Everyone wants to be happy, but happiness cannot be achieved in isolation. The happiness of one depends upon the happiness of all and the happiness of all depends upon the happiness of all and the happiness of all depends upon the happiness of one. This is because all life is interdependent. In order to be happy, one needs to cultivate wholesome attitudes towards others in society and towards all sentient beings. The best way of cultivating wholesome attitudes are towards all sentient beings. The best way of cultivating wholesome attitudes towards all sentient beings is through meditation. Among the many topics of meditation taught by the Buddha, there are four specifically concerned with the cultivation of loving-kindness, compassion, appreciative joy and equanimity. These four are called the four immeasurable numbers of sentient beings, and because the wholesome karma produced through practicing them is immeasurable number of sentient beings, and because the wholesome karma produced through practicing them is immeasurable. The four are also called the sublime states of mind because they are like extraordinary states of mind of the gods. By cultivating the wholesome attitudes of loving-kindness, compassion, appreciative joy and equanimity, people can gradually remove ill will, cruelty, jealousy and desire. In this way, they can achieve happiness for themselves and others, now and in the future. The benefits in the future may come through rebirth in the fortunate realms.
(a) Loving-kindness.. Loving-kindness, the first immeasurable, is the wish that all sentient beings, without any exception, be happy. Loving-kindness counters ill will. The attitude of loving-kindness is like the feeling which a mother has for her newborn son. She wishes that he may enjoy good health, have good friends, be intelligent and successful in all that he attempts. In short, she wishes sincerely that he be happy. One may have the same attitude of loving-kindness for a particular friend or for others in one’s class, community or nation. In all these cases, one wishes that the person or persons concerned enjoy happiness. The extent of loving-kindness in the instances mentioned above is limited to those for whom one has some attachment or concern. The meditation on loving-kindness, however, requires on extending loving-kindness not only towards those whom one feels close to, but also to others whom one may know only slightly or not know at all. Finally, one’s loving-kindness is extended to all sentient beings in all the realms of existence. Then only does the ordinary wholesome attitude of loving-kindness found in daily life reach the state of the sublime or the immeasurable.
(a) Compassion.. Compassion, the second of the immeasurable, is the wish for all sentient beings to be free from suffering. It counters cruelty. People can observe the natural attitude of compassion in the world around them. When a mother, for example, sees her son seriously ill, she will naturally be moved by compassion and earnestly wishes that he may be free from suffering of his sickness. In the same way, most people have experienced the feeling of compassion upon seeing the suffering of a relative, a schoolmate or even a pet. All these are examples of the ordinary feeling of compassion. To become a sublime state of mind, compassion has to reach beyond the limited group of individuals, or beings whom one loves or cares for. Compassion has to be extended to all sentient beings in all the realms of existence before it becomes an immeasurable.
(b) Appreciative joy.. The third immeasurable is appreciative joy. It is the wholesome attitude of rejoicing in the happiness and virtues of all sentient beings. It counters jealousy and makes people less self-centred. People in their daily lives may experience appreciative joy. It is like a mother’s joy at her son’s success and happiness in life. In the same way, almost everyone will have at one time or another experienced the feeling of joy at the good fortune of a friend. These are the commonly experienced forms of appreciative joy. When one meditates on appreciative joy as a sublime state of mind and as an immeasurable.
(c) Equanimity- Equanimity, the last of the four immeasurable, is the attitude of regarding all sentient beings as equals, irrespective of their present relationship to oneself. The wholesome attitude of equanimity counters clinging and aversion. Equanimity can be experienced in common forms in daily life. When a grow-up son settles down with his own family, he begins to lead an independent life with responsibilities of his own. Although his mother still has her feelings of loving-kindness, compassion and appreciative joy towards him, they are now combined with a new feeling of equanimity. She recognizes his new independent and responsible position in life and does not cling to him. To become a sublime state of mind, however, the attitude of equanimity has to be extended to all sentient beings. In order to do this, one needs to remember that one’s particular relationships with one’s relatives, friends and even enemies, are the result of the previous karma. Thus one should not cling to relatives and friends while regarding others with indifference or hatred. Moreover, one’s relatives and friends in this life may have been one’s enemies in a past life and may again become enemies in the future, while one’s enemies in this life may well have been one’s relatives and friends in the past, and may again become one’s relatives and friends in the future, while one’s enemies in this life may well have been one’s relatives and friends in the past, and may again become one’s relatives and friends in the future.
