Buddha's teachings: Curbing sexual desire
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Dhammapada Sutra, Chapter 9, Verse 2 - Curbing sexual desire
Once there was a monk by the name of Seyyasaka, who was not happy with the religious life and was in the habit of stimulating himself sexually.
When the Buddha heard about his, he admonished the monk to refrain from acts that would lead him farther away from the gaining of purity.
At the same time, the Buddha introduced the disciplinary rule for bhikkhus to abstain from such indulgence in sensual pleasure. He called them offices which require censure.
Then, the Buddha added, “This kind of act can lead to suffering.”
法å�¥ç»� – 第ä¹�å“�，第二å�¥
克制性欲
从å‰�有一个比丘å�«äºšæ²™å�¡ï¼Œä»–对出家修行的生活ä¸�满æ„�，并且有*è‡ªæ…°çš„ä¹ æƒ¯ã€‚
当佛陀知�他的行为时，告诫他���会导致他远离清净修�的行为。
ä½›é™€ä¹Ÿå› æ¤åˆ¶å®šæ¯”丘ä¸�å�¯æ²‰æººäºŽæ„Ÿå®˜äº«ä¹�的戒律。佛陀说这ç§�行为è¦�åŠ ä»¥è°´è´£ã€‚
[这�行为会使人产生苦痛。] 佛陀说。
自慰 (generally refers to masturbation)：自慰是用手抚弄自己的生殖器官满足性欲的自慰行为，也包括��于生殖器官的自我性刺激。通过手淫�以释放内心积�的性冲动的能�，以缓解性冲动的矛盾。
[性 å¦ å®¶ï¼šæ¯�月自慰1-2次，并ä¸�会有ç¢�å�¥åº·ã€‚
心ç�†å¦å®¶ï¼šè‡ªæ…°çš„å�±å®³å¹¶ä¸�在自慰本身，而是由于它引起的心ç�†è´Ÿæ‹…。
对待自慰的æ£ç¡®æ€�度：ä¸�以好奇去å°�试，ä¸�以å�‘生而懊æ�¼ã€‚]
http://health.sohu.com/39/13/hchblank17201339.shtml
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My views (本人��)
Although the above refrain about curbing sexual desire is explained from a monastic context, I personally think it can be applied to layman as well, where the same high awareness and prevention is required of us.
Regardless of whether you are a Buddhist or non-Buddhist, any thought or action that progressively increases your sexual desire and dependency, will not bring about long-term physical and emotional benefits for you (male or female).
Sexual stimulation of any kind (including masturbation) should not be encouraged or allowed, regardless of age, sex and sexual need.
Cos sexual stimulation essentially, ultimately, is a form of self-addiction. And addictions are easy to cultivate but extremely hard to wean off totally from.
What worries me most are the various and countless sexual messages or sexual heath advice dispensed through the mass media and medical professionals. It is not easy for everyone to discern what or which kind of advice is the most useful and beneficial in the long term to follow. This is especially true for young children and teens.
Hopefull one day someone (Buddhist or non-Buddhist) will be brave and compassionate enough to want to guide anyone, by sharing their own experiences of how they succeed in weaning off the habit. Even though this may or cannot be publicly disseminated at the end, but at least those affected should preferably be able to receive the full guidance of such recovered addicts. They are indeed the true real-life models for us all to follow, or at least carefully listen to.
