Living the compassionate life
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From the book: How to develop happiness in Daily living.
By His Holiness The Dalai Lama
As human beings we all have the potential to be happy and compassionate, and also have the potential to be miserable and harmful to others. The potential for all these things is present within each of us. If we want to be happy, then the important thing is try to promote the positive and useful aspects in each of us and try to reduce negative.
Doing negative things such as stealing and lying, may occasionally seem to bring short-term satisfaction, but in the long term they will always bring misery. Positive acts always bring us inner strength. With inner strength we have less fear and more self-confidence, and it becomes much easier to extend our sense of caring to others without any barriers, whether religious, cultural, or otherwise. It is thus very important to recognize our potential for both good and bad, and then to observe and analyze it carefully.
Kindness and a good heart form the underlying foundation for our success in this life, our progress on the spiritual path, and our fulfillment of our ultimate aspiration: the attainment of full enlightenment. Hence, compassion and a good heart are not only important in the beginning but also in the middle at the end. Their necessity and value are not limited to any specific time, place, society, or culture.
Thus, we need compassion and human affection not only to survive; they are the ultimate sources of success in life. Selfish way of thinking not only harm others, they prevent the very happiness we ourselves desire. The time has come to think more wisely, hasn't it? This is my belief.
Developing compassion
Before we can generate compassion and love, it is important to have a clear understanding of what we understand compassion and love to be. In simple terms, compassion and love can be defined as positive thoughts and feelings that give rise to such essential things in life as hope, courage, determination and inner strength. In the Buddhist tradition, compassion and love are seen as two aspects of the same thing: Compassion is the wish for another being to be free from suffering; love is wanting them to have happiness.
The next matter to be understood is whether it is possible to enhance compassion and love. In other words, is there a means by which these qualities of mind can be increased, and anger, hatred, and jealousy reduced? My answer to this is an emphatic, " yes". Even if you do not agree with me right now, let yourself be open to the possibility of such development. Let us carry out some experiments together; perhaps we may then find some answers.
For a start it is possible to divide every kind of happiness and suffering into main categories: mental and physical. Of the two, it is the mind that exerts the greatest influence on most of us. Unless we are gravely ill or deprived of basic necessities, our physical condition, we virtually ignore it. The mind, however, registers every event, no matter how small. Hence, we should devote our most serious efforts to bringing about mental peace rather than physical comfort. -
Happiness
Even in ordinary conversation in everyday life, when someone speaks with warm, human feeling, we enjoy listening, and respond accordingly; the whole conversation becomes interesting, however, unimportant the topic may be. On the other hand, if a person speaks coldly or harshly, we feel uneasy and wish for a quick end to the interaction. From the least to the most important event, the affection and respect of others are vital for our happiness. I try to treat whomever I meet as an old friend. This gives me a genuine feeling of happiness.
Though sometime people laugh when I say it, I myself always want more friends. I love smiles. Because of this, I don’t have the problem of knowing how to make more friends, and how to get more smiles – in particular, genuine smiles. There are many kind of smiles, such as sarcastic artificial, or diplomatic smiles. Many smiles produce no feeling of satisfaction, and sometimes they can even create suspicion or fear, can’t they? But a genuine smile gives us a feeling of freshness and is, I believe, unique to human beings. If these are the smiles we want, then we ourselves must create reasons for them to appear.
We must remember that different religions, ideologies, and political systems of the world are meant for human beings to achieve happiness. We must not lose sight of this fundamental goal and at no time should we place means above the ends; the supremacy of humanity over matter and ideology must always be maintained.
It is my belief that the lack of understanding of the true cause of happiness is the principle reason why people inflict suffering on others. Some people think that causing pain to others may lead to their own happiness, or that their own happiness is of such importance that the pain of others is of no significance. But this is clearly short-sighted. No one truly benefits from causing harm to another being. -
The mind can be changed
From my own limited experience, i am convinced that through constant training we can indeed develop our minds. Our positive attitudes, thoughts and outlook can be enhanced and their negative counterparts can be reduced. Even a single moment of consciousness depends on so many factors, and when we change these various factors, the mind also changes. This is the simple truth about the nature of mind.
The thing that we call "mind" is quite peculiar. Sometimes it is very stubborn and very resistant to change. With continuous effort, however, and with conviction based on reason, our minds are sometime quite honest and flexible. When we truly recognize that there is some need to change, the our minds can change. Wishing and praying alone will not transform your mind; you also need reason - reason ultimately grounded your own experience. And you won't be able to transform your mind overnight; old habits, especially mental one, resist quick solutions. But with effort over time and conviction grounded in reason, you can definitely achieve profound changes in your mental attitudes.
