Help me please... i'm at my wit's end...
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I met my Mr Right, but I lost him. He was everything I had ever dreamt of, and I couldnÂ’t move on. I know that the sun will shine again and IÂ’ll get over itÂ… everyone tells me to be strong and time will heal, everything will turn out fineÂ…
But I am still stuck.
I tried going out with others, but memories are everywhere. I tried to laugh it off, I tried to sleep the pain away, but to no avail. Behind every giggles, lies pain stillÂ… I hate myself for being so feeble.
IÂ’m afraid of what the future might bring. IÂ’m not turning cynical, I donÂ’t think that all men are bad stuff, but IÂ’m just drowned by fears.
Coz “I love you” can be abridged to zilch overnight, coz the person you used to run to when u were in pain can turn out to be the one who slams you in a harder way than before… coz if the perfect one can hurt you too, who else can’t?
I know I have to move on, but I do not have the strength to. Help meÂ… I want to be a happier girl, I do not wished to be stuck like the way I am nowÂ… I may be sounding silly here, but I canÂ’t help it.
I want so much to help myself, but I canÂ’t make out what I can do.
Going into another relationship may give me a second pillar, but I might end up crushing him orÂ… who knows, he might do worse to meÂ… but being alone is hard to bear, I canÂ’t dictate the pain to my friends anymore coz people will get tired of you touching on the same issues over and over againÂ…
IÂ’m at my witÂ’s endÂ…
Any experienced individuals can lift me up a little? IÂ’m drowningÂ…. -
Hey, life is not just you and your Mr Right. There are whole world of people out there.
There is no need to keep on reflecting how you could have keep the Mr Right with you? What you could have done to save the relationship? Why he dumps you?
Do you still remember your grandparents, your parents, your siblings, your school mates, your friends, your neighbours, your colleages, etc.
When was the last time that you visited your grandparents and bring them out shopping.
When was the last time that you helps your parents and siblings eg, sweep the floor, wash the dishes, prepare breakfast, wash the car etc, without being asked to?
It is time that you go all out to help them without being asked, and without asking for rewards in return.
Visit your grandparents, bring them some fruits, bring them out shopping, window shopping.
Help in the house with whatever you can, sweep the floor, vacuum the floor, wash the dishes, prepare breakfast, tidy your rooms, throw out all the junks etc.
Do all these without any intention of getting rewards in return.
You will see how happy the people that you touches will be and this will make you very happy also, and you will then be enlightened as to why the Mr Right that you though to be is not the right persion in the first place at all.
Try this with a sincere heart to people around you (in school, in workplace etc). The people around you will be very happy. And in no time you will be very happy and enlightened and soon you will see the true right one comes alone.
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Why did u let Mr Right slipped passed u?
Can share? -
He just said he can't love me anymore. It's not me, it's him...Originally posted by Magnus:Why did u let Mr Right slipped passed u?
Can share?
Well, i guess this is the most common line...
Though i do feel that i had done my level best in the relationship, i can't help but think that i could have done better... if i were as good as i thought i was, then why did he choose to be out?
I don't know... but i guess i just have to let go, coz i had begged so hard, cried so hard and pleaded him for one more try... he did return to me for a month, but somehow, i left him.
I felt the absence of his love, he didn't even hold my hands anymore.
I left painfully coz i do not believe in caging someone just coz i need him. I had him with me for a month more but i could see his unhappiness portraying so vividly...
I know i have to move on... But its really hard..... I can't dictate the twinge in words but i guess anyone who had fallen out of a connection would understand this kind of unspeakable pain...
I need to know how you guys go about doing it...
It's tearing me apart... -
simple, you're not moving on.
So many people will tell you same thing here. MOVE ON.
How? Get a hobby, go out more. sgForums is a good place to go for mass outings. Where you meet up, chat and socialise. -
To: PatrickLTH
After the break up, i spent all my time with my family and friends, in fact, all you have mentioned, i have been doing all along...
But i must say that your post is amazing and meaningful indeed...
