How to politely decline invitations to church?
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I wanted to, but I decided against it cos this question might make some Christians uncomfortable. So..better not.Originally posted by TheGoodEarth:You should make your posting in the Eternal Hope sub-forum. I can place a bet with you they don't know how to answer you because the Bible or the Church never teach them so. One of the thing you must remember is that: Christians are 'commanded' to 'save' this world. By that it means everyone they know and can be persuade either subtlely or by deceit to go to church or accept the Christian God. It is in the Bible because that is the authority they quote.
My grandmother who was for all her life an ancestor worshipper was taken to church by a relative on the pretext of bringing her out for 'jalan-jalan'. And when she became bed-ridden when she fell, they brought a pastor to her home to baptise her!
Just like you, I too had been asked, and my answer to them: I was a Christian, and I probably know more than you, and I have very good reason to be a free-thinker. If you think and think even more and deeply, you will also one day arrive at the same conclusion as me! From that day onward, they stopped asking me and also stopped treating me as friend. So, you know what Christians are! They have a motive. -
Yah, I know, but they corner you like siao.Originally posted by goldevil:i just go whatever religion places when invited .
I have been to many religion grounds .
even if u dun believe in jesus , just go .
church do allow non-christians . -
Originally posted by yamizi:
Thanks for your advice. Perhaps you are better in your terms of wit and communication skills and that your Christian friends have already somehow, I don't know, just know when to back off.
Hi Spwn07,
I think it is no harm for you to attend church with your cousin for a few times. Firstly, you can treat it as an educational tour for you to understand why Christianity seems to be a favourite choice among young working adults.
Secondly, it can be a test of your own belief and your understanding of it. Attending sermons and make the comparisons, looking out for similiarities and differences, personally I find that it aids your own spiritual growth.
Thirdly, if after your visits, you really find that Christianity is not for you; or the church is not for you, then you can tell your cousin that you had been there and experienced and know that it is [b]really not your cup of tea.
Fourthly, as mentioned by justdoit77, you can negotiate a trade off with your cousin. But as told by a friend of mine before, usually after you have attended church, when it's their time to go to a dhamma talk, they will have 'reasons' not to show up in the last minute. Ain't sure how true is it. Probably if you're using this method, you can make your cousin to attend dhamma talk first before you attend church with him.
Finally, or heed what sleepwalkering had said, "Thank you for the invitation, i am comfortable with mine."
Anyway, you need not be too concerned or bothered with whether or not to explain to people to what you believe. At the end of the day, it is more important that you really do know what you believe in. Have that confidence in yourself and ignore the ridicules. We can't please the whole world, at least, please ourselves.
There are various inspiring and touching testimonials that christians will give but nonetheless they are revolved around in believing that God has touched their lives. If that, in respect to the mental and spiritual sense, do give them comfort, I think it is really nothing wrong with it. But of course that doesn't mean that we allow them to push their opinion on us. And of course as buddhist don't believe in the existence of such a creator God, our confidence in the Dhamma shouldn't be shaken in any way. We understand that every results are due to cause and condition. So having a God pop out of nowhere doesn't quite tally with the principle of Dhamma.
On this onus, it will be our understanding and faith in the Dhamma that will pull us through. I also have quite a handful of friends who become christians and always tried to invite me to their churches.
I used to go churches on a regular and frequent basis few years back, on my own, not invited. It is quite a fruitful experience for me and I observed and learned that why people go to churches.
But anyhow, end of the day, don't be bothered by these little things in life. In life, there will be more important things to be worried and concerned about.
May you have fun in your spiritual quest =)[/b]
I have been to churches at the invitation of friends before, this is definitely not my first time.
Yes, this may be a little thing. But if not handled properly, not only will I not be able to continue interacting with people from different religions, I will not be growing in terms of interpersonal communication skills and spiritual cultivation. -
CE, this response will only work with 'good' Christians such as yourself, Sillyme or Vince... There is another type of Christian who insist that they have what they think is a 'cure' for cancer... and they will insist on shoving that 'cure' down your throat even after you have politely declined.Originally posted by Chin Eng:just say not interested. -
Agree... the feeling is not unlike being spiritually gang-raped (sorry sorry... but I cannot find a better analogy... )Originally posted by Spnw07:Yah, I know, but they corner you like siao. -
Erms, cough, cough, the word you use is a bit heavy, hope no Christians take serious offence to it. Just concerned.Originally posted by Beyond Religion:Agree... the feeling is not unlike being spiritually gang-raped (sorry sorry... but I cannot find a better analogy... )
I try very hard with words when it comes to dealing with human emotions and religion cos very complicated and sensitive.
