How do you control your urge/lust?
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I wonder how you all control your lust.
I have been buddhist for so many years and I feel very guilty that only recently getting more serious on the 5 precepts that I vowed to uphold.
One of them is no sexual misconduct. If one looking at pretty girl and feel lust on her, it is considered sexual misconduct.
I did this so many times...haiz.... And I tell myself I must end this. Wonder whether any of you have any methods on this? pls kindly enlighten me. -
Having lust by itself isn't breaking the precepts actually.Originally posted by justdoit77:I wonder how you all control your lust.
I have been buddhist for so many years and I feel very guilty that only recently getting more serious on the 5 precepts that I vowed to uphold.
One of them is no sexual misconduct. If one looking at pretty girl and feel lust on her, it is considered sexual misconduct.
I did this so many times...haiz.... And I tell myself I must end this. Wonder whether any of you have any methods on this? pls kindly enlighten me.
The common understanding of the 'no sexual misconduct precept' is no sexual intercourse with partners outside lawful spouse. So if you are already married and you still have such thoughts it is better that you must stop it.
If you practise the dharma you will have much more control over this. And I also notice that when I started meditating frequently, there is much less sexual desires. Meditative bliss is better than sex, and I am not exaggerating at all.
Sinweiy, do you have to 'bu xie yin' website URL? I think that one is good. -
hmm.. I heard different definition of sexual misconduct.Originally posted by An Eternal Now:Having lust by itself isn't breaking the precepts actually.
The common understanding of the 'no sexual misconduct precept' is no sexual intercourse with partners outside lawful spouse. So if you are already married and you still have such thoughts it is better that you must stop it.
Sinweiy, do you have to 'bu xie yin' website URL? I think that one is good.
really confused which source is correct. Why can't buddha appear in our world again and clear our doubts.
For the benefits of everyone, I come across articles saying masturbating is bad to health eventually affecting your brain and memory. -
May I ask from where did you read that by having lust = breaking precept?Originally posted by justdoit77:hmm.. I heard different definition of sexual misconduct.
really confused which source is correct. Why can't buddha appear in our world again and clear our doubts.
For the benefits of everyone, I come across articles saying masturbating is bad to health eventually affecting your brain and memory.
Precepts are rules on our conduct... but generally does not apply to our mental thoughts. However, keeping precepts is necessary for the development of Samadhi and Wisdom.
But I do think the fundamental problem with sex or masturbation is the lust itself... bcos lust will trap us within samsara, birth and death.See: The Problem With Sex in Buddhism -- by Kusala Bhikshu
It seems these days in Los Angeles, it's OK to do or be anything you want sexually... And if you're lucky enough to find your true sexual identity, you will be happy and fulfilled the rest of your life.
Well, in this world of *Samsara it just doesn't work that way.
The Buddha more than anything else was a man, who went from childhood to manhood, got married, and at the age of 29 had his first child. He went through all the stages men go through sexually, but at the age of 35 ended his sexual desire forever in *Nirvana.
The big question today is... Does the desire for sex always lead to suffering? The answer is, Yes! But the reason may surprise you.
The Buddha in everything he said about sex implies... The activity of sex will never ultimately satisfy the desire for sex.
Now this is a real bummer if you think about it. You can have sex a 1000 times, and want it a 1001. You can be 90 years old... Blind and cripple... Still want to have sex, and not be physically able to. You will never get rid of your sexual desire by having sex. In fact, it seems the more sex you have, the more sex you want.
I think sex is a lot like hunger... And to be honest with you, I'm so tired of being hungry. I have been hungry every day of my life. I'm hungry in the morning, in the afternoon, in the evening. Think of all the time and money I could save if I gave up eating!
So what if tomorrow, I get up real early and eat as much as I desire, and anything I want. Whatever looks good, I'm going to eat it and keep eating it, until I am so full and satisfied, I will never want to eat again.
Well, if I were to do that what would happen? I would wake up the next morning and still be hungry and sex works the very same way!
You might be saying to yourself, "Well Kusala is a monk, and monks don't have sex, so maybe if I choose celibacy I won't have to suffer."
I wish life were so easy!
The people who choose a celibate lifestyle ('desire' not to have) suffer in a different way from people that choose to have sex ('desire' to have). But all people (monks too) suffer when it comes to sex, if they have desire.
The only way to have sex and not suffer, is to have no desire to have sex. It sounds like a 'Zen Koan' doesn't it? To end our suffering we need to end our desire, our craving, our thirst.
