How are you going to ask her about her "affair" without letting her know that u've read her hp?Originally posted by eric28sg:Just want to share this with you and hopefully get some good advices and guidances in return.
I may be overly suspicious, but to me, my worries and concerns are valid. I feel that my wife may be UNFAITHFUL to me. Maybe not yet, but on course.... Pls share your views. Thank you.
Briefly about us :
Married for abt 5 years and has a baby. Both working in MNCs. She recently got a new job 2 months ago and I guess that's when problems start.
Her team is made up of about 4 guys/2 gals. Whenever we talked abt her work, she will mention the colleagues by name and I would formed profiles of them in my head to have a better picture of the person. However, I have always felt that one of the guy (let's call him JOHN; who is also married with kid) has never really etched into my profiling. I believe it is because she hardly talk abt this guy. I just thought perhaps this guy wasn't a very active member of the team and thus not much mention was given....
Over the last month, the team had extensive travelling which requires them to be outstationed for the whole week and would only return home over the weekends. I believe she spend more time with the team then anything else during that period. Well, nothing wrong with that I guess. Everything was normal and we talked everynite when she is away. Everything aye ok.
Just last week, their travelling was suddenly stopped. I believe the project was stalled due to unforseen circumstances. The team had to stay in SIN office and make good for themselves. I believe all of them have NOTHING TO DO. Most stayed at home. However, my wife choose to go back to office on certain days, albeit with another lady colleague (call her JANE). My wife says that the team has been temporarily reassigned to assist JOHN who was temporarily assigned to another project. I asked her more on the task at hand and she just say nothing much to do.
Just last weekend, I say her busy smsing away. I thought nothing of it as her SMS and HP calls picked up after she joined the company. She could be smsing with her Boss or other colleagues. Later in the nite, she informed me that she would be going into office on Monday. I asked her why? She mentioned that JANE insist she accompany her into office to "SHOW FACE". I thought, oh ok, since she has nothing to do at hom e anyway.
Late into the nite when she was asleep, I did the unthinkable. I saw her phone lying on the table. I just picked it up and ran thru her sms messages. Her inbox messages were all deleted. However, I can see that all the sent messages are still stored there. So I read them. I can see JOHN's name appearing regularly and I was even more excited and afraid as I scroll through them. I read the messages that she just sent just before she told me about going into office. I realise that she initiated the SMS to JOHN. Ask if he will be going into office on Monday. Only after that message, she SMS Jane and ask her if she would like to go to office to. Once they confirm, she SMS back to JOHN on the timing. I was trembling as I read.
As I read on, I came abt sms sent on Monday itself. She sms him and ask him to join for breakfast. In the noon, she also ask him for lunch. I remembered on Monday I fetch her in town and I ask her if she was in office the whole day, she just briefly say that she did leave the office but they went to another site office at the other end of Singapore. When I pressed on and ask her why she need to go there, she just say JANE wants to. But I had a strong feeling it was JOHN who wanted to go there. My wife just tags along as she has nothing to do. She just say JOHN drives them to and back after that.
As I read on the sms, I noticed msgs sent by her during days of her outstationed. Almost every morning, she would sms JOHN to meet at hotel lobby before going to work. I did a quick count, JOHN was the person she sent to abt 90% of the time and yet most of the time, she would hardly talk abt this guy to me... **fishy**
I rememebered JOHN sms her before to remember to watch Sin IDOL because that episode suppose to be very funny. I told her what kind of colleague does that? She just kept quiet.
Now, I don't seriously think she has "betrayed" me yet. But I feel that she is getting too comfortable with this guy. I believe the project will resume soon and they will have to travel again. This is what is worrying me. It may develop into something....
Some of you may be thinking that I over-react and that I should have faith in my wife. Or some may say it's very common for colleagues to behave this way. I understand where you are coming from. But I just want to say that yes, the signals are not strong yet. But any minute signal may develop into something bigger if left uncheck. Especially when you are travelling and away from home and feeling lonely. She even mentioned stories of infidelity happening among other teams. And look at air steward/stewardess, these are what's happening to these people. It's human nature...
Question now is :
i. How do I allay these fears and worries ? I doubt confronting her will work as to her, nothing has happened yet.
ii. How best can I monitor this... how to check on her HP more discretely, etc.
I pray to GOD for your good advices and comments. Thank you.
Hi Eric,Originally posted by eric28sg:Just want to share this with you and hopefully get some good advices and guidances in return.
I may be overly suspicious, but to me, my worries and concerns are valid. I feel that my wife may be UNFAITHFUL to me. Maybe not yet, but on course.... Pls share your views. Thank you.
Briefly about us :
Married for abt 5 years and has a baby. Both working in MNCs. She recently got a new job 2 months ago and I guess that's when problems start.