That's why I need as much feedback as possible. -
You are right of course.Originally posted by Spnw07:Erms, cough, cough, the word you use is a bit heavy, hope no Christians take serious offence to it. Just concerned.
I try very hard with words when it comes to dealing with human emotions and religion cos very complicated and sensitive.
That's why I need as much feedback as possible.
I meant no disrespect to Christians... am just trying to portray that si(4) mian(4) chu(3) ge(1) feeling I got in my last Church visit. -
Yeh, can empathise with you on that. (a gentle pat on the Beyond Religion's shoulder).Originally posted by Beyond Religion:You are right of course.
I meant no disrespect to Christians... am just trying to portray that si(4) mian(4) chu(3) ge(1) feeling I got in my last Church visit. -
unless u r uncomfortable going if nt just dun decline .
I been to many religiious grounds .
some of christians stuff r also gd .
we should learn from different religion .
taoism also gt wuwei stuff. -
I have absolutely no doubt that actually most, if not all, that Christianity teaches is good for every human being.Originally posted by goldevil:unless u r uncomfortable going if nt just dun decline .
I been to many religiious grounds .
some of christians stuff r also gd .
we should learn from different religion .
taoism also gt wuwei stuff.
My concern is about how they go about approaching people to introduce their faith. -
Tell him tou've converted to Hinduism la
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Hi Spnw07.
Yah, can understd ur feelings. But I guess we just hv to be firm with our beliefs n everything will be fine ie. no hard feelings, no paiseh, no unhappiness, no fightings at all when we decline the invitations or even went to one. We will still come out as a Buddhists.
Basically I don't go to any, but will attend church weddings to offer my blessings to the married couples. And yes, in such occasions, I wld hv to sit through the sermons or preachings as well. But no harm done lah, just that sometimes precious time was wasted.
Actually, fr my father's side there r 3 pastors and almost the whole congregation of one church are my extended famiy members. It's like a mini clan association. Our "clan" has been christians since my grand-parents for 3 generations n counting
My mother's side are Taoists, free-thinkers, ming jain xing yang followers.
My mom n I hv been Buddhist for 20 yrs. We r the only 2 Buddhist in our families. But we r still on good terms with everybody, no problem at all. If they wan to know abt Buddhism, we try our best to explain to them. If they wan to "fight", we let them satisfy them own aggressions, then when they've cooled down or bored, we continue with our other topics n be jolly again. If they wan to preach, then we wld keep quite n listen, then say thank u n continue fr where we hv stopped n be jolly again.
I also hv neighbours who r christains n we r on amicable terms, always talking abt our dogs. They never try to preach to me when they realised I'm Buddhist.
If we don't wish to attend, just don't. No need to feel awkward or uneasy. If we want to go, then go. And if after attending one, u find that it is better than Buddhadharma, then so be it. It just shows that our understanding n faith in Buddhadharma is too weak. One either practise harder or simply give up n go another way. Too bad though... -
Hi Spnw07,
Today it is very saddening to witness the contamination with wrong doctrines into the christian faith. Many young followers equipped with wrong doctrines enthusiastically rushed out to spread the gospel.
Of course, in the wrong way and with the wrong doctrines. Therefore creating the current Christian & MLM look alike symptom.
Please don't feel compelled to visit any church or believe in the Christian faith. Also do not feel compelled to give money to the church because if you do not understand the true meaning of giving, please be kindly reminded to refrain from it. Offering is not as simple as the 10% of your income or is it proportional to your blessings as some churches portray it to be. Rather question the faith and find out more about it yourself rather than to be forced down the throat. Occasionally you may need assistance, you may want refer to
http://www.sbc.edu.sg
The Singapore Bible College will be the best place for you to enquire about the christian faith locally. If you don't feel comfortable to be identified, just email them anonymously. Don't feel pressurized. Just take your time.
As christians, the gospel must be spreaded gently. No threats nor brain washing tactics should be utilized. The good It is stated in the gospel that daily personal conduct are actually the best way to spread the gospel. And not via arguments. The Gospel has to be accepted willingly and not forced down the throat.
Have a nice day. -
Thank you for the invitation but I'm a Buddist. I'm sure you respect others religion too. I do not wish to hurt our friendship etc so I hope you wun force me into it. I'm sure your church dun avocate forcing people too right? Rest assured if I'm interested in future, I'll definately look for u.Originally posted by Spnw07:I don't know where to ask this. Initially aunt agony column looks ok, but I want a Buddhist view and advice on the above concern, so...
Like I have mentioned in my first post in sgforums, my social circle comprises mainly of Christian friends. Not all invite me to church, but those that do, I want to decline them politely and for good.
