father

• branzzz

  13 Oct 04, 01:37

  i've been having this problem all my life. my father has been lousy controlling his temper. recently he started to show signs of becoming senile, by hoarding old things he had bought from sungei road. now, my small three room flat is totally packed up with no space to even walk through the house. it is becoming so filthy that it has sparked off a skin allergy on me. i have tried many times to talk to him to clear up the place and he kept procrastinating. it has been a total of 5times in less than a year that he said he will, but nothing was ever done. whenever i raise my voice, he would hit me or challenge me to a physical fight outside the house, which i smartly declined. the problem is that he has a 60% ownership of the house. my mum has no way of buying another house due to lack of funds. as such we are stuck here. i would like to discuss what options i have to make my life better. i have thought of getting them to sign divorce papers, but from there, where will me, my mum and bro stay? i do not wish to bring in the law unless its absolutly needed. i have an ambition to become an air force pilot, which i am working hard to achieve. one of the requirements to be a pilot is to have a stable family history, which the SAF would check by looking into legal records. i do not want to place my ambition at great risk.
• skeujin

  13 Oct 04, 01:39

  is ther a relative tt your father respects n listens to? if yes, speak to him n get him to speak to your dad instead..
  
  
• branzzz

  13 Oct 04, 01:42

  unfortunatly no. he has been brought up this way and even though he's the youngest in his generation, he does not respect any of his older siblings. the only people he respects are the same people who love to make a quick buck by selling him the rubbish at sungei road.
• skeujin

  13 Oct 04, 01:46

  getg a divorce or not is up to yr parents.... the decision lies with them. not you.
  
  wat law r u toking about?police wont get involved 1stly cause no one is hurt and no crime is commited. legally its your dad's home. he can do watever he wants w/o being answerable to anyone except himself.
  
  if u cnt stand the environment u live in n theres no hope of change.then its time to move on.get your own apartment... rent a room...
• I_love_korea_n

  13 Oct 04, 01:54

  
  
  who want to rent rooms?
  
  pm me
  
• gerrykoh

  13 Oct 04, 12:39

  Maybe u can springclean & clear the rubbish when he is not around?
  Since he is senile, he may not remember what he has bought.
  Or call up the Min. of Env. & check whether their officers can do housecheck & warn him to get rid of the rubbish as they can breed mosquitoes.
  Not sure whether they check HDB, I know they always check the landed prop.
• branzzz

  13 Oct 04, 14:21

  i dare not throw because the last time i threw, he took some of my valuable stuff and threw in revenge. i'll probably be dropping by the town council to see what can be done.
• sayso

  13 Oct 04, 14:26

  Get him to participate in some activities for old folks. Once he's occupied, he has less time to visit Sungei Road or find things to do at home
• PatrickLTH

  13 Oct 04, 15:15

  Just some thoughts
  
  Why don't somebody here organise a gang (big enought) to visit the house and buy over the junk from the father (at a token sum or whatever amount deemed reasonable) and the big gang will then remove the junk (in one trip) and then set up stall in Sungei Road to sell.
  
  Maybe you can ask your father how much he is willing to part with the junks. Then get a garnag gunny man to remove the junks and pay him the asking price.
  
  Another way is to buy sufficient number of those boxes (must be one regular size) used by the house mover. Get a gang together from here to go to your house. Organise the junks and put them in the boxes and then pile up the boxes to the ceiling. Your house will be ready for more junks to come. Haha.
  
  Just some sily thoughts for you to consider and for others to add on.
• PatrickLTH

  13 Oct 04, 15:18

  Originally posted by branzzz:

  i dare not throw because the last time i threw, he took some of my valuable stuff and threw in revenge. i'll probably be dropping by the town council to see what can be done.

  Do not throw your old man things away without his permission.
  
  The "junks" to you are "$$$$$$" to him. He sees value in them.
  
