Arriving at l. ron hoovers modernistic office / cathedral / warehouse / condominium complex, joe is greeted by a pre-recorded message and a dramatically illuminated image on a wall-sized tv scr
.
L. ron hoover:
Welcome to the first church of appliantology! the white zone is for loading and unloading only!
Dont you be tarot-fied
Its just a token
Of my extreme
Dont you be tarot-fied
Its just a token
Of my extreme
Dont you never try to
Look behind my eyes
You dont wanna know
What they have seen
Dont you never try to
Look behind my eyes
You dont wanna know
What they have seen
Joe: (thinking to himself)
Some people think
That if they go too far
Theyll never get back
To where the rest of
Them are
I might be crazy
But theres one thing
I know
You might be surprised
At what you find
When ya go!
And thus, having ration- alized his expedition to l. rons modernistic office / cathedral / warehouse / condominium complex, joe seeks the answer to his problem...
Joe:
Oh oh oh
Mystical advisor
What is my problem,
Tell me
Can you see?
L. ron hoover:
Well, you have nothing
To fear, my son!
You are a latent
Appliance fetishist,
It appears to me!
Joe:
That all seems very,
Very strange
I never craved
A toaster
Or a color t.v.
L. ron hoover:
A latent appliance
Fetishist
Is a person who
Refuses to admit
To his or herself
That sexual
Gratification can
Only be achieved
Through the use of
Machines...
Get the picture?
Joe:
Are you telling me
I should come out
Of the closet now
Mr. ron?
L. ron hoover:
No, my son!
You must go into
The closet
Joe:
What?
L. ron hoover:
And you will have
Joe:
Heh?
L. ron hoover:
Hey!
A lot of fun!
Thats where
They all live
So if you want an
Appliance to love you
Youll have to
Go in there
n get you one
Joe:
Well...that seems
Simple enough...
L. ron hoover:
Yes, but if you want a
Really good one,
Youll have to learn a
Foreign language...
Joe:
German, for instance?
L. ron hoover:
Thats right...
A lot of really cute
Ones come from
Over there!
(fifty bucks, please)
And a cheerful group of
Appliantologists dance
Into the room wearing
Aluminum foil lab smocks,
Lock arms in a circle
Around joe, making sure
He pays in full, all the
While singing with l. ron
As he delivers his final
Instructions...
L. ron hoover:
If you been
Mod-o-fied,
Its an illusion,
An yer in between
Dont you be
Tarot-fied,
Its just a lot of nothin,
So what can it mean?
If you been
Mod-o-fied,
Its an illusion,
An yer in between
Dont you be
Tarot-fied,
Its just a lot of nothin,
So what can it mean?
If you been
Mod-o-fied,
Its an illusion,
An yer in between...
Two lifeguards are working together on a beach when one of them notices sharks circling a woman who has drifted out a little too far. He begins to get up to race to her rescue when the other lifeguard grabs his arm and holds him back.
The first lifeguard says,"Why are you holding me back? We have to go save that woman!"
To which the other replies, "Don't worry. That woman is my mother-in-law."
"Are you trying to kill her?"
"Although the idea may be tempting, that is not my intent. Just watch."
With that, the sharks organize themselves beneath the woman, and ride her on their backs all the way to shore, safely depositing her.
"What in the world gave you the notion that would happen," asked the first lifeguard.
"Professional courtesy."
Wong Ah Fatt believed 8 was his lucky number. He was born on 8 Aug, lived at no. 8 Hoy Fatt Rd, and drove a car with 8888 on the no. plate.
On his birthday 8 Aug 1988, he went to the Turf Club and was excited to see a horse named Fatt Fatt in race 8 drawn on barrier 8. He went to the 8th counter and placed a bet of $880 on Fatt Fatt.
It came in 8th
to be continued....
after lunch...
shall come back later...me busy
Louis: RAAAH! ATTACK! ATTACK! Attack and get on ee, eee, each pony or . . . boogey man or something
Roy: Sure, aren't you glad I'm not too hairy . . .
Louis: Yeah . . .
Roy: . . . Too hairy! . . . heh, heh
Louis: . . . That beats . . . yes . . . (Louie laughs like a turkey)
Roy: . . . That's why they have a lot of crabs . . .
Louis: . . . Yes, and um . . .
Roy: . . . A set of crabs?!
Louis: Crabs are really dangerous, and they r-r-rich as fires and every once in a while you walk in the streets and when I . . . when I heard of these from, from talk from my, from my home here, my piano!
Gilly: Huh, my piano . . . It's still dark in here . . . It's the same as it ever was . . . I'm here . . . (sigh) I'm not the same as I ever was
Gilly: Either you're here and I'm here or I'm very different . . .
Girl
Mark: All skate. Men only!
Aynsley: Man, shou . . . shoulda put the fu ckin' [...]
?: Gotta put that sign on the front, man
?: Got to get that sign on the front
?: [...] sign of the bass player
Aynsley: Because I . . . I'm gonna have to find [...] I'm gonna take about five minutes with the other thing in there in time to go on
?: Get some more weirdness
?: Hey man
?: Hey, it's far right here
?: [...] together?
?: It's far right there
?: Well . . .
?: Perverse!
George: Hey, I'm still an hour here
Mark: See it, my washboard's in the car
?: What?
Aynsley: See, they gotta have two holes here
?: Ah!
Jeff: Yeah
?: Washboards . . .
Jeff: Oh we got our amps switched. I should be having . . .
Mark:
If you do not hear me
You may now walk out
For I am here
And I am talking . . .
Mark: Well uh . . . I play a v-, a version of myself a-, as Frank sees me, you know, like, you know what I mean?
Interviewer: No
Mark: It's not, uh, he sees the group from . . . like we see him from one point of view and he sees us from another place, this was written around like we're, you know, the folklore that each member had brought to create the image that we portray, like, uh, some of the scenes have happened before, specifically the, the hotel room scene where the group sits and talks about how Frank is not important to what the group is and . . . that scene I remember happening many times, uh, just the whole idea that it is Frank Zappa
Louis: Yes . . .
Roy: I kind of miss him
Louis: Yeah, me too
Roy: Getting on top of him and all
Louis: He had a very nice body too
Roy: Yeah, even though he was a, a . . . Oh well
Louis: A dual personality, you know
Roy: Yeah
Louis: We have to think of what he's doin' out there?
Roy: What did he go out there for anyway?
Louis: Maybe . . .
Roy: Maybe he wanted to get on top of one of those horse . . . ponies
Louis: Yes, maybe he wants to have intercourse with them!
Roy: What?
Louis: Intercourse!
Roy: Well, if he doesn't get clawed first
Louis: Yes, that's right. But, maybe, maybe he will find a real nice, a very nice kind horse, you know
Roy: A horse, yeah horse. Whore-sss
Louis: Boogey-man or something. Something out there. You might find a nice kind . . .
Roy: Boogey-man?
Louis: Well, something, you know. I don't know what it is myself - a horse - 'cause human beings, decent human beings. Nice place to live
Roy: Beans? You call them human beans?
Louis: And then before they turn to be boogey-men or . . .
Roy: That's why they came into the Steinway
Louis: Yes, that's why 'cause I just couldn't take them anymore, you know. They were vicious, too vicious. So I had to go, I had to, I had to come in here
Spider: Like, we can't understand what they're saying to each other
John: I know
