How do i end this relationship?
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I am now and i realise that i am too young to have a rel. In jc and v busy. This girl has been my stead for almost two months liao.. I currently believe that seh is seeing another guy who stays near her.. He was her former crush.. I dont wnt to say this but she shamelessly looked up his add and made friends with him... Now they like chatting everyday i think... usually she will miss call me like crazy but today she did not even contact me at all.
Cuz she normally stay at home to study but today suddenly go clubhouse to study... for the whole day some more... Weird cuz she hates to be alone... so i suspect that she studying together with this guy.
She keeps telling me that she is not interested in him. But would yr gf be so shameless... go make new friend and chat with him on msn for an hour yesterday and then today will suddenly stop contacting u... even when she's alone and she's the kind who needs a lot of security?
I am quite an indepentdent person and now noe that this is not the relationship for me... she took up too much of my time when i really loved her... and now cuz i need to study for exams also she look up this guy and i suspect she with him now..
Think i should talk it out with her and meet this guy or should i juz give up this relationship in which i have no intention of continueing since she is like this...
Also her actions are very mixed... she is still very touchy with me till the extent that i don noe if she is really two timing me... I am having the feeling that she is betraying me and i dont like that..
If i want the relationship to end i want it to end cuz we do not match each others characters... not cuz she went after another guy but continues to lie to me... i am a guy and i have pride... i will not take it lying down if she had indeed betrayed me...
If we really break up... when would be the best time for it... Cuz even after my exams i still have many things on... so ya... pls coment -
She is still ur girlfren yet u call her 'shameless girl'.
Do u still love her? I think u have already decided to break up. There is no best time/right time...if she dun wana break up..
Since u think that ur studies are more important and u are already telling pple that u have a shameless gf, might as well call it off then hopefully she get somebody who really cherish and love her. -
Like all normal human beings i would definitely want my relation to last... i am a very romantic and emotional person... But i am also very sensible person and i believe that i must be ready and matured enough to make any decision. I dont wan to end this now cuz exams are coming... i would rather suffer in silence now and tell her after exams rather than tell her now and affect her studies... she is talking to another guy now... how do u expect me to feel? And for any moment do not think tat i am possesive... for i am not.Originally posted by browniebaobao:She is still ur girlfren yet u call her 'shameless girl'.
Do u still love her? I think u have already decided to break up. There is no best time/right time...if she dun wana break up..
Since u think that ur studies are more important and u are already telling pple that u have a shameless gf, might as well call it off then hopefully she get somebody who really cherish and love her.
Another thing... don give me "hopefully she get somebody who really cherish and love her." I did, io have tried and she did not appreciate me... shouldn't it be "hopefully i get somebody who really cherish and love me."? Ya thanks a lot for yr help... no offence in wat i said... its juz my stand -
Originally posted by Sy_dreamer:Like all normal human beings i would definitely want my relation to last... i am a very romantic and emotional person... But i am also very sensible person and i believe that i must be ready and matured enough to make any decision. I dont wan to end this now cuz exams are coming... i would rather suffer in silence now and tell her after exams rather than tell her now and affect her studies... she is talking to another guy now... how do u expect me to feel? And for any moment do not think tat i am possesive... for i am not.
Another thing... don give me "hopefully she get somebody who really cherish and love her." I did, io have tried and she did not appreciate me... shouldn't it be "hopefully i get somebody who really cherish and love me."? Ya thanks a lot for yr help... no offence in wat i said... its juz my stand
Did u ever try asking her how she treat the guy now? Are they juz frens? I mean tho she is attached, she still has the freedom of making frens. Well, I know how you feel, your fren looked up another guy's address and is actively chatting with him. U feel insecure and betrayed...
if u wana noe something, ask! Guessing won't give u the truth. -
Dear Sy_dreamer,
It really doesnt mean that when u are in JC, u are super busy and have no time for a relationship. Wait till u go out and work, then u know what is call busy. A couple can be both working high end jobs and handle four kids at the same time. Now......are u saying u are busier than them ?
