> >
> >
> > The 1st Affair
> >
> > A married man was having an affair
> > with his secretary.
> > One day they went to her place
> > and made love all afternoon.
> > Exhausted, they fell asleep
> > and woke up at 8 PM.
> > The man hurriedly dressed
> > and told his lover to take his shoes
> > outside and rub them in the grass and dirt.
> > He put on his shoes and drove home.
> > "Where have you been?" his wife demanded.
> > "I can't lie to you," he replied,
> > "I'm having an affair with my secretary.
> > We had sex all afternoon."
> > She looked down at his shoes and said:
> > "You lying bastard!
> > You've been playing golf!"
> >
> > The 2nd Affair
> >
> > A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters
> > but always talked about having a son.
> > They decided to try one last time
> > for the son they always wanted.
> > The wife got pregnant
> > and delivered a healthy baby boy.
> > The joyful father rushed to the nursery
> > to see his new son.
> > He was horrified
> > at the ugliest child he had ever seen.
> > He told his wife: "There's no way I can be the father of this baby.
> > Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered! Have you been
> > fooling around behind my back?" The wife smiled sweetly and replied:
> > "Not this time!"
> >
> > The 3rd Affair
> >
> > A mortician was working late one night.
> > He examined the body of Mr. Schwartz,
> > about to be cremated,
> > and made a startling discovery.
> > Schwartz had the largest private part
> > he had ever seen!
> > "I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz," the mortician
> > commented, "I can't allow you to be cremated
> > with such an impressive private part.
> > It must be saved for posterity."
> > So, he removed it,
> > stuffed it into his briefcase,
> > and took it home
> > "I have something to show
> > you won't believe," he said to his wife,
> > opening his briefcase.
> > "My God!" the wife exclaimed,
> > "Schwartz is dead!"
> >
> > The 4th Affair
> > A woman was in bed with her lover
> > when she heard her husband
> > opening the front door.
> > "Hurry," she said, "stand in the corner."
> > She rubbed baby oil all over him,
> > then dusted him with talcum powder.
> > "Don't move until I tell you,"
> > she said, " pretend you're a statue."
> > "What's this?" the husband inquired
> > as he entered the room.
> > "Oh it's a statue," she replied,
> > "the Smiths bought one and I liked it
> > so I got one for us, too."
> > No more was said,
> > not even when they went to bed.
> > Around 2 AM the husband got up,
> > went to the kitchen and returned
> > with a sandwich and a beer.
> > "Here," he said to the statue, have this.
> > I stood like that for two days at the Smiths
> > and nobody offered me a damned thing."
> >
> > The 5th Affair
> >
> > A man walked into a cafe,
> > went to the bar and ordered a beer.
> > "Certainly, Sir , that'll be one cent."
> > "One Cent?" the man exclaimed..
> > He glanced at the menu and asked:
> > "How much for a nice juicy steak
> > and a bottle of wine?"
> > "A nickel," the barman replied.
> > "A nickel?" exclaimed the man.
> > "Where's the guy who owns this place?"
> > The bartender replied:
> > "Upstairs, with my wife."
> > The man asked: "What's he doing upstairs
> > with your wife?"
> > The bartender replied:
> > "The same thing
> > I'm doing to his business down here."
> >
> > The 6th Affair
> >
> > Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside.
> > He looked up and said weakly:
> > "I have something I must confess."
> > "There's no need to, " his wife replied.
> > "No," he insisted,
> > "I want to die in peace.
> > I slept with your sister, your best friend,
> > her best friend, and your mother!"
> > "I know," she replied,
> > " now just rest
> > and let the poison work."
>