As a basis for change, we need to recognize that as long as we live in this world we will encounter problems, things that obstruct the fulfillment of our goals. If, when these happen, we lose hope and become discouraged, we diminish our ability to face these difficulties. If, on the other hand, we remember that not just we but everyone has to undergo suffering, this is more realistic perspective will increase our determination and our capacity to overcome troubles. By remembering the suffering of others, by feeling compassion for others, our own suffering becomes manageable. Indeed, with this attitude, each new obstacle can be seen as yet another valuable opportunity to improve our mind, another opportunity for deepening our compassion! With each new experience, we can strive gradually to become more compassionate; that is, we can develop both genuine sympathy for others' suffering and the will to help remove their pain. As a result, our own serenity and inner strength will increase. -
How to develop compassion
Self-centeredness inhibits our love for others, and we are all afflicted by it to one degree or another. For true happiness to come about, we need a calm mind, and such a peace of mind is brought about only by a compassionate attitude. How can we develop this attitude? Obviously, it is not enough for us to simply believe that compassion is important and to think about how nice it is! We need to make a concerted effort to develop it; we must use all the events of our daily life to transform our thoughts and behaviour.
First of all, we must be clear about what we mean by compassion. Many forms of compassionate feeling are mixed with desire and attachment. For instance, the love parents feel for their child is often strongly associated with their own emotional needs, so it is not fully compassionate. Usually when we are concerned about a close friend, we call this compassion, but it too is usually attachment. Even in the marriage, the love between husband and wife - particularly at the beginning, when each partner still may not know the other's deeper character very well - depends more on attachment than genuine love. Marriage that last only a short time do so because they lack compassion; they are produced by emotional attachment based on projection and expectation, and as soon as the projections change, the attachment disappears. Our desire can be so strong that the person to whom we are attached appears to be flawless, when in fact he or she has many faults. In addition, attachment makes us exaggerate small, positive qualities. When this happens, it indicates that our love is motivated by personal need than by genuine care for others.
Compassion without attachment is possible. Therefore, we need to clarify the distinction between compassion and attachment. True compassion is not just an emotional response but a firm commitment founded on reason. Because of this firm foundation, a truly compassionate attitude toward others does not change even if they behave negatively. Genuine compassion is based not on our own projections and expectations, but rather on th needs of the other; irrespective of whether another person is a close friend or an enemy. As long as that person wishes for peace and happiness and suffering to overcome suffering, then on the basis we develop genuine concern for their problem. This is genuine compassion. For a Buddhist practitioner, the goal is to develop this genuine compassion, this genuine wish for the the well-being of another, in fact for every living being throughout the universe. Of course, developing this kind of compassion is not at all easy! Let us consider this point more closely.
Whether people are beautiful or plain, friendly or cruel, ultimately they are human beings just like oneself. Like oneself, they want happiness and do not want suffering. Furthermore their right to overcome suffering and to be happy is equal to one's own. Now, when you recognize that all beings are equal in both their desire for happiness and their right to obtain it, you automatically feel empathy and closeness for them. Through accustoming your mind to this sense of universal altruism, you develop a feeling of responsibility for others; you wish to help them actively overcome their problems. This wish is not selective; it applies equally to all beings. As long as they experience pleasure and pain just as you do, there is logical basis to discriminate between them or to alter your concern for them if they behave negatively. -
One point i should make here is that some people, especially those who see themselves as very realistic and practical, are sometimes too realistic and obsessed with practicality. They may think, " The idea of wishing for the happiness for all being, of wanting what is best for every single one, is unrealistic and too idealistic. Such an unrealistic idea cannot contribute in any way to transforming the mind or to attaining some kind of mental discipline because it is completely unachievable. "
Whether people are beautiful or plain, friendly or cruel, ultimately they are human beings just like oneself. Like oneself, they want happiness and do not want suffering. Furthermore, their right to overcome suffering and to be happy is equal to one's own.
A more effective approach, they may think, would be to begin with a close circle of people with whom one has direct interaction. Later on one can expand and increase the parameters of that circle. They feel there is simply no point in thinking about all beings, since there is an infinite number of them. They may conceivably be able to feel some kind of connection with some fellow human beings on this planet, but they feel that the infinite number of beings throughout the universe have nothing to do with their own experience as individuals. They may ask, " What point is there in trying to cultivate the mind that tries to include within its sphere every living being?"
