Love disguised as attachment???
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it's not about whether giving up or not, don't understand stuff, anyway how walk, still die wat.Originally posted by AndrewPKYap:but if you give up now... you will just suffer for the rest of your life... (this life...)
You may have the best weapon to cut away all mental defilements, but you don't know how to use or where to begin cutting as they are all intricately linked as one, so how?
If you have similar struggle as me, you will somehow understand liao. -
For the time being just observe what is going on with you and do not try to fight it. Just stop yourself from doing things with vast consequences like being arrested by the police or harming yourself and others.
Other than that, do not stop yourself or struggle with yourself or condemn yourself and just observe what you did and what happened after that. -
You did not mention whether you have had similar experiences in coping. So I think this is what you think is logical or have heard from people.Originally posted by AndrewPKYap:For the time being just observe what is going on with you and do not try to fight it. Just stop yourself from doing things with vast consequences like being arrested by the police or harming yourself and others.
Other than that, do not stop yourself or struggle with yourself or condemn yourself and just observe what you did and what happened after that.
I tried to do what you have said, but the flow of thoughts is very strong, pushing to one side, of course need to fight lah. It's an reflex action.
When I observe what I did and what happened, i think it's just the same. It will just further reinforce my bad habits if I allow my thoughts to be converted into actions. -
Jue you qing also can mean: awareness of feelings. Every moment, are you aware of your mind? Or do you simply become lost in your thoughts without mindfulness...Originally posted by An Eternal Now:BTW the difference between bodhisattva and sentient, is that sentient is 'you qing' -- have feelings, but bodhisattva is 'jue you qing' -- aware/awakened and have feelings. If we can be aware moment to moment of our feelings, then we are practising Bodhisattva path.
Here's an article by my local dharma teacher:
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and what consequences of your "bad habits" did you observe?Originally posted by Spnw07:You did not mention whether you have had similar experiences in coping. So I think this is what you think is logical or have heard from people.
I tried to do what you have said, but the flow of thoughts is very strong, pushing to one side, of course need to fight lah. It's an reflex action.
When I observe what I did and what happened, i think it's just the same. It will just further reinforce my bad habits if I allow my thoughts to be converted into actions. -
Too tired and private to explain in a public post and to strangers. but thanks for asking.
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Even though I don't know you and I don't know the details... the "horrible" consequences are in your head only... and the best part is, you don't even exist...Originally posted by Spnw07:Too tired and private to explain in a public post and to strangers. but thanks for asking.
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http://www.enabling.org/ia/vipassana/Archive/N/Nanayon/lookingInwardNanayon.html
Aware Right at Awareness
November 3, 1975
Table Of Contents
The mind, if mindfulness and awareness are watching over it, won't meet with any suffering as the result of its actions. If suffering does arise, we'll be immediately aware of it and able to put it out. This is one point of the practice we can work at constantly. And we can test ourselves by seeing how refined and subtle our all-around awareness is inside the mind. Whenever the mind slips away and goes out to receive external sensory contact: Can it maintain its basic stance of mindfulness or internal awareness? The practice we need to work at in our everyday life is to have constant mindfulness, constant all-around present awareness like this. This is something we work at in every posture: sitting, standing, walking, and lying down. Make sure that your mindfulness stays continuous.
Living in this world -- the mental and physical phenomena of these five aggregates -- gives us plenty to contemplate. We must try to watch them, to contemplate them, so that we can understand them -- because the truths we must learn how to read in this body and mind are here to be read with every moment. We don't have to get wrapped up with any other extraneous themes, because all the themes we need are right here in the body and mind. As long as we can keep the mind constantly aware all around, we can contemplate them.
If you contemplate mental and physical events to see how they arise and disband right in the here and now, and don't get involved with external things -- like sights making contact with the eyes, or sounds with the ears -- then there really aren't a lot of issues. The mind can be at normalcy, at equilibrium -- calm and undisturbed by defilement or the stresses that come from sensory contact. It can look after itself and maintain its balance. You'll come to sense that if you're aware right at awareness in and of itself, without going out to get involved in external things like the mental labels and thoughts that will tend to arise, the mind will see their constant arising and disbanding -- and won't be embroiled in anything. This way it can be disengaged, empty, and free. But if it goes out to label things as good or evil, as "me" or "mine," or gets attached to anything, it'll become unsettled and disturbed.