All life is interdependent. Therefore the happiness of one individual depends upon that of others. The Buddha taught the four immeasurable- loving-kindness, compassion, appreciative joy and equanimity – in order to remove ill will, cruelty, jealously, clinging and aversion. In meditation, the four immeasurable are extended to all sentient beings. Through cultivating the four immeasurable, people can achieve happiness no and in the future.
Teachings on Love…
The first aspect of true love is maître, the intention and capacity to offer joy and happiness. To develop that capacity, we have to practice looking and listening deeply so that we know what to do and what not to do to make others happy. If you offer your beloved something she does not need, that is not maître. You have to see her real situation of what you offer might bring her unhappiness. In Southeast Asia, many people are extremely fond of a large thorny fruit called durian. You could even say that they are addicted to it. Its smell is extremely strong, and when some people finish eating the fruit, they put the skin under their bed so that they can continue to smell it. To me, the smell of durian is horrible. One day when I was practicing chanting in my temple in Vietnam, there was a durian on the altar that had been offered to the Buddha. I was trying to recite the Lotus Sutra, using a wooden drum and a large bowl-shaped bell for accompaniment, but I could not concentrate at all. I finally carried the bell to the alter and turned it upside down to imprison the durian, so I could chant the sutra. After I finished, I bowed to the Buddha and liberated the durian. If you were to say to me, “ I love you so much I would like you to eat some of this durian,’’ I would suffer. You love me, you want me to be happy, but you force me to eat durian. That is an example of love without understanding. Without understanding, your love is not true love. You must look deeply in order to see and understand the needs, aspirations and suffering of the one you love. We all need love. Love brings us joy and well-being. It is as natural as the air. We are loved by the air; We need fresh air to be happy and well. We are loved by trees. We need trees to be healthy. In order to be loved, we have to love, which means we have to understand. For our love to continue, we have to take the appropriate action or non-action to protect the air, the trees, and our beloved. Maitri can be translated as ‘love’ or loving kindness.’ Some Buddhist teachers prefer ‘loving-kindness, as they find the word love too dangerous. But I prefer the word ‘Love.’ Words sometimes get sick and we have to heal them. We have been using the word ‘Love’ to mean appetite or desire, as in ‘I love hamburgers.’ We have to use language more carefully. ‘Love’ is a beautiful word; we have to restore its meaning. The Word maître has roots in the word mitra which means friend. In Buddhism, the primary meaning of love is friendship. We all have the seeds of love in us. We can develop this wonderful source of energy, nurturing the unconditional love that does not expect anything in return. When we understand someone deeply, even someone who has done us harm, we cannot resist loving him or her. Shakyamuni Buddha declared that the Buddha of the next aeon will be named ‘Maitreya, the Buddha of Love.’
