Handling anger - Applying antidotes
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"It is natural for the immature to harm others. Getting angry with them is like resenting a fire for burning." Shantideva
A BAG OF NAILS... Once upon a time there was a little boy with a bad temper. His father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, he should hammer a nail in the fence. The first day the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence. But gradually, the number of daily nails dwindled down. He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence. Finally the first day came when the boy didn't lose his temper at all. He proudly told his father about it and the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper. The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone. The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence. "You have done well, my son, but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one. You can put a knife in a man and draw it out, it won't matter how many times you say 'I'm sorry', the wound is still there." -
HANDLING ANGER - APPLYING ANTIDOTES... Below is a summary of various approaches to anger. They obviously will be most efficient when used with a calm and concentrated mind, either during meditation or at the moment you realize that something needs to be done about your anger. Obviously, the problem during an actual difficult situation is to have a calm and concentrated mind - a regular meditation practice can be of great help then! One of the best ways to really make progress with understanding and changing the functioning of our own mind is to try out analytical meditation, combined with these clues.
ANTIDOTE 1 - Patience... Patience is the main antidote to anger. As common wisdom says: just count to 100. During this time, any of the below methods can be effective. The most effective method will depend on the actual situation. Especially in our age of rush and intense change, patience may not be seen as a positive quality, but take a minute to think impatience can easily give rise to a general feeling of anger.
ANTIDOTE 2 - Realisation of the Noble Truth of Suffering... Once one understands that problems and frustration are a basic fact of life, it can reduce our impatience with our own unrealistic expectations. In other words: nothing is perfect, so don't expect it.
Because of my belief that things are or can be perfect, it is easy to feel hurt. -
ANTIDOTE 3 - Understanding Karma... The real reasons for our problems are our own actions, which are in turn caused by our own negative states of mind. If someone makes us angry, it has a sobering effect if we dare to think that the real reasons for this situation are our own past actions, and the person is just a circumstance for our own karma to ripen.
ANTIDOTE 4 - Changing or Accepting... Basically, we can find ourselves in two types of unpleasant situations: ones we can change and ones we cannot change. - If I can change the situation, I should do something about it instead of getting all worked-up and angry. Not acting in such a situation will cause frustration in the end. - If I cannot change the situation, I will have to accept it. If I don't, it will only lead to frustration and a negative and unpleasant state of mind, which will make the situation only worse.
"How does this effect my Buddhist practice? It doesn't. These reported events are like an arrow shot at my heart but it lands at my feet. I choose not to bend over, pick it up, and stab myself with it."
ANTIDOTE 5 - Realistic Analysis... For example: someone accuses me of something. - If it is true, I apparently made a mistake, so I should listen and learn. - If it is untrue, the other person makes a mistake. So what? Nobody is perfect. I also make mistakes, and it is all too easy to label the other as "enemy," in which case a helpful discussion or forgiving becomes difficult. It may also be worthwhile searching for the real underlying reason of the problem. Of special importance is to evaluate one's own role in the situation: my own fears, insecurity, being very unfriendly, or not being blameless (like leaving home much too late for an appointment and blaming the 5 minutes delay of the train).
ANTIDOTE 6 - Realisation of Emptiness... To summarise it briefly, if one deeply realises the emptiness of inherent existence or interdependence of the other person, the situation and oneself, there is nothing to be angry about. The realisation of emptiness is therefore the ultimate means of ridding oneself of unrealistic negative emotions like anger. -
ANTIDOTE 7 - Equanimity... Equanimity means that one realises the basic equality of all sentient beings; others want happiness, just like I do. Others make mistakes just like I do. Others are confused, angry, attached, just like I often am. Is the other person happy in this situation, or just struggling like I am?
