Betrayal

• Renunciation04

  3 May 08, 22:57

  If I understand correctly, anger creates negative karma. How should we contain our fustration if we keep getting betrayed/ manipulated/swindled? How do we apply Buddhsim in this aspect?

• An Eternal Now

  3 May 08, 23:55

   

  Maybe you can give some examples of in what way are you betrayed/manipulated/swindled? Or is it personal...
  

  
  

  Some excerpts from http://buddhism.kalachakranet.org/anger.html
  

  
  

  PATIENCE - THE MAIN ANTIDOTE

  Patience is the main antidote to anger. As common wisdom says: just count to 100... During this time, any of the below methods can be effective. The most effective method will depend on the actual situation. Especially in our age of rush and intense change, patience may not be seen as a positive quality, but take a minute to think impatience can easily give rise to a general feeling of anger.

  Patience is like a beautiful ornament. When you become a person with great patience, it brings a certain element of charm to your life. You are loved by others, and you give no problems to your friends. You bring an element of joy, happiness, and calmness to other people's lives - your friends, your family, and the community. You do not have to ask to be accepted; everyone longs for your presence. Everyone looks up to you and respects you, not because you have worked for that or expected it, not because you were competing for their favor, but simply because of the nature of patience. You are respected and trusted, and you acquire dignity with the practice of patience. When you are honored, it is with sincerity, and it is something you can live up to.

  ...Just hearing about patience does not mean you are experiencing it now or will easily develop it. To lay the ground for training the mind, you must first tame the mind. To tame the mind, it is extremely important to do the basic shamata [tranquility meditation, calm abiding] practice, which develops calmness and tranquility. Then you can add the practice of patience, understanding the benefits of patience and reminding yourself to take advantage of the available antidotes.
  From Dharma Paths by Ven. Khenpo Karthar Rinpoche

  HANDLING ANGER - APPLYING ANTIDOTES

  Below is a summary of various approaches to anger. They obviously will be most efficient when used with a calm and concentrated mind, either during meditation or at the moment you realize that something needs to be done about your anger. Obviously, the problem during an actual difficult situation is to have a calm and concentrated mind - a regular meditation practice can be of great help then! One of the best ways to really make progress with understanding and changing the functioning of our own mind is to try out analytical meditation, combined with these clues, see also Meditation on Anger.

  ANTIDOTE 1 - Patience.
  Patience is the main antidote to anger. As common wisdom says: just count to 100... During this time, any of the below methods can be effective. The most effective method will depend on the actual situation. Especially in our age of rush and intense change, patience may not be seen as a positive quality, but take a minute to think impatience can easily give rise to a general feeling of anger.

  ANTIDOTE 2 - Realisation of the Noble Truth of Suffering.
  Once one understands that problems and frustration is a basic fact of life, it can reduce our impatience with our own unrealistic expectations. In other words: nothing is perfect, so don't expect it.
  Because of my belief that things are or can be perfect, it is easy to feel hurt.

  ANTIDOTE 3 - Understanding Karma.
  As explained in the page on Karma, the real reasons for our problems are our own actions, which are in turn caused by our own negative states of mind. If someone makes us angry, it has a sobering effect if we dare to think that the real reasons for this situation are our own past actions, and the person is just a circumstance for our own karma to ripen.

  ANTIDOTE 4 - Changing or Accepting.
  Basically, we can find ourselves in two types of unpleasant situations: ones we can change and ones we cannot change.
  - If I can change the situation, I should do something about it instead of getting all worked-up and angry. Not acting in such a situation will cause frustration in the end.
  - If I cannot change the situation, I will have to accept it. If I don't, it will only lead to frustration and a negative and unpleasant state of mind, which will make the situation only worse.
  For some reasons unclear to me, Westerners (including myself) appear to have big problems with accepting unpleasant situations which we cannot change. Could this be a result of impatience (a form of anger) with imperfection (an unrealistic expectation)?
  Do consider the wisdom in the following remarks (from an online discussion - forgot the writer.):

  "How does this effect my Buddhist practice?
  It doesn't.
  These reported events are like an arrow shot at my heart but it lands at my feet.
  I choose not to bend over, pick it up, and stab myself with it."