You have to know that if the mind can be still, totally and presently aware, and capable of contemplating with every activity, then blatant forms of suffering and stress will dissolve away. Even if they start to form, you can be alert to them and disperse them immediately. Once you see this actually happening -- even in only the beginning stages -- it can disperse a lot of the confusion and turmoil in your heart. In other words, don't let yourself dwell on the past or latch onto thoughts of the future. As for the events arising and passing away in the present, you have to leave them alone. Whatever your duties, simply do them as you have to -- and the mind won't get worked up about anything. It will be able, to at least some extent, to be empty and still.
This one thing is something you have to be very careful about. You have to see this for yourself: that if your mindfulness and discernment are constantly in charge, the truths of the arising and disbanding of mental and physical phenomena are always there for you to see, always there for you to know. If you look at the body, you'll have to see it simply as physical properties. If you look at feelings, you'll have to see them as changing and inconstant: pleasure, pain, neither pleasure nor pain. To see these things is to see the truth within yourself. Don't let yourself get caught up with your external duties. Simply keep watch in this way inside. If your awareness is the sort that lets you read yourself correctly, the mind will be able to stay at normalcy, at equilibrium, at stillness, without any resistance.
If the mind can stay with itself and not go out looking for things to criticize or latch onto, it can maintain a natural form of stillness. So this is something we have to try for in our every activity. Keep your conversations to a minimum, and there won't be a whole lot of issues. Keep watch right at the mind. When you keep watch at the mind and your mindfulness is continuous, your senses can stay restrained.
Being mindful to keep watch in this way is something you have to work at. Try it and see: Can you keep this sort of awareness continuous? What sort of things can still get the mind engaged? What sorts of thoughts and labels of good and bad, me and mine, does it think up? Then look to see if these things arise and disband.
The sensations that arise from external contact and internal contact all have the same sorts of characteristics. You have to look till you can see this. If you know how to look, you'll see it -- and the mind will grow calm.
So the point we have to practice in this latter stage doesn't have a whole lot of issues. There's nothing you have to do, nothing you have to label, nothing you have to think a whole lot about. Simply look carefully and contemplate, and in this very lifetime you'll have a chance to be calm and at peace, to know yourself more profoundly within. You'll come to see that the Dhamma is amazing right here in your own heart. Don't go searching for the Dhamma outside, for it lies within. Peace lies within, but we have to contemplate so that we're aware all around -- subtly, deep down. If you look just on the surface, you won't understand anything. Even if the mind is at normalcy on the ordinary, everyday level, you won't understand much of anything at all.
You have to contemplate so that you're aware all around in a skillful way. The word "skillful" is something you can't explain with words, but you can know for yourself when you see the way in which awareness within the heart becomes special, when you see what this special awareness is about. This is something you can know for yourself.
And there's not really much to it: simply arising, persisting, disbanding. Look until this becomes plain -- really, really plain -- and everything disappears. All suppositions, all conventional formulations, all those aggregates and properties get swept away, leaving nothing but awareness pure and simple, not involved with anything at all -- and there's nothing you have to do to it. Simply stay still and watch, be aware, letting go with every moment.
Simply watching this one thing is enough to do away with all sorts of defilements, all sorts of suffering and stress. If you don't know how to watch it, the mind is sure to get disturbed. It's sure to label things and concoct thoughts. As soon as there's contact at the senses, it'll go looking for things to latch onto, liking and disliking the objects it meets in the present and then getting involved with the past and future, spinning a web to entangle itself.
If you truly look at each moment in the present, there's really nothing at all. You'll see with every mental moment that things disband, disband, disband -- really nothing at all. The important point is that you don't go forming issues out of nothing. The physical elements perform their duties in line with their elementary physical nature. The mental elements keep sensing in line with their own affairs. But our stupidity is what goes looking for issues to cook up, to label, to think about. It goes looking for things to latch onto and then gets the mind into a turmoil. This point is all we really have to see for ourselves. This is the problem we have to solve for ourselves. If things are left to their nature, pure and simple, there's no "us," no "them." This is a singular truth that will arise for us to know and see. There's nothing else we can know or see that can match it in any way. Once you know and see this one thing, it extinguishes all suffering and stress. The mind will be empty and free, with no meanings, no attachments, for anything at all. -
This is why looking inward is so special in so many ways. Whatever arises, simply stop still to look at it. Don't get excited by it. If you become excited when any special intuitions arise when the mind is still, you'll get the mind worked up into a turmoil. If you become afraid that this or that will happen, that too will get you in a turmoil. So you have to stop and look, stop and know. The first thing is simply to look. The first thing is simply to know. And don't latch onto what you know -- because whatever it is, it's simply a phenomenon that arises and disbands, arises and disbands, changing as part of its nature.
