Relationship problem
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Me n my gf together for about a year
recently both of us graduated and work
for weekdays, we dont have time for each other
coz we work until very late everyday
for her, she always hang out with her colleagues
she enjoy the companionship
recently, something not nice happen
she refused to let me hug her
coz she feel we a bit "stranger"
she say its due to very little contact between us
recently we got quarrel over some issues
i not happy about some of her charaters and vice versa
then she feel tat she is not a nice gf at all
then she suggest that we keep our options open
coz she fear that i may end up marrying someone who is not compatible with me -
Then recently she is busy SMS with her new colleagues (known for 3 months)
coz they got a lot of gossips to share in common
she assure me that she like non of them...
but i feel a bit lost
coz she only allow me to hold her hands and kiss her lips onli, nothing more than that
i feel sad...
got a feeling tat she might just leave me anytime
i talk to her about this issue
she say... let things settle down and we see how in a few weeks time
she say she feel stress about committment as we are onli 23 years old
she feel its too early to promise anything
i ask her whether she still wan me
she firmly say YES
she wan someone who can stay independent of her
let her do watever she wants
she don like being tied-down feeling
if she promise too much, if one day she leave me... she will feel damn guilty
however yesterday, when she went out with me
she suggested that we should open a joint account
so as to save some money
i was very happy... but oso lost
her ON/OFF attitute is disturbing to me
some frens say it just a phase in relationship
some say its gone
some say its just coz we just start working for 3 months, things a bit unstable yet...
i am very lost
plz advice me! Thanks a million -
liek ur frens said, since currently both of u jz started working, things might b unstable... but all u can do is keep close contact wif her... dun let the relationship drift off... sms or give her calls when possible so tat both of u r up-to-date abt each other... gd luck...
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Respect ur gf. There might be some reasons for her not to wan u to hug her and she may not feel comfortable. Give her time to overcome it. Dun ask, jsut be there for her.Originally posted by OwenMania:Me n my gf together for about a year
recently both of us graduated and work
for weekdays, we dont have time for each other
coz we work until very late everyday
for her, she always hang out with her colleagues
she enjoy the companionship
recently, something not nice happen
she refused to let me hug her
coz she feel we a bit "stranger"
she say its due to very little contact between us
recently we got quarrel over some issues
i not happy about some of her charaters and vice versa
then she feel tat she is not a nice gf at all
then she suggest that we keep our options open
coz she fear that i may end up marrying someone who is not compatible with me
Even as bf and gf,i think there are times when u stil need to trust each other and give each other some time and space. What she is telling u is not wrong as who noes wat will happen nxt time. Who noes whether u will stil be with her in a few mths time. Nobody can garantee anything even though u 2 can be committed to each other.
If there are things abt her u are not happy with, try to tok to her in a nice manner. After all she is ur gf. Accept her for who she is. Tok things thru nicely if there are conflicts. Its no use keeping it in the heart forever. -
Working and studying are really different matters. So u might wan to make some changes to adjust to each other's schedules. Rem shes ur gf and not ur wife. If u really wan a long rls with her, u have to win her trust with ur heart.Originally posted by OwenMania:Then recently she is busy SMS with her new colleagues (known for 3 months)
coz they got a lot of gossips to share in common
she assure me that she like non of them...
but i feel a bit lost
coz she only allow me to hold her hands and kiss her lips onli, nothing more than that
i feel sad...
got a feeling tat she might just leave me anytime
i talk to her about this issue
she say... let things settle down and we see how in a few weeks time
she say she feel stress about committment as we are onli 23 years old
she feel its too early to promise anything
i ask her whether she still wan me
she firmly say YES
she wan someone who can stay independent of her
let her do watever she wants
she don like being tied-down feeling
if she promise too much, if one day she leave me... she will feel damn guilty
however yesterday, when she went out with me
she suggested that we should open a joint account
so as to save some money
i was very happy... but oso lost
her ON/OFF attitute is disturbing to me
some frens say it just a phase in relationship
some say its gone
some say its just coz we just start working for 3 months, things a bit unstable yet...
i am very lost
plz advice me! Thanks a million
I feel that u are making a committment to make her ur wife and u wan to be with her. However, ur gf is making some committments to the relationship instead. I would say that u are wrong but dont take it to the extreme extent. As i have mentioned b4, rite now, u 2 are in a relationship, not engaged to each other.
Physical contact requires time. Give her more time. Its a phase in a relationship. However this phase can change dependent on ur thinking. If u read too much into things and stress ur gf too much, the phase may be gone. I would suggest ur gf is just trying to settle into her work and also work things out with u slowly. U 2 have just started work and need time to adjust to it.