Perhaps a relationship takes sensibility to work things out. From your posting, i would just like to comment that u are not even ready for any BGR. Neither is ur current so called GF. Have the two of you asked what is it going to be the outcome of this relationship ? Where is it heading ? After JC, then what are ur aspirations etc etc ? Or is it just pet talk all the time ?
Ending a relationship and u ask when is the "best time".....sigh......i really wonder why u get into it in the first place. my advice: ASAP....it probably wont hurt u and her too much anyway.....
sorry to sound like i am slapping u with a cold fish....but thats just how i felt when i read ur post....super cold fish. -
Thanks for your reply... juz to let u noe i also feel the same way. But i really feel a lot of hurt if were to end the rel and wnt to do it only after my exams... ya... I kinda learnt not to rush into any rel again...Originally posted by klyde:Dear Sy_dreamer,
i would just like to comment that u are not even ready for any BGR. Neither is ur current so called GF.
Juz wanna ask... will a childish and cutish girl ever grow up and mature? And rreally.. reallly... was it wrong for her to go look up and talk to tat guy.. or was I being overly sensitive... Cuz i need to noe if it was alright for her to do tat.. Thx -
Juz my 2 cents,
from the way you write abt her,
i can see the love from you is already gone.
Make use of this chance to break up w her.
yet learn a lesson out of it.
It`s already a made decision that you wan top break off w her in your mind
You juz need our encouragement and affirmation??
Go ahead and and break up.
Even when you carry on this relationship, the love is already gone.
You`re still young and chances are abundant for you.
Studies 1st!!
i`m glad you`re rather sensible in your thoughts..
keep up the gd work.. -
mhhh.....
from wat i read...i agree with everyone...
u n ur gf r both not ready for a relationship...
it also seems that u have decided to end the relationship..since you have more "important" things in your life now...
if u really feel that way...then it is best to arrange a suitable time to talk it out...beta trash things out once n for all...
i dun noe abt you...but personally i dun like to drag...u get emotionally drained...
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x2....Originally posted by browniebaobao:
Did u ever try asking her how she treat the guy now? Are they juz frens? I mean tho she is attached, she still has the freedom of making frens. Well, I know how you feel, your fren looked up another guy's address and is actively chatting with him. U feel insecure and betrayed...if u wana noe something, ask! Guessing won't give u the truth.
How many days she hasn't contacted you? 1 day izit?
Guys usually (not all though) hide into their own world when they are suspicious, have doubts or problems. They make decisions in their 'own caves' based on their presumptions.
If the whole matter is not what you think, have you ever think the hurt and scars she's gona get if you have mistaken her?????????? The decision is not just yours only if you love her, and don't make avoidable mistake which you will regret. You can't reverse them.
Talk to her first. Tell her about how u feel...e.g. insecure with her talking to her former crush. Have to be frank with one another. You, she, like any normal human being (any of us here), are and is entitled to have friends. Moreover, she just chatted AN HOUR with him on msn!!!
Both of you have your own needs so talk through and sort them out SLOWLY and RATIONALLY. No time is a good time, you don't tell her, you suffer means relationship suffers, she wonder wats wrong wif u..she also get affected...
But personally, I can guarantee when things become clearer, they do become a lot a lot easier to solve than you think right now. 
She is insecured and so are you even more. Building n learning to trust needs two and it takes time, understanding n efforts. Give n take as well.... Are exams and character mismatch excuses not to face the fear that the truth is what u suspected???
Juz wanna ask... will a childish and cutish girl ever grow up and mature? Yes, like any normal human beings....pacifier no more 
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Thanks everyone for yr replies... really appreciated..
I had a talk with her yesterday... she told me v frankly that she was with him... I do trust her but this incident has almost destroyed the love i initially felt towards her...
