Lighten Your Load: Cleaning out your attic—and your mind
We’re going to look at one of the perfection
practices known as the paramis (see below). It’s the practice of
nekkhamma, which we translate as “renunciation” or “relinquishing.” It means
letting go: letting go of material things as well as views, concepts, ideas to
which we may have been clinging for years, things that cause us stress,
suffering, dukkha.
A simple action that can be helpful in terms of relinquishing is this: on a
regular basis—perhaps once or twice a year— choose something to give away. Not
some old relic you don’t care about any more, but something you do care about,
that has value to you. There’s no need to go overboard by giving away something
that will change your lifestyle or will make the kids resent you for the next
twenty years. Give away something you like yet are willing to relinquish.
During the entire process of selecting and relinquishing, be mindful of your
feelings. This can be more challenging than it may at first appear, but it can
help us prepare for the day when we must relinquish all that we hold dear.
Now, what about views and concepts? Relinquishing is the ground for practicing
“beginner’s mind.” It helps us see things anew, as they really are; to be
willing to listen to the thoughts and ideas of others with an open mind. So the
relinquishing of thoughts and ideas about which we have been adamant can give
us a sense of freedom, joy, and spaciousness. It can feel as if a weight has
been taken from our shoulders. However, this also may be easier said than done.
We might wonder, “Am I giving up something that I should believe in?” So
relinquishing offers an opportunity to look more deeply at our beliefs.
Sometimes we have been holding onto anger or bitterness related to a particular
person or event. Something to think about is: What would I have to give up in
order to free myself from this bitterness? We might think, “Well, yes, but what
he or she did was absolutely unforgivable.” Consider the possibility,
and I am only saying consider the possibility, that maybe nothing is
unforgivable. Maybe there is a way to find forgiveness even for what we have
believed for so long to be unforgivable. Explore this mindfully.
To forgive does not necessarily mean to forget. Sometimes to forget is not
wise, but to forgive is wise. And it is at times not easy. It can, in fact, be
quite challenging. It will come as no surprise that one of the most difficult
people to forgive can be yourself. Yet with patience and gentle determination,
it can be done.
Parami (Pali), Paramita (Sanskrit): literally, perfection, or
crossing over (to the other shore).
The paramis are practices that can lead one to the perfection of certain
virtuous or ennobling qualities. They are practiced as a way of purifying karma
and leading the practitioner on a path to enlightenment. In the Theravada
tradition, the ten paramis are dana (generosity), sila (morality), nekkhamma (relinquishing), panna (wisdom), viriya (effort), khanti (patience), sacca (truthfulness), adhitthana (determination), metta (lovingkindness), upekkha (equanimity). In
the Mahayana there are six paramitas: generosity, morality, patience, effort,
concentration, and wisdom.
It is interesting to note that the parami of generosity comes first, before the
other practices, even morality. Some commentators suggest that the list begins
with the easiest practice and becomes progressively more challenging. Another
view is that until one sees the interconnected nature of phenomena and has a
heart open to the needs of all beings, the other paramis can remain beyond
reach. With practice, the virtuous qualities become stronger and support one
another. Generosity supports relinquishing, which supports morality, which
supports truthfulness, which supports wisdom, which supports equanimity, and so
forth.
The paramis are seen as the heart of our true nature but greed, hatred, and
delusion cause them to become somewhat blurred. Practicing the paramis is said
to help us see in a different, more beneficial way. His Holiness the Dalai Lama
has said, “These deeds, called the perfections, constitute the essential and
comprehensive path to enlightenment, combining method and wisdom.” Thus the
paramis are important practices for one who seeks to become an awakened being
and to end the cycle of samsara, or cyclic existence. The key point to remember
is that the paramis are offered not as philosophy but as practices. To be
effective, practices need to be practiced.