ANTIDOTE 8 - Openness... Be prepared to be open for the motivation of others to do what causes you problems. Talking it over and being prepared to listen can suddenly make a problem acceptable. Did you ever notice the difference when a plane or train has much delay and nobody gives any reasons for it? People very quickly become irritated and hostile. Then when the driver or pilot explains there is a technical defect or an accident, suddenly waiting becomes easier.
ANTIDOTE 9 - Relativity... Ask yourself if this situation is actually important enough to spoil your own and other people's mood. Is this problem worth getting upset in a life where death can hit me at any moment? -
ANTIDOTE 10 - Change Your Motivation... In case a situation is really unacceptable, and another person needs to convinced that something is to be done or changed, there is no need to become upset and angry. It is likely much more efficient if you show of understanding and try to make the other understand the need for change. If one needs to appear angry for some reason to convince the other person of the seriousness of the situation, one can think like a parent acting wrathful to prevent the child from harming itself. In general, to be really effective one needs to reflect on quite a number of aspects in one's own mind like; forgiveness, peace of mind, fears, self-acceptance (no acceptance of others is really possible without self-acceptance), habits, prejudices etc.
ANTIDOTE 11 - Watch Your Hands... An interesting suggestion from Jon Kabat-Zinn, from 'Wherever You Go, There You Are:' "All our hand postures are mudras in that they are associated with subtle or not-so-subtle energies. Take the energy of the fist, for instance. When we get angry, our hands tend to close into fists. Some people unknowingly practice this mudra a lot in their lives. It waters the seeds of anger and violence within you ever time you do it, and they respond by sprouting and growing stronger. The next time you find yourself making fists out of anger, try to bring mindfulness to the inner attitude embodied in a fist. Feel the tension, the hatred, the anger, the aggression, and the fear which it contains. Then, in the midst of your anger, as an experiment, if the person you are angry at is present, try opening your fists and placing the palms together over your heart in the prayer position right in front of him. (Of course, he won't have the slightest idea what you are doing.) Notice what happens to the anger and hurt as you hold this position for even a few moments."
ANTIDOTE 12 - Meditation... Last, but certainly not least, meditation can be the ultimate cure to completely eliminating anger from your mind. In the beginning, one can do analytical meditations, but also meditation on compassion, love and forgiving, to reduce anger as well. Ultimately, the realization of emptiness eradicates all delusions like anger. -
Anger is not a delusion, it is an emotion that can cause a person to lose control. It can be a strong tool to change the world to be a better place if one knows how to use it. So please don't be so quick to denounce anger as useless but rather learn when to keep it in check and when not to.
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i didn't denounce anger as useless O_oOriginally posted by Herzog_Zwei:Anger is not a delusion, it is an emotion that can cause a person to lose control. It can be a strong tool to change the world to be a better place if one knows how to use it. So please don't be so quick to denounce anger as useless but rather learn when to keep it in check and when not to. -
You denounce as a delusion.Originally posted by Isis:i didn't denounce anger as useless O_o -
No, it is the way u perceive the article when you read it.Originally posted by Herzog_Zwei:You denounce as a delusion.
When i finished reading this article, the thought that 'anger is useless' never cross my mind.
Neither do i have the intention of denouncing anger as deluded and useless.
The title of this thread is about handling anger.
Thank you. -
Ah so des neh....Originally posted by Isis:No, it is the way u perceive the article when you read it.
When i finished reading this article, the thought that 'anger is useless' never cross my mind.
Neither do i have the intention of denouncing anger as deluded and useless.
The title of this thread is about handling anger.
Thank you.
Everyone's perception of a topic is different so please accept my two cents. -
sure = )Originally posted by Herzog_Zwei:Ah so des neh....
Everyone's perception of a topic is different so please accept my two cents. -
Anger is not a delusion. (if you think anger is a delusion you might create even more aversion to aversion due to identificationOriginally posted by Herzog_Zwei:You denounce as a delusion.
