Local politician, Greedy McGreedy, leaned heavily on his armchair, enjoying a well-deserved cigar after a heavy lunch. It had been tiring morning of signing policies planned out by his flunkies. And now, his hand hurt from all the exertion of carrying that gold fountain pen. Flunkie, one of his flunkies, stands at rigid attention, like all good aide-de-camps do, his uniform resplendent with gold buttons and military medals. You would have thought Flunkie had fought in a dozen wars, just by the number of medals he wore. But no, the closest Flunkie had even come to fighting a battle was playing shooting-games like "Counter-Strike".
"I think I need a pay raise. I am underpaid," McGreedy said sadly.
"Very good, Sir! But aren't you overpaid to begin with, Sir?" Flunkie replied politely.
"Me, hell no! My pal, Peter van Loot, is earning $1 for every 55 cents I make!" McGreedy laughed.
"But you do nothing Sir! Peter van Loot, on the other hand, is a non-scholar who rose from the ranks. Sir!"
"Flunkie, aren't you forgetting your place?"
"Sorry Sir. I wasn't a scholar like you are Sir! My Latin isn't that polished, and my family isn't powerful. That explains why I can't see it from your point of view."
McGreedy smiles. "It is pretty easy to explain, Flunkie. If you left the service, where would you go? What else could you do? Now, if I were to step down, huge corporations would be falling over their feet to hire me. I could earn much more!"
"I agree Sir. I am not that skilled. I may starve to death outside the service. But begging your pardon Sir, most of the ministers who left are now working for companies that are associated with the government, Sir. They don't seem to be working for private corporations as claimed, Sir."
"Aheem...." McGreedy clears his throat. "That's beside the point, Flunkie. Just take it from me that if I left, I could earn much more working outside. Remember, I am very talented."
"Yes, you are, Sir. I am sure you are more talented than Chermaine Upsnoot, the Member of Parliament who works part-time as a local MP, holds down a full-time job, and still has the time to sit on a dozen directorships and four different government committees at the same time. I wonder how she does it, when I don't even have enough time to take on a part-time job on top of my own normal job?"
"Chermaine Upsnoot is a very talented woman, Flunkie. Don't mock her."
"I am sorry, sir. She made a big impact on many of us, when she told some loser to get out of her elite, uncaring face a couple of months ago. What a gem of wisdom! Get out of my elite, uncaring face!"
"Yes, I can sense your sadness for the underprivileged," McGreedy said. "But that's life. God made some of us talented, and the rest to be idiots to oppose our pay raises."
"Are you a talent, Sir?"
"Of course I am! I studied at Oxbridge. Was granted a scholarship worth at least a quarter-million dollars!"
"But you are rich Sir! Your family could afford it. Wouldn't some kid from a poor family benefit more from that scholarship?"
"Poor people? Hah! They would probably waste their money on handphones and clothes. You don't want a poor man to rise up. He would probably end up proposing something silly like giving more money to the destitute. No Sir, we wouldn't want that, would we? Besides, I won that scholarship fair and square."
"You had the money to engage a dozen tutors, Sir. Most poor people can't."
"Still within the rules of the game, Flunkie," McGreedy said shrewdly. "Still within the rules of the game."
McGreedy takes a deep puff from his cigar.
"Flunkie, what would this nation do without me? Look at the string of testinomials I have! Look at the list of my accomplishments."
"Testimonials aren't worth shit, Sir! I wrote many of them myself. Told always to write the good stuff, and play down the bad. Not unless I am given specific orders to screw someone up."
"Are you saying that all the good reports about me are lies?"
"Wouldn't dare to, Sir. But they are most likely to be exaggerated, just like your accomplishments, Sir."
"I am a talent! God-damnit! God save me from fools like you who do not know how to appreciate talents like me! I will leave the service in protest!" McGreedy threatened. "What you idiots need is a good dose of incompetent government."
"Tell me more about your talents, Sir!"
"I was Secretary of Education."
"You screwed up, Sir. More and more parents are resorting to private tuition because your teachers are not interested to teach."
"Not interested to teach? Who are they, flunkie? I will fire them."
"You have to fire over half your teachers then. Your teachers are too busy with non-teaching duties, writing educational reports, playing educational games in class."
