Buddhist view on marriage
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Questions about marriage:
1) Is Buddhism against marriage or for marriage? My personal and limited understanding so far is that Buddhism neither encourages or discourages marriage among male and female or among the same sex.
2) As a buddhist, should I tell myself not to get married cos I will be subjecting myself to another endless cycle of rebirth due to lust or craving?
3) As a buddhist, is it preferable to choose a future partner of the same faith, so that one, we can agree and practise together on many common aspects of the faith; two, we can help each other to prepare a proper Buddhist funeral when either one passes away? -
Originally posted by Spnw07:
That's right. Marriage is an individual choice. Furthermore, marriage is a very cultural thing. It differs from culture to culture. Buddha doesn't speak so much on these things. As for same sex marriage, this is another topic. Though Buddha never spoke about marriages, I do not think he encourages this. But we do not discriminate them.
Questions about marriage:
1) Is Buddhism against marriage or for marriage? My personal and limited understanding so far is that Buddhism neither encourages or discourages marriage among male and female or among the same sex.2) As a buddhist, should I tell myself not to get married cos I will be subjecting myself to another endless cycle of rebirth due to lust or craving?
No. It is really your choice. You can get married. But of course, you must continue to practice the dharma. Unless you want to be a monk, then you shouldn't get married.3) As a buddhist, is it preferable to choose a future partner of the same faith, so that one, we can agree and practise together on many common aspects of the faith; two, we can help each other to prepare a proper Buddhist funeral when either one passes away?
Ideally, yes. But if you all can maintain harmony inspite of religious difference, then it is good. There are lots of families with differences in religious views but they also live harmoniously. It all depends.
Please read: http://www.jenchen.org.sg/vol6no3c.htm -
For 2) i think it is better to learn how to overcome lust through meditation etc and not avoid marriage.Renouncing sex is more of an inner thing....Originally posted by Spnw07:Questions about marriage:
1) Is Buddhism against marriage or for marriage? My personal and limited understanding so far is that Buddhism neither encourages or discourages marriage among male and female or among the same sex.
2) As a buddhist, should I tell myself not to get married cos I will be subjecting myself to another endless cycle of rebirth due to lust or craving?
3) As a buddhist, is it preferable to choose a future partner of the same faith, so that one, we can agree and practise together on many common aspects of the faith; two, we can help each other to prepare a proper Buddhist funeral when either one passes away? -
1) I think Buddhism is defintely agaisnt the marriages of the same sex, as the effects of undesirable sexual misconducts ( one of them including sexual relation between same sex) has shown us reasons not to adopt this lifestyle. Yes, as AEN mentioned, Buddha doesn't discriminate such marriages, but one should hv the wisdom to make the right choice after knowing the cause n effects of one's decisions in life.Originally posted by Spnw07:Questions about marriage:
1) Is Buddhism against marriage or for marriage? My personal and limited understanding so far is that Buddhism neither encourages or discourages marriage among male and female or among the same sex.
2) As a buddhist, should I tell myself not to get married cos I will be subjecting myself to another endless cycle of rebirth due to lust or craving?
3) As a buddhist, is it preferable to choose a future partner of the same faith, so that one, we can agree and practise together on many common aspects of the faith; two, we can help each other to prepare a proper Buddhist funeral when either one passes away?
2) Unless one plans to or decided to become a monk, which is definitely not an easy path for most people, I think one shld just follow the natural stages of one's life; be it in work, relationships, raising kids etc. In fact, a Buddhist can hv the chance to creat a Buddhist family, and children raised in such families, learning the Dharma fr the parents, may contibute greatly to the society in future. I remember Ven master Xuan hua said that a mother who is a Buddhist is the best, as her children wld hv the chance to be introduced the Triple Gem by her.
There r also Buddhist couples n families that r great suppoters or sponsors of the Buddhism projects, or great helpers in promoting the Dharma. These r egs of the positive effects of a Buddhist marriage. So it doesn't mean that marriage will hinder a buddhist's practise.
Oh, n I think ppl who are not married don't mean they will not be subjected to lust n cravings.