In other contexts, that may be a valid objection. What is important here, however, is to grasp the impact of cultivating such as altruistic sentiments. The point is to try to develop the scope of empathy in such a way that we can extend it to any form of life with the capacity to feel pain and experience happiness. It is a matter of recognizing living organism as sentient, and therefore subject to pain and capable of happiness.
Such a universal sentiment of compassion is very powerful, and there is no need to be able to identify, in specific terms, with every single living being in order for it to be effective. In this regard it is similar to recognizing the universal nature of impermanence: when we cultivate the recognition that all things and events are impermanent, we do not need to consider individually every single thing that exists in the universe in order to be convinced of it. That is not how the mind works. It is important to appreciate this point.
Given patience and time, it is within our power to develop this kind of universal compassion. Of course, our self-centeredness, our distinctive attachment to the feeling of a solid "I", works fundamentally to inhibit our compassion. Indeed, true compassion can be experienced only when this type of self-grasping is eliminated. But this does not mane that we cannot start to cultivate compassion and begin to make progress right away.
Since compassion and a good heart are developed through constant and conscious effort, it is important for us first to identify the favorable conditions that give rise to our qualities of kindness. and then to identify the adverse circumstances that obstruct our cultivation of these positive states of mind. It is therefore important for us to lead a life of constant mindfulness and mental alertness. Our mastery of mindfulness should be such that whenever a new situation arises, we are able to recognize immediately whether the circumstance are favorable or adverse to the development of compassion and a good heart. By pursuing the practice of compassion in such a manner, we will gradually be able to alleviate the effects of the obstructive forces and enhance the conditions that favor the development of compassion and a good heart. -
Originally posted by Isis:
Agree totally and wholeheartedly with the above.
[ How to develop compassion ]
... Many forms of compassionate feeling are mixed with desire and attachment.
For instance, the love parents feel for their child is often strongly associated with their own emotional needs, so it is not fully compassionate. Usually when we are concerned about a close friend, we call this compassion, but it too is usually attachment.
Even in the marriage, the love between husband and wife - particularly at the beginning, when each partner still may not know the other's deeper character very well - depends more on attachment than genuine love. Marriage that last only a short time do so because they lack compassion; they are produced by emotional attachment based on projection and expectation, and as soon as the projections change, the attachment disappears. Our desire can be so strong that the person to whom we are attached appears to be flawless, when in fact he or she has many faults. In addition, attachment makes us exaggerate small, positive qualities. When this happens, it indicates that our love is motivated by personal need than by genuine care for others.
Compassion without attachment is possible. Therefore, we need to clarify the distinction between compassion and attachment. True compassion is not just an emotional response but a firm commitment founded on reason. Because of this firm foundation, a truly compassionate attitude toward others does not change even if they behave negatively.
Genuine compassion is based not on our own projections and expectations, but rather on the needs of the other; irrespective of whether another person is a close friend or an enemy. As long as that person wishes for peace and happiness and suffering to overcome suffering, then on the basis we develop genuine concern for their problem. This is genuine compassion. For a Buddhist practitioner, the goal is to develop this genuine compassion, this genuine wish for the the well-being of another, in fact for every living being throughout the universe. Of course, developing this kind of compassion is not at all easy! Let us consider this point more closely.
Whether people are beautiful or plain, friendly or cruel, ultimately they are human beings just like oneself. Like oneself, they want happiness and do not want suffering. Furthermore their right to overcome suffering and to be happy is equal to one's own. Now, when you recognize that all beings are equal in both their desire for happiness and their right to obtain it, you automatically feel empathy and closeness for them.
Through accustoming your mind to this sense of universal altruism, you develop a feeling of responsibility for others; you wish to help them actively overcome their problems. This wish is not selective; it applies equally to all beings.
As long as they experience pleasure and pain just as you do, there is NO logical basis to discriminate between them or to alter your concern for them if they behave negatively.
True or genuine compassion is indeed hard to achieve for most Buddhist practioners or any human in their present lifetimes.
Which is why I believe samsara, from another way of looking at it, gives us time to start cultivating genuine compassion from a particular point of time (be it from many previous lives ago or present lifetime), when we first heard about it from others or from a Buddhist practioner, and hone it till we reach perfection in compassion and wisdom when we attain Buddhahood.