So your awareness has to take a firm stance right at the mind in and of itself. In the beginning stages, you have to know that when mindfulness is standing firm, the mind won't be affected by the objects of sensory contact. Keep working at maintaining this stance, holding firm to this stance. If you gain a sense of this for yourself, really knowing and seeing for yourself, your mindfulness will become even more firm. If anything arises in any way at all, you'll be able to let it go -- and all the many troubles and turmoils of the mind will dissolve away.
If mindfulness slips and the mind goes out giving meanings to anything, latching onto anything, troubles will arise, so you have to keep checking on this with every moment. There's nothing else that's so worth checking on. You have to keep check on the mind in and of itself, contemplating the mind in and of itself. Or else you can contemplate the body in and of itself, feelings in and of themselves, or the phenomenon of arising and disbanding -- i.e., the Dhamma -- in and of itself. All of these things are themes you can keep track of entirely within yourself. You don't have to keep track of a lot of themes, because having a lot of themes is what will make you restless and distracted. First you'll practice this theme, then you'll practice that, then you'll make comparisons, all of which will keep the mind from growing still.
If you can take your stance at awareness, if you're skilled at looking, the mind can be at peace. You'll know how things arise and disband. First practice keeping awareness right within yourself so that your mindfulness can be firm, without being affected by the objects of sensory contact, so that it won't label things as good or bad, pleasing or displeasing. You have to keep checking to see that when the mind can be at normalcy, centered and neutral as its primary stance, then -- whatever it knows or sees -- it will be able to contemplate and let go.
The sensations in the mind that we explain at such length are still on the level of labels. Only when there can be awareness right at awareness will you really be able to know that the mind that is aware of awareness in this way doesn't send its knowing outside of this awareness. There are no issues. Nothing can be concocted in the mind when it knows in this way. In other words,
An inward-staying
unentangled knowing,
All outward-going knowing
cast aside.
The only thing you have to work at maintaining is the state of mind at normalcy -- knowing, seeing, and still in the present. If you don't maintain it, if you don't keep looking after it, then when sensory contact comes it will have an effect. The mind will go out with labels of good and bad, liking and disliking. So make sure you maintain the basic awareness that's aware right at yourself. And don't let there be any labeling. No matter what sort of sensory contact comes, you have to make sure that this awareness comes first.
If you train yourself correctly in this way, everything will stop. You won't go straying out through your senses of sight, hearing, etc. The mind will stop and look, stop and be aware right at awareness, so as to know the truth that all things arise and disband. There's no real truth to anything. Only our stupidity is what latches onto things, giving them meanings and then suffering for it -- suffering because of its ignorance, suffering because of its unacquaintance with the five aggregates -- form, feelings, perceptions, thought-formations, and consciousness -- all of which are inconstant, stressful, and not-self.
Use mindfulness to gather your awareness together, and the mind will stop getting unsettled, stop running after things. It will be able to stop and be still. Then make it know in this way, see in this way constantly -- at every moment, with every activity. Work at watching and knowing the mind in and of itself: That will be enough to cut away all sorts of issues. You won't have to concern yourself with them.
If the body is in pain, simply keep watch of it. You can simply keep watch of feelings in the body because the mind that's aware of itself in this way can keep watch of anything within or without. Or it can simply be aware of itself to the point where it lets go of things outside, lets go of sensory contact, and keeps constant watch on the mind in and of itself. That's when you'll know that this is what the mind is like when it's at peace: It doesn't give meanings to anything. It's the emptiness of the mind unattached, uninvolved, unconcerned with anything at all.
These words -- unattached, uninvolved, and unconcerned -- are things you have to consider carefully, because what they refer to is subtle and deep. "Uninvolved" means uninvolved with sensory contact, undisturbed by the body or feelings. "Unconcerned" means not worried about past, future, or present. You have to contemplate these things until you know them skillfully. Even though they're subtle, you have to contemplate them until you know them thoroughly. And don't go concerning yourself with external things, because they'll keep you unsettled, keep you running, keep you distracted with labels and thoughts of good and bad and all that sort of thing. You have to put a stop to these things. If you don't, your practice won't accomplish anything, because these things keep playing up to you and deceiving you -- i.e., once you see anything, it will fool you into seeing it as right, wrong, good, bad, and so forth.
