funny joke lol!
-
good one! -
lol. that was a good one.
-
A little boy came down for breakfast one morning and asked his grandma, "Where`s Mom and dad?"
and she replied, "they`re up in bed."
The little boy started to giggle and ate his breakfast and went out to play. Then he came back in for lunch and asked his grandma "where`s Mom and Dad?"
and she replied "they`re still up in bed."
Again the little boy started to giggle and he ate his lunch and went out to play. Then the little boy came in for dinner and once again he asked his grandma "where`s Mom and dad?"
and his grandmother replied "they`re still up in bed."
The little boy started to laugh and his grandmother asked, "whats so funny? Every time I tell you they`re still up in bed you start to laugh! what is going on here?"
The little boy replied, "well last night daddy came into my bedroom and asked me for the Vaseline and I gave him super glue." -
The Smart Farmer John lived on a quiet rural highway.
But, as time went by, the traffic built-up at an alarming rate. The traffic was so heavy and so fast that his chickens were being run over at a rate of three to six a day.
So one day Farmer John called the sheriffs office and said, "You ve got to do something about all of these people driving so fast and killing all of my chickens."
"What do you want me to do?" asked the sheriff.
"I dont care," said Farmer John. "Just do something about these crazy drivers!"
So the next day, he had the county workers go out and erected a sign that said,
SLOW: SCHOOL CROSSING.
Three days later Farmer John called the sheriff and said, "Youve got to do something about these drivers. The school crossing sign seems to make them go even faster."
So, again, the sheriff sends out the county workers and they put up a new sign that said,
SLOW: CHILDREN AT PLAY.
But that sped them up even more! So Farmer John kept calling, and the sheriff kept changing the signs.
Finally, Farmer John said to the sheriff, "Your signs are doing no good. Can I put up my own sign?"
The sheriff was ready to let Farmer John do just about anything in order to get him to stop calling every day.
He said, "Sure thing, put up your own sign."
And after that, the sheriff got no more calls from Farmer John.
Three weeks later, curiosity got the best of the sheriff and he decided to give Farmer John a call.
"Hows the problem with those drivers? Did you put up your sign?"
"Oh, I sure did. And not one chicken has been killed since then. Ive got to go. Im very busy." He hung up the phone.
The sheriff was really curious now and he thought to himself "Id better go out there and take a look at that sign... it might be something that WE could use to slow down drivers..."
So the sheriff drove out to Farmer Johns house, and his jaw dropped the moment he saw the sign. It was spray-painted on a sheet of wood:
NUDIST COLONY ***
Go slow and watch out for the chicks------------ -
keep them coming people
-
this is the best man ... lolOriginally posted by mhcampboy:A little boy came down for breakfast one morning and asked his grandma, "Where`s Mom and dad?"
and she replied, "they`re up in bed."
The little boy started to giggle and ate his breakfast and went out to play. Then he came back in for lunch and asked his grandma "where`s Mom and Dad?"
and she replied "they`re still up in bed."
Again the little boy started to giggle and he ate his lunch and went out to play. Then the little boy came in for dinner and once again he asked his grandma "where`s Mom and dad?"
and his grandmother replied "they`re still up in bed."
The little boy started to laugh and his grandmother asked, "whats so funny? Every time I tell you they`re still up in bed you start to laugh! what is going on here?"
The little boy replied, "well last night daddy came into my bedroom and asked me for the Vaseline and I gave him super glue."
-
funny!
-
Mr. Johnson got himself a new secretary. She was young, sweet, and very polite. One day while taking dictation, she noticed his fly was open.
When leaving the room, she said, "Mr. Johnson, your barracks door is open." He did not understand her remark, but later on he happened to look down and saw that his zipper was open.
He decided to have some fun with his secretary. Calling her in, he asked, "By the way Miss Jones, when you saw my barracks door was open this morning, did you also notice a soldier standing at attention?"
The secretary, who was quite witty replied, "Why no sir, all I saw was a little disabled veteran sitting on two duffel bags. -
Queen Elizabeth II was visiting one of New Yorks finest hospitals and during her tour of the wards she passed a room where one of the male patients was masturbating.
"Oh God," said the Queen. "Thats disgraceful, what is the meaning of this?"
The doctor leading the tour explains, "I am sorry your Royal Highness, but this man has a very serious condition where his testicles fill up rapidly with semen. If he doesnt do what he is doing at least 5 times per day, he could swell up and he might die."
"Oh, I am sorry," said the Queen. "I was unaware that such a medical condition existed."
On the same floor they soon passed another room where a young, blonde nurse was performing oral sex on another patient.
"Oh my God," said the Queen. "Whats happening here?"
The doctor replied, "Same problem, better health plan.". -
Y "better health plan" ???
-
hahah back in western countries...they have tis health plans or health insurance something like tat...Originally posted by gd4u:Y "better health plan" ??? -
A prisoner escapes from his California prison where he had been kept for 15 years.
As he runs away, he finds a house and breaks into it.
He finds a young couple in bed.