But somehow, after the happy moments with my loved ones, when i'm alone in my room, i can't help but feel the pain...
I miss him, but i know it is over.
I hate myself for thinking about it all the time, but i can't control my mind...
I am leading life as usual, i'm trying to help myself to move on... but sometimes, the strength within just ain't enough...
I know that one day i will be well, but between now and that one day, i really can't make out what i can do...
I have never been here, i had never lost anyone this way before, , and i can't handle this... -
Is this your first r/s?
If this is not, maybe you have given out too much this time round.
It felt so real this time, that's it's very difficult to forget.
It's hard but you definitely need to overcome.
We can't be feeling adequate & fulfilling all the time. There many a times that we would be alone and we have to fight this loneliness.
Love do make us vulnerable. -
It's not my first, but u are right, this time round i've given my all... stumbled and fall... that's why its so hard...
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How about choosing a private moment, have a good cry? Open up and have it release? or maybe you have already done that?
About your qns on how guys handle this emotional void,
Think we guys handle it the same way. no different from you ladies.
The degree varies with how much we have put in. how much it matters. -
you can try finding someone to confide in?? maybe after you confide with him/her, you will feel better
quite often, it's the 1st stage after we broke that the life we experienced is the worse. but bare with it, tomorrow will be a better day 
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Vonderful.. focus on moving on.Originally posted by Vonderful:It's not my first, but u are right, this time round i've given my all... stumbled and fall... that's why its so hard...
every time your heart tempts you to feed the emotions all over again, take a very deep breath and tell yourself in your mind - "Stop, i'm not going into all that again. It's over." Then, shift your attention to something else immediately. Eg. work, friends, tv, food, movies.. shopping etc. Practise this constantly.
one reason you find letting go hard, may be cuz of the persistent hope that you could have done better should u be given another chance to be with him.. or deep inside your consciousness, you don't think or accept d fact that the r/s is over.
But, face the fact & the truth.
when he said he doesn't feel for u anymore, it means just that. believe him. there's nothing else u can add to it. no "what ifs, but.. perhaps.." yah? Let your heart goes into peace and cease trying.
it takes alot of courage to step out of the cell. i'm not fully there yet but every step taken has been very liberating and do believe that you're actually stronger and braver than what u imagine.
don't give up. -
Forget about him lah...most prob he found someone better n decided to move on...i dun think he trying to get u interested by doing so ...unless he wants u only for sex n if that's e case...it's even better u keep away from him...
just move on.... there r alot of nicer guys out there....even sgboy might be a nice catch
....if u let go of all this emotions.... remember....u feel lost not because u love him but cos u love urself more... -
I have to look okay in front of everyone, coz i do not want to look stupid dwelling on these things again and again... Everyone thinks that i've gotten over it...
I guess all of you are right...
I should steer my mind in the direction of tomorrow... no matter how hard it is... one day i might just awake one dawn and realise that i can survive on my own sometimes...
Some self relections showed me that maybe it's not about loving him that hurt... its about "how could you do this to me when i loved you so much..."
Resentment is the word.
I WILL try...
I'm amazed at how words from strangers can do so much...
How do i say thanks.... -
Right Attitude..hehe..jia you!
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you will get over him...believe me.
right now u feel like u cudnt..but time works wonder.
i m saying this bcos i have been thru a rather tough patch myself..i tot i cud never forget sumone who has never loved me in the first place, but whom i stupidly loved a lot...but now i m happy to say that i have 100% moved on...i no longer cry when i think of him, i no longer hate him or anything..i just treat him as my best fren now and wish him all the best...
just let yourself have the time to heal...do watever that you will make you feel better..go out more, talk to ppl you trust (you will find a lot of nice ppl here who will really listen to you and give good advice to boot
), even cry your heart out if it helps you to feel better afterwards..and soon you will meet someone who is really right for you and then you will find yourself slowly forgetting the pain...and ready to love again.
i.c.y -
Many people may feel that they have found their Mr Right or vice versa.. You may have some thing in you that make him think that you are not the right person with him.. Moving on and the sun will shine again are things which will eventually come into place.. But how do you make that come into place when your mind is always stuck still with him..Originally posted by Vonderful:I met my Mr Right, but I lost him. He was everything I had ever dreamt of, and I couldnÂ’t move on. I know that the sun will shine again and IÂ’ll get over itÂ… everyone tells me to be strong and time will heal, everything will turn out fineÂ…
But I am still stuck.