Her team is made up of about 4 guys/2 gals. Whenever we talked abt her work, she will mention the colleagues by name and I would formed profiles of them in my head to have a better picture of the person. However, I have always felt that one of the guy (let's call him JOHN; who is also married with kid) has never really etched into my profiling. I believe it is because she hardly talk abt this guy. I just thought perhaps this guy wasn't a very active member of the team and thus not much mention was given....
Over the last month, the team had extensive travelling which requires them to be outstationed for the whole week and would only return home over the weekends. I believe she spend more time with the team then anything else during that period. Well, nothing wrong with that I guess. Everything was normal and we talked everynite when she is away. Everything aye ok.
Just last week, their travelling was suddenly stopped. I believe the project was stalled due to unforseen circumstances. The team had to stay in SIN office and make good for themselves. I believe all of them have NOTHING TO DO. Most stayed at home. However, my wife choose to go back to office on certain days, albeit with another lady colleague (call her JANE). My wife says that the team has been temporarily reassigned to assist JOHN who was temporarily assigned to another project. I asked her more on the task at hand and she just say nothing much to do.
Just last weekend, I say her busy smsing away. I thought nothing of it as her SMS and HP calls picked up after she joined the company. She could be smsing with her Boss or other colleagues. Later in the nite, she informed me that she would be going into office on Monday. I asked her why? She mentioned that JANE insist she accompany her into office to "SHOW FACE". I thought, oh ok, since she has nothing to do at hom e anyway.
Late into the nite when she was asleep, I did the unthinkable. I saw her phone lying on the table. I just picked it up and ran thru her sms messages. Her inbox messages were all deleted. However, I can see that all the sent messages are still stored there. So I read them. I can see JOHN's name appearing regularly and I was even more excited and afraid as I scroll through them. I read the messages that she just sent just before she told me about going into office. I realise that she initiated the SMS to JOHN. Ask if he will be going into office on Monday. Only after that message, she SMS Jane and ask her if she would like to go to office to. Once they confirm, she SMS back to JOHN on the timing. I was trembling as I read.
As I read on, I came abt sms sent on Monday itself. She sms him and ask him to join for breakfast. In the noon, she also ask him for lunch. I remembered on Monday I fetch her in town and I ask her if she was in office the whole day, she just briefly say that she did leave the office but they went to another site office at the other end of Singapore. When I pressed on and ask her why she need to go there, she just say JANE wants to. But I had a strong feeling it was JOHN who wanted to go there. My wife just tags along as she has nothing to do. She just say JOHN drives them to and back after that.
As I read on the sms, I noticed msgs sent by her during days of her outstationed. Almost every morning, she would sms JOHN to meet at hotel lobby before going to work. I did a quick count, JOHN was the person she sent to abt 90% of the time and yet most of the time, she would hardly talk abt this guy to me... **fishy**
I rememebered JOHN sms her before to remember to watch Sin IDOL because that episode suppose to be very funny. I told her what kind of colleague does that? She just kept quiet.
Now, I don't seriously think she has "betrayed" me yet. But I feel that she is getting too comfortable with this guy. I believe the project will resume soon and they will have to travel again. This is what is worrying me. It may develop into something....
Some of you may be thinking that I over-react and that I should have faith in my wife. Or some may say it's very common for colleagues to behave this way. I understand where you are coming from. But I just want to say that yes, the signals are not strong yet. But any minute signal may develop into something bigger if left uncheck. Especially when you are travelling and away from home and feeling lonely. She even mentioned stories of infidelity happening among other teams. And look at air steward/stewardess, these are what's happening to these people. It's human nature...
Question now is :
i. How do I allay these fears and worries ? I doubt confronting her will work as to her, nothing has happened yet.
ii. How best can I monitor this... how to check on her HP more discretely, etc.
I pray to GOD for your good advices and comments. Thank you.
Originally posted by eric28sg:Just want to share this with you and hopefully get some good advices and guidances in return.
I may be overly suspicious, but to me, my worries and concerns are valid. I feel that my wife may be UNFAITHFUL to me. Maybe not yet, but on course.... Pls share your views. Thank you.
Briefly about us :
Married for abt 5 years and has a baby. Both working in MNCs. She recently got a new job 2 months ago and I guess that's when problems start.
Her team is made up of about 4 guys/2 gals. Whenever we talked abt her work, she will mention the colleagues by name and I would formed profiles of them in my head to have a better picture of the person. However, I have always felt that one of the guy (let's call him JOHN; who is also married with kid) has never really etched into my profiling. I believe it is because she hardly talk abt this guy. I just thought perhaps this guy wasn't a very active member of the team and thus not much mention was given....
Over the last month, the team had extensive travelling which requires them to be outstationed for the whole week and would only return home over the weekends. I believe she spend more time with the team then anything else during that period. Well, nothing wrong with that I guess. Everything was normal and we talked everynite when she is away. Everything aye ok.
