Night Owls Chatterboxes - Part 10
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yeah.. that is distracting in its silliness...
the rest of the story ain't that hot either
Originally posted by Meia Gisborn:
You do realize that all of the characters and locales in SP have firearms or firearms-related names, right?
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From MAD Magazine Issue 125, March 1969Originally posted by the Bear:i'm just beside myself for not being able to find the MAD Magazine Ice Hockey Primer... it was hilarious!
see this angry man
see him break 26 bones
and several veins cleanly
this is called a Body Check
Chapter 1 - The Hockey Player
See the funny man.
He is a Hockey Player.
See the funny marks on his face.
They are called "stitches."
Let us count his stitches:
One, two, five, eight, sixteen...
Forget it!
You cannot count that high.
The funny man also have funny marks
All over his body.
They are called "scars."
Look at the funny man's mouth.
Ha, ha, ha.
What a busy Tooth Fairy he must have.
Chapter 2 - The Ring
This is where the funny man
And a lot of other funny men play Hockey.
It is called a "Rink".
See those objects at each end of the Rink.
They are called "Cages".
See the playing surface of the Rink.
It is covered with a frozen sheet of Man-made liquid.
It is called "Blood".
Chapter 3 - The Goalie
This is a "Goalie".
He guards the "Cage" or "Goal".
He wears 30 pounds of equipment.
He wears leg pads and knee pads
And thigh pads and arm pads
And elbow pads and a chest pad
And a face mask and gloves.
The only exposed part of the Goalie
Is 1 1/2 inches of his neck.
What is the object of Ice Hockey?
To hit the Goalie
With the Puck
In the neck.
Chapter 4 - The Puck
See the Puck.
See the Puck go into the stands.
See the Hockey Fans battle for the Puck.
Hockey Fans will kill each other for the Puck.
Why do they want the Puck so badly?
Because Hockey Pucks are very valuable.
They can be used for many important things in everyday life.
Like... er... like for stoppers in very wide bathtub drains!
Or to put heavy furniture on to protect the carpet!
Or as skull caps for religious midgets!
So if ever you're lucky enough to catch a Hockey Puck,
Guard it with your life.
Chapter 5 - Hockey Action
Hockey is a very vicious game.
See the men pull that Player's hair.
See them pound his back.
See them hit his face.
See then slash him with their sticks.
See what a bloody mess he is.
I'll bet you think he's an Enemy Player.
Ho, ho, ho! You are wrong!
He is on their team!
He has just scored a goal for them.
That is how Hockey Players show their appreciation.
You should see them when they are angry!
Chapter 6 - Body Checking
See the angry Hockey Player.
See him smash into that Enemy Player.
What he is doing is called a legal "Body Check".
It is legal if it is done very cleanly.
See him break 26 bones and several veins.
Very cleanly.
Soon the Enemy Team Doctor will fix up the injured Player.
Stitch and sew, stitch and sew.
You have heard of heart transplants?
On this man, the Doctor will attempt
The world's first head transplant.
Chapter 7 - Illegal Plays
See the other angry Hockey Player.
He is not nice.
He does not use clean Body Checks
That break bones and veins very cleanly.
He knocks Enemy Players into the boards.
He also slashes them and trips them.
That is not legal.
But he will pay for his crimes.
He will have to leave the ice
And sit in the Penalty Box
For two whole minutes.
This is cruel punishment.
This is almost as much time
As you would have to serve in this country
If you were a convicted mugger!
Chapter 8 - The Penalty Box
See the Penalty Box.
See how silly the Hockey Player looks
Sitting in the Penalty Box.
Can you blame him?
How would you feel
If you were 25 years old
With 98 scars on your face
And you had to wear short pants
And be punished by sitting in a Box?
Hockey Players hate the Penalty Box.
It is so degrading.
They would prefer a more sensible
And dignified form of punishment--
Like a spanking.
Chapter 9 - The Hockey Fan
See the typical Hockey Fan.
He loves Body Checks.
He loves to see Defensemen get kicked in the groin.
He loves to scream, "Kill the Goalie!"
Kill! Kill! Kill!
Tomorrow, he may demonstrate
Against Police Brutality in Harlem
And against the use of Napalm in Vietnam.
He considers violence to be "Un-American".
Lucky for him, most Hockey Players are Canadian.
Chapter 10 - Hockey Rules
Hockey Rules are very simple:
Any Player can skate past both Blue Lines
Unless he doesn't have the Puck,
In which case he can skate past his own Blue Line only
And wait for the man with the Puck
Who can skate past Blue Lines
Unless another teammate
Skate past the second Blue Line first,
In which case the other teammate must go back
Unless he gets the Puck,
In which case the first teammate must go back.
Isn't that simple?
Do you know who wrote Hockey's "Blue Line" rules?
The same man who wrote "The Dead Sea Scrolls"!
If you are very good
Some day we will tell you about the three RED lines! -
yeah.. that's the one.. i had this in one of the MAD compilations which i bought.. but i can't find it
thing about MAD articles, it's TRUE!! just written in an insane way -
That brings back memories, really. My dad and I collected every single Mad Magazine issue released from 1968 to around 1988. I thought of resuming this 'hobby' here, but the current crop of artists and writers isn't even half as good as the "usual gang of idiots" from the magazine's glory days.Originally posted by the Bear:yeah.. that's the one.. i had this in one of the MAD compilations which i bought.. but i can't find it
thing about MAD articles, it's TRUE!! just written in an insane way -
yeah.. those fellas were amazing!
subtle gags were wonderful... i still remember when they parodied Coma..
