My first attempt
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This is my first attempt in trying to write a erotic story. What I want is a emotional, sensational, yet erotic ( i hope) story about sex (what else?), not that kind of 'oh-fuck-me-hard-bastard' kind of story. It is just the first few paragraph, not much 'action' yet...
Sylvia smiled as I held her hand and led her to my bedroom. There, I pulled her close to be and look into her sky-blue eyes, hugging her so closely I can feel her breast touching mine through the T-shirt.
Please, I really need you to comment on it. Only serious comment please, I'm being very serious here.
“ Nobody’s home, my parent had gone oversea and will not be back for another week.” I whispered into her ears, licking her ear lobe with my tongue after that.
“ So?” She replied, her eyes full of mischief while she place both her hands around my waist.
“ You know very well what we’re going to do.” I kissed her lips passionately, trusting my tongue inside her mouth and tasting her sweetness. I could feel passion inside her and she too lick my tongue with hers.
Sylvia and I had been together for about four years, since we were in Secondary Three. Both of us are now currently studying in the same JC. While both of us really do love each other, weÂ’ve an unspoken understanding that both of us yearn for each otherÂ’s body. In short, we are virgins trying to loose our innocence to each other. And there is no better time than now to satisfy that lust in us.
“ Let’s make it very slow, I want our first time to be memorable and exciting. Make it very very slow, will you?” Sylvia asks.
“ I’ve an idea!” Pulling myself off her, I went over to a drawer and took out a brand-new digital video recorder, capable of recording up to four hours long. Placing the recorder on a tripod beside my bed, I said, “now this would make it more memorable and exciting, don’t you agree?”
Sylvia smiled at me again as I wrap my arms around her slender waist and resume our passionate kissing. Her silky long hair brushes against my cheek and I could feel her body heat radiating off her. Our breathing was beginning to get shallower and faster. As I gaze into her sky-blue eyes, I sink deeper into passion. Already, I could feel my penis erecting beneath my jeans.
Slowly, my kiss travels from her chin to her neck and up again to her forehead. She kept her eyes close while allowing my lips to touch her fair skin, hugging me closer to her. The smell coming from her is so nice, so indescribable. SheÂ’s just so beautiful.
“ Allow me to be part of you” I moved my palms upwards to the underneath of her armpits, beside her breast, “ allow me to feel you”. -
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Please try again.
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The idea of recording it into video is great. But the rest need more work tho.
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*clap for effort*
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quite a number of good writers here like twat, kevin1982, KumSioJui. but van ahseng's one is the hardest to understand:
http://www.sgforums.com/?action=thread_display&thread_id=83404 -
not bad. at least you write without caps.
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my story better than your.
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Quite good.. Its like reading a novel, contents not too explict.. Good, i like it...
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Van Ahseng is a genius. i miss him and his clones.
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some spelling errors. if not do continue the story.
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not bad. much better than most of the others who write story in bar lols
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Camera can record 4 hours but no tape can do that
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YOU SHOULD RETYPE EVERYTHING USING CAPS LOCK , IT THE SG FORUM FANATASY STORY TRADITION !!!!!
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YOU SHOULD RETYPE EVERYTHING USING CAPS LOCK , IT THE SG FORUM FANATASY STORY TRADITION !!!!!
THOU PLACE THY PALMS ON HER HEAVING BLOSSOM, HER FACE PINK AS ROSES.
good enough? -
mine is nicer
john picked mary up from a bar, they were getting drunk, john brought mary to his backseat and they started making out, they made alot of erotic noises, and they wasted the night away. -
Btw where did Van Ah Seng go to? He is damn funny! Although it takes quite a bit of effort to understand what he is writing!
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u nv say his parents suddenly come hm then jump down from 100 storey..then b4 jumping down he ask her to suk his lan jiao
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i would say it's not too bad for ur first try.haha..
but hey..maybe u can try paragraphing next time..hope it helps ya? -
not bad keep it up..
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Hey lol nice try but did you get that idea from 585960 or me? Coz I recently posted my story about teen sex abuse here. I'll put the link here so you people can compare both our stories.
http://www.sgforums.com/?action=thread_display&thread_id=174351 -
maybe you couls try to be more sophisicated rather than dirty would be fine.. try reading love novels from Nora Roberts or sandra brown or elizabeth lowell..
try not to use the words penis, breas* and stuff.. its kinda sound dirty -
i would say it's not too bad for ur first try.haha..
i copied and paste...so somehow the paragraphing does not show
but hey..maybe u can try paragraphing next time..hope it helps ya?maybe you couls try to be more sophisicated rather than dirty would be fine.. try reading love novels from Nora Roberts or sandra brown or elizabeth lowell..
hmm...a very good idea, i'm indeed trying not to make the story sound dirty...maybe i can use words like 'the orb' or 'the essence of his life' ? anymore idea?
try not to use the words penis, breas* and stuff.. its kinda sound dirty