  ANTIDOTE 5 - Realistic Analysis.
  For example: someone accuses me of something.
  - If it is true, I apparently made a mistake, so I should listen and learn.
  - If it is untrue, the other person makes a mistake. So what? Nobody is perfect. I also make mistakes, and it is all too easy to label the other as "enemy", in which case a helpful discussion or forgiving becomes difficult.
  It may also be worthwhile searching for the real underlying reason of the problem. Of special importance is to evaluate one's own role in the situation: my own fears, insecurity, being very unfriendly, or not being blameless (like leaving home much too late for an appointment and blaming the 5 minutes delay of the train).

  ANTIDOTE - Realisation of Emptiness.
  See the page on Wisdom. To summarise it briefly, if one deeply realises the emptiness of inherent existence or interdependence of the other person, the situation and oneself, there is nothing to be angry about. The realisation of emptiness is therefore the ultimate means of ridding oneself of unrealistic negative emotions like anger.

  ANTIDOTE 7 - Equanimity.
  Equanimity means that one realises the basic equality of all sentient beings; others want happiness, just like I do. Others make mistakes just like I do. Others are confused, angry, attached just like I often am. Is the other person happy in this situation, or just struggling like I am?

  ANTIDOTE 8 - Openness
  Be prepared to be open for the motivation of others to do what causes you problems. Talking it over and being prepared to listen can suddenly make a problem acceptable.
  Did you ever notice the difference when a plane or train has much delay and nobody gives any reasons for it? People very quickly become irritated and hostile. Then when the driver or pilot explains there is a technical defect or an accident, suddenly waiting becomes easier.

  ANTIDOTE 9 - Relativity.
  Ask yourself if this situation is actually important enough to spoil your own and other people's mood. Is this problem worth getting upset in a life where death can hit me at any moment?

  ANTIDOTE 10 - Change Your Motivation.
  In case a situation is really unacceptable, and another person needs to convinced that something is to be done or changed, there is no need to become upset and angry. It is likely much more efficient if you show of understanding and try to make the other understand the need for change. If one needs to appear angry for some reason to convince the other person of the seriousness of the situation, one can think like a parent acting wrathful to prevent the child from harming itself.
  In general, to be really effective one needs to reflect on quite a number of aspects in one's own mind like; forgiveness, peace of mind, fears, self-acceptance (no acceptance of others is really possible without self-acceptance), habits, prejudices etc. A list of aspects to start with is given in the page about the mind, under the 26 non-virtuous mental factors.

  ANTIDOTE 11 - Watch Your Hands.
  An interesting suggestion from Jon Kabat-Zinn, from 'Wherever You Go, There You Are':

  "All our hand postures are mudras in that they are associated with subtle or not-so-subtle energies. Take the energy of the fist, for instance. When we get angry, our hands tend to close into fists. Some people unknowingly practice this mudra a lot in their lives. It waters the seeds of anger and violence within you ever time you do it, and they respond by sprouting and growing stronger.
  The next time you find yourself making fists out of anger, try to bring mindfulness to the inner attitude embodied in a fist. Feel the tension, the hatred, the anger, the aggression, and the fear which it contains. Then, in the midst of your anger, as an experiment, if the person you are angry at is present, try opening your fists and placing the palms together over your heart in the prayer position right in front of him. (Of course, he won't have the slightest idea what you are doing.) Notice what happens to the anger and hurt as you hold this position for even a few moments."

  ANTIDOTE 12 - Meditation.
  Last, but certainly not least, meditation can be the ultimate cure to completely eliminating anger from your mind. In the beginning, one can do analytical meditations (like this meditation on anger), but also meditation on compassion, love and forgiving reduce anger as well. Ultimately, the realization of emptiness eradicates all delusions like anger.

• An Eternal Now

  4 May 08, 00:38

  Just posted this in another topic:

  Just now some thoughts arose and an emotion arose due to the arising of the egoic mind...  immediately that was recognised (so mindfulness is very important) and released, and I could actually feel the tension in my chest area being released. Taking persons, situations and events in an impersonal manner feels really liberating! :D (btw does anyone have trouble viewing the list of emoticons on sgforums?)

  -----------

  I think the key here is maintaining a mindful awareness (so that no thoughts, feelings and perceptions go unnoticed), and practice dropping the self, the attachment to all thoughts and perceptions moment to moment... and remain calm and thoughtless as far as possible. Be the space that allows whatever things or person to appear in, rather than (the thought of being a) 'person' facing lots of other 'persons'. My dharma teacher would give the example of people throwing arrows into empty space, whatever shoots up will only return to the ground because there is no where to land and so nothing can affect that space. This is easier said than done because of our ingrained tendency to react negatively to events and 'personalize' situations. But it can be done through gradual practice.

