How do you cope with it ?
Let share..
say the f word a few times, provided that no body is around you to hear it,
Originally posted by uncle_abc:say the f word a few times, provided that no body is around you to hear it,
but u still get anger whenever you think of it right?
Why get angry in the first place? Let the unimportant matters pass. Besides, getting angry shortens the life. If someone is rude to you, do you have to have the last word because ego gets the better of you ? Smile more and accept that people are different. Let nothing get you down.
I work for a perfectionist lady boss, who is mean, blunt and rude to me everyday so i do know....
Hi,
Acknowledge that you are angry.
Reflect on the cause of the anger.
Realise that anger has no self and that it will pass away.
Thank you.
Cheers,
Wen Shih
Originally posted by purplejade:Why get angry in the first place? Let the unimportant matters pass. Besides, getting angry shortens the life. If someone is rude to you, do you have to have the last word because ego gets the better of you ? Smile more and accept that people are different. Let nothing get you down.
I work for a perfectionist lady boss, who is mean, blunt and rude to me everyday so i do know....
Nice + positive!
Originally posted by Isis:How do you cope with it ?
Let share..
Analyse and appreciate the anger and know the real cause of it.
Know that there are things that can be changed and things that cannot be changed, take action appropriately.
For the things that cannot be changed, appreciate the cause as it is.
might be useful
Originally posted by Isis:How do you cope with it ?
Let share..
Just to know that getting angry will reduce your good karma quickly, see if you dare to get angry or not. haha.
Besides that, always remember this, if there is something you can do to change a miserable incident or a unreasonable person, then one should take practical action instead of getting angry.
If there is nothing you can do over a miserable incident or rude person, there is no use to get angry.
Most importantly, those things that usually make us angry are those minor minor matter.
hahaha, just view anger as temporary.
There's a similar thread in this forum some months back...
You can read the Toni Packer article again, I think is very good.
人家气我，我ä¸�æ°” ， 气出病æ�¥æ— 人替， 我若气æ»è°�如æ„�，况且伤神å�ˆè´¹åŠ›ã€‚
This help me alot when im 15year old..I keep this in my mind all the time till now. =)
1) Remember it
2) Understand it
3) Apply it.
Aware of it, Stop it, Reason with oneself for abandoning it, Use empathy, remorse, repentance and compassion to calm the mind, Observse its rise and fall.
Recall and understand it better when the mind has calm down. (writing down helps)
Example:
========
I'm not angry at the moment, so I can't tackle the details well, but I roughly recall what I did as follows:
When anger arises, be aware that it has risen. Try to catch it as early as possible.
Try to stop it from developing further by thinking of the following:
1) Anger is an afflictive emotion that creates the worst negative karma, which is undesireable.
2) It develops due to how we perceive the situation with biasness.
3) Patience is one of the paramita to cultivate.
4) Right speech is one of the Noble Eightfold Path to develop.
5) The situation presents the best condition to practice Patience and Right Speech, and also, test my progress in cultivating them.
6) Everyone seeks our own happiness, and most often in the wrong way, so conflict and wrong actions occur.
7) Am I right? I cannot be, since self-cherishing (egoism) has caused anger to rise in me.
If still cannot control my anger because my mind keeps self-justifying and blaming the other party, then I'll do the following:
8) Even if he is wrong, it's because he seeks happiness, like I do.
9) I'm never always right too. (Arise empathy.)
10) Both of us have created negative karma which will ripen as more suffering for ourselves n the future.
11) Arise remorse, repentance and compassion for oneself and others.
12) Pray that all be free from suffering and the causes of suffering.
13) Dedicate the merits gained from stopping anger from developing further towards conquering anger better the next time through perfecting Patience and Generosity (letting go of self-cherishing).
14) Make a resolve to catch anger earlier the next time through better mindfulness.
** During the entire process, observe how it rises and/or fades away.
** When the mind as totally calm, recall what causes it to rise and fade, and how it rises or fades. Understand it and the process better to prepare for the next time.
I tried many times before being able to be more mindful of the rising of my anger (due to aversion and attachment) and stopping it before it develops further. Still need more practice, but I think handling it this way helps.
Anyway of eliminating it totally even before Enlightenment (m: totally won't arise)??????
==================================================================
All beings experience afflictive emotions unless they have attained the Awakened Mind which is free from delusions.
Taming the Mind (Goal of the Dharma)
==============================
Afflictive emotions => build in strength with unmindful practices => become unwholesome habits
Remedy:
Mindful practices of abandoning afflictive emotions => become wholesome habits => Mind tamed
Hope the above is helpful to you. If not, then, the main thing is to remember that the consequences of being angry is never really helpful or sweet to one or the other party.
May you be happy and well always!
With Mani,
Kim
Originally posted by xXIron_fistXx:hahaha, just view anger as temporary.
Please remember your quote when you are dead and deem that your death is only temporary.
