Working with Anger presents a variety of Buddhist methods for subduing and preventing anger, not by changing what is happening, but by framing it differently. No matter what our religion, learning to work with our anger is effective for everyone seeking personal happiness as well as world peace.
"Working with Anger is a wonderful, wise, and life-changing book. Written in Ven. Thubten Chodron's characteristic accessible style, generously laced with examples drawn from daily life, the book is filled with practical strategies on how to free ourselves from anger, resentment, and envy. If you are looking for a practical guide to overcome anger and live with greater tolerance, love, and forgiveness, I highly recommend this book."HOWARD C. CUTLER, M.D., co-author of The Art of Happiness
Q&ADoes being patient with people who harm us mean being passive? Must we let them get their way or walk all over us?No. We can redress a bad situation without antagonism. In fact, weÂ’ll be more effective in doing so when weÂ’re calm and clear-thinking.
Sometimes we may have to speak strongly to someone because that is the only way to communicate with her. For example, if your child is playing in the street and you very sweetly say, "Susie dear, please donÂ’t play in the street," she may ignore you. But if you speak forcefully and explain the danger to her, sheÂ’ll remember and obey.
As a sports enthusiast, isnÂ’t anger good because it helps you to win the game? Is sports a good way to release anger?Yes, sports is a socially accepted way of venting anger. However, it doesnÂ’t cure the anger, it only temporarily releases the physical energy accompanying anger. We are still avoiding the real problem, which is our disturbing emotion and misconceptions regarding a situation.
Yes, anger may help you win the game, but is that really beneficial? Is it worthwhile to reinforce negative characteristics just to get a trophy? The danger in sports is making the "us and them" too concrete. "My team must win. We have to fight and beat the enemy."
But letÂ’s step back for s moment. Why should we win and the other team lose? The only reason is "My team is best because itÂ’s mine." The other team feels the same way. Who is right? Competition based on such self-centredness isnÂ’t productive because it breeds anger and jealousy.
On the other hand, we can concentrate on the process of playing the game, not on the goal of winning. In this case, weÂ’ll enjoy the physical exercise, the camaraderie and team spirit, whether we win or lose. Psychologically, this attitude brings more happiness.
How do we deal with anger when we witness a person harming another?All the techniques described above are applicable here. However, being patient doesnÂ’t mean being passive. We may have to actively stop one person from harming another, but the key is to do this with impartial compassion for everyone in the situation.
ItÂ’s easy to have compassion for the victim. But compassion for the perpetrator is equally important. This person is creating the cause for his own suffering: he may be tortured by guilt later, he may encounter trouble with the law, and he will reap the karmic fruits of his own actions. Recognising the suffering he brings on himself, we can develop compassion for him. Thus, with equal concern for the victim and the perpetrator, we can act to prevent one person from harming another.
We neednÂ’t be angry in order to correct a wrong. Actions done out of anger may complicate the situation even more! With a clear mind, weÂ’ll be able to determine more easily what we can do to help.