I tried going out with others, but memories are everywhere. I tried to laugh it off, I tried to sleep the pain away, but to no avail. Behind every giggles, lies pain stillÂ… I hate myself for being so feeble.
IÂ’m afraid of what the future might bring. IÂ’m not turning cynical, I donÂ’t think that all men are bad stuff, but IÂ’m just drowned by fears.
Coz “I love you” can be abridged to zilch overnight, coz the person you used to run to when u were in pain can turn out to be the one who slams you in a harder way than before… coz if the perfect one can hurt you too, who else can’t?
I know I have to move on, but I do not have the strength to. Help meÂ… I want to be a happier girl, I do not wished to be stuck like the way I am nowÂ… I may be sounding silly here, but I canÂ’t help it.
I want so much to help myself, but I canÂ’t make out what I can do.
Going into another relationship may give me a second pillar, but I might end up crushing him orÂ… who knows, he might do worse to meÂ… but being alone is hard to bear, I canÂ’t dictate the pain to my friends anymore coz people will get tired of you touching on the same issues over and over againÂ…
IÂ’m at my witÂ’s endÂ…
Any experienced individuals can lift me up a little? IÂ’m drowningÂ….
Guess, its rather obvious that you have made a great deal of effort to trying to hold the r/s but somehow things went the wrong way.. There are many advices in the above post which you consider doing.. Which is a very good way to relieve and forget abt the past.. Memories are sure bound to be around.. Esp if that person had laid a deep mark in your heart.. Healing for you will take a long time.. No point look for another guy as a substitude.. As this way it will hurt you and the guy more if he finds that he is a substitude..
Go for a short trip overseas if possible.. Hang out with ur classmates.. Go do some sports to get urself healthy.. In Sg, there is not much places where you can go to forget things.. as here is a small country.. nevertheless, you still can forget abt things if you want.. Its all up there.. -
U know maybe i could be your mr Right II? And universe could be your Mr Right III, or someone else could be your Miss Right I if your Bi-sexual..
my point is.. there are bigg.. no i mean there are more fish in the ocean. -
my dear,Originally posted by Vonderful:I have to look okay in front of everyone, coz i do not want to look stupid dwelling on these things again and again... Everyone thinks that i've gotten over it...
I guess all of you are right...
I should steer my mind in the direction of tomorrow... no matter how hard it is... one day i might just awake one dawn and realise that i can survive on my own sometimes...
Some self relections showed me that maybe it's not about loving him that hurt... its about "how could you do this to me when i loved you so much..."
Resentment is the word.
I WILL try...
I'm amazed at how words from strangers can do so much...
How do i say thanks....
i was once in ur shoes, so i can totally relate to it.
at first, u will feel that u cant live without him. Everyting that u have done revolves ard each other only.
So now, u feel terribly empty and alone.
Support now is extremely important to you.
But u have to tell yourself "HE DOESNT LOVE U ANYMORE!!"
Why shud u keeping hanging on? For all you know, he may be out there enjoying himself and getting hitched. I know what I say hurts, but it may/may not be the truth.
Time will defintely heal those wounds.
It is best to face the reality and move on.
I for one indulge myself in work. I go out and hang out wif frends...
Initally I drank and partied like mad...later I realised that it helps but it is only temporary....
I noe how u r feeling....wat u r feeling is perfectly normal...initially u feel sad & depressed, then u feel anger..slowly that will subside too...
if u really need to talk..u can always pm me...
A friend once told me...Someone out there is somewho who truly loves u....he just haven found you yet...I m still waiting...
Cheer up girl!!