She told me tat guy is hitting on her... she don like it... but she don wnt to stay away from him cuz she don wnt to lose a friend.
Don she think she's weird? Readers please tell me if i'm right, she is not ready for a rel cuz she only cares about her own feelings and do not bother about how the other party may feel.
Her reason for initially contacting him: "Cuz everytime i at bus stop keep ogling at him den is like quite perverse, so i had to get to noe him." Readers pls tell me if she is ready for a rel. No sensible person will go out hitting on other guys juz cuz they are cute and live near u. I feel very hurt over wat she did and she now expects me to allow her to be with that guy as friends. Its alright but she tells me tat guy hits on her den she will freak out... but she don wnt lose friend so wont stay away from him.
Ok people, wat i really feel is that she has been too pampered all her life and now she expects me to accept tat guy whom she forced into her life on her own acccord... wtf... pls tell me wat i should do now... beginning to feel this is becoming an abusive rel now... -
That guy know ur GF is attached to u? Mayb he thinks she is single?
try to find a chance to let the guy see u and ur GF together. make sure he sees u holding her hands or wrap around her shoulders, etc. Make him know that u two are an item.
If ur GF dont allow u to be present in front of that guy, then u know something fishy is going on.
if this is the case, u have to wake up! dont lie to yourself anymore, coz it wont do u any good. nowadays alot of girls like to double time, or hold on to a guy then look for next one. something like a spare tire for them to fall back on.
if u still think something fishy, talk to her openly and calmly. if she denies it, ask ur GF if it is possible for u to be with her in front of the guy, to show him that u two are an item. if ur GF still disagree, u know whats going on.
Another variation will be to appear suddenly. Most important is to let the guy know she is attached to u. If the guy still dont mind and want to come between u, then there is nothing u can do, if ur GF is willing oso. Then it's time to move on.
Life goes on -
From what u wrote and what she said, it's clear that she has a crush on that guy and have a difficult time explaiing how/what she feels.
Try 2 pull her back or just move on, dude. -
He knows that we are together and she agrees to letting him see us together... I trust her but still bewildered at why she had to get to know that guy.. She the kind who needs a lot of security so maybe she using him as someone to fall back on we ever break... i don wnt say too much cuz maybe its juz tat she being friendly... But being friendly to he extent of purposely pulling another into yr life.. i donnoe if i can stand tat... thx for yr adviseOriginally posted by Poopie-Head:try to find a chance to let the guy see u and ur GF together. make sure he sees u holding her hands or wrap around her shoulders, etc. Make him know that u two are an item. -
gotta agree wif Magnus.
ur GF obviously has 'some liking' for the guy, maybe she's abit confused, maybe she's using either one of you as a 'fall-back'.
However, she agrees to let him see the two of u together, and even tells u about him. I can interpret this as trust on her part - at least she has faith in her relation with you, and tells u the truth about what happened.
Either way, communication is most important. talk to her about what you have been thinking, about what have been making u feel uneasy. try not to flare up or argue. let her do her explaination.
from then on, its up to u - whether u chose to believe her or not. do u love her enough? trust her enough? if u chose to trust her, dont suspect anymore. -
dittoOriginally posted by Sy_dreamer:
I had a talk with her yesterday... she told me v frankly that she was with him... I do trust her but this incident has almost destroyed the love i initially felt towards her...She told me tat guy is hitting on her... she don like it... but she don wnt to stay away from him cuz she don wnt to lose a friend. Don she think she's weird? Readers please tell me if i'm right, she is not ready for a rel cuz she only cares about her own feelings and do not bother about how the other party may feel.
Her reason for initially contacting him: "Cuz everytime i at bus stop keep ogling at him den is like quite perverse, so i had to get to noe him." Readers pls tell me if she is ready for a rel. No sensible person will go out hitting on other guys juz cuz they are cute and live near u. I feel very hurt over wat she did and she now expects me to allow her to be with that guy as friends.
