Counselling for NSF Adjustment
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My boyfriend is in NS now.. and I honestly think he is starting to sink into depression. And no, this is not one of those chao keng cases.
I've never seen him like this before and it's really freaking me out. The thing is he's talked to the people in charge in the camp, I'm not very sure of the ranks =S but they all don't want to seem to grant him 8-5. They don't even seem to be sympathetic at all.
I guess the reason why he's like this is because he's been wanting stay out so that he can study. If he doesn't, he would have to spend extra tens of thousands of $$ just to continue his studies when he goes overseas.
It's really driving him up the wall and I can't even talk to him properly anymore.His loss of moods for anything.. constant guilt..
I would want him to go seek help and maybe from there he can get 8-5, but will it work? And would it be in the record for his future?
Oh, and he also has a knee problem. Seen specialist, letter given to MO, etc. Everything was still rejected.
I know some of you may say he should suck it up because most guys have to go through the same thing, but some people just can't. Its affected his whole mind and well being and I'm really concerned.
Pls reply! Opinions and comments and help much appreciated.Thanks! :)
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firstly ....
an 8 to 5 is NOT an entitlement .... warfighting is not an 8 to 5 affair mind you ... EVEN if you are physically unable to be assigned to a combat vocation, there are PLENTY of non-combat ones that'll require you to stay in (so don't think of chao genging !)
secondly ... that's not his grandfather's army ! ....
he's NOT the only one who had to put his studies and career on hold .... the vast majority of us had to do the same as well ... what makes him so special that he thinks the army owes him that ? ... ask him to get real ....
thirdly ... the army is not a hell hole, it's not a concentration camp in there ... HUNDREDS AND THOUSANDS of other men have passed through that unscathed, and with their minds intact (and in non-8 to 5 vocations too mind you) .... if your boyfriend has such a weak mind and is such a wimp and guniang that he can't even hack it, then how is he going to handle society and the stress of a job(or even the rigors of higher studies), in the future ? .... I think maybe it's time you reevaluate what kind of a man (or boy ?) you're looking for ...
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hmm. so the root of the problem is that he can't take part time courses?
if that's the problem.. i think quite easily solved. but i went to scdf, and my friends could study part time. so yeah...
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He is not trying to fake his way out. I know him well, and this is affecting him very badly.
If he takes part time courses, he needs 8-5. because if his lesson finishes, and he goes back to camp, they don't have resources like internet.. etc for him to do his projects and research. And that will affect his overall grades.
I know lots of guys go through it too.. but some people really can't handle it. I think he's let it get to him too much, thus sinking into depression. I know for a fact he can handle tough situations (eg:work), but this is just too much of a delay.
And there's just so many factors for his study, if he starts studying now, he can save like almost 50k and complete half of it. If he doesn't, he will have to wait till ORD, by then, he'll be so old if he goes overseas to study. And every plan that he's had will be delayed.
I'm just really worried for him.
If he really does sink into full depression, I don't know what else to do.
P.S Not trying to pick a fight with you guys out there by the way! Just seeking advice :) -
Originally posted by Spacedoutpink:
He is not trying to fake his way out. I know him well, and this is affecting him very badly.
If he takes part time courses, he needs 8-5. because if his lesson finishes, and he goes back to camp, they don't have resources like internet.. etc for him to do his projects and research.
I know lots of guys go through it too.. but some people really can't handle it. I think he's let it get to him too much, thus sinking into depression. I know for a fact he can handle tough situations (eg:work), but this is just too much of a delay.
And there's just so many factors for his study, if he starts studying now, he can save like almost 50k and complete half of it. If he doesn't, he will have to wait till ORD, by then, he'll be so old if he goes overseas to study. And every plan that he's had will be delayed.
It just hurts to see him like this.
still, the question is unanswered .... what makes him special ? ... what entitles him to 8 - 5 ? ..... because his ah gong is LKY ? ... because he's some sort of white horse ? ... old ? ... sure, most of us men started university at a time our female peers were about to graduate, or careers at a time when ladies (and foreign talents !) have already climbed over our heads on the career ladder .... we had to suck it up too ....
too much of a delay ? .... you want to hear what we poly chaps had to go through in 2.5 G army ? ... when NS was 2.5 years long ? ..... between the start of poly and end of secondary school, that was half a year gone, and between NS, and the start of university term, that's on average another half year gone too .... we were THREE years late ... we entered unis at a time when some people our age have already worn the mortar cap ... and graduate with only a bachelors at a time when others were already in grad school .... so how ? ...
