How to Change Myself?
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Hi all,
How could one change him or herself? I have heard of people attending Buddhism classes/seminars and successfully change themselves for the better - getting rid of bad habits, overcoming of fear, etc.
Any advice?
Thanks! -
this kind of this is slowly by slowly 1. if u want to overnight change, must have good will power. take 1 step by 1 step. maybe 1stly, u can stop scolding vulgar words. then 2ndly, can try to stop insulting people. etc etc.
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mmm well, start to know the basic conception of buddhism and i hope one day, u can find the inner peace and clarity, be free of suffering
It is a spiritual journey. Work towards it. -
Hmm...how about the sad feeling after you met with various failures/rejections?
Any productive way to cope with them? -
Let go, learn from the lesson and move on~Originally posted by jinsei:Hmm...how about the sad feeling after you met with various failures/rejections?
Any productive way to cope with them?
this is the straightforward answer but how many people can really learn to let go, move on instantly? It is due to attachment that they keep holding onto something that has already changed but couldn't accept it?
Well, It is human to feel sad. I had my periods of heartache, disappointment too but eventually after there period of time, we know it is inevitable and so we move on.
When u go deeper into buddhism and u will realise that..... sad, happiness, pleasure and pain are actually all the same... arise from ... u just gotta read and understand... there is an end of suffering
I could recommend u to read what is four noble truth or any book on basic buddhism.
u can read " ruling your world" by sakyong Mipham or any books by dalai lama. -
Whatever you do, think, speak... you have to a form of awareness/mindfulness... the word 'Buddha' means the awakened one, or awareness. You should also constantly ask yourself whether this is what I should do? Rather than acting according to our habitual momentum unconsciously... it is important to bring out everything that is happening in our minds into conscious view first, this is a way we can train our wisdom, as well as clear all our habit energy. For the beginning we should have a inquisitive mind, to question intelligently before we act... like 'san si hou xing'.Originally posted by jinsei:Hi all,
How could one change him or herself? I have heard of people attending Buddhism classes/seminars and successfully change themselves for the better - getting rid of bad habits, overcoming of fear, etc.
Any advice?
Thanks!
Overcoming fear is the same... most fear are really unnecessary, they are psychological.. it becomes almost an unconscious and habitual function of our consciousness... constantly worrying for what's going to happen to me in the future, to my loved ones, etc. First we have to accept that fear arises... we have to accept them and watch them as they are.. If we can train ourselves to see these thoughts as it is (i.e mindfulness), and not follow these thoughts, gradually these thoughts will lose their unconscious momentum. (see: Mindfulness)
Do look into the Buddhist teachings... they can certainly help -
mm mindful living is way of happiness living.. but u have to get ur basic concepts on buddhism right and understand what is mindful living.
I'm still struggling with it but it's worthwhile -
Happiness , sadness all the same.... What crap is that......
huh???
if u really want to change, ask someone to help u out..... stay focus!!
Jia you!
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well, mmmm "what crap is that" ... mean u think it is bullshit? well, it depends on how u see it really...and understanding.. probably from UR understanding and experience it is bullshit..Originally posted by Sakuraflower:Happiness , sadness all the same.... What crap is that......
huh???
if u really want to change, ask someone to help u out..... stay focus!!
Jia you!
yesh there are many ways to change urself.
No need depend on buddhism only. -
A positive way to see things goes a long way... like what others always say, see all these failures as a learning opportunity.. and failure becomes the mother of success. Ultimately dualities like 'failures' and 'success' is very relative, it is a constantly changing interplay so we should not grasp unto such notions.. like Sai Wong's horses. Go with the flow... let prajna intelligence arise spontaneously. To think... 10 years or 100 years down the roads, all our failures etc wld probably not have mattered anymore..Originally posted by jinsei:Hmm...how about the sad feeling after you met with various failures/rejections?
Any productive way to cope with them? -
Most importantly must ask yourself... of course getting help from someone wise wld be gd.Originally posted by Sakuraflower:if u really want to change, ask someone to help u out..... stay focus!!
Jia you! -
Not sure if this is what Isis meant...
Pleasure and pain are definitely different on the relative level, but on the absolute level they are empty, and because they are empty they are equal. -
After seeing all the very "cheam" answers by everybody, I'll offer my very shallow 2 cts worth of comment.Originally posted by jinsei:Hmm...how about the sad feeling after you met with various failures/rejections?
Any productive way to cope with them?
Be it sadness, frustrations, happiness, all feelings will not last forever, of in Buddhism, it's impermanent. You'll walk out of it, eventually, just that maybe during that time, you feel that you are living in hell.
Most important thing is not to hold on to those feelings, learn to let go. Easier said than done, cos we are all unenlightened human afterall, but if you realised that no matter how much pain you could be going through then is just a very short phase of your life, you are at step one. Once you passed the stage, you may even appreciate and thankful for what you've gone through. -
hanor hanor... time heals all wound..Originally posted by path_seeker:After seeing all the very "cheam" answers by everybody, I'll offer my very shallow 2 cts worth of comment.
Be it sadness, frustrations, happiness, all feelings will not last forever, of in Buddhism, it's impermanent. You'll walk out of it, eventually, just that maybe during that time, you feel that you are living in hell.
Most important thing is not to hold on to those feelings, learn to let go. Easier said than done, cos we are all unenlightened human afterall, but if you realised that no matter how much pain you could be going through then is just a very short phase of your life, you are at step one. Once you passed the stage, you may even appreciate and thankful for what you've gone through.
must learn to relax and let go of the excessive baggage. -
I was like u ..not empty of any failure and rejections in lifeOriginally posted by jinsei:Hmm...how about the sad feeling after you met with various failures/rejections?