"Student centred learning is the way to go, Flunkie! Stop being so backward!"
"Tuition centres are damn popular, Sir! And they teach only in the traditional method. Your school teachers are not keen to teach, so the tuition centres and private tutors will do your teachers' job. I also engaged private tuition for my son, Sir."
"I love kids, Flunkie. That's why I had all these innovative programs for them. That's also my reason for later transfering to the Department of Charity," McGreedy said proudly.
"As Secretary of Charity, you proposed that the poor and needy be given less than $290 a month. You were paid millions a year as Secretary of Charity, and yet, the poor and needy, after paying their rent and utility bills each month, have barely enough for 3 meals?"
"3 meals at where, Flunkie? The local food court, or at a restaurant?" McGreedy laughed.
"You know exactly where, Sir. Lame and sarcastic, Sir. Way beneath what a man of your stature should be saying, Sir," Flunkie replied laconically.
"Dammit Flunkie! You can't give the poor too much money! It makes them lazy!"
"Which is why most poor workers will have to work till they are 80. Even the President of our country is still working, when he should have retired long ago."
"God bless our President, Flunkie," McGreedy said, standing up at attention, and placing a hand over his heart.
"God bless his soul, Sir. Even at the age of 80, he still sells Roti Prata. Not for the money, of course. But to set an example for the rest of us lazy and irresponsible peasants who wish to enjoy life after working hard for dozens of years. You can't find fault with such a sagely man, Sir."
"I was also Secretary of Finance," McGreedy said, changing the subject. "Because I care for our people's retirement fund.
"Even worse, Sir. We all wondered who was the idiot running that department. Most retirees won't have enough money in their retirement fund to retire, thanks to your planning. You really should learn from Warren Buffet how to manage a fund. And his salary is smaller than yours, Sir!"
"But I give the peasants 2.5% interest on their retirement fund each year, even more than the banks."
"But charge 7% for Goods & Service Tax. We are all losing money from the start point."
"Imbecile! That money is used for helping the poor!"
"So, you are now playing Robin Hood, Sir? Rob the rich to help the poor?"
"Er...the banks are paying less than my 2.5% a year," McGreedy said quickly.
"The banks are blood-suckers, Sir. We pay you a ton of cash each year, and the best you can give us is 2.5% return each year. Didn't you claim you are an investment whiz, wheeling and dealing all over the world, like in Suzhou and Thailand?"
"Er...let's not talk about Thailand, Flunkie..."
"Sure thing, after all, you did your 'due diligence' in that phone company and still lost billions of dollars."
"We didn't lose money, god dammnit! It's a long-term investment! Fools like you won't understand," McGreedy snapped.
"So, we are paying you $2 million dollars a year, so that you can make such 'long-term' investments for us, Sir!"
"Enough! Flunkie! What do you know of running a $4 trillion economy? You want to quibble about a $20 million pay raise for all politicians, when a $4 trillion economy is at stake? You are just a low life form who can't even get a 'C+' on his annual evaluation."
"Sir, our Gross Domestic Product two years ago was roughly $US 194 billion. You are telling me that it jumped more than ten times since?" http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Economy_of_Singapore
"It is? Hell, what's the difference between $4 trillion and $194 billion amongst old friends? I have been your politician for over ten years!"
"You also have a major say in running our local retirement fund, Sir. And you can't even tell the difference between $194 billion from $4 trillion dollars. You must be a highly paid idiot, Sir!"
"How dare you, Flunkie! I am a talent and I deserve to be highly paid and deeply respected!"
"You messed up time and again, Sir! You don't need to pay millions for a fool to mess up."
"Wait...okay, but at least you agree with the spirit of the idea that top talent should be well paid, do you?"
"Stop using a round-about way to call yourself a talent, Sir!"
"Answer the damn, fucking question! Flunkie!" McGreedy shouted, throwing the remnants of his cigar onto the floor.
Flunkie immediately snaps to rigid attention, in true military form. Bellowing like a sergeant major on a parade square, Flunkie gave his reply.
"No sir! I don't think top talents in public office should be paid $2-3 million a year! Sir!
That is because, Sir, I don't think you are a talent to begin with! Sir!"