  Interesting to know what the town council says.
• branzzz

  13 Oct 04, 20:52

  thats a very interesting proposal. when i can, i will consider that. the town coucil has come by before to warm about the fire hazard of the things outside but he has sweet talked them to go away. no point finding him a job. i tried applying to the library to take him in but he doesn't want to work. my mum got him a job at my auntie's provision shop but he got into trouble with the gangs there so can't work cos of the threat to my relatives. meanwhile, i've found this while searching through the hdb website
  
  Direction by Board to remove any article or object placed in a manner likely to cause damage to property, etc.
  63. —(1) The Board may by notice in writing direct any owner, lessee or occupier of any flat, house or other living accommodation sold or leased under the provisions of this Act to remove any article or object placed by any window or on any balcony of or outside such premises in a manner which is likely to cause any damage to property or injury to life.
  [21/86]
  
  (2) Any person who fails to comply with the direction of the Board given under subsection (1) shall be guilty of an offence and shall be liable on conviction to a fine not exceeding $2,000 and, in the case of a continuing offence, to a further fine of $100 for every day during which the offence continues after conviction.
  [21/86]
  
  i could possibly alert the hdb and town council to the present situation of the flat, but i would not want to risk a situation where all of us becomes homeless because the hdb chose to repossess the flat.
• fymk

  13 Oct 04, 23:15

  Originally posted by branzzz:

  i've been having this problem all my life. my father has been lousy controlling his temper. recently he started to show signs of becoming senile, by hoarding old things he had bought from sungei road. now, my small three room flat is totally packed up with no space to even walk through the house. it is becoming so filthy that it has sparked off a skin allergy on me. i have tried many times to talk to him to clear up the place and he kept procrastinating. it has been a total of 5times in less than a year that he said he will, but nothing was ever done. whenever i raise my voice, he would hit me or challenge me to a physical fight outside the house, which i smartly declined. the problem is that he has a 60% ownership of the house. my mum has no way of buying another house due to lack of funds. as such we are stuck here. i would like to discuss what options i have to make my life better. i have thought of getting them to sign divorce papers, but from there, where will me, my mum and bro stay? i do not wish to bring in the law unless its absolutly needed. i have an ambition to become an air force pilot, which i am working hard to achieve. one of the requirements to be a pilot is to have a stable family history, which the SAF would check by looking into legal records. i do not want to place my ambition at great risk.

  Frankly I don't think your dad is becoming senile . I think there is really a mental problem with him from what I am reading (but I have no way to judge). Obsessive compulsive behaviours can exhibit through behaviours like continously cleaning the house or self , OR collecting junk. Either way whether senile or mentally disturbed ...ur dad needs medical help .... no amount of HDB and town council interventions are going to help if he has a medical problem . Get him examined . I know sometimes you can call a gp to do a homevisit if you are worried - talk to the gp about your father's behaviour and bring photos of the house. Or call the number below and explain your situation - I think maybe they could help but I am not sure. Hoarding trash is not normal . Senility comes with forgetfulness and agitation in an unknown environment, not violence unless they feel cornered. People who are senile don't usually make excuses for their actions either. Compulsive behaviour sounds more like ur dad's case but I am no psychiatrist , so I cannot say much
  
  Numbers for IMH are here as follows
  Emergency Help Line (24 Hours) 63892222
  Institute of Mental Health Those suffering from psychological and psychiatric problems Mon – Fri
  Sat 8am – 4.30pm 1800 - 3892200
  
  alternative
  S.O.S.
  SAMH Helpline Anybody in crisis and the suicidal.
  For people who have psychological, psychiatric or social problem and others who need information on services for such persons Daily
  Mon – Fri
  Sat 24 hours
  9am – 5pm 1800 – 221444
  1800 – 2837019
  
• fymk

  13 Oct 04, 23:41

  Before you see the GP:
  note down your father's erratic behaviour if he has any
  try to remember when it all started
  Explain to the GP what anguish it is causing your family ....not to mention your rashes
  See what triggers him off besides throwing his valuable trash
  If you have any family history of any mental illness/strokes/brain tumours/cancers , let the gp know
  
  Sometimes it may not be mental illness but could be something medical like a frontal lobe tumour/disease . Frontal lobe tumours tend to cause certain behaviours that mimic mental illness.
  
  Forget about your aim for the moment , try to solve your father's problem because it cannot be hidden for long if HDB comes along or if you get continually stressed about it. Just keep an open mind about it at the moment.
  
  However I am just assuming from what you have written down ......it is not any professional advice because I am not qualified to give one . Sorry if you get offended - not many people like to hear all this
• 101wish

  14 Oct 04, 01:20

  i tink ur dad probably entering his menopause state lah, not senile..i hav heard frm a fews frds tat their dad oso behave quire weird but after the menupause state is over..they r back to normal !