i am new to buddhism so i would like to seek some guidance...
what if i found out a friend's secret accidentally due to my stupidity and curiosity? i feel regretful but i can't just tell her i know her secret or it will destroy our friendship. how can i repent?
Hi, first of all I'm glad you're taking an interest in Buddhism and also to have a repentant heart for mistakes you have made.
You can read about repentance here: Repentance is a Demonstration of Wisdom
You can repent to the Buddha for anything done out of greed, hatred and ignorance, and what is most important is your sincerity.
Originally posted by skedaddle:i am new to buddhism so i would like to seek some guidance...
what if i found out a friend's secret accidentally due to my stupidity and curiosity? i feel regretful but i can't just tell her i know her secret or it will destroy our friendship. how can i repent?
Dear Skedaddle ,what AEN mentioned is very subtle ..on a higher level the Repentance should be very educational and all-rounded
the four opponent powers in repentance
Power of Regret
Power of Reliance/Repairing the Relationship
Power of Determination not to Repeat the Action
Power of Remedial Action
Read this teaching by Venerable Chodron to tells you more
http://www.thubtenchodron.org/PrayersAndPractices/35Buddhas.pdf
on the other hand ... beside repenting .. you should make up to her for your actions
like maybe help her in ways you can ..
maintaining friendship is a art .. you need constantly to remind yourself of the dos and dont in a friendship
this is spell out in buddhism sigalovada sutta on friends relationship
thank you so much ! :D
"These four, young householder, should be understood as foes in the guise of friends:
(1) he who appropriates a friend's possessions,
(2) he who renders lip-service,
(3) he who flatters,
(4) he who brings ruin.
(1) "In four ways, young householder, should one who appropriates be understood as a foe in the guise of a friend:
(i) he appropriates his friend's wealth,
(ii) he gives little and asks much,
(iii) he does his duty out of fear,
(iv) he associates for his own advantage.
(2) "In four ways, young householder, should one who renders lip-service be understood as a foe in the guise of a friend:
(i) he makes friendly profession as regards the past,
(ii) he makes friendly profession as regards the future,
(iii) he tries to gain one's favor by empty words,
(iv) when opportunity for service has arisen, he expresses his inability.
(3) "In four ways, young householder, should one who flatters be understood as a foe in the guise of a friend:
(i) he approves of his friend's evil deeds,
(ii) he disapproves his friend's good deeds,
(iii) he praises him in his presence,
(iv) he speaks ill of him in his absence.
(4) "In four ways, young householder, should one who brings ruin be understood as a foe in the guise of a friend:
(i) he is a companion in indulging in intoxicants that cause
infatuation and heedlessness,
(ii) he is a companion in sauntering in streets at unseemly hours,
(iii) he is a companion in frequenting theatrical shows,
(iv) he is a companion in indulging in gambling which causes heedlessness."
Thus spoke the Exalted One. And when the Master had thus spoken, he spoke yet again:
The friend who appropriates,
the friend who renders lip-service,
the friend that flatters,
the friend who brings ruin,
these four as enemies the wise behold,
avoid them from afar as paths of peril.
"These four, young householder, should be understood as warm-hearted friends:
(1) he who is a helpmate,
(2) he who is the same in happiness and sorrow,
(3) he who gives good counsel,
(4) he who sympathises.
(1) "In four ways, young householder, should a helpmate be understood as a warm-hearted friend:
(i) he guards the heedless,
(ii) he protects the wealth of the heedless,
(iii) he becomes a refuge when you are in danger,
(iv) when there are commitments he provides you with double the
supply needed.
(2) "In four ways, young householder, should one who is the same in happiness and sorrow be understood as a warm-hearted friend:
(i) he reveals his secrets,
(ii) he conceals one's own secrets,
(iii) in misfortune he does not forsake one,
(iv) his life even he sacrifices for one's sake.
(3) "In four ways, young householder, should one who gives good counsel be understood as a warm-hearted friend:
(i) he restrains one from doing evil,
(ii) he encourages one to do good,
(iii) he informs one of what is unknown to oneself,
(iv) he points out the path to heaven.
(4) "In four ways, young householder, should one who sympathises be understood as a warm-hearted friend:
(i) he does not rejoice in one's misfortune,
(ii) he rejoices in one's prosperity,
(iii) he restrains others speaking ill of oneself,
(iv) he praises those who speak well of oneself."
Thus spoke the Exalted One. And when the Master had thus spoken, he spoke yet again:
The friend who is a helpmate,
the friend in happiness and woe,
the friend who gives good counsel,
the friend who sympathises too —
these four as friends the wise behold
and cherish them devotedly
as does a mother her own child.
The wise and virtuous shine like a blazing fire.
He who acquires his wealth in harmless ways
like to a bee that honey gathers,6
riches mount up for him
like ant hill's rapid growth.
With wealth acquired this way,
a layman fit for household life,
in portions four divides his wealth:
thus will he friendship win.
One portion for his wants he uses,7
two portions on his business spends,
the fourth for times of need he keeps.