and you have not seen nothing yet ... have you come across cases of fellows whose mother was in ill health, father was in jail, younger son's only 14 and the son got drafted into a vocation like the commandos ? ... Or men who were already working outside, supporting their families, because their salaries would make a real difference to 5 mouths living in a one room flat ! .... I have ! these were all real cases i have seen, these men had an even more immediate pressing need than your boyfriend, these men had to feed and support their families ! None of these men got, or even ASKED FOR, an 8 to 5 ..... real men ? ... I think those fellows fits ... at least they didn't get depressed over that little "bump" in their lives called NS ...
so ask your "boyfriend" to wake up his idea .... the world doesn't revolve around him. Whining about his "lot" or getting depressed about it is not going to help. And really, it really says a lot about the character and intestinal fortitude (or the lack of it), in a man .....
are you sure you're getting a real man as a boyfriend ? ...
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tell your bf, why is he so special that he should be allowed to study part time and start working earlier thus earning more then others who have to go through the same fate as him?
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nonsense
he get weekends off he can "tau chio" liao
like that also depressed.
i got a solution
let him be depressed.
blardi guniang
i dunno why gf's bother about this kind of guy
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let him really sink into depression then get help from the pro.. maybe from there ppl will then take his case seriously.. a lot of time ppl tok like they are the hero when bad thing don happen to them..no one would really empathise with such misery until one kenna oneself.. i was once those big toker till one day i realise the world is so big tat a lot of the impossible which i use to think, do happen..
life is unfair.. nt all human can take the same thing the other human can take(eg.. stronger mentality).. if someone can do smth and i cannt do.. well.. gd for him.. but still i'm a man..
definition of man??= human being wif a dick below and their ic state their gender is male..
your bf cfm is a man... the fact tat he muz serve ns is a cannt change fate since he is singaporean.. but i belive tat he may will have a problem.. go see a specialist for his depression.. find the correct channel of help.. when u are sick,u don ask god how.. see the doc.. 8-5 is nt an entitlement which i true.. but there will be way to help ur bf.. i mean help is nt by saving ur bf 50k but get him out of depression and serve his ns..
ur bf is a real man.. but he will be a better man if he can solve his problem bravely.. Good luck..
PS: Above is all just my 2cent view.. Peace..
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Change your bf and you will not face this problems anymore.
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Ask him to go for a sex change and he will be out in no time.
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Originally posted by Spacedoutpink:
My boyfriend is in NS now.. and I honestly think he is starting to sink into depression. And no, this is not one of those chao keng cases.
I've never seen him like this before and it's really freaking me out. The thing is he's talked to the people in charge in the camp, I'm not very sure of the ranks =S but they all don't want to seem to grant him 8-5. They don't even seem to be sympathetic at all.
I guess the reason why he's like this is because he's been wanting stay out so that he can study. If he doesn't, he would have to spend extra tens of thousands of $$ just to continue his studies when he goes overseas.
It's really driving him up the wall and I can't even talk to him properly anymore.His loss of moods for anything.. constant guilt..
I would want him to go seek help and maybe from there he can get 8-5, but will it work? And would it be in the record for his future?
Oh, and he also has a knee problem. Seen specialist, letter given to MO, etc. Everything was still rejected.
I know some of you may say he should suck it up because most guys have to go through the same thing, but some people just can't. Its affected his whole mind and well being and I'm really concerned.
Pls reply! Opinions and comments and help much appreciated.Thanks! :)
1st thing, he should well know that hes cant force his way to 8-5 schedules.... tat is jz the wrong mentality.... next, if he reali got knee problem and specialist did a gd review, he should get downgraded. but still tat dun gurantee him 8-5 also... if he still not hapi jz speak to the mp...
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If your father survived NS, why not your boyfriend?
Unless he is really a guniang like what they mentioned. -
he not that weak.
stuff don't go his way, he will figure a way to deal with it.
NS is not a particularly happy period for some people, so people will appear a bit more unhappy, no big deal.
don't think too much.
he is not that weak.
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Originally posted by skythewood:
he not that weak.
stuff don't go his way, he will figure a way to deal with it.
NS is not a particularly happy period for some people, so people will appear a bit more unhappy, no big deal.
don't think too much.
he is not that weak.