He knows that we are together and she agrees to letting him see us together... I trust her but still bewildered at why she had to get to know that guy.. She the kind who needs a lot of security so maybe she using him as someone to fall back on we ever break... i don wnt say too much cuz maybe its juz tat she being friendly... But being friendly to he extent of purposely pulling another into yr life.. i donnoe if i can stand tat...[/quote]
you've already know that she's not really ready for a relationship when you listed the above-mentioned reasons and that. Talk to her and tell her how you feel about her suddenly getting fresh with another guy.
[quote]Originally posted by Poopie-Head:
from then on, its up to u - whether u chose to believe her or not. do u love her enough? trust her enough? if u chose to trust her, dont suspect anymore. -
i jus feel tat she need someone always there for her, as u said u r v.busy, some ppl tend to get lonely easily, at the same time tat guy appears n able to be ard wif her, tat's y she chose him over him..who knows one day, another guy appears again n he's busy??
no point keeping her if her heart no longer wif u..yes u r sad but wiser now rite -
i just think you two are kids. sorry to say this, but i don't think either of u knows what's love. you do not simply just love someone two months ago and then not anymore. i've been there, done that in jc. i know it's ain't love either. i'm not saying all who are in jc and in relationships dunno what's love, but it takes a few years' time to realize you've been stupid all this while. just part and parcel of growing up and life.
and yes, you do not call someone you love "shameless". you may feel she's been hurtful and doesn't cherish you, but since you think she's shameless, obviously you've never loved her too. you are not in any pain either. so it proves its not love. (QED!!) -
End the relationship. For the good of both of you....Originally posted by Sy_dreamer:I am now and i realise that i am too young to have a rel. In jc and v busy. This girl has been my stead for almost two months liao.. I currently believe that seh is seeing another guy who stays near her.. He was her former crush.. I dont wnt to say this but she shamelessly looked up his add and made friends with him... Now they like chatting everyday i think... usually she will miss call me like crazy but today she did not even contact me at all.
Cuz she normally stay at home to study but today suddenly go clubhouse to study... for the whole day some more... Weird cuz she hates to be alone... so i suspect that she studying together with this guy.
She keeps telling me that she is not interested in him. But would yr gf be so shameless... go make new friend and chat with him on msn for an hour yesterday and then today will suddenly stop contacting u... even when she's alone and she's the kind who needs a lot of security?
I am quite an indepentdent person and now noe that this is not the relationship for me... she took up too much of my time when i really loved her... and now cuz i need to study for exams also she look up this guy and i suspect she with him now..
Think i should talk it out with her and meet this guy or should i juz give up this relationship in which i have no intention of continueing since she is like this...
Also her actions are very mixed... she is still very touchy with me till the extent that i don noe if she is really two timing me... I am having the feeling that she is betraying me and i dont like that..
If i want the relationship to end i want it to end cuz we do not match each others characters... not cuz she went after another guy but continues to lie to me... i am a guy and i have pride... i will not take it lying down if she had indeed betrayed me...
If we really break up... when would be the best time for it... Cuz even after my exams i still have many things on... so ya... pls coment
And pls do not post the same story TWICE in the same forum (or even in another forum) simply by using another registered nick...
This time round I'll just CLOSE ONE EYE. Don't do it again... -
Your girl is still immature & likes attention. Since u are busy, she is looking elsewhere. It is ok to chat with guy frens but if she is having long chats & meeting up, then she is not ready to be in a committed r/s.
Have a talk with her abt. yr concern.
If she is not ready, then better to breakup.
U are both very young, take yr time to start any r/s. -
u alreadi have the answer liao... y seek for opinion? the words u used r so harsh... nan zi han da zhang fu... wan to break juz break... dun dilly dally... n dun regret wat u have done...