  When we practice long enough we'll realise that the cause of anger or any emotion is not due to a person or an external event... but due to the ignorance of the "I"-thought.. giving rise to "personalization" of events -- i.e. thoughts "I am betrayed by him!" When this 'personalization' is dropped, there is an inner OK-ness with everything, but actions can still be done in this state to prevent further 'manipulation, betrayal, swindled.'

• sofital

  4 May 08, 00:47

  There are 8 persons to avoid betrayal of benefactors. If one commit one of them,  one is sure to go hell after pass away.

  1) Buddha

  2) Arahart(Ariya)

  3) Monk who has kept the Buddha rules and disciplines (Sangha)

  4) Father

  4) Mather

  5) Relative of elder person

  5) Teacher

  6)  One who save your life

  7) One who support to your wealth

  8) One who preaches the good things

   

• sofital

  4 May 08, 00:47

  There are 8 persons to avoid betrayal of benefactors. If one commit one of them,  one is sure to go hell after pass away.

  1) Buddha

  2) Arahart(Ariya)

  3) Monk who has kept the Buddha rules and disciplines (Sangha)

  4) Father

  4) Mather

  5) Relative of elder person

  5) Teacher

  6)  One who save your life

  7) One who support to your wealth

  8) One who preaches the good things

   

• Renunciation04

  4 May 08, 21:13

  Dear both, thanks for the advice. But how do we exactly deal with unfaithfulness in marriage? How should we apply Buddhism? Dissolving the marriage is not an option...

  Theoretically, I know that lots of good deeds must be done to redeem the sins. But it's frustrating that there's no end in sight to this agony - and I have to suffer for bad things I have unknowingly committed in the past.

  People around me see me as obliging and patient. Sometimes, I feel that I am too forgiving. But if we don't forgive, how do we move on in life?

  Seeking explanation from the other party... all my requests for an explantion have fallen onto deaf ears...

  Can't wait to get out from this cycle of suffering...

   

• jinsei

  4 May 08, 21:43

  Originally posted by Renunciation04:

  Dear both, thanks for the advice. But how do we exactly deal with unfaithfulness in marriage? How should we apply Buddhism? Dissolving the marriage is not an option...

  Theoretically, I know that lots of good deeds must be done to redeem the sins. But it's frustrating that there's no end in sight to this agony - and I have to suffer for bad things I have unknowingly committed in the past.

  People around me see me as obliging and patient. Sometimes, I feel that I am too forgiving. But if we don't forgive, how do we move on in life?

  Seeking explanation from the other party... all my requests for an explantion have fallen onto deaf ears...

  Can't wait to get out from this cycle of suffering...

   

  My Buddhist knowledge is quite limited here; I thought maybe we should keep our minds open to all available options and not get attached a certain position?

   

• Isis

  4 May 08, 22:53

  Originally posted by Renunciation04:

  Dear both, thanks for the advice. But how do we exactly deal with unfaithfulness in marriage? How should we apply Buddhism? Dissolving the marriage is not an option...

  Seek advice from a venerable?

  Seek marriage counselling to work out the differences if both parties are willing?

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• Renunciation04

  4 May 08, 23:10

  Thanks to all who have replied.

  Guess ultimately, it all boils down to attachment.

  Came across this contribution about chanting the Goddess of Mercy's name during time of crisis. Hope it helps...

• An Eternal Now

  5 May 08, 02:11

  If you do not wish to dissolve the relationship then continue to treat him/her nicely... hopefully if you treat him/her nicely then he/she would not want to 'betray' or 'manipulate' you. Don't get into heated arguments as these will only make the relationship worse. Then see how it goes from there.

• Forrest_Gump

  5 May 08, 17:11

  HI guys does this mean betrayal?

  I have a friend who has a teacher who saved his life and is his teacher,  recently somethings happened and I heard that his teacher was doing somethings incorrectly and said something bad behind his back.

   

  He sort of like talked bad things with other disciples and the other disciples also talked not nice things.

  He also said some confidential things about my teacher to another person.

  Does this mean betrayal?

   

   

• An Eternal Now

  5 May 08, 18:43

  Originally posted by Forrest_Gump:

  HI guys does this mean betrayal?

  I have a friend who has a teacher who saved his life and is his teacher,  recently somethings happened and I heard that his teacher was doing somethings incorrectly and said something bad behind his back.

   

  He sort of like talked bad things with other disciples and the other disciples also talked not nice things.

  He also said some confidential things about my teacher to another person.