Compassion (Karuna) The second aspects of true love is Karuna, the intention and capacity to relieve and transform suffering and lighten sorrows. Karuna is usually translated as ‘compassion’, but that is not exactly correct. ‘ Compassion is composed of com (‘together with’) and passion (‘ to suffer’). But we do not need to suffer to remove suffering from another person. Doctors, for instance, can relieve their patients’ suffering without experiencing the same disease in themselves. If we suffer too much, we may be crushed and unable to help. Still, until we find a better word, let us use ‘ compassion’ to translate karuna. To develop compassion in ourselves, we need to practice mindful breathing, deep listening, and deep looking. The Lotus Sutra describes Avalokiteshvara as the Bodhisattva who practices ‘ looking with the eyes of compassion and listening deeply to the cries of the world.’ Compassion contains deep concern. You know the other person is suffering, so you sit close to her. You look and listen deeply to her to be able to touch her pain. You are in deep communication, deep communion with her, and that alone brings some relief. One compassionate word, action, or thought can reduce another person’s suffering and bring him joy. One word can give comfort and confidence, destroy doubt, help someone avoid a mistake, reconcile a conflict, or open the door to liberation. One action can save a person’s life or help him to take advantage of a rare opportunity. One thought can do the same, because thoughts always lead to words and actions. With compassion in our heart, every thought, word and deed can bring about a miracle. When I was a novice, I could not understand why, if the world is filled with suffering, the Buddha has such a beautiful smile. Why isn’t he disturbed by all the suffering? Later I discovered that Buddha has enough understanding, calm and strength; that is why suffering does not overwhelm him. He is able to smile at suffering, but retain our clarity, calmness, and strength, so we can help transform the situation. The ocean of tears cannot drown us if Karuna is there. That is why the Buddha’s smile is possible. :)
Joy ( Mudita ).. The third element of true love is mudita, joy. True joy always bring joy to ourselves and to the one we love. If our love does not bring joy to both of us, it is not true love. Commentators explain that happiness relates to both body and mind, whereas joy relates primarily to mind. This example is often given: Someone travelling in the desert sees a stream of cool water and experiences joy. On drinking the water, he experiences happiness. ‘Ditthadhamma sukhavihari’ means ‘dwelling happily in the present moment.’ We don’t rush to the future; we know that everything is here in the present moment. Many small things can bring us tremendous joy, such as the awareness that we have eyes in good condition. We just have to open our eyes and we can see the blue sky, the violet flowers, the children, the trees, and so many other kinds of forms and colours. Dwelling in mindfulness, we can touch these wondrous and refreshing things, and our mind arises naturally. Joy contains happiness and happiness contains joy. Some commentators have said that mudita means ‘sympathetic joy’ or altruistic joy’, the happiness we feel when others are happy. But that is too limited. It discriminates between self and others. A deeper definition of mudita is a joy that is filled with peace and contentment. We rejoice when we see others happy, but we rejoice in our own well-being as well. How can we feel joy for another person when we do not feel joy for ourselves? Joy is for everyone.
Equanimity ( Upeksha ) The fourth element of true love is upeksha, which means equanimity, non-attachment, non-discrimination, even-mindedness, or letting go. ‘Upa’ means ‘over’, and ‘iksh’ means ‘to look’. You climb the mountain to be able to look over the whole situation, not bound by one side or the other. If your love has attachment, discrimination, prejudice, or clinging in it, it is not true love. People who do not understand Buddhism sometimes think upeksha means indifference, but true equanimity is neither cold nor indifferent. If you have more than one child, they are all your children. Upeksha does not mean that you don’t love. You love in a way that all your children receive your love, without discrimination. Upeksha has the mark called samatajnana, ‘ the wisdom of equality,’ the ability to see everyone as equal, not discriminating between ourselves and others. As long as we see ourselves as the one who loves and the other as who is loved, as long as we value ourselves more than others or see ourselves as different from others, we do not have true equanimity. As long as we see ourselves more than others or see ourselves as different from others, we do not have true equanimity. We have to put ourselves ‘into the other person’s skin’ and become one with him if we want to understand and truly love him. When this happens, there is no ‘self’ and no ‘other’. Without upeksha, your love may become possessive. A summer breeze can be very refreshing; but if we try to put it in a tin can so we can have it entirely for ourselves, the breeze will die. Our beloved is the same. He is like a cloud, a breeze, a flower. If you imprison him in a tin can, he will die. Yet many people do just that. They rob their loved one of his liberty, until he can no longer be himself. They live to satisfy themselves and use their loved one to help them fulfill that. That is not loving; it is destroying. You say you love him, but if you do not understand his aspirations, his needs, his difficulties, he is in a prison called love. True love allows you to preserve your freedom and freedom of your beloved. That is Upeksha. For love to be true love, it must contain compassion, joy, and equanimity. For compassion to be true compassion, it has to have love, joy, and equanimity in it. True joy has to contain love, compassion, and equanimity. And true equanimity has to have love, compassion, and joy in it. This is the inter-being nature of the four immeasurable minds. When the Buddha told the Brahman man to practice the four immeasurable minds, he was offering all of us a very important teaching. But we must look deeply and practice them for ourselves to bring these four aspects of love into our own lives and into the lives of those we love.
By Thich Nhat Hanh