How to deal with anger and react with anger
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There are a lot of scoldings dished out to us by parents, siblings, gf / bf , wives / husbands, colleagues, bosses and even stranger in the streets.
When someone scold me, first thing is I will get very angry and then retaliate by either reasoning with that person or return insults with insults.
How does one deal or react when someone near and dear to us insulted us or belittle us in a moment of pique / anger.
Has anyone here really return anger with kindness or patience?
Anger is a poison most humans faced with their daily lives. not only is anger bad for our health, but it is not good for us emotionally as it may carry a feud in future, worst case scenario is killing or injuring someone in a moment of anger. -
i used to be very hot tempered and as i grow up i learn to control them and become less hot tempered, not wanting to be easily triggered by a situation arise such as other ppl's stupidity, nonsense, their illogical arguement, their make no sense theory or reasoning. now i usually most of the time just say "ok ok..." with a smile and watch how my anger start to grow inside and tell myself to let that anger feeling go and sometiimes no anger at all. it works for me. its not easy also.
especially when i have to go through again n again. why? cos my hubby is super lazy and always do things last minute and never mindful enough and that can irritate me many times. when i explained to him why its important not to stick all his 24hrs time to play games and get things done he would always say."ya ya yaaaa......". maybe anyone in my shoes can feel anger sometimes. then i have a full of ego brother inlaw who thinks he knows everything and thinks he's the smartest and luckiest. that can be irritating when he tries to show off his "know-all" attitude but to me i see so much delusions in him. as i live together with my inlaws and brother inlaw as well, conflicts surely will arise at times. i'm really sick n tired of all these. now i only say," ok ok...." and smiled.
not easy...... if one has to go thru again n again. now i also become numb get used to it. -
oic. married life can have their share of ups and downs. no wonder there are a lot of divorces in singapore these days.Originally posted by paperflower:i used to be very hot tempered and as i grow up i learn to control them and become less hot tempered, not wanting to be easily triggered by a situation arise such as other ppl's stupidity, nonsense, their illogical arguement, their make no sense theory or reasoning. now i usually most of the time just say "ok ok..." with a smile and watch how my anger start to grow inside and tell myself to let that anger feeling go and sometiimes no anger at all. it works for me. its not easy also.
especially when i have to go through again n again. why? cos my hubby is super lazy and always do things last minute and never mindful enough and that can irritate me many times. when i explained to him why its important not to stick all his 24hrs time to play games and get things done he would always say."ya ya yaaaa......". maybe anyone in my shoes can feel anger sometimes. then i have a full of ego brother inlaw who thinks he knows everything and thinks he's the smartest and luckiest. that can be irritating when he tries to show off his "know-all" attitude but to me i see so much delusions in him. as i live together with my inlaws and brother inlaw as well, conflicts surely will arise at times. i'm really sick n tired of all these. now i only say," ok ok...." and smiled.
not easy...... if one has to go thru again n again. now i also become numb get used to it.
ya, its not easy to overcome anger, both internally and externally.
it takes a bodhisattva maybe a kalpa to overcome anger. I do not think its takes one lifetime to overcome anger. Even if one overcome anger in this lifetime, it is not the result of this lifetime, but previous innumerable past lives as well.
keep on practising on tolerance, patience and compassion to those that are unkind or rude to us. -
Patience is a virtue.
Tolerance is a virtue. -
Yes, its a universal virtue, practised by all humans universally, does not belong to any religion, society or caste systems.Originally posted by finoq:Patience is a virtue.
Tolerance is a virtue.
The same goes with love, compassion, equanimity, loving-kindness. -
meditation is ur ans
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Understand where your anger really come from
See things from different points of view
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Maggot made a good point.Originally posted by marcteng:There are a lot of scoldings dished out to us by parents, siblings, gf / bf , wives / husbands, colleagues, bosses and even stranger in the streets.
When someone scold me, first thing is I will get very angry and then retaliate by either reasoning with that person or return insults with insults.
How does one deal or react when someone near and dear to us insulted us or belittle us in a moment of pique / anger.
Has anyone here really return anger with kindness or patience?
Anger is a poison most humans faced with their daily lives. not only is anger bad for our health, but it is not good for us emotionally as it may carry a feud in future, worst case scenario is killing or injuring someone in a moment of anger.