Eventually you have to come down to the awareness that everything simply arises, persists, and then disbands. Make sure you stay focused on the disbanding. If you watch just the arising, you may get carried off on a tangent, but if you focus on the disbanding you'll see emptiness: Everything is disbanding every instant. No matter what you look at, no matter what you see, it's there for just an instant and then disbands. Then it arises again. Then it disbands. There's simply arising, knowing, disbanding.
So let's watch what happens of its own accord -- because the arising and disbanding that occurs by way of the senses is something that happens of its own accord. You can't prevent it. You can't force it. If you look and know it without attachment, there will be none of the harm that comes from joy or sorrow. The mind will stay in relative normalcy and neutrality. But if you're forgetful and start latching on, labeling things in pairs in any way at all -- good and bad, happy and sad, pleasing and displeasing -- the mind will become unsettled: no longer empty, no longer still. When this happens, you have to probe on in to know why.
All the worthless issues that arise in the mind have to be cut away. Then you'll find that you have less and less to say, less and less to talk about, less and less to think about. These things grow less and less on their own. They stop on their own. But if you get involved in a lot of issues, the mind won't be able to stay still. So we have to keep watching things that are completely worthless and without substance, to see that they're not-self. Keep watching them repeatedly, because your awareness, coupled with the mindfulness and discernment that will know the truth, has to see that, "This isn't my self. There's no substance or worth to it at all. It simply arises and disbands right here. It's here for just an instant and then it disbands." -
So we keep watch of things that happen on their own. If we know how to watch, we keep watching things that happen on their own. Don't latch onto them as being you or yours. Keep this awareness firmly established in itself, as much as you can, and there won't be much else you'll have to remember or think about.
When you keep looking, keep knowing like this at all times, you'll come to see that there are no big issues going on. There's just the issue of arising, persisting, and disbanding. You don't have to label anything as good or bad. If you simply look in this way, it's no great weight on the heart. But if you go dragging in issues of good and bad, self and all that, then suffering starts in a big way. The defilements start in a big way and weigh on the heart, making it troubled and upset. So you have to stop and look, stop and investigate really deep down inside. It's like water covered with duckweed: Only when we take our hand to part the duckweed and take a look will we see that the water beneath it is crystal clear.
As you look into the mind, you have to part it, you have to stop: stop thinking, stop labeling things as good or bad, stop everything. You can't go branding anything. Simply keep looking, keep knowing. When the mind is quiet, you'll see that there's nothing there. Everything is all still. Everything has all stopped inside. But as soon as there's labeling, even in the stillness, the stopping, the quiet, it will set things in motion. And as soon as things get set into motion, and you don't know how to let go right from the start, issues will arise, waves will arise. Once there are issues and waves, they strike the mind and it goes splashing all out of control. This splashing of the mind includes craving and defilement as well, because avijja -- ignorance -- lies at its root....
Our major obstacle is this aggregate of perceptions, of labels. If we aren't aware of the arising and disbanding of perceptions, these labels will take hold. Perceptions are the chief instigators that label things within and without, so we have to be aware of their arising and disbanding. Once we're aware in this way, perceptions will no longer function as a cause of suffering. In other words, they won't give rise to any further thought-formations. The mind will be aware in itself and able to extinguish these things in itself.
So we have to stop things at the level of perception. If we don't, thought-formations will fashion things into issues and then cause consciousness to wobble and waver in all sorts of ways. But these are things we can stop and look at, things we can know with every mental moment....If we aren't yet really acquainted with the arising and disbanding in the mind, we won't be able to let go. We can talk about letting go, but we can't do it because we don't yet know. As soon as anything arises we grab hold of it -- even when actually it's already disbanded, but since we don't really see, we don't know....
So I ask that you understand this basic principle. Don't go grasping after this thing or that, or else you'll get yourself all unsettled. The basic theme is within: Look on in, keep knowing on in until you penetrate everything. The mind will then be free from turmoil. Empty. Quiet. Aware. So keep continuous watch of the mind in and of itself, and you'll come to the point where you simply run out of things to say. Everything will stop on its own, grow still on its own, because the underlying condition that has stopped and is still is already there, simply that we aren't aware of it yet. -
Intricately as one.. interesting ways to put it neh.Originally posted by Spnw07:it's not about whether giving up or not, don't understand stuff, anyway how walk, still die wat.