) But most anger is founded on the delusion of duality (causing dualistic aversion) and identification with self... but even anger can be transformed to wisdom (Isis has explained clearly above). Identification with illusionary 'self' is the fundamental delusion that causes all dualistic attraction and aversion. Therefore all practises is to dissolve this self by realising that this 'self' is as illusory as a dream, merely an appearance.. not something real with inherent existence.ANTIDOTE 6 - Realisation of Emptiness... To summarise it briefly, if one deeply realises the emptiness of inherent existence or interdependence of the other person, the situation and oneself, there is nothing to be angry about. The realisation of emptiness is therefore the ultimate means of ridding oneself of unrealistic negative emotions like anger.
More about this part from http://www.tushita.info/teachings/teaching_on_anger.html
...For example, when a person hits you with a stick, there is no point at getting angry with the stick, as it is in the hand of the person. There is no sense at all to get angry towards it. Like the stick, the person has no freedom. The person is completely a slave to anger, completely controlled by anger. So this person does not have the slightest freedom. The person is being used by anger. He/She is only the object of compassion. So when we think like this, compassion arises, pity, wishing for the person to be free from problems. Therefore generating compassion, especially taking responsibility to free this person from anger, thinking, “What can I do to help to free this person from being used as a slave by anger?” Even though you cannot help now, you can still pray to be able to do so. In this way, no matter how angry he/she is, it doesn’t affect you: even though they may constantly insult you. So how anger arises is not dependent on how the person behaves... -
More about Anger: http://www.dhagpo-kagyu.org/anglais/science-esprit/fondements/general/anger.htm
Anger : Effects, Causes and Antidotes
by Ven. Gyaltrul Rinpoche, 13.06.1997
The five poisons, i.e. desire, anger, ignorance, pride and jealousy affect our mind. Among these five poisons, anger is the most damaging one. One of the main practices of the Mahayana / Vajrayana practitioners is to get rid of anger.
Shantideva once said "One strong bitter anger can destroy merits of a thousand aeons". There is in fact no merits equivalent to patience and no bad karma equivalent to anger.
The Effects of Anger
1) Visible effects which are felt in this life
2) Invisible effects which will be felt in the next life
1) Visible Effects
Examples of visible effects of anger are feeling unhappy an uneasy, and showing undesirable facial expressions. These will cause others to feel uncomfortable and unwilling to talk to us. Our spirit and physical energy will be deteriorated. We cannot sleep well when we have anger and strong hatred. The next day we will not have a clear mind to concentrate on things. Our diets will be affected, either we do not have to appetite to eat or we will eat a lot. Worse still, it draws all our senses and wisdom such that we become very blunt and bold. Whatever we do, we will not be able to think whether it is right or wrong. We will feel like wanting to scold others and talk bad about others. Eventually, we lose our friends, relatives, health and merits.
2) Invisible Effects
Anger will destroy our goal for practicing and will cause us to be born in hell directly. In Amitabha;s long sutra, it was mentioned that saying bad words with anger and hatred to a Bodhisattva will create evil karma for aeons or destroy our merits accumulated for aeons. This was also mentioned in many other texts. A person who takes and preserves the bodhisattva vows is a bodhisattva. Practitioners of Mahayana and Vajrayana who always think of sentient beings and preserve their vows are bodhisattvas. Therefore one of the most important things to remember is that a bodhisattva can be anyone anywhere. We should not be angry at any person, especially our dharma brothers and sisters.
The Causes of Anger
To know how a problem comes about and how to get rid of it, we have to know its causes which can be divided into primary cause and secondary cause. The primary cause is self-grasping ego which can be eradicated by the practice of understanding and realizing emptiness. The secondary cause is frustration which is a step before anger. Frustrations arise when we get cannot get what we want or we get something which we do not want. All these happened because:
1) all sentient beings have too much self-interest or ego;
2) there is no respect towards others. Everybody thinks that they are the most important and unless there is mutual respect, we as well as others be harmed;
3) dissatisfaction which can cause unhappiness because we tend to want to get more when we are not satisfied; and
4) impatience. We should know that things take time to get results but we give up halfway. This also leads us to unhappiness and the generation of anger.