And well, now the difficult part is, one of my relatives is a Christian (he's my cousin). He constantly asks me to go to church when I asks him questions regarding Christianity. I would have gone if not for the fact which he has mentioned before; his church are like most churches, very attentive to new faces and non-believers. Ie: They are very assertive and enthusiastic in introducing the Good News to non-believers.
I have already replied him many times that I'm now a Buddhist and intend to follow on with my faith. I also emphasised that one of my main purposes for learning about Christianity is to be able to make a difference some day in cultivating and strengthening inter-religious understanding, encourage more active participation and interaction among all followers of different religions in Singapore and eventually the rest of the world.
I really don't need the unnecessary attention and/or allow myself to face the almost unavoidable situation of having to explain in detail to Christians about why I don't want to become a Christian and why my current faith, Buddhism is not a false or wrong religion.
Please give me clear examples and important main points to say when declining such well-intentioned invitations.
I know that Christianity somehow seems to be natural and/or a favourite choice among many Singaporeans, of different educational backgrounds, professions and age groups. But more importantly, teenagers and working adults, especially those that speak mainly or only English at home. This means I can expect almost without a doubt, to be extended such invitations to church by strangers, acquaintances, friends and relatives for as long as I live.
The need to know how to politely refuse invitations of such nature in various ways, for different situations, has been for a long time, a high priority in my character, spiritual and religious cultivation.
Thank you for reading this long post. -
Spnw07,
If you want to find out about Christianity, you can always read a bible, yourself.
There is no need for you to ask your cousin about it.
Why start a spark when you don't need fire ?
To politely reject an invitation. It is as easy as saying no thanks to a waiter wanting to fill your drinking glass.
When invitation becomes a annoyance, your reply should be as honest and direct as possible.
" Thank you for inviting me, I would very much prefer that you respect my religion , the way I respect yours." -
I'm okay with church weddings and sermons that come with it. But not the way in which I'm approached out in the streets, at my house and etc...Originally posted by cycle:Hi Spnw07.
Yah, can understd ur feelings. But I guess we just hv to be firm with our beliefs n everything will be fine ie. no hard feelings, no paiseh, no unhappiness, no fightings at all when we decline the invitations or even went to one. We will still come out as a Buddhists.
Basically I don't go to any, but will attend church weddings to offer my blessings to the married couples. And yes, in such occasions, I wld hv to sit through the sermons or preachings as well. But no harm done lah, just that sometimes precious time was wasted.
Actually, fr my father's side there r 3 pastors and almost the whole congregation of one church are my extended famiy members. It's like a mini clan association. Our "clan" has been christians since my grand-parents for 3 generations n counting
My mother's side are Taoists, free-thinkers, ming jain xing yang followers.
My mom n I hv been Buddhist for 20 yrs. We r the only 2 Buddhist in our families. But we r still on good terms with everybody, no problem at all. If they wan to know abt Buddhism, we try our best to explain to them. If they wan to "fight", we let them satisfy them own aggressions, then when they've cooled down or bored, we continue with our other topics n be jolly again. If they wan to preach, then we wld keep quite n listen, then say thank u n continue fr where we hv stopped n be jolly again.
I also hv neighbours who r christains n we r on amicable terms, always talking abt our dogs. They never try to preach to me when they realised I'm Buddhist.
If we don't wish to attend, just don't. No need to feel awkward or uneasy. If we want to go, then go. And if after attending one, u find that it is better than Buddhadharma, then so be it. It just shows that our understanding n faith in Buddhadharma is too weak. One either practise harder or simply give up n go another way. Too bad though...
Glad to know you have good Christian neighbours, good for you, too bad for me I guess. -
Remind the person politely that all good christians have courtesy and respect for others.
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Thanks for the gentle and wise advice and the weblink.Originally posted by MS:Hi Spnw07,
Today it is very saddening to witness the contamination with wrong doctrines into the christian faith. Many young followers equipped with wrong doctrines enthusiastically rushed out to spread the gospel.
Of course, in the wrong way and with the wrong doctrines. Therefore creating the current Christian & MLM look alike symptom.
Please don't feel compelled to visit any church or believe in the Christian faith. Also do not feel compelled to give money to the church because if you do not understand the true meaning of giving, please be kindly reminded to refrain from it. Offering is not as simple as the 10% of your income or is it proportional to your blessings as some churches portray it to be. Rather question the faith and find out more about it yourself rather than to be forced down the throat. Occasionally you may need assistance, you may want refer to
http://www.sbc.edu.sg
The Singapore Bible College will be the best place for you to enquire about the christian faith locally. If you don't feel comfortable to be identified, just email them anonymously. Don't feel pressurized. Just take your time.