When a Buddhist does end his/her desire in Nirvana, would there be any reason to have sex simply for pleasure???
The problem with sex according to Buddhism... Is not the activity of sex, but the desire for sex. The sexual desire of a human being will never be ultimately satisfied through sexual activity.
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* Samsára: 'round of rebirth', lit. perpetual wandering', is a name by which is designated the stages of life ever restlessly heaving up and down, the symbol of this continuous process of ever again and again being born, growing old, suffering and dying.
* Nibbána, (Sanskrit Nirvána): lit. 'extinction' (nir + Ö va, to cease blowing, to become extinguished); according to the commentaries, 'freedom from desire' (nir+ vana). Nibbána constitutes the highest and ultimate goal of all Buddhist aspirations. -
Oh Sinweiy found the URL.. thanks
http://www.jiexieyin.org/
It contains many useful information and articles about sexual misconducts, the harm and how to curb sexual desires. Very good website. -
indeed it's the most difficult karma/habit(xi qi) to sever second to severing ego/self.
if you see the Little Buddha Movie/story, you will see Buddha while meditating under the bodhi tree. mara first send troops to provoke Buddha. Buddha didn't generate resentment. later mara send his daughters to seduce Buddha. Buddha also did not generate lust as He saw the daughters becoming old and ugly(impermanance). later he then maniffest as another Buddha, something like that....
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I remember coming across one article on the jiexieyin website, which creates an impression in my mind.
The whole page was about how the prettiest women looked like after they turn old. A lot of very good examples and pictures.
I also recall in sutra at once Buddha wanted to break someone's attachment, he appeared with his miraculous powers at first young, then in a very short time, turned old and died.. something like the Nike advertisement which was banned.. someone keep running and turning old until end up in the grave.
Contemplation on impermanence and impurity is one way to curb sexual desires. Those interested may like to find out more on that. -
http://www.accesstoinsight.org/canon/sutta/anguttara/an10-060a.html
"Thus have I heard:
On one occasion the Blessed One was living near Savatthi at Jetavana at the monastery of Anathapindika. Now at that time, the Venerable Girimananda was afflicted with a disease, was suffering therefrom, and was gravely ill. Thereupon the Venerable Ananda approached the Buddha and having saluted him sat beside him. So seated the Venerable Ananda said this to the Blessed One:
"Bhante (Venerable Sir,) the Venerable Girimananda is afflicted with disease, is suffering therefrom, and is gravely ill. It were well, bhante, if the Blessed One would visit the Venerable Girimananda out of compassion for him." (Thereupon the Buddha said):
"Should you, Ananda, visit the monk Girimananda and recite to him the ten contemplations, then that monk Girimananda having heard them, will be immediately cured of his disease.
What are the ten?
Contemplation of impermanence.
Contemplation of anatta (absence of a permanent self or soul).
Contemplation of foulness (asubha).
Contemplation of disadvantage (danger).
Contemplation of abandonment.
Contemplation of detachment.
Contemplation of cessation.
Contemplation of distaste for the whole world.
Contemplation of impermanence of all component things.
Mindfulness of in-breathing and out-breathing.
i. "And what, Ananda, is contemplation of impermanence? Herein, Ananda, a monk having gone to the forest or to the foot of a tree or to an empty house (lonely place) contemplates thus: 'Matter (visible objects) is impermanent; feeling or sensation is impermanent; perception is impermanent; formations are impermanent; consciousness is impermanent. Thus he dwells contemplating impermanence in these five aggregates.' This, Ananda, is called contemplation of impermanence.
ii. "And what Ananda is contemplation of anatta? Herein, Ananda, a monk having gone to the forest or to the foot of a tree or to a lonely place contemplates thus: 'The eye is not the self; visible objects are not the self; the ear is not the self; sounds are not the self; the nose is not the self; smells are not the self; the tongue is not the self; tastes are not the self; the body is not the self; bodily contacts (tangible objects) are not the self; the mind is not the self; mental objects are not the self.' Thus he dwells contemplating not self in these internal and external bases. This, Ananda, is called contemplation of anatta.
iii. "And what, Ananda, is contemplation of foulness? Herein, Ananda, a monk contemplates this body upward from the soles of the feet, downward from the top of the hair, enclosed in skin, as being full of many impurities. In this body there are head-hairs, body-hairs, nails, teeth, skin, flesh, sinews, bones, marrow, kidneys, heart, liver, pleura, spleen, lungs, intestines, intestinal tract, stomach, feces, bile, phlegm, pus, blood, sweat, fat, tears, grease, saliva, nasal mucous, synovium (oil lubricating the joints), and urine. Thus he dwells contemplating foulness in this body. This, Ananda, is called contemplation of foulness. (Continued in the website) -
lust is a hard emotion feeling to sever , well my idea is you can try be a hospital volunteer for a day and look at ppl comes in and out of hospital ,especially if u dare to pass by the A and E department , those blood-soaked bandage, u contemplate upon thusOriginally posted by justdoit77:I wonder how you all control your lust.