The Antidote for Anger
It is very important to know the causes and the effects of a problem in order to get rid of or reduce the anger associated with the problem. There are three ways to solve our problem of anger:-
1) Analytical meditation
2) Skillful practice
3) Generation of positive reception
1) Analytical meditation
Imagine someone says very bad words to make us very angry or defame us in front of others. If we are unhappy because of anger, we should examine ourselves. What is the cause that makes us unhappy? Is it the sound / word we heard, the cause of our unhappiness? Imagine again that somebody says very bad words but in a different language that we do not understand or he says it with a smiling face, what would you think? In our daily life, if we can analyze this through meditation, then we are actually practicing the Dharma. We should use this skillful mean. Chanting cannot replace this analytical meditation.
From our analytical meditation we will be able to know that the word is not the cause of our unhappiness and anger. The cause in fact is the thought attachment of thinking that the word is something bad to us. You may think that this is perhaps true, but you may get angry when someone hits you because of feeling the physical pain. You should meditate and ask yourself. If you get angry when you are in pain, why don't you get angry when you have a headache, toothache, etc? They are all pains. You may say the headache is caused by no one but this pain and anger is caused by someone with a bad intention. If you think like this, check if this person is always hitting others or saying bad words to others. He may not scold or hit everybody but just a few people. There must be something behind him that makes him hit/scold others. Ask yourself if someone hits you with a stick, will you be angry at the stick or the person? Usually we get angry with the person but not the stick because it is the person who causes the movement of the stick. But we should know that the person hits us because of anger. He will not want to hit people all the time. For example, he will not hit people when he is happy. If anger is not the cause for him to hit people, he will hit people anytime. Why don't you get angry at the person's anger then? If you know this secret, you will not complain much. Instead you should feel compassionate towards this person because he will create karma under the control of anger.
Another meditation is to think of the corresponding cause. If you are not here, he has no object to hit. Therefore at least 50% of the problem comes from you. You are here at the wrong time and wrong place. If you think back with anger and hatred towards the person, will it help you to be happy? If it doesn't, why should you be angry? In fact this will be harmful because it will create more bad effects. If you are angry with him, and in return he gets angry with you, etc. There will be no end to it.
2) Skillful Practice
One of the very successful skills is a Bodhisattva practice of practicing like a tree. If someone hits a tree, the tree will not feel anything and will not move. Similarly, if someone hurts us and we do not react, it will stop further detriments (even though when we are actually emotionally involved). If your unhappiness is caused by jealousy, think of the goal that you want to achieve. Is it possible to achieve? If it is not possible, why not just forget about it and do something else? Why be unhappy as this will not be helpful? The unhappiness will even make us angrier. You should void unnecessary troubled places. If you know you'll have problems when going to a certain place at a certain time, don't go. It is also important to understand the timing factor, i.e. is it the right time or not? An example is when you are doing a good deed but couldn't achieve the goal for others. You will get frustrated, but think, is it the right timing? If not, you should do it some other time. Another main skill is never count to how many times you had practiced patience.
3) Generation of Positive Perception towards All Sentient Beings
When we are positive towards others, our anger will become weaker. To practice this, we need to do one of the following when we get angry:
1) contemplate about the benefits of patience and the faults of anger;
2) understand that things we experience are the results of previous karma and accept them; and
3) think or understand that the nature of all sentient beings is pure because they all have the Buddha Nature. They are beings controlled by anger and ignorance. We shouldn't be angry at these innocent beings. We should be angry at the 3 poisons.
In conclusion, by understanding the faults and causes of anger and knowing how to solve the problem, we will be able to practice the Dharma to calm our mind and attain liberation. It will definitely benefit us in this life as well as future lives. -
Originally posted by An Eternal Now:
According to TS, it is delusion.
