A young adult question on wake and funerals.
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Hello peeps,
I humbly request your opinions and answers on the following questions that i have on the tradition and the customs of the chinese.
I am a chinese myself, father is teochew, mother is hokkien. They are buddhist. I am freethinker.
As a young adult, I have friends whose close relatives will unfortunately pass away. However, I am usually forbidden from attending their wake due to various reasons given by my parents. They are very superstitious and we have gotten into umpteen arguments regarding this. Therefore I would like to ask the majority instead of just listening to what my parents say.
The most recent case was today, I wasn't allowed to attend my close friend's grandmother wake because I'm travelling overseas on wednesday. (Their argument)
Anyway, I'm going on a school trip to cambodia to help people and I was collecting used donations and clothing. So, I was supposed to collect from this close friend of mine today but again, I wasn't allowed to because i'm not supposed to take anything from someone whose relative just passed away (Their argument).
Over the years, I have consolidated some of their reasons and the rest I probably can't remember. Here are some of them...
I can't go to a wake because ...
1. I'm having my exams
2. I'm sick
3. The fortune teller (hui shi fu) said something during chinese new year (i'm not sure what)
4. I recently attended another wake (went with my family of course)
And is it really necessary to bath in the (hua shui) the flower water after attending a wake?
These are the curious questions that I have as a young adult and I sincerely hope i get constructive answers and not sarcasm. Thank you!
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Dear GotCash,
Unfortunately, I am not sure if anybody can help you with this because they are your parents and they sound really conservative. Most of the reasons you mentioned is very traditional Chinese folk beliefs. I have never heard from my parents about such things. On the other hand, death for real Buddhists is not suppose to be attached with such huge stigma. My Dharma teacher tells me that it is auspicious if we come across a funeral. He explained that funerals reminds us of our mortality and helps us to focus on what's important in life. Therefore, I don't know how I can help you but Buddhism is really not about superstitious and folk beliefs. Perhaps, someone else actually have a better explanation or advice perhaps...
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Since it appears that you've tried to convince them otherwise already, I feel that it'll be better to just comply with their wishes to preserve harmony at home. Just ask your friend to give the "white money" on your behalf. Your friends should be able to understand your absence if you've made the problem clear. If they make fun of you, then it's their own problem that they're narrow-minded. Flower water and things like that are superstition. No need to do that at all. But if the parents insist, just try to do as they wish as well.
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The old folks perspective of Buddhism actually is very distorted.
But because they are not as lucky as the present generation, that is, they were not so educated, and information on Buddhist practice were not so easily available.
If you are young, you can forget about any logical arguments with your parents, just know what you believe to be true.
All things arises, and all things ceases. These is the way of the phenomenom.
There is nothing good or bad about it.
Good or Bad is yourself, how you live your life.
Why does the Sangha (Buddhist congregation) allow these old folks perspective to be distorted. I spoke to an abbot once about a disagreement I had with my parents.
The abbot replied that it is very difficult to change them now. Of utmost importance is their morality. And that one have no discount.
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And ever since that talk with the abbot, I do not feel so 'unhappy' about my parent's views.
I just pray for them and hope that one day they will see the truth.
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Originally posted by StriveOn:
The old folks perspective of Buddhism actually is very distorted.
But because they are not as lucky as the present generation, that is, they were not so educated, and information on Buddhist practice were not so easily available.
If you are young, you can forget about any logical arguments with your parents, just know what you believe to be true.
All things arises, and all things ceases. These is the way of the phenomenom.
There is nothing good or bad about it.
Good or Bad is yourself, how you live your life.
Why does the Sangha (Buddhist congregation) allow these old folks perspective to be distorted. I spoke to an abbot once about a disagreement I had with my parents.
The abbot replied that it is very difficult to change them now. Of utmost importance is their morality. And that one have no discount.
agreed with you
Not sure if anyone of you watch this video before... huat ah!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=strHJK1Bhus&feature=share