Any productive way to cope with them?
i remember in Buddhism looking at failure with a pessismistic view ,one will never suceed
just take it as learning something and u can overcome that
no setback in life is permanent -
take a chance make a change and breeeeaaaak away
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It depends on how aggressive you want to change/improve yourself.
You can take the easy way slowly slowly step out of your comfort zone, you won't encounter much pain, but your progress is also slower.
IMO, ways to change one's bad habit are
-do more donation, so you will be more compassion and less attached to money
-when you do any good things, purposely don't let people know so to reduce your greed for fame
-when people treat you rude or make fun of you, don't get angry
-when doing anything be it walking, talking or listening, focus on it, so gradually your concentration will also improve, less mistake will be made in the future
-read biography of those great master & sage, learn from them
There are many other ways in life for you to cultivate, just observe it clearly.
of course to say is easier than to do, you have to experience it yourself. If this life you can't make much improvement, you might not have the chance in next life.
Remember what you are practicing now is your habit & mentality, not other people's perception on you. -
yah lor. so dun be so gun chiong and get so pek chek or gek sim in everything.Originally posted by Isis:hanor hanor... time heals all wound..
must learn to relax and let go of the excessive baggage. -
Thanks for all your replies! They are very beneficial to me.
Got another question though...
I observe that sometimes people turn to temporary "hobbies", such as games and novels, when they are upset. In some cases, the entertainment may turn out to be addictive. Is there any way to prevent it? -
I think certain levels of entertainment is healthy but of course one must be mindful (i.e aware, as I mentioned earlier) that it has not gone to the level that it presents itself as a problem... (i.e addiction) Like mentioned previously mindful awareness is important without which we will easily go along with unconscious habitual momentum.. with mindfulness, the mind movement (for example, I need to play computer game now!) subsides as it is being seen as it is.. rather than being followed, one thought leading to the next, and then resulting in the actions (karmic effect) the thought desires.Originally posted by jinsei:Thanks for all your replies! They are very beneficial to me.
Got another question though...
I observe that sometimes people turn to temporary "hobbies", such as games and novels, when they are upset. In some cases, the entertainment may turn out to be addictive. Is there any way to prevent it?
Anyway addictive and stimulating activities which simply serves as a distraction from our ordinary stress are poor substitute for true mental equanimity and joy.. if one can develope these qualities through meditative practise, which is not only limited to sitting but also standing, walking, etc, then one will not be stressed in the first place.. or have the need to find some new excitedment... there will be contentment even if he is doing a very boring job, for example. If one is very stressed, one does not necessarily need to indulge in addictive activities... one can just relax in listening to light music, Buddhist music, or practise meditation. Meditation is very helpful in developing those positive mental qualities such as those I mentioned... and also developing insights into the nature of reality. Fundamentally speaking all these discontentment, stress, aversion as well as desire/addiction is due to the illusion of a separate dualistic self... which Buddhists call the fundamental ignorance....Every addiction arises from an unconscious refusal to face and move through your own pain. Every addiction starts with pain and ends with pain. Whatever the substance you are addicted to - alcohol, food, legal or illegal drugs, or a person - you are using something or somebody to cover up your pain. That is why, after the initial euphoria has passed, there is so much unhappiness, so much pain in intimate relationships. They do not cause pain and unhappiness. They bring out the pain and unhappiness that is already in you. Every addiction does that. Every addiction reaches a point where it does not work for you anymore, and then you feel the pain more intensely than ever.
This is one reason why most people are always trying to escape from the present moment and are seeking some kind of salvation in the future. The first thing that they might encounter if they focused their attention on the Now is their own pain, and this is what they fear. If they only knew how easy it is to access in the Now the power of presence that dissolves the past and its pain, the reality that dissolves the illusion. If they only knew how close they are to their own reality, how close to God...
~ Eckhart Tolle -
I think it is fine to turn to hobbies to take ur mind off or detached urself from upsetting matters but once u get addictive or attached urself to these things, then u r creating suffering for urself.Originally posted by jinsei:Thanks for all your replies! They are very beneficial to me.
Got another question though...
I observe that sometimes people turn to temporary "hobbies", such as games and novels, when they are upset. In some cases, the entertainment may turn out to be addictive. Is there any way to prevent it?
To prevent it, .. is be mindful of it. There is a difference between people who live their life mindful and non-mindfully. Mindful people are aware of what is not beneficial for them and thus before it arises/happens, they stopped doing those thing, thus stopping addiction. Without even being mindful of what is going on and knowing what is non-benefical and benefical, u r like a lost sheep and unaware of where u are going. -
btw i fully agreed with justdoit77-- last sentence.Originally posted by justdoit77:It depends on how aggressive you want to change/improve yourself.
You can take the easy way slowly slowly step out of your comfort zone, you won't encounter much pain, but your progress is also slower.
IMO, ways to change one's bad habit are
-do more donation, so you will be more compassion and less attached to money
-when you do any good things, purposely don't let people know so to reduce your greed for fame
-when people treat you rude or make fun of you, don't get angry
-when doing anything be it walking, talking or listening, focus on it, so gradually your concentration will also improve, less mistake will be made in the future
-read biography of those great master & sage, learn from them
There are many other ways in life for you to cultivate, just observe it clearly.
of course to say is easier than to do, you have to experience it yourself. If this life you can't make much improvement, you might not have the chance in next life.
Remember what you are practicing now is your habit & mentality, not other people's perception on you.
if we can't help ourselves, it is difficult to help others and perhaps could make things worse without the right wisdom arising. -
double-posting