  Does this mean betrayal?

   

  Here's what the Buddha said:

  http://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitaka/dn/dn.31.0.ksw0.html

  15. "Young man, be aware of these four enemies disguised as friends: the taker, the talker, the flatterer, and the reckless companion.

  16. "The taker can be identified by four things: by only taking, asking for a lot while giving little, performing duty out of fear, and offering service in order to gain something.

  17. "The talker can be identified by four things: by reminding of past generosity, promising future generosity, mouthing empty words of kindness, and protesting personal misfortune when called on to help.

  18. "The flatterer can be identified by four things: by supporting both bad and good behavior indiscriminately, praising you to your face, and putting you down behind your back.

  19. "The reckless companion can be identified by four things: by accompanying you in drinking, roaming around at night, partying, and gambling."

  That is what the Buddha said.

  20. Summing up in verse, the sublime teacher said:

  "The friend who is all take,
  The friend of empty words,
  The friend full of flattery,
  And the reckless friend;
  
  These four are not friends, but enemies;
  The wise understand this
  And keep them at a distance
  As they would a dangerous path."
  

  21. "Young man, be aware of these four good-hearted friends: the helper, the friend who endures in good times and bad, the mentor, and the compassionate friend.

  22. "The helper can be identified by four things: by protecting you when you are vulnerable, and likewise your wealth, being a refuge when you are afraid, and in various tasks providing double what is requested.

  23. "The enduring friend can be identified by four things: by telling you secrets, guarding your own secrets closely, not abandoning you in misfortune, and even dying for you.

  24. "The mentor can be identified by four things: by restraining you from wrongdoing, guiding you towards good actions, telling you what you ought to know, and showing you the path to heaven.

  25. "The compassionate friend can be identified by four things: by not rejoicing in your misfortune, delighting in your good fortune, preventing others from speaking ill of you, and encouraging others who praise your good qualities."

  That is what the Buddha said.

  26. Summing up in verse, the sublime teacher said:

  "The friend who is a helper,
  The friend through thick and thin,
  The friend who gives good counsel,
  And the compassionate friend;
  
  These four are friends indeed,
  The wise understand this
  And attend on them carefully,
  Like a mother her own child.
  
  The wise endowed with virtue
  Shine forth like a burning fire,
  Gathering wealth as bees do honey
  And heaping it up like an ant hill.
  Once wealth is accumulated,
  Family and household life may follow.
  
  By dividing wealth into four parts,
  True friendships are bound;
  One part should be enjoyed;
  Two parts invested in business;
  And the fourth set aside
  Against future misfortunes."
  

   

• JitKiat

  6 May 08, 07:49

  Source: ��法师

   

  �娘的故事
  

  目�的社会，婚姻的�化是很普�的，很多人都因为自己的先生或者太太喜欢上别人，甚至离开了家庭感觉到很痛苦，内心很�甘愿。
  
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  　　那个孩�一直到长大�人，都认为�娘就是他的亲生�亲，他甚至�敢相信，那��姨�是自己的亲生妈妈。���娘的先生还把�姨带回�家里�，�娘也一直对他们很好，甚至她还帮�姨�月�，从��曾说一��欢喜或者生气的�。那��姨��得了一场病，�过开脑的手术以���了�物人，一直倒在床上，�多年都��人事，�娘还去看她，牵�她的手，这��姨虽然在��迷中，但也一直�眼泪，�娘还很慈悲为她念佛，心中都没有怨�。
  
  　　跪乳报�的�羊
  
  　　�姨的孩�是一个很优秀�有善根，而且很�顺的人。他�但用心照顾���物人的妈妈，而且很�顺带他长大的�娘。有一次我亲眼看到一幕，使我�常感动，那个孩�是已�在学校当�师，因为�事们的推�，他领了�湾�「�大�行奖�，他领奖之�就回�跪在�娘的身边，把奖�给�娘说：「这一切都是您给我的，我今天领了这个奖，还有奖金，一定�拿回�给您�。那个奖是用铜�的，一���的羊跪在羊妈妈的身边�奶，我在�边看�那个孩�跪在那里��娘感�，�娘拿�念�一直念佛，笑得很慈祥，她的�容就是活��的�容，我看得一直掉眼泪，感觉到世间真实无�的慈悲和佛心是最相应的。这是何等的念佛人，�以念出这�清净无�的心怀�实在讲，没有怨��内心清净快�，也是过一生；很生气埋怨到死也是过一生。�选择那一�生活，就看我们的智慧和�报了。
  