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Erm, just concentrate on your "A" Level, get some good results. Enjoy your JC life and peers while u can, u might not know there may be some better gals that comes along your way in the later stage of your life.Originally posted by Sy_dreamer:I am now and i realise that i am too young to have a rel. In jc and v busy. This girl has been my stead for almost two months liao.. I currently believe that seh is seeing another guy who stays near her.. He was her former crush.. I dont wnt to say this but she shamelessly looked up his add and made friends with him... Now they like chatting everyday i think... usually she will miss call me like crazy but today she did not even contact me at all.
Cuz she normally stay at home to study but today suddenly go clubhouse to study... for the whole day some more... Weird cuz she hates to be alone... so i suspect that she studying together with this guy.
She keeps telling me that she is not interested in him. But would yr gf be so shameless... go make new friend and chat with him on msn for an hour yesterday and then today will suddenly stop contacting u... even when she's alone and she's the kind who needs a lot of security?
I am quite an indepentdent person and now noe that this is not the relationship for me... she took up too much of my time when i really loved her... and now cuz i need to study for exams also she look up this guy and i suspect she with him now..
Think i should talk it out with her and meet this guy or should i juz give up this relationship in which i have no intention of continueing since she is like this...
Also her actions are very mixed... she is still very touchy with me till the extent that i don noe if she is really two timing me... I am having the feeling that she is betraying me and i dont like that..
If i want the relationship to end i want it to end cuz we do not match each others characters... not cuz she went after another guy but continues to lie to me... i am a guy and i have pride... i will not take it lying down if she had indeed betrayed me...
If we really break up... when would be the best time for it... Cuz even after my exams i still have many things on... so ya... pls coment
If u dont like the feeling of wat she is giving u, tell her. Work it out, if not...stay out of it and concentrate on your studies. Sometime we have to swallow our pride when dealing with woman...cannot always nan zi han all the way....
Cheers -
Follow ur brain and not ur heart !
Do wat u think it's right
Best Wishes & good luck
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Hi Sy_dreamer,Originally posted by Sy_dreamer:Thanks for your reply... juz to let u noe i also feel the same way. But i really feel a lot of hurt if were to end the rel and wnt to do it only after my exams... ya... I kinda learnt not to rush into any rel again...
Juz wanna ask... will a childish and cutish girl ever grow up and mature? And rreally.. reallly... was it wrong for her to go look up and talk to tat guy.. or was I being overly sensitive... Cuz i need to noe if it was alright for her to do tat.. Thx
Have u asked urself, what is the difference between ending the relationship now and after the exams ? If u feel hurt, then wont u be so hurt now knowing that ur gonna end it - so it affects ur revision ? Err....i really dont know when is a better time....
A childish and cutish girl....hrmm...i think everyone will mature one day - at least physically i guess. depends on what kind of maturity u r talking about. actually the word maturity sounds too absolute for my liking sometimes... since relationships are much more relative in nature. So i dont have an answer to your question....cos i dont even know if u understand what i am saying anyways.....
u keep on bringing the issue that she talk to her ex......and ask if its alright. may i say that u already have that answer indented into ur heart ? that u feel its super wrong and u are super pissed about it ? well, u can be pissed....i can say it aint right .....but whats that gonna do for you ? why not ask her if its alright ? perhaps shes more sensible than u think and tell u more logical reasons than u can imagine for seeing her ex again ? Or if not.....u can then close up this loop and end the relationship ? Hrmmm......can i say that u are more physically attracted to this girl then on what is up her brain ?
But well, if what u say is true - her being actively seeking the whereabouts of her ex....shes looking for something her ex provided or owe last time lor....so whats this thing that her ex provided ? understanding ? owe her money ? ??.....hai.....my dear boy....u really need to talk to her lah....
-- sorry huh...i read ur updated postings - so u talk to her already.
ok....now my conclusive advice for u - get away, get away...and concentrate on ur studies. dont worry lah....u will find ur lifetime companion along ur life journey....and hey its a long journey sia....ur still in JC !!