As christians, the gospel must be spreaded gently. No threats nor brain washing tactics should be utilized. The good It is stated in the gospel that daily personal conduct are actually the best way to spread the gospel. And not via arguments. The Gospel has to be accepted willingly and not forced down the throat.
Have a nice day.
If every church and Christian could do what you've just said in your last paragraph, then well, what's there to fear in going to church. I like this sentence in your last paragraph 'It is stated in the gospel that daily personal conduct are actually the best way to spread the gospel. And not via arguments. The Gospel has to be accepted willingly and not forced down the throat.' -
said many times before to them liao. But they say 'how can I watch you go into path of a false/wrong religion?' OR 'We just want you to participate in our activities and have fun making new friends, nothing more'.Originally posted by airgrinder:Thank you for the invitation but I'm a Buddist. I'm sure you respect others religion too. I do not wish to hurt our friendship etc so I hope you wun force me into it. I'm sure your church dun avocate forcing people too right? Rest assured if I'm interested in future, I'll definately look for u.
But then the obvious brainwashing and 'discussion' into whatever present belief I have is to be expected. Haiz. -
Cos it's like what some are doing down here in religious forum like EH and Wisdom Bliss. They want to hear it from the horse's mouth.Originally posted by jojobeach:Spnw07,
If you want to find out about Christianity, you can always read a bible, yourself.
There is no need for you to ask your cousin about it.
Why start a spark when you don't need fire ?
To politely reject an invitation. It is as easy as saying no thanks to a waiter wanting to fill your drinking glass.
When invitation becomes a annoyance, your reply should be as honest and direct as possible.
" Thank you for inviting me, I would very much prefer that you respect my religion , the way I respect yours."
We want the human experience of living out the life of a practioner of a particular religion. The Bible gives you at most guidelines. You need to observe and know more real life examples.
" Thank you for inviting me, I would very much prefer that you respect my religion , the way I respect yours."
Yes, tried that before many times. -
ic... well, what I mean is we don't hv to bother too much abt how they approach us, or the ways they use to preach to ppl who r not interested at all. Yah I used to hv christains came a knocking at my door almost every week for a few yrs. Maybe one of my relatives hv got sthing to do with it.Originally posted by Spnw07:I'm okay with church weddings and sermons that come with it. But not the way in which I'm approached out in the streets, at my house and etc...
Glad to know you have good Christian neighbours, good for you, too bad for me I guess.
Anyway, they'r gone. Gave me up, I supposed.
Sometimes we r the ones that keep such feelings or thoughts of disgust and vexations. Just say "no" n the end of story. One hundred coming, then say one hunfred times of 'No". Not difficult. ( 20 yrs ago, more siong, they were everywhere on the streets, bus-stops, schools, temples, ...)
Just be cool. No need to feel anything abt how it goes. U can let it not affect u at all if u want.
Good Luck! -
just say u nt free or dun go lo.
buddhist view? haha, i am nt sure, but i only noe nobody can force u to do anything. -
Yes, the fact I managed to become a Buddhist is cos I managed to say no to becoming a Christian and going to church. But now, cannot just settle with saying a curt reply like "No". Need to say something that is tactful yet firm enough to let them know that you are willing to know them as Christian friends, but not as evangelists.Originally posted by cycle:ic... well, what I mean is we don't hv to bother too much abt how they approach us, or the ways they use to preach to ppl who r not interested at all. Yah I used to hv christains came a knocking at my door almost every week for a few yrs. Maybe one of my relatives hv got sthing to do with it.
Anyway, they'r gone. Gave me up, I supposed.
Sometimes we r the ones that keep such feelings or thoughts of disgust and vexations. Just say "no" n the end of story. One hundred coming, then say one hunfred times of 'No". Not difficult. ( 20 yrs ago, more siong, they were everywhere on the streets, bus-stops, schools, temples, ...)
Just be cool. No need to feel anything abt how it goes. U can let it not affect u at all if u want.
Good Luck! -
i don't think that's a fair comment.Originally posted by TheGoodEarth:So, you know what Christians are! They have a motive. -
seriously, just say no.Originally posted by Spnw07:Yes, the fact I managed to become a Buddhist is cos I managed to say no to becoming a Christian and going to church. But now, cannot just settle with saying a curt reply like "No". Need to say something that is tactful yet firm enough to let them know that you are willing to know them as Christian friends, but not as evangelists.
reason? nt free.
why nt free? personal matter, nt convienent to say. bye.
lol.