3) Of cos parnters of the same ideology or interlectual level may form a better union, it somewhat shaped a person's character as well. I've seen Buddhist marrying non-Buddhist, or one spouse becomes Buddhist later in the marriage; n usuaully the Buddhist spouse could accomodate n compromise the other. Buddhists usuaully could see, observe, be aware, whenever a problem pops up in such marraige, then think, understand, n solved. Non- attachment is important. -
That's the tough part. Let me narrow it down though it's off-topic. When you want to marry a Muslim, you have to convert to Islam. A must. Same for Judaism, Sikhism and Hinduisim, I think (not sure though).Originally posted by An Eternal Now:Ideally, yes. But if you all can maintain harmony inspite of religious difference, then it is good. There are lots of families with differences in religious views but they also live harmoniously. It all depends.
Please read: http://www.jenchen.org.sg/vol6no3c.htm
The last one is Christianity, which will include Catholics as well, for easy reference here. Though there's no commandment that tells Christians not to marry a non-believer, but there's no commandment that prohibits them for persuading their spouses at all times till they convert to Christianity.
It can be argued that since you are willing to marry a Christian spouse, you must have accepted to some significant degree, the concept of a creator God and Christians see dating/marriage as one of those good chances to help you embrace Christ.
But from a Buddhist point of view, funeral preparations can become very sensitive and even quarrelsome affairs when the religious beliefs of both spouses are different. For example, when I die, can I reasonably expect my wife to chant the name of a Buddha or to do merits in my name by donating cash or donations in kind to a temple or the Sangha? Can I trust her not to try to bring a Reverend father to convert me to Christianity while I'm still breathing my last breath or has just passed away? Technically, she's not wrong, as she believes that she is doing all this for my own good, cos to her Christianity is the only good and true faith.
Though I perfectly understand my choice of a spouse is a personal one, I want as much information as possible from both laymen and Buddhists about this subject to help me choose wisely.
I don't believe in idealism, cos I can only dream of it. But yet, I have to admit I have been idealistic when it comes to human emotions. Haiz, such a failure. And in reality, people from different religions rarely form deep friendships, much less a strong marriage at that. The emphasis is on 'rarely', not saying that it's impossible. -
Since Buddhism does not give specific rules and elaboration on same sex marriages, then what we should do if we meet those who are in such relationships or starting to form such relationships? What if they are our friends, relatives or even parents? How should we as buddhists treat people who emotionally or sexually prefer members of the same sex? Will also start a thread some day to discuss this in detail.Originally posted by cycle:1) I think Buddhism is defintely agaisnt the marriages of the same sex, as the effects of undesirable sexual misconducts ( one of them including sexual relation between same sex) has shown us reasons not to adopt this lifestyle. Yes, as AEN mentioned, Buddha doesn't discriminate such marriages, but one should hv the wisdom to make the right choice after knowing the cause n effects of one's decisions in life.
Agree.Originally posted by cycle:2) I remember Ven master Xuan hua said that a mother who is a Buddhist is the best, as her children wld hv the chance to be introduced the Triple Gem by her.
I do agree marriage will not hinder a buddhist's practise of the dharmma, but for some, it will, due to many other reasons. Yes, of course, people who are not married, on the other hand, may have more leeway to satisy their urges and cravings of the flesh.Originally posted by cycle:There r also Buddhist couples n families that r great suppoters or sponsors of the Buddhism projects, or great helpers in promoting the Dharma. These r egs of the positive effects of a Buddhist marriage. So it doesn't mean that marriage will hinder a buddhist's practise.
Oh, n I think ppl who are not married don't mean they will not be subjected to lust n cravings.
Buddhist marrying Taoist, ok. Buddhist marrying free-thinker, ok. But Buddhist marrying a Muslim or Christian? Erms...to each his own interpretation and personal experience, it would seem. But generally, for Muslim brides, you must convert to become a Muslim husband. For Christian wives, you will have to endure both her gentle and assertive ways of trying to get you to believe in Christ. If you think you can still maintain the marriage without having to convert to Christianity eventually, then good for you.Originally posted by cycle:3) Of cos parnters of the same ideology or interlectual level may form a better union, it somewhat shaped a person's character as well. I've seen Buddhist marrying non-Buddhist, or one spouse becomes Buddhist later in the marriage; n usuaully the Buddhist spouse could accomodate n compromise the other. Buddhists usuaully could see, observe, be aware, whenever a problem pops up in such marraige, then think, understand, n solved. Non- attachment is important.
You have the best marriage and religious life most can only dream of.