虽然以上故事是以出家人为题，但本人认为在家人也须自我è¦æƒ•å’Œé˜²æ¢ã€‚毕竟ä¸�管是佛教或é�žä½›å®¶å¾’也好，凡是能增长性欲的ç§�ç§�想法与行为，都难以给我们（男或女）带æ�¥é•¿æœŸçš„身心利益。
寻求和满足å�„ç§�性幻想ã€�å†²åŠ¨ï¼Œè¿½æ ¹ç©¶åº•ä»�是“迷于自我”的毒瘾。而“瘾”本æ�¥å°±æ˜¯æ˜“养难戒的æ�¶ä¹ ，更谈ä¸�上说è¦�在çŸæœŸé—´æŠŠå®ƒä»Žèº«å¿ƒä¸æ ¹é™¤ã€‚
本人最担心的是，媒体与医å¦ç•Œæ‰€å�‘表的ç§�ç§�æ„�è§�或建议。大多数说，å�ªè¦�自慰时ä¸�至于å�‘ç”Ÿæ„Ÿåˆ°ç–¼ç—›çš„æƒ…å†µï¼Œåˆ™æ— å¦¨ç»§ç»ã€‚希望有曾ç»�走过这段路但已æˆ�功戒掉的人（佛教徒或é�žä½›æ•™å¾’），能愿现身å�šä¸ºå¹´è½»äººå’Œå…¶ä»–年龄ç‰äººçš„善知识ã€�良å�‹ã€�导师。（虽然ä¸�能公开，但å�¯ç§�地下与有自慰ç‰æ€§æ¬²ä¸Šçš„烦æ�¼çš„人分享迈å�‘å�¥åº·èº«å¿ƒçš„艰辛奋斗å�²ï¼Œä½œä¸ºè‰¯æ€§ã€�实际性的å�‚考与模范）
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i think sexual desire is meant for marraige. its something good if it is righteous.
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Originally posted by dumbdumb!:
i think sexual desire is meant for marraige. its something good if it is righteous.
Seriously, sexual desire in itself is not totally bad, but neither totally good. Sexual desire expressed in the context of marriage is considered by the society and Buddha to be legally, morally and health-wise, acceptable.
Have you heard of people with high sexual desire eventually splitting up with their spouses at some point in time in their marriage? (You can easily find statistics and real-life stories from people in Western countries, example: United States)
Why? Cos people with high sexual desire cannot be easily satisfied, although they can appear to be satisfied with their marriages and sex lives for quite some time to others.
The Law of Cause and effect states that people who commit adultery (I take this to mean extramarital sex at the moment) will experience general restlessness throughout their lives, and after their death, they may be reborn as animals like peacocks, mandarin ducks. They will eventually fall into hell. If they are reborn as humans, they will likely be subjected to sexual abuse or be deeply involved with the adult sex industry.
All the above can be directly lifted or inferred from Buddhist sutras. So I hope this helps to clear some doubts about the 'righteousness' of sexual desire from both secular and Buddhist perspective.
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Originally posted by Spnw07:
Dhammapada Sutra, Chapter 9, Verse 2 - Curbing sexual desire
Once there was a monk by the name of Seyyasaka, who was not happy with the religious life and was in the habit of stimulating himself sexually.
When the Buddha heard about his, he admonished the monk to refrain from acts that would lead him farther away from the gaining of purity.
At the same time, the Buddha introduced the disciplinary rule for bhikkhus to abstain from such indulgence in sensual pleasure. He called them offices which require censure.
Then, the Buddha added, “This kind of act can lead to suffering.”
法å�¥ç»� – 第ä¹�å“�，第二å�¥
克制性欲
从å‰�有一个比丘å�«äºšæ²™å�¡ï¼Œä»–对出家修行的生活ä¸�满æ„�，并且有*è‡ªæ…°çš„ä¹ æƒ¯ã€‚
当佛陀知�他的行为时，告诫他���会导致他远离清净修�的行为。
ä½›é™€ä¹Ÿå› æ¤åˆ¶å®šæ¯”丘ä¸�å�¯æ²‰æººäºŽæ„Ÿå®˜äº«ä¹�的戒律。佛陀说这ç§�行为è¦�åŠ ä»¥è°´è´£ã€‚
[这�行为会使人产生苦痛。] 佛陀说。
自慰 (generally refers to masturbation)：自慰是用手抚弄自己的生殖器官满足性欲的自慰行为，也包括��于生殖器官的自我性刺激。通过手淫�以释放内心积�的性冲动的能�，以缓解性冲动的矛盾。
[性 å¦ å®¶ï¼šæ¯�月自慰1-2次，并ä¸�会有ç¢�å�¥åº·ã€‚
心ç�†å¦å®¶ï¼šè‡ªæ…°çš„å�±å®³å¹¶ä¸�在自慰本身，而是由于它引起的心ç�†è´Ÿæ‹…。
对待自慰的æ£ç¡®æ€�度：ä¸�以好奇去å°�试，ä¸�以å�‘生而懊æ�¼ã€‚]
http://health.sohu.com/39/13/hchblank17201339.shtml
_______________________________________________________
My views (本人��)
Although the above refrain about curbing sexual desire is explained from a monastic context, I personally think it can be applied to layman as well, where the same high awareness and prevention is required of us.
