Fair or not?
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We have been seeing each other for two months and she wants to stop because I might be leaving Sg in a year's time -- reasoning that we have "no future" and that she is "wasting her time".
This is despite of the fact that she knows I would still very much like for us to continue and gain whatever we can from each other for now.
Is this fair?
Or does she actually mean something else but is just giving that reason?
Thanks guys. -
Mayb she is jus isn interested in this relationship?
Or tat she feels insecure, coz tat u both will be apart after one yr... So she is feelin unhappy?
Hmm... But most prob i feel tat the main re is tat is jus an excuse to break off the relationship... N tis happen to be a very convinent reason to give...
Coz if she really treasure tis relationship... She will treasure every moment tat u both can still spend tog... N talk bt the future when u go overseas, etc... How to go bt being able to communicate wif each other...etc...
Mayb u should have a gd talk wif her to find out wat is the actual reason... Shower her ur attention n mak her feel tat u r very confi tat it still will work out in the end... Give her more sense of security...
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Originally posted by NhuButler:
We have been seeing each other for two months and she wants to stop because I might be leaving Sg in a year's time -- reasoning that we have "no future" and that she is "wasting her time".
This is despite of the fact that she knows I would still very much like for us to continue and gain whatever we can from each other for now.
Is this fair?
Well... You've got what you would like to have from this relationship and she've got her own views... What's 'fair'? It's a RELATIONSHIP... If it doesn't work out, no use for you to hang on to her just for the sake of that? You prefer a year of sufferings for both parties...?
Or does she actually mean something else but is just giving that reason?
Thanks guys.
Well... This makes more sense... And you're thinking... And people often thinks.... It could mean more, it can mean just that... Are you thinking too much? Or do you have some 'sure tell' signs...?
What makes you think that we can tell better just from your post as simple as that...
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To be frank, nothing is fair in this world.
If you can, change it. If not, learn to live with it.
It is up to you to decide. -
Hi ahkico,Originally posted by ahkico:Mayb she is jus isn interested in this relationship?
Or tat she feels insecure, coz tat u both will be apart after one yr... So she is feelin unhappy?
Hmm... But most prob i feel tat the main re is tat is jus an excuse to break off the relationship... N tis happen to be a very convinent reason to give...
Coz if she really treasure tis relationship... She will treasure every moment tat u both can still spend tog... N talk bt the future when u go overseas, etc... How to go bt being able to communicate wif each other...etc...
Mayb u should have a gd talk wif her to find out wat is the actual reason... Shower her ur attention n mak her feel tat u r very confi tat it still will work out in the end... Give her more sense of security...
Thanks for your advice.
I think you have a very good point about her treasuring the r'ship.
but just one question -- how to give her a sense of security? Sorry, but it seems so much easier said than done.
Appreciate your help.
Thanks,
NhuButler -
Originally posted by NhuButler:We have been seeing each other for two months and she wants to stop because I might be leaving Sg in a year's time -- reasoning that we have "no future" and that she is "wasting her time".
This is despite of the fact that she knows I would still very much like for us to continue and gain whatever we can from each other for now.
Is this fair?
Or does she actually mean something else but is just giving that reason?
Thanks guys.
She is trying to protect herself.
She knows that eventually this relationship will have to be separated with either a break or a LDR, which is likely as well, she is not confident at all in. Rather than to go through a emotional turmoil in the future, she opt for the 'safer' choice now, which is to leave before she sinks any further.
On the other hand, is she also trying to protect you as well, with the above points.
Direction of relationship is different: One who is realistic and practical against one who is chen jing yong you. You may want to salvage your love, but you could be trying to eat with one chopstick or clap with a hand - futile.
P.S: I will not advice LDR unless BOTH parties wants to challenge their relationship and be prepared to put in twice the effort unlike other usual relationship and the length of stay is not longer than 2 years maximum. What she is doing MAY NOT be a bad thing afterall- the main thing is what you want and how your preception sees things.