More about Anger: http://www.dhagpo-kagyu.org/anglais/science-esprit/fondements/general/anger.htm
[b]Anger : Effects, Causes and Antidotes
by Ven. Gyaltrul Rinpoche, 13.06.1997
The five poisons, i.e. desire, anger, ignorance, pride and jealousy affect our mind. Among these five poisons, anger is the most damaging one. One of the main practices of the Mahayana / Vajrayana practitioners is to get rid of anger.
Shantideva once said "One strong bitter anger can destroy merits of a thousand aeons". There is in fact no merits equivalent to patience and no bad karma equivalent to anger.
The Effects of Anger
1) Visible effects which are felt in this life
2) Invisible effects which will be felt in the next life
1) Visible Effects
Examples of visible effects of anger are feeling unhappy an uneasy, and showing undesirable facial expressions. These will cause others to feel uncomfortable and unwilling to talk to us. Our spirit and physical energy will be deteriorated. We cannot sleep well when we have anger and strong hatred. The next day we will not have a clear mind to concentrate on things. Our diets will be affected, either we do not have to appetite to eat or we will eat a lot. Worse still, it draws all our senses and wisdom such that we become very blunt and bold. Whatever we do, we will not be able to think whether it is right or wrong. We will feel like wanting to scold others and talk bad about others. Eventually, we lose our friends, relatives, health and merits.
2) Invisible Effects
Anger will destroy our goal for practicing and will cause us to be born in hell directly. In Amitabha;s long sutra, it was mentioned that saying bad words with anger and hatred to a Bodhisattva will create evil karma for aeons or destroy our merits accumulated for aeons. This was also mentioned in many other texts. A person who takes and preserves the bodhisattva vows is a bodhisattva. Practitioners of Mahayana and Vajrayana who always think of sentient beings and preserve their vows are bodhisattvas. Therefore one of the most important things to remember is that a bodhisattva can be anyone anywhere. We should not be angry at any person, especially our dharma brothers and sisters.
The Causes of Anger
To know how a problem comes about and how to get rid of it, we have to know its causes which can be divided into primary cause and secondary cause. The primary cause is self-grasping ego which can be eradicated by the practice of understanding and realizing emptiness. The secondary cause is frustration which is a step before anger. Frustrations arise when we get cannot get what we want or we get something which we do not want. All these happened because:
1) all sentient beings have too much self-interest or ego;
2) there is no respect towards others. Everybody thinks that they are the most important and unless there is mutual respect, we as well as others be harmed;
3) dissatisfaction which can cause unhappiness because we tend to want to get more when we are not satisfied; and
4) impatience. We should know that things take time to get results but we give up halfway. This also leads us to unhappiness and the generation of anger.
The Antidote for Anger
It is very important to know the causes and the effects of a problem in order to get rid of or reduce the anger associated with the problem. There are three ways to solve our problem of anger:-
1) Analytical meditation
2) Skillful practice
3) Generation of positive reception
1) Analytical meditation
Imagine someone says very bad words to make us very angry or defame us in front of others. If we are unhappy because of anger, we should examine ourselves. What is the cause that makes us unhappy? Is it the sound / word we heard, the cause of our unhappiness? Imagine again that somebody says very bad words but in a different language that we do not understand or he says it with a smiling face, what would you think? In our daily life, if we can analyze this through meditation, then we are actually practicing the Dharma. We should use this skillful mean. Chanting cannot replace this analytical meditation.