Regardless of whether you are a Buddhist or non-Buddhist, any thought or action that progressively increases your sexual desire and dependency, will not bring about long-term physical and emotional benefits for you (male or female).
Sexual stimulation of any kind (including masturbation) should not be encouraged or allowed, regardless of age, sex and sexual need.
Cos sexual stimulation essentially, ultimately, is a form of self-addiction. And addictions are easy to cultivate but extremely hard to wean off totally from.
What worries me most are the various and countless sexual messages or sexual heath advice dispensed through the mass media and medical professionals. It is not easy for everyone to discern what or which kind of advice is the most useful and beneficial in the long term to follow. This is especially true for young children and teens.
Hopefull one day someone (Buddhist or non-Buddhist) will be brave and compassionate enough to want to guide anyone, by sharing their own experiences of how they succeed in weaning off the habit. Even though this may or cannot be publicly disseminated at the end, but at least those affected should preferably be able to receive the full guidance of such recovered addicts. They are indeed the true real-life models for us all to follow, or at least carefully listen to.
虽然以上故事是以出家人为题，但本人认为在家人也须自我è¦æƒ•å’Œé˜²æ¢ã€‚毕竟ä¸�管是佛教或é�žä½›å®¶å¾’也好，凡是能增长性欲的ç§�ç§�想法与行为，都难以给我们（男或女）带æ�¥é•¿æœŸçš„身心利益。
寻求和满足å�„ç§�性幻想ã€�å†²åŠ¨ï¼Œè¿½æ ¹ç©¶åº•ä»�是“迷于自我”的毒瘾。而“瘾”本æ�¥å°±æ˜¯æ˜“养难戒的æ�¶ä¹ ，更谈ä¸�上说è¦�在çŸæœŸé—´æŠŠå®ƒä»Žèº«å¿ƒä¸æ ¹é™¤ã€‚
本人最担心的是，媒体与医å¦ç•Œæ‰€å�‘表的ç§�ç§�æ„�è§�或建议。大多数说，å�ªè¦�自慰时ä¸�至于å�‘ç”Ÿæ„Ÿåˆ°ç–¼ç—›çš„æƒ…å†µï¼Œåˆ™æ— å¦¨ç»§ç»ã€‚希望有曾ç»�走过这段路但已æˆ�功戒掉的人（佛教徒或é�žä½›æ•™å¾’），能愿现身å�šä¸ºå¹´è½»äººå’Œå…¶ä»–年龄ç‰äººçš„善知识ã€�良å�‹ã€�导师。（虽然ä¸�能公开，但å�¯ç§�地下与有自慰ç‰æ€§æ¬²ä¸Šçš„烦æ�¼çš„人分享迈å�‘å�¥åº·èº«å¿ƒçš„艰辛奋斗å�²ï¼Œä½œä¸ºè‰¯æ€§ã€�实际性的å�‚考与模范）
Full sexual abstainance is not something that every lay person can do/are willing to do, so I do not think it is helpful to tell people to stop all sexual activities. All we can do is to discourage indulgance. We should also offer assistance and guidance to those struggling with such addictions. For monks it is a little different because they have taken the vow of complete celibacy, which is the complete abstainance of any sexual activities whatsoever.
What is important is inner cultivation and learning how to overcome sexual lust, and this requires years of practice using various Buddhism cultivation methods, but it can definitely work. It is said those who reach Anagami level have risen above the influences of sexual lust.