Cheers -
reminds me of my previous relationship... we broke up cos he's the ceng jin yong you type..
i wanted to try to work it out?
anyway, in the past le... he's happily attached with someone from his country, i'm happily attached to someone else from my country...
happy ending~
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Another 2 month relationship gone wrong....there must be an epidemic of those.Originally posted by NhuButler:We have been seeing each other for two months and she wants to stop because I might be leaving Sg in a year's time -- reasoning that we have "no future" and that she is "wasting her time".
This is despite of the fact that she knows I would still very much like for us to continue and gain whatever we can from each other for now.
Is this fair?
Or does she actually mean something else but is just giving that reason?
Thanks guys.
Just concentrate on ur priorities. Career/Study etc. Then think about relationships when you are well and truly ready for one financially , emotionally and maturely -
bah...Originally posted by fymk:Another 2 month relationship gone wrong....there must be an epidemic of those.
Just concentrate on ur priorities. Career/Study etc. Then think about relationships when you are well and truly ready for one financially , emotionally and maturely -
Don't worry too much pal.. you are thinking too much.. If you really think that you both are truely in love.. maybe this will be a test for both.. However she asking for a break is becos.. Both of you only started for 2 months.. and you are going overseas for about a year.. Noone can gaurantee that nothing will happen within this one year..Originally posted by NhuButler:We have been seeing each other for two months and she wants to stop because I might be leaving Sg in a year's time -- reasoning that we have "no future" and that she is "wasting her time".
This is despite of the fact that she knows I would still very much like for us to continue and gain whatever we can from each other for now.
Is this fair?
Or does she actually mean something else but is just giving that reason?
Thanks guys.
In order to play safe.. she rather to ask for a break.. Chang tong bu Ru Duan Tong.. Well.. if you both are really fated or destine.. or meant for each other.. AFter a year.. if you both met each other.. and found out that you still have for each other.. then you can get back together once again..
Cheers.. -
haha. Sounds like she's met someone else. Firstly, you MIGHT be leaving sg. If she was still attracted to you, she would be beggining you to stay and stuff. But it seems she's not, instead she's brushing you off and says ur waste of time.Originally posted by NhuButler:We have been seeing each other for two months and she wants to stop because I might be leaving Sg in a year's time -- reasoning that we have "no future" and that she is "wasting her time".
This is despite of the fact that she knows I would still very much like for us to continue and gain whatever we can from each other for now.
Is this fair?
Or does she actually mean something else but is just giving that reason?
Thanks guys.
She's met someone else and she wants you off her back. Only imagine a girl who is that frank here? I don't think sooo.. -
hiya, i hav encountered this b4, u know ppl tend to be "selfish" when comes to r/s..perhaps she's nt really hav deep feelings for u..dun feel sad, there's always unfair regarding lov, surely there r ppl felling out of lov, dun worry, if she's urs, she would go back to u..
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Hello NhuButler, from what I can perceived from your situation. I can only say that your relationship together with her is very young. So the foundation of the relationship is still pretty fragile. She probably feels that it is easier and painless for her to let go of this relationship right now rather than later.Originally posted by NhuButler:We have been seeing each other for two months and she wants to stop because I might be leaving Sg in a year's time -- reasoning that we have "no future" and that she is "wasting her time".
This is despite of the fact that she knows I would still very much like for us to continue and gain whatever we can from each other for now.
Is this fair?
Or does she actually mean something else but is just giving that reason?
Thanks guys.
She was probably confused when you told her that you might be leaving Sg in a year's time. She probably feels that you are toying around with her feelings and wasn't really serious about being with her. Hmm...in fact, if you have told her in the first place before she became your gf...she wouldn't have accepted you as her bf in the first place.
Lastly, from the way you posted ''she knows I would still very much like for us to continue and gain whatever we can from each other for now'' doesn't really give anyone the impression that you are really serious about the girl.
I feel that it is unfair for her to continue being your gf and if you are not serious about her, then please let her go. Girls at times would rather prefers guys to be her good/close frd than being their bf. And some guys are great as a friend but sucks as a bf. Anyway, it depends on which category you falls into. Bottomline, whatever the outcome may be...choose the outcome where she will be the happiest...because if you don't, she will choose the happiest outcome for herself anyway.
Take care.