You may have the best weapon to cut away all mental defilements, but you don't know how to use or where to begin cutting as they are all intricately linked as one, so how?
If you have similar struggle as me, you will somehow understand liao.
Do you know why we take refuge in the Buddha, Dharma and Sangha? For many of us, it isn't easy to attain enlightened. Buddha had to undergo aeon of cultivation and lot of hardship to realize Buddhahood. He who have treaded the path before serve as a guiding light for us through the arduous spiritual path. Could u follow someone who have not been through uncharted territory or someone experienced to get out of there place? Do participate in dharma activity to learn and understand from enlightened teachers.
Btw, all sentient beings possess Buddha nature- the innate potential to be enlightened. We do not have to seek high and low for it. It is already in us but we are just not looking at it in the right place. It is not hard nor easy to be enlightened.
Why do we need to see reality ? To see reality is liberation. We have to undergo suffering of getting old, sick, death don't we ? To be ignorance can be bliss but not all the time, you are still be trapped in there false reality and will suffer as false reality collapse gradually because it is not real. Unless u choose to be in self-denial and let ignorance lead u on.. which isn't a good idea.
Try to explore the theologies of the four noble truth, impermanence, no-self, emptiness, there are very interesting topic to look at and for my experience, it is very real. Perhaps u need to validate them yourselves. -
Wednesday Night [email protected]
24 Oct 07 - Dealing with Relationship Problems (Angie Monksfield)
Sometimes relationships fall apart and a great deal of anger and resentment arise. Subsequently, energy ends up being spent on trying to find where the blame lies instead of living the present and creating a positive future. Buddhism offers ways to overcome such crisis so that one can move on positively in life.
http://www.buddhistfellowship.org/bf_new/pages/main/index.html
hohoho anyone going ? -
wisdom is nt IQ or EQ .Originally posted by Spnw07:Haiz, what to do, I bo tak chek lah..low IQ and EQ, so Buddhism very tough for me, but yet I agree with Cause and Effect. Haiz. Wu3 nai4.
wisdom is like seeing things like they really are .
example realising that life is full of uncertainty .
dealing with ppl .
like declining ppl when they asked u to do something u dun like .
Wisdom is often considered to be a trait that can be developed by experience, but not taught
buddhism need wisdom nt IQ .
buddhism is nt hard unless u r talking abt those chim scriptures .
we start from simple stuff like 4 noble truths , karma .....
buddhism also nid determination like all other things .
nid to learn and practise and apply what u have learnt .
i think dharma is everywhere even in ur workplace .
ur colleagues gossip , u dun join . -
Actually The Four Noble Truths are very important. The Buddha warned disciples in Zha Ahan Jing that one must always diligently study n fully understand the Four Noble Truths before one moves to other levels of the Dhamma.
Many Buddhist treat The Noble Truths quite lightly, which is rather a pity. -
Agree both hands downOriginally posted by cycle:Actually The Four Noble Truths are very important. The Buddha warned disciples in Zha Ahan Jing that one must always diligently study n fully understand the Four Noble Truths before one moves to other levels of the Dhamma.
Many Buddhist treat The Noble Truths quite lightly, which is rather a pity. -
The Noble truths and the Eightfold paths may look simple to do, but as beginner buddhists, we need a lot of guidance on how to actually practise these simple teachings in real life.
Not all are of high aptitude or practise utmost diligence in understanding Buddhism or universal truths in our world. We cannot give ourselves excuses not to keep on trying, but we also shouldn't force ourselves to the point whereby we feel so overwhelmed by the sheer pressure and frustration in trying to figure out how to exactly and properly adhere to the Noble truths and Eightfold path on our own.
We need help. Lots of help. Some may even need some form of hand-holding for some period of time at different stages of their lives as a Buddhist.
Therefore, as beginner buddhists, we cannot depend on words alone (such pointing out links, cutting and pasting materials in online posts) by fellow Buddhists to help us. We need the guidance of all Buddhists shown through their daily behaviour towards us and when interacting with members of the public.
Words are important, don't misunderstand. But we too have to recognise the limitation of words, in that without actions and behaviour that we can observe from fellow Buddhists around us to complement, and breathe life into the written or spoken word (Buddhist concepts and precepts), words would just be reduced to mere rhetoric, human philosophy and logic.