I have been buddhist for so many years and I feel very guilty that only recently getting more serious on the 5 precepts that I vowed to uphold.
One of them is no sexual misconduct. If one looking at pretty girl and feel lust on her, it is considered sexual misconduct.
I did this so many times...haiz.... And I tell myself I must end this. Wonder whether any of you have any methods on this? pls kindly enlighten me.
this beautiful skin in the exterior , is just by a thin piece of stinking skin which cover the internal disgusting blood, spleen, saliva , stomach juice of us
where is the beauty gone to ?
it is just a trick our eye just want us to ignorant of the truth
see those verse by shantideva
on mindfulness in http://www.shantideva.net
Breaking the bones, look inside at the marrow and examine for yourself, "where is the essence here?"
64. If searching carefully in this way, you do not see an essence here, then say why you are still protecting the body today.
65. If you would not eat it, as impure as it is, and if you would not drink the blood not suck out the entrails, then what will you do with the body?
66. However, it is proper to guard it for the sake of feeding the vultures and the jackets. This wretched body of humans is an instrument for action.
67. Even though you protect it so, merciless death will snatch the body away and give it to the vultures. What will you do then?
68. You do not give clothing and such to a servant if you think he will not stay. The body will eat and pass away. Then why do you waste yourself? -
in order to overcome lust, one must think youthfulness does not last. everyone will grow old and ugly.
3rd precept is ok. but i think the most difficult precept is 4th one. cos to practice right speech is extremely difficult. -
Another sources i wish to said that
jie xie yin is a book of ancient chinese time record of people who have too much lust , lost their unborn child in miscarriage
die of tragic death by selling porn comics
lost of happiness of family by too occupied by lust
lust radiate undesirable energy to your friend family ard u
causing quarrel and disagreement (u may not see it )
the only way is to start to respect interpersonal relationship
In my humble opinion , those lewd language in Army days or
during work ,should be avoided .
One must avoid making such remark for the karma one will suffer ....
all in chinese
url
http://amtb.idv.tw/fact/
http://www.buddhanet.com.tw/kobin/bin-1e.htm
http://www.jiexieyin.org/
http://lookbooks.org/big5/course1-2-1.html -
actually i feel all sentient beings have 'qi qing liu yu'. useless one can be calm as a rock.Originally posted by bohiruci:Another sources i wish to said that
jie xie yin is a book of ancient chinese time record of people who have too much lust , lost their unborn child in miscarriage
die of tragic death by selling porn comics
lost of happiness of family by too occupied by lust
lust radiate undesirable energy to your friend family ard u
causing quarrel and disagreement (u may not see it )
the only way is to start to respect interpersonal relationship
In my humble opinion , those lewd language in Army days or
during work ,should be avoided .
One must avoid making such remark for the karma one will suffer ....
all in chinese url
http://amtb.idv.tw/fact/
http://www.buddhanet.com.tw/kobin/bin-1e.htm
http://www.jiexieyin.org/
http://lookbooks.org/big5/course1-2-1.html
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Yes... all the sentient beings are like that including us. Therefore it is very important to 'chao fan ru sheng'... transcend worldliness into sainthood. Must practise until 'ba feng qui bu dong', the eight winds cannot move you.Originally posted by 798:actually i feel all sentient beings have 'qi qing liu yu'. useless one can be calm as a rock."The Eight Winds Cannot Move Me
Su Dongpo (a famous Buddhist poet) of the Song Dynasty was assigned to an official post at Guazhuo, which was situated at the northern shore of the Yangtze River. Across the river, on its southern shore, was Jinshan (Golden Mountain) Temple where Chan Master Foyin presided. One day, Su Dongpo, feeling quite advanced in his practice, wrote a poem and asked his attendant to send it to Chan Master Foyin for verification. The poem went as following:
"Bowing with my highest respect
To the deva of devas,
Whose fine light illuminates the whole universe,
The eight winds cannot move me,
For I am sitting upright on the golden purple lotus blossom."