He gets the guy out of bed, ties him up on a chair, ties up the woman to the bed and starts kissing her on the neck, then gets up, and goes to the bathroom.
While he is there, the husband tells his wife:
"Listen, this guy is a prisoner, look at his clothes! He probably spent a lot of time in prison, and has not seen a woman in years. I saw the way he kissed your neck. If he wants to go all the way, dont resist, dont complain, just do what he tells you, give him satisfaction. This guy must be dangerous, if he gets angry, he will kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you"
To which the wife responds, "He was not kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me that he found you very sexy, and asked if we kept any Vaseline in the bathroom. Be strong, honey. I love you too... -
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q. What do a gynaecologist and a pizza delivery boy have in common?
A. They can both smell it, but can't eat it.
Q. What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog.
A. After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
Q. What did the woman say to her swimming instructor?
A. "Will I really drown if you take your finger out?"
Q. Why do women have two holes so close together?
A. In case you miss. -
Corporate Lesson I
A priest was driving along and saw a nun on the side of the road, he stopped and offered her a lift which she accepted. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to open and reveal a lovely leg. The priest had a look and nearly had an accident.
After controlling the car, he stealthfully slid his hand up her leg. The nun looked at him and immediately said, "Father, remember psalm 129?"
The priest was flustered and apologized profusely. He forced himself to remove his hand. However, he was unable to remove his eyes from her leg.
Further on while changing gear, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again Said, "Father, remember psalm 129?" Once again the priest apologized."Sorry sister but the flesh is weak."
Arriving at the convent, the nun got out gave him a meaningful glance and went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to retrieve a bible and looked up psalm 129. It Said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."
MORAL OF THE STORY:
Always be well informed in your job, or you might miss a great opportunity!
Corporate Lesson II
Usually the executives and staff of the company play football.
The middle level managers are more interested in Tennis.
The top management usually has a preference for Golf.
Finding:
As you go up the corporate ladder, the balls reduce in size. -
this one no badOriginally posted by motoway:--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q. Why do women have two holes so close together?
A. In case you miss. -
Another answer: So you can pick them up like any six packs (Beer)
DamienZ -
Something I found on Fanfiction....
“One day, at a bus stop there was a girl who was wearing a skintight miniskirt. When the bus arrived and it was her turn to get on, she realized that her skirt was so tight she couldn't get her foot high enough to reach to step.
Thinking it would give her enough slack to raise her leg, she reached back and unzipped her skirt a little. She still could not reach the step. Embarrassed, she reached back once again to unzip it a little more. Still, she couldn't reach the step.
So, with her skirt zipper halfway down, she reached back and unzipped her skirt all the way. Thinking that she could get on the step now, she lifted up her leg only to realize that she still couldn't reach the step.
So, seeing how embarrassed the girl was, the man standing behind her put his hands around her waist and lifted her up on to the first step of the bus. The girl turned around furiously and said, "How dare you touch my body that way, I don't even know you!"
Shocked, the man says, "Well, ma'am, after you reached around and unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured that we were friends.” -
Originally posted by MohamedF:Something I found on Fanfiction....
“One day, at a bus stop there was a girl who was wearing a skintight miniskirt. When the bus arrived and it was her turn to get on, she realized that her skirt was so tight she couldn't get her foot high enough to reach to step.
Thinking it would give her enough slack to raise her leg, she reached back and unzipped her skirt a little. She still could not reach the step. Embarrassed, she reached back once again to unzip it a little more. Still, she couldn't reach the step.
So, with her skirt zipper halfway down, she reached back and unzipped her skirt all the way. Thinking that she could get on the step now, she lifted up her leg only to realize that she still couldn't reach the step.
So, seeing how embarrassed the girl was, the man standing behind her put his hands around her waist and lifted her up on to the first step of the bus. The girl turned around furiously and said, "How dare you touch my body that way, I don't even know you!"
Shocked, the man says, "Well, ma'am, after you reached around and unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured that we were friends.” -
good one.
-
damn funny... very humourouss
-
[quote="Mono"]Once, a gay man went to heaven. At the Great Gate, Saint Peter was waiting for him. After reviewing his records Saint Pete decided to let him in. "Follow me," he said, opening the gate and walking in.......[/quote]
A pastor and a wreckless bus driver died and went to heaven.
Upon reaching heaven, they both saw a long queue of people waiting outside the gate to enter into heaven. Thinking he'd get the red carpet treatment for all his years of service to the Lord, the pastor skipped the queue and walked straight to greet Saint Peter, expecting to get escorted into heaven. However, Saint Peter just brushed him aside and told him "You wait.".
Then upon seeing the wreckless bus driver at the back of the queue, Saint Peter immedietly ran up to him and personally escorted him straight into heaven. The pastor was shocked to see this.
The moment Saint Peter came back, the pastor asked him "How come after all the work that I have done, I get no recognition for it, while this wreckless bus driver who risks the lives of people each day, gets all that?"
Saint Peter replied "It's simple. When you preach, people fall asleep. But when he drives, people pray." -
wtf.... All so funny.. +100
-
The girl getting on to the bus was damn funny!!