His mind is weak, if he keep insisting on 8-5
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Originally posted by vIn.Warrior:
His mind is weak, if he keep insisting on 8-5
he can complain. everyone complains during army. complain complain complain. so let him complain loh, no big deal. but he will not get 8-5. ever. ever.
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having a dick, only makes you a male ......
being a man, is something that you have to prove .....
sure, NS is not a particularly happy period for everyone, but there are worse things a head in life .....
how is he going to deal with bigger hurdles in life, when he can't even take not having small things like this not go his way ?!?! .... how is he going to handle a stressful job, farked up bosses, backstabbing colleagues, living with a big mortgage, having to provide for the family day in and day out ? how is he going to handle other, bigger crisis in life ? ... is he going to go to pieces too ? ... how is he going to handle a recession ? ...
and the thing is, fine, I can accept that different people are made differently, some people are weaker in the mind than others ... some people sink into depression and give up more easily than others ... not a problem ....
what I have an issue with ... is that he thinks he's entitled to special treatment when legions of other men are going through the same shit, and worse ! .. than him ! ... it is his sense of self-entitlement, his thinking that he deserves special treatment, that makes me mad ... so, he thinks this is his grandfather's army ? ... he's small lee's son ? .... that the world owes it to him to have things his way ? ....
well, i have big news for this boy, the world doesn't always go your way, not liking something doesn't absolves you of the responsibility or the onus of the tasks ... you don't like something, suck it up ! ...
if not ... I have the temporary solution here ... it may get him out of 2 years of NS ... but of course, it doesn't make other, bigger hardships ahead in life go away.
this young lady here would also end up with a "girlfriend" instead, though ....
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When would we read about him in the news? anyone?
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Originally posted by caleb_chiang:
When would we read about him in the news? anyone?
Dave Teo number 2? -
nothing would happen, mark my words ... I'd lay down $100 peh kim on it ...
people who care too much about themselves, actually love themselves too much .... and would never kill themselves, do a dave teo, or something silly like that ..... this "male" would just whine to his gf and "sink into a depression" that's all ....
pity though ... it may save his gf from making a big mistake perhaps ...
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gf most probably would leave him... the sad tradition of NS guys... though some did not suffer such fate...
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I think the 8 to 5 to study is really bull shit. Sorry to say that. You think he's the only one who wants 8-5? Everyone wants that. The only thing that would get him into 8-5 in my opinion is if he really sinks into depression and starts slashing himself. That may warrant him a PES E for his mental condition. Sorry girl but that's the fact.
Anyway can someone explain how does 8-5 allow him to study everyday and henceforth save thousands of dollars? Isn't it the same if he finishes NS and study everyday too in Singapore? :S I don't get it.U think no one has plans to go be young and obtain a degree? FACE IT. Even I have to face it. I being a musician have to practice every weekend. That's life. There's no such thing as too late. Face reality.
Or simply try suicide.
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i agree with the above posts. it does seem that your bf is looking for an easy way out. and i don't think he deserves it. come on, any guy who has served the nation would agree. what makes him different?
i enlisted when i was 21 after my polytechnice studies, i had a girlfriend whom i just got together with 1 month before my enlistment. i too, didn't want to waste my parents money to go overseas to study, i wanted my degree first so i could go out and earn some real money. who doesn't?
your boyfriend has to face reality and stop dreaming. ns as it is has been toned down so much with so many accidental deaths, he should be happy he's only serving 2 years.
if he has the money ... ask him to go specialist and keng until the SAF no choice. one of my men then did exactly that ...
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No offense...but ur bf is obviously a chao keng ... everyone hve to go thru the army... like wat everyone is saying here....u just got to live with it... dun expect to be 8 to 5...if he sink into depression...u are better off without him... for if everyone starts to demand that they should be doing 8 to 5...the whole army will be devoid of combat troops...and only gay troops will remains...so ask him to wake up his idea...and finish his 2 years terms like the rest....lst time when i was in guardsmen...never see me complain... i also go thru the 2 years...it may be tough...but no matter wat...times will pass by...
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haha want 8-5? easy. ask him to marry you. HAHA
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i think u better change bf. tis kind of guy jus becos wan study go into depression realli dunno wat to say. u keep toking abt study study n study. the root of his depression is all revolving ard study.
y cant he jus serve like a man n stop whining. i think de depression is jus an xcuses nia. u wan a gu niang for bf ar? jus like all other pple say shld he b treated specially. i think u suggest to him go chop off finger or toe la.
like tat no nd serve army liao even better