Horny jokes for horny ppl

• used

  18 Jul 06, 17:11

  A first grade teacher collected well known proverbs. He gave each kid in the class the first half of the proverb, and asked them to come up with the rest. Here is what the kids came up with:
  People in glass houses shouldn't . . . run around naked.
  Better to be safe than . . . punch a 5th grader.
  Strike while the . . . bug is close.
  It's always darkest before . . . daylight savings time.
  Never underestimate the power of . . . termites.
  You can lead a horse to water but . . . how?
  Don't bite the hand that . . . looks dirty.
  No news is . . . impossible.
  A miss is as good as a . . . Mr.
  You can't teach an old dog . . . math.
  If you lie down with dogs, you . . . will stink in the morning.
  Love all, trust . . . me.
  The pen is mightier than . . . the pigs.
  An idle mind is . . . the best way to relax.
  Where there is smoke, there is . . . pollution.
  Happy is the bride who . . . gets all the presents.
  A penny saved is . . . not much.
  Two is company, three is . . . The Musketeers.
  None are so blind as . . . Helen Keller.
  Children should be seen and not . . . spanked or grounded.
  If at first you don't succeed . . . get new batteries.
  You get out of something what you . . . see pictured on the box.
  When the blind lead the blind . . . get out of the way.
  There is no fool like . . . Aunt Edie.
  
• used

  18 Jul 06, 17:11

  A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive, blond, female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it, looked inside, slammed it shut, and stormed back into
  her house.
  A little later she came out of her house again, went to the mailbox, again opened it, and slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.
  As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came again. She marched to the mailbox, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.
  Puzzled by her actions, the man asked her, "Is something wrong?"
  To which she replied, "There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps telling me I have mail!"
• used

  18 Jul 06, 17:13

  YOU GOTTA LOVE A DRUNK
  
  A man and his wife are awakened, at 3 o'clock in the morning by a loud
  Pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a
  Drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.
  
  "Not a chance," says the husband, "it is 3 o'clock in the morning! He
  Slams the door and returns to bed.
  
  "Who was that?" asked his wife.
  
  "Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers.
  
  "Did you help him?" she asks.
  
  "No, I did not, it is 3 o'clock in the morning and it is pouring out
  There!"
  
  "Well, you have a short memory," says his wife. "Can't you remember,
  About three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us?
  I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!"
  
  The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding
  Rain. He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?"
  
  "Yes"comes back the answer.
  
  "Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband.
  
  "Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.
  
  "Where are you?" asks the husband.
  
  "Over here on the swing!" replies the drunk
• used

  18 Jul 06, 17:17

  TROJAN CONDOM COMPANY INC.
  6969 SLIPPERY ROOT DRIVE
  DROPTROUSER, NC 22269
  Dear Mr................
  We regret to inform you that we have rejected your application to model
  And represent our product, Trojan Condoms.
  Although your general physical appearance is not displeasing, our Board
  Of Directors feels that your wearing of our product in the advertisement
  Does not portray a positive, romantic image of our product. A loose,
  Baggy and wrinkled condom is not considered romantic. We did admire your
  Efforts to firm up by using poly-grip, but even then it slipped off
  Before we could get the photographs taken. We would like to note,
  However, that yours is the first we've seen that looked a bicycle grip.
  We appreciate your interest and thank you for your time. We will retain
  Your application for future consideration, if by chance we decide there
  Is a market for micro-mini condoms.
  We send greetings to your wife and/or girlfriend and our deepest
  Sympathy.
  YOURS VERY TRULY,
  Burly Dick: President
  TROJAN CONDOM COMPANY INC.
  PS Remember our slogans: cover your stump before you hump - don't be
  Silly, protect your Willie - never deck her with an unwrapped pecker -
  Before you attack her, wrap your wacker - if you're not going to sack
  It, go home and whack it.
• used

  18 Jul 06, 17:19

  Tarzan leaves the jungle, comes to civilization, and applies for a job.
  Interviewer: Name?
  Tarzan: Me Tarzan
  Interviewer: Married?
  Tarzan: Wife Jane
  Interviewer: Children?
  Tarzan: Son boy
  Interviewer: Anything else to your name besides Tarzan?
  Tarzan: Tarzan, King of the Jungle
  Interviewer: Jane's Whole Name
  Tarzan: Jane's Hole named P ussy
  