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in life, not everything will go your way, even if it hurts deep within, you still have to endure, no matter how tiring. always, always tell yrself, tomorrow will be better, he is on his path now, its over, period, den try to concentrate on something else, but you shouldn't force yourself too hard to forget either.. all the best.
tomorrow will be better. -
Hey you...Originally posted by men_@_arms:U know maybe i could be your mr Right II? And universe could be your Mr Right III, or someone else could be your Miss Right I if your Bi-sexual..
my point is.. there are bigg.. no i mean there are more fish in the ocean.
Thanks man... you made me giggled a little... Sweet... -
The 'perfect one' is just who you define him to be... In fact, in this world no one's perfect... Just perhaps better than some others in certain ways...Originally posted by Vonderful:I met my Mr Right, but I lost him. He was everything I had ever dreamt of, and I couldnÂ’t move on. I know that the sun will shine again and IÂ’ll get over itÂ… everyone tells me to be strong and time will heal, everything will turn out fineÂ…
But I am still stuck.
I tried going out with others, but memories are everywhere. I tried to laugh it off, I tried to sleep the pain away, but to no avail. Behind every giggles, lies pain stillÂ… I hate myself for being so feeble.
IÂ’m afraid of what the future might bring. IÂ’m not turning cynical, I donÂ’t think that all men are bad stuff, but IÂ’m just drowned by fears.
Coz “I love you” can be abridged to zilch overnight, coz the person you used to run to when u were in pain can turn out to be the one who slams you in a harder way than before… coz if the perfect one can hurt you too, who else can’t?
I know I have to move on, but I do not have the strength to. Help meÂ… I want to be a happier girl, I do not wished to be stuck like the way I am nowÂ… I may be sounding silly here, but I canÂ’t help it.
I want so much to help myself, but I canÂ’t make out what I can do.
Going into another relationship may give me a second pillar, but I might end up crushing him orÂ… who knows, he might do worse to meÂ… but being alone is hard to bear, I canÂ’t dictate the pain to my friends anymore coz people will get tired of you touching on the same issues over and over againÂ…
IÂ’m at my witÂ’s endÂ…
Any experienced individuals can lift me up a little? IÂ’m drowningÂ….
You are right about your '2nd pillar'.... Getting into a 2nd relationship might either give you a lift or further drown you... If Yun's around, he probably would suggest you not to get into another relationship for the sake of 'support'...
I would say wait for you to be more mentally able to accept things... Probably emotionally too in a way...? But like I've used to say... Even if you fall, shouldn't be a reason for you to stop walking all together....?
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Hello Vonderful, you are definitely not sounding silly in here...everybody want to be happier. The reason why you are feeling miserable is because you are trying to control your own emotions. If you feel the need to cry, go ahead and cry. If you feel the need to be alone and spend some quiet moment by yourself to adjust your own emotions, go ahead and do it. If you feel restless, go catch a comedy drama/movie or read some comic strips to cheer yourself up. You know what you want and what will make you happy, so go ahead and do it to cheer yourself up. There is absolutely nobody who will be able to sense your unhappiness and make efforts to cheer you up, you will have to cheer yourself up.
Instead of seeking ways to run from your sadness, face it head on. Admit and accept the fact that this unhappy event has occurred in your life. You will only be emotionally stronger once you have passed this unhappy stage in your life. And the only way to do it is to accept your sadness and digest it in your own stride...that is to surrender yourself to your own emotions.
There may be even a period of time where you don't even wish to go out with your friends but you do not want to be alone. If that occurs, you can always go online to sgForums.com and start crapping away in the forums or shoutbox.
Hmm...crying does helps a lot...and it always helps. And I'm sure you will start to feel better once you have cried. Nobody is perfect in this world and I am sure that there will be a better person who is waiting to treasure and love you more than the person who hurted you. Adopting a Religion will helps too...if you have a religion, go ahead and turn to your religion for finding peace to your heart.
Life is too short to dwell in sadness, so don't waste your life. Think positively whenever you can, and do not analysed too much on other people's behaviour and reactions. Do what you can to make yourself happy and not at the expense of other people's unhappiness.