  　　我和烦�，较�相应�（�念旧�，�憎�人）
  
  　　�娘的先生，���了�也病了。当病�的时候，还是回到�娘的身边，接��娘和女儿的照顾；�娘真是慈悲，她全然以平常心，无怨无尤地照顾背�她多年的「浪��，既无求于情感之弥补，也无幸��祸，更无报�怨�。她说：「我和烦�，较�相应�，笑得洋溢出念佛人的清净智慧。八大人觉�说：「��布施，等念怨�亲，�念旧�，�憎�人。��娘没上学，没读过这本�，�很自然地�到了。〈注：等念怨亲，是平等护念「怨家�和「亲人�。〉
  
  　　终于感动他回头念佛—å¿�悔：「我这辈å­�全错了ï¼�ã€�
  
  　　�娘的先生在七�几�快�往生之�，他自己��一生，就去��娘说出他的�悔。他跟�娘说：「我这一辈�完全错了，我真对�起你。�他�悔：「我这一世人拢�对了了啊�（�语）��娘�了�是很平�地笑笑说：「啊�说这些�什么呢？�，�娘的心真是开阔，完全没有什么�平�没有什么�甘愿�没有任何怨言，她很平�地接�先生的�悔。这是何等的念佛人，�以念出慈悲，没有怨尤的心怀�她的先生�去阿弥陀佛的���露，说出自己的�对，请求阿弥陀佛慈悲原谅，接引他去西方��世界，就在他挚诚�露之�，念佛念�到几分钟，就很清楚明白地往生西方��世界。去为他助念的人说：「我们亲眼看到他由那张床，自己�到这张美容床，差�多�五分钟就清清楚楚念佛往生了。�
  
  　　佛太了解「错误百出的我们�，大慈接引，终��弃
  
  　　大慈大悲阿弥陀佛太了解我们凡夫是错误百出的，常常都是「归世人ä¸�对了了（å�°è¯­ï¼‰ã€�—一辈å­�都错了。佛给我们最å�Žä¸´ç»ˆçœŸè¯šå›žå¿ƒå¿�悔的机会—临终å�‡å¦‚å�¯ä»¥å¿�悔，念å��声阿弥陀佛，真正å�‘心想è¦�去西方æž�ä¹�世界，阿弥陀佛也ä¸�会èˆ�弃，一样会æ�¥æŽ¥å¼•æˆ‘们；就怕我们一å�‘都放纵自己的感情和个性，总认为自己是对的，ä¸�知é�“回头å¿�悔念佛。
  
  　　阿弥陀佛帮我“顾æ�¡æ�¡”—æ‘„å�–ä¸�èˆ�
  
  　　有一次è€�娘生病行动ä¸�便，我去探望她，她笑得很å�¯çˆ±ï¼Œå�ˆæ»¡è¶³å�ˆå……满信心告诉我说：「阿弥陀佛在我的嘴，阿弥陀佛在我的心ã€�，她用å�°è¯­è¯´ï¼šã€Œé˜¿å¼¥é™€ä½›å¸®æˆ‘顾æ�¡æ�¡ã€‚ã€�（å�°éŸ³ã€Œé¡¾æ�¡æ�¡ã€�，原æ„�是「顾得紧紧的ã€�。）我以音会义，别解「顾æ�¡æ�¡ã€�—也就是æ¯�一æ�¡éƒ½ç…§é¡¾ï¼Œä¸�论大æ�¡å°�æ�¡ï¼Œæ²¡æœ‰ä¸€æ�¡ç…§é¡¾ä¸�到，这正是阿弥陀佛对我们的照顾。å�ªæœ‰å¾ˆè€�实ã€�亲切念佛的人æ‰�å�¯ä»¥ä½“会到阿弥陀佛真是帮我们「顾æ�¡æ�¡ã€�。她体会到了观无é‡�寿佛ç»�çš„ç»�义：佛一一光明，é��照念佛众生，「摄å�–ä¸�èˆ�ã€�。
  