• used

  18 Jul 06, 17:25

  Some questions many been dying to ask
  
  Dear RSA,
  A friend of mine said you can tell if a girl is a virgin by the way she
  Walks. Is there actually a way to tell if a girl is a virgin or not by
  The way she walks?
  Anonymous, Texas
  No.
  ...
  Dear RSA,
  Is it safe to swallow my own cum?
  Anonymous, U.S.
  Yes.
  ...
  Dear RSA,
  I have tried to suck my own dick, but can only barely lick it. I have
  Only tried it once. Is that good progress? Anonymous, U.S.
  Yes.
  .....
  Dear RSA,
  It really takes a lot of work for a girl to shave everything "clean."
  Is
  It OK if it's just kept short and trimmed?
  Anonymous, U. Conn
  Yes.
  ......
  Dear RSA,
  Is it possible to break your penis, so that it's difficult to have
  Sexual intercourse or get erections?
  J.J., Florida
  Yes.
  ..
  Dear RSA,
  If I masturbate and cum on my hands, then wash my hands thoroughly with
  Soap and water, and then four to five hours later finger my girlfriend,
  Is it possible that sperm residue can get my girlfriend pregnant? Doug,
  U.S.
  No.
  .....
  Dear RSA,
  Is it normal for a straight guy to shave his c ock and balls? Anonymous,
  Orange County
  Yes.
  ...
  Dear RSA,
  Is it true that frequent masturbation can cause your penis to shrink?
  Jeff, U.S.
  No.
  .....
  Dear RSA,
  My boyfriend wants me to say his name while having sex. Is this normal?
  Anonymous, U.S.
  Yes.
  ...
  Dear RSA,
  If I give a guy head and I swallow, can I become pregnant? Anonymous,
  U.S.
  No.
  ...
  Dear RSA,
  My girlfriend is always up for new things...so, what she wants to try
  Is
  Sex in a hot tub. Is that normal? And is that okay to do? Alex, U.S.
  Yes. (it is normal)
  Indeterminate (we don't know if it's completely safe to do) [Note:
  We've received a lot of queries about this. There is some concern that
  A
  Condom might be more likely to slip off or break in a hot tub, and we
  Think this is a legitimate concern. Some have also suggested that sex
  In
  The hot tub will push bacteria-laden water up into the vagina causing
  Infection. We have no evidence that this is a likely scenario, however,
  We've received a lot of emails about this, so we will leave this an
  Open
  Question.]
  .....
  Dear RSA,
  Is it normal for a guy to finger his own ass? Anonymous, Florida
  Yes.
  .....
  Dear RSA,
  Is it normal to like to taste of your own cum? Ryan, Ohio
  Yes.
  .....
  Dear RSA,
  My boyfriend caught me masturbating. I said, "I'm sorry and I'll stop.
  But he just said, "No, no. That's all right. You can continue." So I did.
  He sat there watching me. After about a minute, he suggested sex. Is it
  Normal to get turned on by watching somebody masturbate? Katie, U.S.
  Yes.
  ....
  Dear RSA,
  I feel a little embarrassed asking this, but is there any way possible
  To tit-f uck? My girlfriend has huge t its and wants to see if I find any
  Pleasure by f ucking them...is that even possible? Chris, N.Y.
  Yes. Yes.
  ....
  Dear RSA,
  My girlfriend and I had sex recently (I was wearing a condom...of
  Course). But when we were done...she noticed that my condom was broken.
  Is there a chance she won't get pregnant? James, California
  Yes.
  .....
  Dear RSA,
  I'm a girl and I'm so hairy down there, if I take it away it always
  Comes back the same day. Is it normal to have hair around your asshole?
  Anonymous, U.S.
  Yes.
  ....
  Dear RSA,
  I have hair on the shaft of my penis almost half way up. It's not a lot
  Of hair but a little. Is this normal?
  Jan, Oslo
  Yes.
  ....
  Dear RSA,
  I discovered I am bisexual. Is this bad to love c ock & p ussy? Rick,
  Virginia
  No.
  ...
  Dear RSA,
  I went home to see my parents and my girlfriend not too long ago. Well,
  My girlfriend is pregnant. (I'm the father -- we both know that). But
  see, she still wants to have sex. Is that safe? Alex, Texas
  Yes.
  ///
  Dear RSA,
  Is it safe to beat off twice a day?
  Anonymous, L.A.
  Yes.
  .....
  Dear RSA,
  Is there anything wrong about my girlfriend being afraid to be
  handcuffed to the bed?
  Elvis, N.Y.
  No.
  ///
  Dear RSA,
  My boyfriend likes me to play with his ass during sex. Is this normal?
  Anonymous, N.Y.
  Yes.
  .....
  Dear RSA,
  Can you get a girl pregnant if you do her in the ass? Anonymous, U.S.
  Yes.
  Note: we've received a few queries about this answer. The concern is
  that the sperm may leak out of the rectum and into the vagina causing
  pregnancy. This may be unlikely but is probably not impossible. Here's
  a
  comment we received from one reader: "YES. My 4th is living proof."
  ......
  Dear RSA,
  Do t its get bigger after sex?
  Dan, Miami
  No.
• guardiANGEL

  18 Jul 06, 23:42

  men's "F" rule
  Find her
  Friend her
  Flirt her
  French her
  Finger her
  Fc uk her
  FIND NEXT