` lame (Know of one huge lamer who does that. Pure nuisence... and likely she is suffering from borderline psychological disorder).
IRC has this command: /ignore - use it. Her best friend can clarify things with her, but as for you, just carry on your day as usual. Avoid giving her attention that's if you wished to move on, for such mundane incidents will hinder your progress to get her out of your life.
Cheers -
Thanks! I dont even know if her best friend are in cahoots with her. But yup, I dont feel anything for her anymore. I am glad the truth is out. Sighz, I cant help to think how sick she can get.