Just last week, their travelling was suddenly stopped. I believe the project was stalled due to unforseen circumstances. The team had to stay in SIN office and make good for themselves. I believe all of them have NOTHING TO DO. Most stayed at home. However, my wife choose to go back to office on certain days, albeit with another lady colleague (call her JANE). My wife says that the team has been temporarily reassigned to assist JOHN who was temporarily assigned to another project. I asked her more on the task at hand and she just say nothing much to do.
Just last weekend, I say her busy smsing away. I thought nothing of it as her SMS and HP calls picked up after she joined the company. She could be smsing with her Boss or other colleagues. Later in the nite, she informed me that she would be going into office on Monday. I asked her why? She mentioned that JANE insist she accompany her into office to "SHOW FACE". I thought, oh ok, since she has nothing to do at hom e anyway.
Late into the nite when she was asleep, I did the unthinkable. I saw her phone lying on the table. I just picked it up and ran thru her sms messages. Her inbox messages were all deleted. However, I can see that all the sent messages are still stored there. So I read them. I can see JOHN's name appearing regularly and I was even more excited and afraid as I scroll through them. I read the messages that she just sent just before she told me about going into office. I realise that she initiated the SMS to JOHN. Ask if he will be going into office on Monday. Only after that message, she SMS Jane and ask her if she would like to go to office to. Once they confirm, she SMS back to JOHN on the timing. I was trembling as I read.
As I read on, I came abt sms sent on Monday itself. She sms him and ask him to join for breakfast. In the noon, she also ask him for lunch. I remembered on Monday I fetch her in town and I ask her if she was in office the whole day, she just briefly say that she did leave the office but they went to another site office at the other end of Singapore. When I pressed on and ask her why she need to go there, she just say JANE wants to. But I had a strong feeling it was JOHN who wanted to go there. My wife just tags along as she has nothing to do. She just say JOHN drives them to and back after that.
As I read on the sms, I noticed msgs sent by her during days of her outstationed. Almost every morning, she would sms JOHN to meet at hotel lobby before going to work. I did a quick count, JOHN was the person she sent to abt 90% of the time and yet most of the time, she would hardly talk abt this guy to me... **fishy**
I rememebered JOHN sms her before to remember to watch Sin IDOL because that episode suppose to be very funny. I told her what kind of colleague does that? She just kept quiet.
Now, I don't seriously think she has "betrayed" me yet. But I feel that she is getting too comfortable with this guy. I believe the project will resume soon and they will have to travel again. This is what is worrying me. It may develop into something....
Some of you may be thinking that I over-react and that I should have faith in my wife. Or some may say it's very common for colleagues to behave this way. I understand where you are coming from. But I just want to say that yes, the signals are not strong yet. But any minute signal may develop into something bigger if left uncheck. Especially when you are travelling and away from home and feeling lonely. She even mentioned stories of infidelity happening among other teams. And look at air steward/stewardess, these are what's happening to these people. It's human nature...
Question now is :
i. How do I allay these fears and worries ? I doubt confronting her will work as to her, nothing has happened yet.
ii. How best can I monitor this... how to check on her HP more discretely, etc.
I pray to GOD for your good advices and comments. Thank you.
technology creating chances for people ti cheat, and for them to be discovered cheating.Originally posted by eric28sg:Just want to share this with you and hopefully get some good advices and guidances in return.
I may be overly suspicious, but to me, my worries and concerns are valid. I feel that my wife may be UNFAITHFUL to me. Maybe not yet, but on course.... Pls share your views. Thank you.
Briefly about us :
Married for abt 5 years and has a baby. Both working in MNCs. She recently got a new job 2 months ago and I guess that's when problems start.
Her team is made up of about 4 guys/2 gals. Whenever we talked abt her work, she will mention the colleagues by name and I would formed profiles of them in my head to have a better picture of the person. However, I have always felt that one of the guy (let's call him JOHN; who is also married with kid) has never really etched into my profiling. I believe it is because she hardly talk abt this guy. I just thought perhaps this guy wasn't a very active member of the team and thus not much mention was given....
Over the last month, the team had extensive travelling which requires them to be outstationed for the whole week and would only return home over the weekends. I believe she spend more time with the team then anything else during that period. Well, nothing wrong with that I guess. Everything was normal and we talked everynite when she is away. Everything aye ok.
Just last week, their travelling was suddenly stopped. I believe the project was stalled due to unforseen circumstances. The team had to stay in SIN office and make good for themselves. I believe all of them have NOTHING TO DO. Most stayed at home. However, my wife choose to go back to office on certain days, albeit with another lady colleague (call her JANE). My wife says that the team has been temporarily reassigned to assist JOHN who was temporarily assigned to another project. I asked her more on the task at hand and she just say nothing much to do.