Share a link here by Ven. Thubten Chodron. got Q&A at the back oso
"Working with Anger" offers many practical techniques for anger management. Although the Buddha is usually thought of as a religious leader, he was also a consummate psychologist and peacemaker. This presentation is based upon the Buddha's unique prescription for transforming anger and the author's interactions with mental health professionals, people in therapy and conflict mediators.
Originally posted by Herzog_Zwei:
Please remember your quote when you are dead and deem that your death is only temporary.
Hi Herzog, I know that you are anti-religion. I am curious to know what is your view of where a person goes after its death ?
Originally posted by knightlll:
Hi Herzog, I know that you are anti-religion. I am curious to know what is your view of where a person goes after its death ?
Cease to exist.
Originally posted by Display Name:cease to exist?
I got many ways for you to see the “thing” which is after death, do you dare to try?
I got more ways to see the living dead, do you want to try?
Hi guys, do you think revenge is appropriate just to teach someone a lesson? I mean by keeping mute and doing nothing about it isn't really cowardish.
Originally posted by Isis:Hi guys, do you think revenge is appropriate just to teach someone a lesson? I mean by keeping mute and doing nothing about it isn't really cowardish.
Like wad? In wad situation? If its something like funny and not harmful revenge then i think its ok. But if its otherwise, then not ok la.
Originally posted by Isis:Hi guys, do you think revenge is appropriate just to teach someone a lesson? I mean by keeping mute and doing nothing about it isn't really cowardish.
If appropriate one can teach that person a lesson, but not through revenge which I think will not serve the purpose.
One must use skillful means to bring the message across and not act blindly according to our emotions. Always abide in and rely on Awareness rather than the unstable fluctuating stream of thoughts and emotions.
For example the Buddha reprimanded his son, but used skillful means to bring out his message and teach him a lesson.
http://www.blia.org/english/publications/booklet/pages/08.htm
Excerpt:
The Buddha would get angry with those who were only concerned with their own welfare and had no regard for the hardships of others. The Buddha could also become displeased when a prank, even that of a youngster, ended up hurting others. Let me illustrate with the following example. Before the Buddha renounced his life of a prince, he had a son by the name of Rahula. When Rahula was still a young child, he followed the example of his father and renounced his household life to become a monk. As he was quite young, he was very mischievous and liked to tell little white lies. Once, someone asked Rahula, "Do you know where the Buddha is right now?" Although he knew full well that the Buddha was in the room to his left, he purposely pointed to the right and told the other person, "The Buddha is over there, over there." When the person came back empty-handed, Rahula was very pleased with himself. Later, the Buddha learned of this incident and called Rahula to come before him. When Rahula saw the stern look on the Buddha, he did not dare to say a word. Quietly, he went to fetch a basin of water for the Buddha to wash his feet, hoping that the Buddha would soon start to preach. After the Buddha washed his feet, the Buddha told Rahula, "Take this basin of water and drink it!" Rahula was shocked with what he just heard, and he replied, "Lord Buddha, the water used for washing the feet is very filthy and is not suitable for drinking!"
The Buddha instructed, "When you tell lies, your mouth is as filthy as the dirty water in this basin. Nobody would want you, either!"
Rahula then went to discard the water. Afterwards, the Buddha told him, "Use this basin to hold your food!"
Rahula appeared very troubled and said, "Lord Buddha, this basin that was used for washing the feet is very dirty; I cannot put my food into it!"
The Buddha reproached him, "When your mouth often tell lies, it is just as filthy as this basin. It cannot be used to store anything wholesome."
As soon as he finished, the Buddha gave the basin a kick. The basin rolled noisily for quite a distance and Rahula was frightened. The Buddha asked Rahula, "Are you worried that I may ruin the basin?"
"No, the basin is a cheap basin. If it is broken, I can buy a new one. It does not matter!"
The Buddha again reprimanded Rahula, "Children who tell lies are just like this cheap basin; no one would feel sorry even if it is ruined."
From this incidence, we learn that the Buddha does not put up with those who lie and deceive others. The manner the Buddha used to teach Rahula stems from the high hopes parents have for their children, which is why we say, "When the love is deep, the reprimand is severe." The Buddha's anger is out of compassion, not out of hatred. The love of parents for their children is very much like the love of the Buddha!
Skillful means? I'm not wise yet
so what to do?
Originally posted by seotiblizzard:
Like wad? In wad situation? If its something like funny and not harmful revenge then i think its ok. But if its otherwise, then not ok la.
erm well, morally speaking ya. What goes around comes around.
So if i inflict back, the other one will inflict back.. and so and so and so ..
what's the point?
Originally posted by Isis:Skillful means? I'm not wise yet
so what to do?
I don't know your situation... and I'm not wise myself. hehe
Whatever you do, keep cause and effect in mind. Be aware, mindful, and yet detached (including to the outcome).