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Originally posted by An Eternal Now:
Full sexual abstainance is not something that every lay person can do, so I do not think it is helpful to tell people to stop all sexual activities. All we can do is to discourage indulgance. We should also offer assistance and guidance to those struggling with such addictions. For monks it is a little different because they have taken the vow of complete celibacy, which is the complete abstainance of any sexual activities whatsoever.
What is important is inner cultivation and learning how to overcome sexual lust, and this requires years of practice using various Buddhism cultivation methods, but it can definitely work. It is said those who reach Anagami level have risen above the influences of sexual lust.
Nope, full sexual abstinence is indeed possible, but like you have said, it takes time. But one needs to have the right amount of understanding and insight about the harmful effects of sexual desire in order to even want to start to learn how to overcome sexual lust. In other words, one needs to recognise that ultimately, sexual desire, of any kind, in any context, does not lead up to true and everlasting peace and happiness.
I am not trying to tell or demand any layman, Buddhist or not, to practise full sexual abstinence. I am actually trying to share with them what Buddha has said regarding the curbing of sexual desire. Only those who truly understand the nature and consequences of acts arising from sexual desire will seriously want to do something about it. The rest will just remain indifferent, cynical or critical.
For any kind of addicition or problem, you need someone or something to help you truly understand why you need to change. And when you start to change, you will also need to depend on the right understanding to help you stay motivated and focused on attaining the right change for your problem.
I absolutely agree we need to offer guidance and assistance to those suffering from any kind of addictions, and this means some real-life, face to face interaction is required. For without understanding his/her unique personality and living environment, it is difficult to guide them to understand and practise in accordance with their level of understanding and acceptance.
One of my dreams is to set up an addiction management centre that helps both Buddhists and non-Buddhists. For non-buddhists, we will make use of secular medical knowledge whereas for Buddhists, it will be a matter of using the right mix of secular and Buddhist practical knowledge to help them cope while enrolled under the treatment programme.
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I wonder what happened in the end for that monk. Did he mend his ways?
If he did not, did the Buddha order him to go back to secular life?
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Sex between spouses increases intimacy and strengthens emotional bonds. This is beneficial in promoting family life when the familiy is the basic unit/building blocks of society.
An unsatisfactory sex life between married couples is often a cause for the breakdown of marriages culminating in divorces, let alone total abstinence.
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Originally posted by Spnw07:
I wonder what happened in the end for that monk. Did he mend his ways?
If he did not, did the Buddha order him to go back to secular life?
I was told in the past that monks who masturbated will have to confess to (i think) the whole sangha.
You can imagine the embarrasment of that...
But you do not necessarily need to go back to secular life, unless its sexual intercourse, or perhaps repeat offence.
One of my dreams is to set up an addiction management centre that helps both Buddhists and non-Buddhists. For non-buddhists, we will make use of secular medical knowledge whereas for Buddhists, it will be a matter of using the right mix of secular and Buddhist practical knowledge to help them cope while enrolled under the treatment programme.
great.. hope your wish comes true :)
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Originally posted by <Precious>:
Sex between spouses increases intimacy and strengthens emotional bonds. This is beneficial in promoting family life when the familiy is the basic unit/building blocks of society.
An unsatisfactory sex life between married couples is often a cause for the breakdown of marriages culminating in divorces, let alone total abstinence.
Thats why if you are married then there must be a balance. Too much is no good for your relationship, but if you neglect your partner also no good.
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Even if guys abstain from sex and even masturbation altogether, there still will come a point when there will be too much semen produced by the body such that wet dreams will occur to clear stock ma........ then how?
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Originally posted by <Precious>:
Even if guys abstain from sex and even masturbation altogether, there still will come a point when there will be too much semen produced by the body such that wet dreams will occur to clear stock ma........ then how?
Then so be it.
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Originally posted by An Eternal Now:
I was told in the past that monks who masturbated will have to confess to (i think) the whole sangha.
You can imagine the embarrasment of that...
But you do not necessarily need to go back to secular life, unless its sexual intercourse, or perhaps repeat offence.