"Doctor, I have given the patient the oxygen"
"GOOD GOOD!"
"Doctor, the patient seems to be responding just fine"
"GOOD GOD!"Originally posted by Meia Gisborn:That brings back memories, really. My dad and I collected every single Mad Magazine issue released from 1968 to around 1988. I thought of resuming this 'hobby' here, but the current crop of artists and writers isn't even half as good as the "usual gang of idiots" from the magazine's glory days. -
we adopt a different policy from those at madrid..Originally posted by the Bear:yeah... actually, looking at Chelsea, i think they should self-destruct after a while like Real Madrid..
don't you think so?
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And let's not forget the educational value of reading Mad Magazine. I have learned and used many a useful comeback from Al Jaffee's "Snappy Answers to Stupid Questions."Originally posted by the Bear:yeah.. those fellas were amazing!
subtle gags were wonderful... i still remember when they parodied Coma..
"Doctor, I have given the patient the oxygen"
"GOOD GOOD!"
"Doctor, the patient seems to be responding just fine"
"GOOD GOD!"
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yeah.. Al Jaffee's one of the many genuises who worked for them
always loved his insane "recycling" stories
and his wonderful Fold-Ins..Originally posted by Meia Gisborn:And let's not forget the educational value of reading Mad Magazine. I have learned and used many a useful comeback from Al Jaffee's "Snappy Answers to Stupid Questions." -
Feeling bored so just want to sing this song :
I have often told you stories
About the way
I lived the life of a drifter
Waiting for the day
When IÂ’d take your hand
And sing you songs
Then maybe you would say
Come lay with me love me
And I would surely stay
But I feel IÂ’m growing older
And the songs that I have sung
Echo in the distance
Like the sound
Of a windmill goinÂ’ Â’round
I guess IÂ’ll always be
A soldier of fortune
Many times IÂ’ve been a traveller
I looked for something new
In days of old
When nights were cold
I wandered without you
But those days I thougt my eyes
Had seen you standing near
Though blindness is confusing
It shows that youÂ’re not here
Now I feel IÂ’m growing older
And the songs that I have sung
Echo in the distance
Like the sound
Of a windmill goinÂ’ Â’round
I guess IÂ’ll always be
A soldier of fortune
Yes, I can hear the sound
Of a windmill goinÂ’ Â’round
I guess IÂ’ll always be
A soldier of fortune -
somehow, Deep Purple were better at their heavy stuff
Smoke On The Water was pure magic!
they wrote everything that they experienced and put a monster riff in it that became their signature riff!
with The Rolling Stones and Frank Zappa and the Mothers... they documented a historic fire in Lake Geneva.. wow! -
okay.. barcelona is pronounced BAR-SER-LO-NA
not bloody BAR-FA-LO-NA!!
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Wah, Bear........how you young guy knows all these songs? I've two younger brothers, one a couple of years your junior and I doubt he knows these.
I listened to Deep Purple in my teens leh, i.e. in the 70s.
You not born yet ley, maybe. -
wasn't bear born in 68?Originally posted by littlestream:Wah, Bear........how you young guy knows all these songs? I've two younger brothers, one a couple of years your junior and I doubt he knows these.
I listened to Deep Purple in my teens leh, i.e. in the 70s. You not born yet ley, maybe. -
me? young?
i was born during the Summer of Love
Deep Purple's wonderful album, Machine Head... where Smoke on the Water came from..
i got that on vinyl and also on CD...
i got Stormbringer where Soldier of Fortune came from, on vinyl.. didn't really like that album tho'...Originally posted by littlestream:Wah, Bear........how you young guy knows all these songs? I've two younger brothers, one a couple of years your junior and I doubt he knows these.
I listened to Deep Purple in my teens leh, i.e. in the 70s. You not born yet ley, maybe. -
Yes, young. Like my brothers age mah. My brothers are cool. Still addressing me as che che. Feels so nice and warm to hear that.
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Okay folks, this is it for me for today. (not much anyways)
Good nite Bear and Stellazio
and a good afternoon, MG. -
Have a good evening, LS.Originally posted by littlestream:Okay folks, this is it for me for today. (not much anyways)
Good nite Bear and Stellazio
and a good afternoon, MG. -
goodnight everyone.. Chelsea won 4-0
got kinda boring after a while -
See? I told you. You could have taped the match on your VCR and watched it later.Originally posted by the Bear:goodnight everyone.. Chelsea won 4-0
got kinda boring after a while -
Goals bring boredom..Better den watching liverpool play lohz..Originally posted by the Bear:goodnight everyone.. Chelsea won 4-0
got kinda boring after a while -
Hellooooooo, peeps!!
The yakking starts NOW!
Huan Yin Guang Lin!! -
rhonda can't take it anymore after 1 night of not yakking.Originally posted by Rhonda:Hellooooooo, peeps!!
The yakking starts NOW!
Huan Yin Guang Lin!!
Welcome back! -
Aiyah... don't say me till like that, s|nNeD!!Originally posted by s|nNeD:rhonda can't take it anymore after 1 night of not yakking.
Welcome back!
I have to work night shifts mah! Tonight too! Just stepped in for a while only. -
Hey, s|nNeD, are you joining us at Kuishin-Bo for our 1st Anniversary Celebrations? Looooong time no see liao! Join us, ok?
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My brother still calls me 'che' too! And yeah, it does feel very very good to hear that!Originally posted by littlestream:Yes, young. Like my brothers age mah. My brothers are cool. Still addressing me as che che. Feels so nice and warm to hear that.