("The deva of devas" here figuratively refers to "the Buddha", who is actually not a god, but surpasses all the gods and is "Teacher of men and gods." The "eight winds" are the eight worldly conditions - gain and loss, fame and defame, praise and blame, pleasure and pain. "The golden purple lotus blossom" is a symbol of purity and a "throne" of spiritual attainment.)
After receiving the poem from the attendant and reading it, Chan Master Foyin picked up the brush and wrote down one word as his comment. When the attendant came back with the poem, Su Dongpo, expecting words of praise from the Chan Master, quickly opened it to read the comment. However, on that page, nothing was written except the word "Fart!" ("Pi" in Chinese, which means "utter nonsense") Upon seeing such an insult, Su Dongpo was ablaze with the fire of anger. Immediately, he boarded a boat and crossed the Yangtze River to argue with Chan Master Foyin.
Before the boat even pulled onto the shore, Chan Master Foyin was already standing there waiting for Su Dongpo. Upon seeing Foyin, Su Dongpo said, "Chan Master, we are such intimate Dharma friends! It is fine that you do not compliment my practice or my poem. But how can you insult me like this?"
Innocently, as if nothing had happened, the Chan Master asked, "How have I insulted you?" Without saying another word, Su Dongpo simply showed the word "Fart" to Chan Master Foyin.
Laughing wholeheartedly, the Chan Master said, "Oh! Didn't you say that the eight winds cannot move you? How come you are sent across the river with just a fart?" Hearing what Foyin said, Su Dongpo was extremely embarrassed." -
I heard it in a dharma talk. later on, I go search on internet to confirm this, most of the sites said the same thing.Originally posted by An Eternal Now:May I ask from where did you read that by having lust = breaking precept?
A tibetan monk once told me that we should think about ourselves as stinking meat ball and those disgusting things in order to curb our attachment to body.
But I also heard from some mahayana monks that sometimes in meditation or real life, we should think about our body look like buddha, generating lights.
and the more you think you are like something, the more likely you are towards this kind of thing.
Isn't these 2 practises conflicting with each other? I don't know.
Lastly, really thanks the info provided by you all especially eternal now and bohiruci. I hope all buddhist who read this thread and want to succeed in and outside life, must really go and practise to have no sexual misconduct. Following what buddha has said will never go wrong. -
u r right, but misinterpreting what buddha said willl go wrongOriginally posted by justdoit77:Following what buddha has said will never go wrong.
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I have seriously never heard of anyone saying that having lust is breaking precept. If you have read it from somewhere, please quote it here, I am very interested to find out more. I agree lust is the important factor, in fact, Lust can lead to breaking of ANY 5 precepts.Originally posted by justdoit77:I heard it in a dharma talk. later on, I go search on internet to confirm this, most of the sites said the same thing.
A tibetan monk once told me that we should think about ourselves as stinking meat ball and those disgusting things in order to curb our attachment to body.
But I also heard from some mahayana monks that sometimes in meditation or real life, we should think about our body look like buddha, generating lights.
and the more you think you are like something, the more likely you are towards this kind of thing.
Isn't these 2 practises conflicting with each other? I don't know.
Lastly, really thanks the info provided by you all especially eternal now and bohiruci. I hope all buddhist who read this thread and want to succeed in and outside life, must really go and practise to have no sexual misconduct. Following what buddha has said will never go wrong.
In Buddhism, as a lay follower and not having renounced as a monk or a nun, we are allowed to have sex with our faithful partner. Essentially the reason why we have sex is because we still have lust or attachment. As long we do not commit MISCONDUCTS, and not break the other 4 precepts, we will still be able to reborn as a Human. But if you wish to be freed from samsara, you must transcend ALL lust eventually
As for the tibetan monk and mahayana monks that has given you different instructions, actually it is not contradictory at all. Why? Because Buddha has taught 84000 dharma doors. As you can see I have posted the ten kinds of contemplations that Buddha instructed Ananda to tell the other Venerable, so you know, Buddha has many many different kind of contemplations/meditation for different people and different purpose. I myself also practise the 'light visualisation' practise at times.
Also... may I suggest that when practising Buddhism we should 'Yi Men Shen Ru'. It's best that you focus on a single path. I am saying this because I know there are many people out there who are very interested in Buddhism, but they go here and there and different monasteries and listen to different speakers and different dharmas. In the end, they gain little or nothing because they are like people walking around the building, peeking into each window or through each door, but never entering the door itself. Actually all doors lead to enlightenment, so focus on one.