I think the Buddhist Vinaya is very good and is created in a way to guide monks to spiritual development, not just a 'punishment' or 'get rid of bad apple' system. If a monk made a mistake, instead of asking him to disrobe, I think it is good he is given more attention and help to overcome his problem through mental development. Of course, unless, the offence is too serious then disrobing may be the only choice.
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As I said before, remove the human brain, end of all sexual urges.
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Originally posted by Herzog_Zwei:
As I said before, remove the human brain, end of all sexual urges.
What is important is to get rid of the fundamental ignorance leading to dualistic attraction, aversion. Removing human brain does not remove ignorance. Ignorance can only be removed through wisdom/insight.
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Originally posted by <Precious>:
Sex between spouses increases intimacy and strengthens emotional bonds. This is beneficial in promoting family life when the familiy is the basic unit/building blocks of society.
An unsatisfactory sex life between married couples is often a cause for the breakdown of marriages culminating in divorces, let alone total abstinence.
When I use the word 'sex', I refer strictly to sexual intercourse, be oral, anal or you know what. Some say the word 'sex' can mean just kissing, or hugging, or just enjoying each other's company, which is up to individual interpretation.
As you have correctly pointed out, sexual desire, once cannot be satisfied, can lead to divorce. But it is also widely known that even as females now are more assertive when it comes to initiating sex with their partners but most would need some time to get sexually aroused and finally sexual satisfaction. Whereas for males, sexual arousal and urges are always there most of the time, so naturally not all wives would be able to fulfill a husband with excessive sexual desire.
However, the question is, what is considered excessive sexual desire? This is something no one can answer for certain until it causes marriages to break down, and then you realise probably your sexual desire is the one that brought you 'satisfaction', but yet gives you suffering as well. Well, of course, there are some who say, too bad he/she cannot/don't want to satisfy, I will go find another one...
Therefore it is through this personal observation, that I finally understand why the ultimate goal of any practitioner of Buddhism or anyone who wants to find true happiness and peace for himself and others, will eventually have to find a way to totally dissolve the hold that any kind of sexual desire has on them.
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Originally posted by An Eternal Now:
I was told in the past that monks who masturbated will have to confess to (i think) the whole sangha.
You can imagine the embarrasment of that...
But you do not necessarily need to go back to secular life, unless its sexual intercourse, or perhaps repeat offence.
great.. hope your wish comes true :)
I hope eventually that monk can totally curb his sexual desire, with the help of Buddha and fellow monks.
If it's sexual intercourse or repeat offence, and it means that he has to disrobe, surely it doesn't mean he cannot visit the Buddha or listen to his teachings anymore, right?
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Originally posted by Spnw07:
I hope eventually that monk can totally curb his sexual desire, with the help of Buddha and fellow monks.
If it's sexual intercourse or repeat offence, and it means that he has to disrobe, surely it doesn't mean he cannot visit the Buddha or listen to his teachings anymore, right?
Of course he still can visit and learn the teachings, as a lay.
I have personally never heard of Buddha 'discommunicating' lay students.
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What is important is to get rid of the fundamental ignorance leading to dualistic attraction, aversion. Removing human brain does not remove ignorance. Ignorance can only be removed through wisdom/insight.
Edited by An Eternal Now Jan 30, 2008 1:29amRemoving human brain is to end all sexual urges, take things one step at a time. Having wisdom is another matter altogether. -
there is a story in the sutta which say a young bhikku very dreamy when Buddha teaching of the attraction to Buddha radiant look
Buddha admonish him to go reflect ,he refuse, one day ,he went to the vihara after the alms ,Buddha deliberately didnt allow him to visit him to listen to the teaching
he went to a hilltop to cry, then Buddha appeared and ask him why is he attached to the looks of Buddha .the Bhikkhu was so happy that the Buddha appear in mid-air and he was instructed to sit down to listen to Buddha preaching on impermanence
after a few month at the vihara , he also attained arhatship
thats the only record i found that a Bhikkhu is able to eradicate attraction to forms to attain enlightenment
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Originally posted by Herzog_Zwei:
What is important is to get rid of the fundamental ignorance leading to dualistic attraction, aversion. Removing human brain does not remove ignorance. Ignorance can only be removed through wisdom/insight.