Hence there are people who still remain sceptical, cynical, and even resentful at the mention of the word 'religion'. -
I mentioned somewhere before: it is easy to be a Christian. It is even easier to be a Catholic. When you sin, just go into the washing machine in the church and mubble thru the window: Father, forgive me for I have sinned!Originally posted by Spnw07:If I had not believed in the logic of Cause and Effect in Buddhist teachings, frankly speaking, Christianity does seem to offer more hope... -
It is good to practice repentance, can see the effects of itOriginally posted by TheGoodEarth:I mentioned somewhere before: it is easy to be a Christian. It is even easier to be a Catholic. When you sin, just go into the washing machine in the church and mubble thru the window: Father, forgive me for I have sinned!
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Buddhist can repent too btw, but we repent to the triple Gems.
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Yup yup, having the right view and right understanding are the foundation of the eightfold noble path. Thus it is important for us to have the right view.Originally posted by goldevil:wisdom is nt IQ or EQ .
wisdom is like seeing things like they really are .
example realising that life is full of uncertainty .
dealing with ppl .
like declining ppl when they asked u to do something u dun like .
Wisdom is often considered to be a trait that can be developed by experience, but not taught
buddhism need wisdom nt IQ .
buddhism is nt hard unless u r talking abt those chim scriptures .
we start from simple stuff like 4 noble truths , karma .....
buddhism also nid determination like all other things .
nid to learn and practise and apply what u have learnt .
i think dharma is everywhere even in ur workplace .
ur colleagues gossip , u dun join .
Btw the noble eightfold path: The eight aspects of the path are not to be understood as a sequence of single steps, instead they are highly interdependent principles that have to be seen in relationship with each other. -
THE WINDOW OF RIGHT VIEW TO LIFE
If you live in a house from where you have a nice view, you are probably happy as far as the location of your house is concerned. The happiness of living in the 'House of Life' depends on what kind of views you have in your life. In this article you will read my thoughts about ways of applying one's understanding of the Dharma and meditation practice in everyday life by developing the right view to life. Those who have genuinely taken refuge in the Dharma and have developed self-discipline through meditation would have discovered a view which provides a clear understanding of what is going on in their lives and why. The teachings of the Dharma make a lot of sense as it shows how to see things in a correct manner without being obscured by any distorted views of life's confusion. The Buddha taught about eight interrelated techniques that were essential to provide (as) a guide to sustain one's spiritual inspiration and practice. Practising the Dharma according to its teachings depends on how much understanding we may have of the Eight Noble Paths. Just as we use the prescribed ingredients to prepare a meal according to a recipe, we must combine and integrate correctly all the eight skillful techniques. In this article we will discuss two Buddhist principles which constitute main factors to develop the right view. To understand anything, and life as a whole, one must not be influenced by any narrow and limited views. If you have strong views, they will bring problems whether you believe them to be right or wrong. The views we hold have no substance in themselves, for any change of the circumstances upon which the views were based will prove them unsubstantiated. While we don't like to be misled by others, we do not want to be troubled by our own wrong views. Wrong views produce frustration and bring pain and suffering upon those around us. In fact, all the sufferings are caused by our own ignorance. Our views or perceptions of any event or our existence in this world mold our attitudes, behaviours and experiences. Regardless of the correctness of our views, they create deep pain as long as we cling to them. So, it is essential to cultivate the right view. If we can associate ourselves with the following principles, we will live a full and wholesome life.
In order to be able to see things in a correct manner, one must not forget the four basic and universal principles which constitute correct Buddhist views:
1) All living beings are subject to experience pain and dissatisfaction.
2) Everything is impermanent.
3) Everything is empty of inherent existence.
4) Nirvana (Going beyond suffering) is peace. -
It is important to understand sufferings and difficulties of living since they are part of your every day life. If you can fully understand the meaning of pain, you will not reject it. The best way to overcome pain is by accepting it.