Give urself some time to work things out. Remember that trust is the most important aspect of a relationship. Since u 2 are together now, y not njoy the happy moments shared together and treasure it? Oh and one last thing to remind u, marriage is a very serious matter to a girl cos if she marry the wrg guy she will regret forever. So I think thats y at the moment she doenst wan to committ too much.
Dun worry. Things will be fine. -
really appreciate wat all of u suggest
i will work hard
Thanks a million!!!
Thank you! -
Think there're some level of insecurity involved. Things like...
- it's a relatively young relationship.
- are you being too posessive?
- she want you and the relationship but she might not be thinking of being commited and tied down at such an early age?
- would she be tied down after marriage?
Keeping options OPEN is good. Meanwhile, WORK on the RELATIONSHIP if you want her to feel better about it?
By making her feel more comfortable and not holding her down pls? -
ya we are still quite young to commit
sometimes when she tired
she anyhow say things which i might worry
and those words arent nice
and i got real frustrated over them
the next day she will just shrug n say: she was tired... so anyhow say things
i feel my mood swing with her words
tats very bad
i wanna overcome it
plz advice -
sometimes i got a feeling that she will leave me anytime
i donno how to cope with it
i feel panic when i came to thought of it, despite her assurance that she like no one else
plz teach me how to control my thoughts
thanks a lot -
sounds like she needs some space...are you being possessive?
back off a bit ...also she just entered the workforce and being exposed to new and interesting people who have things in common..
I think you shd keep your options open. -
Try not to put every bit of ur feelings into ur love life. I mean I am not asking u to not love her. But we need to channel our attention to elsewhere once in a while. Like we stil have to love our family and frens. Love is not ur whole world.Originally posted by OwenMania:sometimes i got a feeling that she will leave me anytime
i donno how to cope with it
i feel panic when i came to thought of it, despite her assurance that she like no one else
plz teach me how to control my thoughts
thanks a lot
Try to focus ur tots at times on work or other things. If u feel u are thinking too much, take a break, go for a jog or do the thigns u like. It helps u relax. Rem things are going great for u. =) -
COMMUNICATIONS. Try to understand her and love her more?Originally posted by OwenMania:sometimes i got a feeling that she will leave me anytime
i donno how to cope with it
i feel panic when i came to thought of it, despite her assurance that she like no one else
plz teach me how to control my thoughts
thanks a lot
Don't waste her efforts... She's trying to give you much assurance... You'll still have a LONG way to go if you think you can't even cope with this.....? -
what is yours will be yours even if you let it go.
what is not yours will never be yours even if you hang on.
for a gal, communication is important, even if it is one-way (ie, she yak you listem
). just remember, the person who she talks to must, will be the one she feel closest to. if you are not that person or not will to be that person, then.......... 
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[quote]Originally posted by OwenMania:
Me n my gf together for about a year
recently both of us graduated and work
for weekdays, we dont have time for each other
coz we work until very late everyday
for her, she always hang out with her colleagues
she enjoy the companionship
recently, something not nice happen
she refused to let me hug her
coz she feel we a bit "stranger"
she say its due to very little contact between us
recently we got quarrel over some issues
i not happy about some of her charaters and vice versa
then she feel tat she is not a nice gf at all
then she suggest that we keep our options open
coz she fear that i may end up marrying someone who is not compatible with me
[/quote
ur gf knew a better guy than u liao. sure must have been argh argh with.. -
sometimes i really worry that when we can only see each other during weekends
the bond can become very weak
she admit that she got admiration for other guys in her company
she even ask them out for dinner
she say she is curious to find out more about them
their lifestyle n thinking but wont fall for them
but i worried
coz if they get along everyday like this
one day she might just leave...
i donno how to make the relationship stronger
i very much like to trust her
but fail to convince myself tat i can -
WEAK. Then you'll probably just have to admit that this is not the kinda relationship for you?Originally posted by OwenMania:sometimes i really worry that when we can only see each other during weekends
the bond can become very weak
she admit that she got admiration for other guys in her company
she even ask them out for dinner
she say she is curious to find out more about them
their lifestyle n thinking but wont fall for them
but i worried
coz if they get along everyday like this
one day she might just leave...
i donno how to make the relationship stronger
i very much like to trust her
but fail to convince myself tat i can -
Your fears are not unfounded.
When she is out working, there are more opportunities to meet new guys who are more successful & eligible.
Watch for any changes in her behaviour.
Talk to her if necessary abt future plans.
If she is not willing to be exclusive, then u better date other girls.