Edited by An Eternal Now Jan 30, 2008 1:29amRemoving human brain is to end all sexual urges, take things one step at a time. Having wisdom is another matter altogether.I think it is quite pointless, since the purpose is to gain wisdom... and is dangerous as well.
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Originally posted by An Eternal Now:
I think it is quite pointless, since the purpose is to gain wisdom... and is dangerous as well.
You are asking for something absolute mah.... -
It is of my personal opinion that the society is kinda too caught up with the idea or topic on 'sex', be it opposing the idea of sexual stimulation or being pro the idea.
there's a lot of other kind of excessiveness present in our society - there exist people who eats too much, who watch too much movies, etc. sex is just one of such excessiveness.
as for me, i don't believe that there is a need for layperson to stop their sexual activity or stimulation. all things when done in excess are harmful. while it's true that sexual stimulation leads to no long-term benefits, as long as it does not harm anyone or oneself, I see no bad in it.
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Originally posted by annoy-you-must:
It is of my personal opinion that the society is kinda too caught up with the idea or topic on 'sex', be it opposing the idea of sexual stimulation or being pro the idea.
there's a lot of other kind of excessiveness present in our society - there exist people who eats too much, who watch too much movies, etc. sex is just one of such excessiveness.
as for me, i don't believe that there is a need for layperson to stop their sexual activity or stimulation. all things when done in excess are harmful. while it's true that sexual stimulation leads to no long-term benefits, as long as it does not harm anyone or oneself, I see no bad in it.
In the context of lay people, what you said is ok.
For lay persons what we must observe is the 5 precepts, and for the 5 precepts we should never think in terms of "excessiveness" -- i.e. as long as I do not kill excessively, as long as I don't steal excessively, or don't lie excessively, it's fine. Or to have just a little bit of sexual misconduct... It is NOT fine.. so when we talk about 5 precepts, NO means NO. It is not a question of 'excessiveness'. Even to drink the point of intoxication is not right for a layperson who upholds 5 precepts -- you shouldn't reason yourself as being a "once in a long time occasion".
But when we talk about things like sex between two faithful partners, then it is a question of 'is it too much' and what is healthy.
Of course it is an eventuality that a practitioner can overcome the desire for sexual experience, but we should not emphasize sexual abstainance as a requirement especially for lay persons and those who have just begun to practice. Buddha never made it a requirement for lay persons, so we shouldn't. I do not see having a healthy sexual relation as being a major impediment to one's practice, unless one is obsessed about it.
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Originally posted by An Eternal Now:
In the context of lay people, what you said is ok.
For lay persons what we must observe is the 5 precepts, and for the 5 precepts we should never think in terms of "excessiveness" -- i.e. as long as I do not kill excessively, as long as I don't steal excessively, or don't lie excessively, it's fine. Or to have just a little bit of sexual misconduct... It is NOT fine.. so when we talk about 5 precepts, NO means NO. It is not a question of 'excessiveness'. Even to drink the point of intoxication is not right for a layperson who upholds 5 precepts -- you shouldn't reason yourself as being a "once in a long time occasion".
But when we talk about things like sex between two faithful partners, then it is a question of 'is it too much' and what is healthy.
Of course it is an eventuality that a practitioner can overcome the desire for sexual experience, but we should not emphasize sexual abstainance as a requirement especially for lay persons and those who have just begun to practice. Buddha never made it a requirement for lay persons, so we shouldn't. I do not see having a healthy sexual relation as being a major impediment to one's practice, unless one is obsessed about it.
Just to clarify, I am not trying to emphasise sexual abstience as a requirement for understanding or practising Buddhism in this post. I am trying to reason out what will ultimately be the most beneficial thing to do after having understood clearly and completely the pro and cons of sexual desire from both a personal/secular and Buddhist point of view.
The Shurangama sutra (楞严�) cautions us that sexual desire is the main karmic force that drives each being into samsaric deaths and births, be it whether it is healthy relationship or a personal obsession.