Just last weekend, I say her busy smsing away. I thought nothing of it as her SMS and HP calls picked up after she joined the company. She could be smsing with her Boss or other colleagues. Later in the nite, she informed me that she would be going into office on Monday. I asked her why? She mentioned that JANE insist she accompany her into office to "SHOW FACE". I thought, oh ok, since she has nothing to do at hom e anyway.
Late into the nite when she was asleep, I did the unthinkable. I saw her phone lying on the table. I just picked it up and ran thru her sms messages. Her inbox messages were all deleted. However, I can see that all the sent messages are still stored there. So I read them. I can see JOHN's name appearing regularly and I was even more excited and afraid as I scroll through them. I read the messages that she just sent just before she told me about going into office. I realise that she initiated the SMS to JOHN. Ask if he will be going into office on Monday. Only after that message, she SMS Jane and ask her if she would like to go to office to. Once they confirm, she SMS back to JOHN on the timing. I was trembling as I read.
As I read on, I came abt sms sent on Monday itself. She sms him and ask him to join for breakfast. In the noon, she also ask him for lunch. I remembered on Monday I fetch her in town and I ask her if she was in office the whole day, she just briefly say that she did leave the office but they went to another site office at the other end of Singapore. When I pressed on and ask her why she need to go there, she just say JANE wants to. But I had a strong feeling it was JOHN who wanted to go there. My wife just tags along as she has nothing to do. She just say JOHN drives them to and back after that.
As I read on the sms, I noticed msgs sent by her during days of her outstationed. Almost every morning, she would sms JOHN to meet at hotel lobby before going to work. I did a quick count, JOHN was the person she sent to abt 90% of the time and yet most of the time, she would hardly talk abt this guy to me... **fishy**
I rememebered JOHN sms her before to remember to watch Sin IDOL because that episode suppose to be very funny. I told her what kind of colleague does that? She just kept quiet.
Now, I don't seriously think she has "betrayed" me yet. But I feel that she is getting too comfortable with this guy. I believe the project will resume soon and they will have to travel again. This is what is worrying me. It may develop into something....
Some of you may be thinking that I over-react and that I should have faith in my wife. Or some may say it's very common for colleagues to behave this way. I understand where you are coming from. But I just want to say that yes, the signals are not strong yet. But any minute signal may develop into something bigger if left uncheck. Especially when you are travelling and away from home and feeling lonely. She even mentioned stories of infidelity happening among other teams. And look at air steward/stewardess, these are what's happening to these people. It's human nature...
Question now is :
i. How do I allay these fears and worries ? I doubt confronting her will work as to her, nothing has happened yet.
ii. How best can I monitor this... how to check on her HP more discretely, etc.
I pray to GOD for your good advices and comments. Thank you.
wow!! very happy to hear you two guys worked things out. good for you!!Originally posted by eric28sg:Hi guys,
To start with, I really need to say that I am indeed surprised. Not so much of the quantity of the responses I got, but more importantly it was the quality. I appreciate those that spend time reading and replying me with your advices and sharing your experiences. THANK YOU.
Felt obliged to inform you all that the matter has been resolved. It was indeed developing into a betrayal (as I have feared), but luckily it was still in its infant stage. I am glad I took the approach of confronting her and thus able to stop it in its tracks. I will elaborate further.
Tuesday nite, I ask leading questions and she gamely committed and llied openly in her answers to my BIG 3 questions. I made her repeat my questions and make her repeat her answers. (shall not say too much on the questions though). Then I trap her with my findings. She was SPEECHLESS. There and then I ask her the reasons of lying, and she just cried and blurted out that she admit she developed some liking towards JOHN during the trip, albeit it was only one-sided. JOHN has no idea of it.
She said she herself managed to control herself from sliding further into it as she reminded herself that she still has me and baby. Just that when she returned, she was overcame by guilt and thus try to avoid talking abt JOHN altogether. She promised that she would never do such a thing again. We had long talk (the whole of TUES nite). We are now SOOOO MUCH more closer than before. She knows now that she meant more to me than she can imagine. So, I guess that's it. Case close.
However, I still tremble just thinking what could have happened if I had not confronted her. Or if she had not been strong-willed enough and allow her feelings to overcome her? Or if JOHN had made some moves on her? etc... I will never know what I will do... And I never would want to know.
Now I am on my road to recovery. Not so much of feeling betrayed. But more of the heavy feeling of disappointment. I never knew she is capable of developing feelings towards other guys... (too over-confident I guess!). But can't blame me for the confidence too, cos though she is quite attractive and nice person, she has been always able to ward off any chance of suitors trying to approach her. She has never given them a single chance. But I guess this time, travelling+loneliness took its toll. But thank god it is only one-way and temporary.
So all in all, thanks to all you guys. Good luck to everybody !