The non-acceptance of pain makes you believe that you are the only one who is having a hard time and cannot have concern over other people. Skillful means of handling sufferings gives birth to compassion, but struggle against it intensifies sufferings. The pain of non-acceptance is far more detrimental than the actual pain itself. It may sound unfair to have only pain and suffering when every effort of your life is made to not have pain. It is natural for everybody to expect happiness, but it is unobtainable by merely avoiding pain. The destruction of pain can be fully realized when you overcome the fear of pain. The purpose of life remains confused until you overcame the fear of pain. The reason why people find it difficult to accept pain is - they think it is bad and so they shouldn't have it. If there is going to be pain whether you do this or do something else or do neither, the very purpose of any action is to accept its consequences. Being responsible for what you do and being able to accept its consequences makes a harmonious and productive life. Do not think that you did something wrong when you were undergoing some unexpected difficulties. What would have happened if you didn't do it at all? You would have had a problem of a different kind. Do not consider yourself to be unsuitable to whatever you are doing when difficulties persist, but remember the saying: "No pain no gain." Try to cultivate a positive view of pain and its benefits. Do not reject pain for it is there for a reason. Your seriousness and sincerity of engaging to do something is being tested when you face difficulties which derives from your own effort and you are not going to blame your effort. The meaning and purpose of the difficulties seldom become clear until you learn to accept it. Rejection of pain and fear of it give you real trouble and you will not find freedom. This view that the pain is unavoidable and it is a fact of life, is one of the most crucial elements in being able to maintain the right view, even in extremely conflicting conditions. If you fail to accept things that are at hand, you will become unable to control your thoughts and speech, and will commit unskillful actions which you will regret later. Even if you meditate every morning, you must not forget this principle that suffering is very nature of existence. Sustaining this view prepares you to cope with the problems and can remain at ease. Learn to smile in times of trouble to prove changeability of the trouble and let go of attachment to happiness. Even if you found what you were looking for, it does not last long, so be prepared to let go. Even if you can make it seem to last longer, due to attachment, you will not be happy by holding onto a thing that will inevitably leave you anyway. Suffering will not go away unless you honestly accept that parting is the ultimate outcome of all meetings. Basic acceptance that pain is the nature of life enables you to lighten your mental worry and anxiety by reflecting on the impermanence of all things. You were born alone and will die alone. You will also have to learn to stop blaming others and be responsible for your experiences since they are result of your own making. If you have a good recollection of past after so many years, why don't you try to remember some good and happy experiences derived from such meetings and then see whether it is going to be the same experiences of the past that you were so upset about. If you do this in relation to sufferings, you will find that you yourself are creating the sufferings based on your inability to let go of the past without having any of the circumstances under which the past suffering arose. So do not trace the past, unless you wanted to go that way. You will not be aware of the best moment of the 'here and now' if you are anticipating the future. Even if you have obtained something pleasant without facing some pain, examine how long would it last. Appreciate everything when it occurs before it vanishes and do not expect things to stay unchanged as you want them to be. The acceptence of the law of impermanence will enable you to free from clinging and it provides a swift and smooth parting into freedom.You do not have to make deliberate attempts to change things, but accept the changes that are occurring in and around you effortlessly and respect this course of nature's law. Do not try to stagnate your growth by holding onto things that are no longer part of you. You cannot have control over other people's actions to make you happy if you have difficulty controlling your own. Set yourself free from clinging, bitterness and unforgiveness as soon as the parting takes place, and do not wait for something to occur, something that is not yet due. Although it may not be obvious, parting is not only inevitable but it is extremely necessary as much as the meeting. Learn to see the movement and change of things when they occur and do not assume what should or should't happen to it. Do not be hard on yourself, take care of yourself. Do not appreciate yourself only when good things come to you, but also when they go away from you, so that you remain receptive. "You will also set him free if you would let him go." Observe the fleeting nature of your own thoughts and attitudes which projects things on to changeable objects and yet you are trying to make them stand still. Do not have doubts of the result of an action if you are doing it right. Even if you did something wrong, why should you be upset if you can understand that it is not happening now and will not happen again. If you have helped somebody in the past, do not think when and how they should repay you since he or she may be busy helping someone else. If friends have become what they were not, check what the foes will become if you don't hold them to be so. When trees grow taller to provide you shade, energy and coolness, examine what are you giving to the world as you grow older. When the busy hours of a worker's day turns into nothing more than a sleepy night, let him sleep soundly for it may be the only thing he can enjoy for himself and so that he can be ready for another hard day. When chopping wood, do not hold an axe tight unless you do not want to use it again. Do not try too hard in the beginning, for you may loose interest in your goals. Do not speed for a short distance as in a race to exhaust yourself, but walk slowly and steadily to energize yourself wherever you might be going. ....Just talking to myself.
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