  　　�娘�天大清早都�用自己�的花去供养佛，她说用自己�的花去供养佛，抬头一看，佛都笑咪咪的。
  
  　　阿弥å�ƒä½›å¸®æˆ‘顾æ�¡æ�¡—ç�«ç�¾ä¹Ÿä¼šç†„
  
  　　�娘的女儿，是慈济功德会委员。有一次，她到花莲开会，留�娘和一�基�教女�在家。忽然间，�娘接到女儿由花莲打�的电�，请�娘快到楼上的佛堂看一看。�娘莫�其妙，�知所以然，但也上楼去看。一看��一跳，佛桌的脚，和部份桌�都烧焦了，��曾�过相当大的�，�则那�木料是�易燃�的。仔细看，原��起自佛桌下字纸篓内，未全熄的�柴。而����议的是，那�烧到佛��，自动全熄了。那�景象，�但�娘感�而泣，顶礼感谢佛�，连基�教的女�也惊异交加，情�自�跪下�拜佛，�下眼泪。�娘告诉我这件事，还是感�：
  
  　　「阿弥陀佛真的都帮我顾����
  
  　　�则，她在家�上��，也�知怎么办，她说：「念佛实在有够好�阿弥陀佛足好��（�语）
  
  　　她的女儿自己也�知�，为什么在花莲拜佛开会间，会忽然很急去打那电�，�能说：「感应�交难�议���
  
  　　当我们的心真正放下度化众生，放在念佛，自己的事就真的�用�心，阿弥陀佛会「顾����
  
  　　救山救海，�护地�
  
  　　�娘已�八�二�了，她�天还�以煮很好�的�，供养�一�有缘�到她家的人。她还很热心�环�，八�二�的�人家�惜辛苦亲自去�，也领导大家�垃圾的分类。她的女儿告诉她说：「�娘你救山救海��护地�，功德很大�。�娘就开玩笑说：「你们都一直这样夸奖我，让我一直��完，也��累。�
  
  　　争赢的—赢得日å�Žè‹¦æžœ
  
  　　让人的—自得æž�ä¹�佛果
  
  　　有些表�上很平凡的人，内心�有�平凡的修养和功夫。一般人放�下�必需�计较的，她能放得下，�以让人；一般人�得很痛苦的，她很平��自在。一般人都喜欢相争，希望争�胜利赢一�气；事实上仔细观察，争赢的人并没有得到什么，除了得到�好的因果和日�的痛苦之外，实在没有什么�得啊�而看起�傻傻让给别人�输给别人的人，其实也没有失去什么；相�地，她（他）得到自在开阔的心，和佛性的慈悲快�。
  
  　　能å�ƒå¤§äº�—ä½›é�“上å� å¤§ä¾¿å®œï¼ˆç¦�报无é™�）
  
  　　我时常感觉，用�好的手段去争�一时表�上的胜利，时常会在佛�上�了大��而能够�大�的人，时常是在佛�上�了大便宜，因为他得到了看破�放下的智慧，开�出自己的心�，他（她）的�报是无�的。
  
  　　气「善�凡夫�，�如念「佛�（地狱和��之别）
  
  　　说实在，会�心的凡夫实在�值得去忿�，�如拿那个精神�念佛，念永远��心的佛。如果把和凡夫相争的力�，拿�供养永��心的佛，�样这一辈�结果会有天差地别。��是天差地别，是地狱和��世界的差别，至于�选择什么？就看我们的智慧了。
  
  　　没人规定，�痛苦�行
  
  　　有一次有一�太太，因为她的先生有新的女朋�，她感觉到失去先生很悲哀�伤心，她�天都在哭诉，希望先生�以回�自己的身边。她感觉到先生是一�「没有就�行�的角色，失去先生她就感觉活�下去，�觉得很没��，她哭了好几年还是在哭。事实上，是�是被先生抛弃就�痛苦一生呢？有一天我跟她说：「我们这些出家师父都没有先生，但是也都�以过得很好��这��娘她把先生让给别人，自己清净念佛，也�以过得很快��很自在。世界上并没有人规定，�到婚姻的�化，就�痛苦�行啊��
  
  　　当下��因�（何必怨��苦因？）
  
  　　一样的��，这��娘�以很清净欢喜念佛，心都没有怨�，��以圆满��功德。为什么�样的境�，我们必须�怨��骂一辈�，�哭一辈�呢？�娘以当下的平�快�，�下快�的因，以�必然得快�的果；而怨�哭骂的人，以当下痛苦�会�下痛苦的因，以�还是得苦果，你（你）愿�选择那一�呢？
  

• rokkie

  7 May 08, 13:34

  for the anger stuff,i never control it, i am a hot tempered man,so sometimes i will angry,so find a way to express them,otherwise it will accumulate in ur body,no good.

• rokkie

  7 May 08, 13:35

  every one know the 三毒。贪嗔痴。but avoid them it's not easy