From our analytical meditation we will be able to know that the word is not the cause of our unhappiness and anger. The cause in fact is the thought attachment of thinking that the word is something bad to us. You may think that this is perhaps true, but you may get angry when someone hits you because of feeling the physical pain. You should meditate and ask yourself. If you get angry when you are in pain, why don't you get angry when you have a headache, toothache, etc? They are all pains. You may say the headache is caused by no one but this pain and anger is caused by someone with a bad intention. If you think like this, check if this person is always hitting others or saying bad words to others. He may not scold or hit everybody but just a few people. There must be something behind him that makes him hit/scold others. Ask yourself if someone hits you with a stick, will you be angry at the stick or the person? Usually we get angry with the person but not the stick because it is the person who causes the movement of the stick. But we should know that the person hits us because of anger. He will not want to hit people all the time. For example, he will not hit people when he is happy. If anger is not the cause for him to hit people, he will hit people anytime. Why don't you get angry at the person's anger then? If you know this secret, you will not complain much. Instead you should feel compassionate towards this person because he will create karma under the control of anger.
Another meditation is to think of the corresponding cause. If you are not here, he has no object to hit. Therefore at least 50% of the problem comes from you. You are here at the wrong time and wrong place. If you think back with anger and hatred towards the person, will it help you to be happy? If it doesn't, why should you be angry? In fact this will be harmful because it will create more bad effects. If you are angry with him, and in return he gets angry with you, etc. There will be no end to it.
2) Skillful Practice
One of the very successful skills is a Bodhisattva practice of practicing like a tree. If someone hits a tree, the tree will not feel anything and will not move. Similarly, if someone hurts us and we do not react, it will stop further detriments (even though when we are actually emotionally involved). If your unhappiness is caused by jealousy, think of the goal that you want to achieve. Is it possible to achieve? If it is not possible, why not just forget about it and do something else? Why be unhappy as this will not be helpful? The unhappiness will even make us angrier. You should void unnecessary troubled places. If you know you'll have problems when going to a certain place at a certain time, don't go. It is also important to understand the timing factor, i.e. is it the right time or not? An example is when you are doing a good deed but couldn't achieve the goal for others. You will get frustrated, but think, is it the right timing? If not, you should do it some other time. Another main skill is never count to how many times you had practiced patience.
3) Generation of Positive Perception towards All Sentient Beings
When we are positive towards others, our anger will become weaker. To practice this, we need to do one of the following when we get angry:
1) contemplate about the benefits of patience and the faults of anger;
2) understand that things we experience are the results of previous karma and accept them; and
3) think or understand that the nature of all sentient beings is pure because they all have the Buddha Nature. They are beings controlled by anger and ignorance. We shouldn't be angry at these innocent beings. We should be angry at the 3 poisons.
In conclusion, by understanding the faults and causes of anger and knowing how to solve the problem, we will be able to practice the Dharma to calm our mind and attain liberation. It will definitely benefit us in this life as well as future lives.[/b]ANTIDOTE 12 - Meditation... Last, but certainly not least, meditation can be the ultimate cure to completely eliminating anger from your mind. In the beginning, one can do analytical meditations, but also meditation on compassion, love and forgiving, to reduce anger as well. Ultimately, the realization of emptiness eradicates all delusions like anger.
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Hi,
Anger is considered "one of the delusion" in buddhism and there are reasons why it is so.
However, i never meant to "denounce" anger.
The article is about handling anger.
There is a difference.
Thank you. -
Really getting confused down here. AEN said that anger is not a delusion while you state that anger is considered a delusion in buddhism.Originally posted by Isis:Hi,
Anger is considered "one of the delusion" in buddhism and there are reasons why it is so.
However, i never meant to "denounce" anger.
The article is about handling anger.
There is a difference.
Thank you.Anger is not a delusion. (if you think anger is a delusion you might create even more aversion to aversion due to identification ) But most anger is founded on the delusion of duality (causing dualistic aversion) and identification with self... but even anger can be transformed to wisdom (Isis has explained clearly above). Identification with illusionary 'self' is the fundamental delusion that causes all dualistic attraction and aversion. Therefore all practises is to dissolve this self by realising that this 'self' is as illusory as a dream, merely an appearance.. not something real with inherent existence.
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People coming from different backgrounds can use the same word for different extents of things. I believe that is how all misunderstandings occur in this world. You have to feel it yourself to know reality.