Investigate the anger. Where does it come from?
The human being’s seventh mind-consciousness is the “I”. Because of “I”, it gives rise to “my”. Because of “me”, it gives rise to self-attachment, followed by attachment of perception such as “I like it this way …” or “I like it that way …” In the end, people become attached to everything, be it right or wrong. This is the root cause of distress and suffering. “Ignorance” means darkness and without brightness. People lose their temper because of ignorance. If we investigate the reason for being angry, at the beginning most people will blame it on others. On further investigation, we will discover that the anger stems from self-ignorance. When we have understood this principle, we will realize that these are due to this “I” (seventh mind-consciousness, transient-invisible body). Therefore if we allow it (the ignorance) to further develop and lead according to the wishes of this “I”, we will certainly descend to a lower realm of life, because the root of this “I” is ignorance.
Practise mindfulness, simply note the arising and ceasing of the thoughts. A true practitioner is not affected by thoughts. He simply remains aware. So whats the difference when the thoughts arise in him compared to the thoughts that arise in an ordinary being? It is that the thoughts do not 'belong to him'. He is detached from them, and simply watches the arising and ceasing of the thoughts.
This website is also good: http://courses.dl.kent.edu/21020/emotionsppt2.htm - A Buddhist Technique for Dealing with Anger
Thich Nhat HanhÂ’s steps of mindfulness
"Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned."
- Buddha
My Master was once scolded badly by someone. All the while he was smiling... looking as if he was listening very attentively at him. At the end of it the person under the spell of ignorance left... my taiwanese teacher asked my master "what did the guy just scolded you for??" and my master said, "I don't know!"
It is not that my master was not paying attention, it is that practitioners immediately 'delete' things that is not worthy to him. And not grasping to it at any moment. -
some pple had a bad day n need to let it out...u r doing tt person a favour by letting him voice out thus gaining merit...good thinking ar..
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Detach from anger and forever free from anger you will
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aiyo, why get angry???
Angry is a way of wasting patience, waste of energy, easy to get old.... easy to waste our breath and also wear out our merits we gathered over the years. Then ppl angry, u will get angry... But the one get hurt is not the other party but is u... u will find that u angry, what for??? anything good in return?? -
cant remb..when is the last time i got angry..
peace person
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Are you sure you cant remember or dun want to remember when was the last time you got angry?Originally posted by SGpork:cant remb..when is the last time i got angry..
peace person
If thats the case, good for you. If someone were to slap you, you dun feel any anger? -
This is very refreshingOriginally posted by Bryan^:some pple had a bad day n need to let it out...u r doing tt person a favour by letting him voice out thus gaining merit...good thinking ar.. -
I could not let go of anger sometimes. I tried chanting Buddha's name and to forget about my anger. It works most of the times. I do hope that it will work all the time.
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it took kalpas for a Bodhisattva to overcome anger.
But take small steps first, observe the anger, observe how how anger affect you for a start, how it arises and then dissipates. -
chinese has an expression "huo3 shao1 gong1 de2 ling1".
it takes a spark of fire to burn down the entire jungle.
anger is also like the spark of fire that can wipe out one's merits/virtue in second.
(pardon my pinyin.)
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*huo3 shao1 (burning fire)Originally posted by sinweiy:chinese has an expression "huo3 shou1 gong1 de2 ling1".
it takes a spark of fire to burn down the entire jungle.
anger is also like the spark of fire that can wipe out one's merits/virtue in second.
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practice the loving kindness meditation
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Your hubby sounds like me actually....Originally posted by paperflower:especially when i have to go through again n again. why? cos my hubby is super lazy and always do things last minute and never mindful enough and that can irritate me many times. when i explained to him why its important not to stick all his 24hrs time to play games and get things done he would always say."ya ya yaaaa......".
For some reasons, I don't get angry easily. I get irritated and frustrated all the time, but I hardly every get really angry. In fact, the last time I got angry was when i was still serving NS, and I got into a fist fight with my platoon mate then
However, I think anger and irritation are the same because these two are negative emotions. I managed my irritation by focusing on the positive/ beautiful things in my life, i.e. mostly my wife and kids. I will also pour out my grievances to my wife. That is always a great source of relief for me.