At first I didn't see, understand or agree with the need for sexual abstinence mentioned in th above sutra as I'm a layman Buddhist. Ii was when I came to understand more about my own sexual desires and continue to read or hear about how sexual desire in humans expressed in mass media affects all of us, in many important aspects of our lives.
Sexual dissatisfaction in a healthy man and wife relationship will lead to indifference at first, later affairs or worse divorce. (I have seen real-life examples from relatives, so I'm not trying to conjure anything from imagination or discussing for the fun of it)
Sexual dissatisfaction in casual sex partners will lead to each separating to search for more satisfying sex from other new faces.
This cycle will go on and on and will not stop, until their physical bodies can no longer function sexually.
So it is up to the individual Buddhist brother/sister to decide, if they are still single and have no girlfriends/boyfriends, and/or are pondering about whether to find a girlfriend, like me.
Well, unless you can tell me you can enter into a marriage without any sex at all (i strictly refer to normal kind of reproductive sex) throughout your entire life, then congrats! I see no problems at all. Actually I wish I can achieve that too. But I realise I still can't...haiz.
I apologise to anyone if my tone come across as imposing or over-bearing. I just want to share my experience with those Buddhist brothers or sisters who are at the moment, hesitating on starting a relationship.
For non-Buddhists, you are definitely free to have a normal man and wife relationship. For layman Buddhists, it is up to you to decide what you want, preferably after reading through the scriptures and the Shurangama sutra.
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Originally posted by Spnw07:
Just to clarify, I am not trying to emphasise sexual abstience as a requirement for understanding or practising Buddhism in this post. I am trying to reason out what will ultimately be the most beneficial thing to do after having understood clearly and completely the pro and cons of sexual desire from both a personal/secular and Buddhist point of view.
The Shurangama sutra (楞严�) cautions us that sexual desire is the main karmic force that drives each being into samsaric deaths and births, be it whether it is healthy relationship or a personal obsession.
At first I didn't see, understand or agree with the need for sexual abstinence mentioned in th above sutra as I'm a layman Buddhist. Ii was when I came to understand more about my own sexual desires and continue to read or hear about how sexual desire in humans expressed in mass media affects all of us, in many important aspects of our lives.
Sexual dissatisfaction in a healthy man and wife relationship will lead to indifference at first, later affairs or worse divorce. (I have seen real-life examples from relatives, so I'm not trying to conjure anything from imagination or discussing for the fun of it)
Sexual dissatisfaction in casual sex partners will lead to each separating to search for more satisfying sex from other new faces.
This cycle will go on and on and will not stop, until their physical bodies can no longer function sexually.
So it is up to the individual Buddhist brother/sister to decide, if they are still single and have no girlfriends/boyfriends, and/or are pondering about whether to find a girlfriend, like me.
Well, unless you can tell me you can enter into a marriage without any sex at all (i strictly refer to normal kind of reproductive sex) throughout your entire life, then congrats! I see no problems at all. Actually I wish I can achieve that too. But I realise I still can't...haiz.
I apologise to anyone if my tone come across as imposing or over-bearing. I just want to share my experience with those Buddhist brothers or sisters who are at the moment, hesitating on starting a relationship.
For non-Buddhists, you are definitely free to have a normal man and wife relationship. For layman Buddhists, it is up to you to decide what you want, preferably after reading through the scriptures and the Shurangama sutra.
Although sexual desire, and in fact more fundamentally dualistic attraction and aversion is behind samsaric birth and seeking, in my opinion it is not solved by mere sexual abstainance.
It is a matter of developing wisdom and insight such that the fundamental root cause of ignorance is dissolved.
In the meanwhile, I do not see (healthy) sexual activities as being any major obstacle to practice, as long as one doesn't do it excessively or becomes obsessed.
Of course if you find sexual lust as a distraction in your practice then maybe taking a vow of complete abstainance can be helpful, depending on circumstances. Complete sexual abstainance is good if you are willing, but not a 'must'.
If sexual lust has become so habituated that thoughts of lust arise often or even in your practice or meditation, then it is best to do contemplate on the impurities of the body and enter samadhi from there.