Good luck, and feel better soon. -
One will end up in a vicious cycle when one does nt allow the heart to heal, jumping straight into another hole...again n again n again. It's hard to face the brutal truth of love for it requires two to reciprocate nt one.
Mind and heart works in parallel, whereby the rational mind says it's impossible but the heart requires more time to accept the truth only then it will heal over the time. -
Dear Vonderful,Originally posted by Vonderful:I met my Mr Right, but I lost him. He was everything I had ever dreamt of, and I couldnÂ’t move on. I know that the sun will shine again and IÂ’ll get over itÂ… everyone tells me to be strong and time will heal, everything will turn out fineÂ…
But I am still stuck.
I tried going out with others, but memories are everywhere. I tried to laugh it off, I tried to sleep the pain away, but to no avail. Behind every giggles, lies pain stillÂ… I hate myself for being so feeble.
IÂ’m afraid of what the future might bring. IÂ’m not turning cynical, I donÂ’t think that all men are bad stuff, but IÂ’m just drowned by fears.
Coz “I love you” can be abridged to zilch overnight, coz the person you used to run to when u were in pain can turn out to be the one who slams you in a harder way than before… coz if the perfect one can hurt you too, who else can’t?
I know I have to move on, but I do not have the strength to. Help meÂ… I want to be a happier girl, I do not wished to be stuck like the way I am nowÂ… I may be sounding silly here, but I canÂ’t help it.
I want so much to help myself, but I canÂ’t make out what I can do.
Going into another relationship may give me a second pillar, but I might end up crushing him orÂ… who knows, he might do worse to meÂ… but being alone is hard to bear, I canÂ’t dictate the pain to my friends anymore coz people will get tired of you touching on the same issues over and over againÂ…
IÂ’m at my witÂ’s endÂ…
Any experienced individuals can lift me up a little? IÂ’m drowningÂ….
I believe that you are a sensible girl.. You are right about clinging on to someone who doesn't love you.. Where physically his yours.. but mentally.. and emotionally.. his not yours.. You chose to let go.. that's becos you know that you wont give him or yourself any happiness by forcing to be together.. If both realyl aint meant to be together as a couple.. Why not try to be as friends?? You could be a good pair..
You have tried many ways trying to forget him.. But then again.. you have not.. You did not really put him real aside.. that's why you are feeling lonely.. and feels that no matter how mcuh you laughed.. how much you put up a brave front in front of everyone.. you are still suffocating.. Ask yourself.. have you really let him go??? or still pining hope that he will come back?? He might be the one you loved most.. but you might not be the one he loved most! How perfect can a man be?? Behind every laughter lies the pain.. Why not think this way.. at least at that point of laughing.. you ain't thinking of him at all.. And for that moment.. you have put him totally aside..
Friends.. and your family.. will support you always.. but most importantly.. that you have to really face the reality.. that he AINT coming back to you AGAIN!! This is the fact.. no matter how hurt or in pai.. you still have to over come this.. People always say i can't forget him.. i cant do with out him.. bllah blah.. the more they say.. they actually forgotten him long ago.. The more you talked about this person.. the more you get used to talking.. and soon enough you realised.. that he's not that important to you anymore..
Many cases.. are like that.. everyone knows that.. time will really heal... it jus that will you allow it to heal?? Getting into a 2nd r/s wont help you much.. in fact you might sub consicously.. subsitute him.. for another.. would you wan to hurt someone.. to ease your pain?? You are not stable enough to go into any r/s now.. You feel that you are all alone in this world.. Your life not only circling around you and your mr.right.. there are people out there who care for you..
Before you met mr.right.. your life doens't evolve around him.. Why not go back to the times.. when he's not around.. You scared to tell your friends cos you afraid that they wont listen to your story again and again.. I'm sure there will be one.. who is willing to listen and lend a helping hand.. Don't be afraid.. when you say it out.. you feel much better! Holding back everything yo yourself.. will mentally and physically kill you..
Cheers.. -
Well, in the end its just the two words
MOVING ON.