Pipe ExperimentI never realised that the 'cock rings' that I regularly saw in magazines (as a teenager) were adjustable so that they could be RELEASED. You learn these things by experimenting... Or.... for want of a better expression... the hard way.
Teenage lad (shortly after the blissfull discovery of the "orgasm") slips a napkin ring around his todger... and uses it as a wanking handle.
Mid session, the make-shift napkin suddenly became too big for the ring... Being the smart lad I was, I reasoned "It'll go down if I get turned off".. so, 10 minutes of mentally picturing my grandmother naked should fix it... but No! I was infact increasing in size.
After being horrified by the discovery that I obviously harboured disturbing thoughts for my Gran, I took no joy in the discovery and Realisation of the bio-mechanics behind my now monsterous and painful hardon.
You know how a love-bite/hickey causes surface capilaries to burst, and make your skin go a blotchy red/purple? well... my D*ck was VERY much like that... ALL OVER.
I was terrified, and in my moment of need turned to my trusty Minicraft Drill... Two cutting disks later, the pewter napkin ring was only HALF off!! Compunding my misery, pain and horror, my MUM came up to see why i was "making toys" at 2:00am on a school night.
I bear the scars till this day.
Oh Emma!My cousin was walking back from a club with some friends a few years back, when they saw a single parked car in a cark park.
Inside was a man, slumped forward looking rather dead, so they flagged down a passing police car for help.
The policeman went up to the car, took out his truncheon and tapped politely on the window, at which point the 'corpse' woke up. Mr Plod asked him if he was ok and if he would step out of the car. The man said he would really rather stay there, but the policeman insisted.
The car door was opened and the policemen, my cousin and her friends were in for a treat - the man had trousers and pants round his ankles, a cardboard cutout of Baby Spice, and his todger poking through a handy hole in said cutout.
Turns out he wasn't dead, he'd just wanked himself unconscious.
Dead EndMy mates sister (honest!!) was doing the pathology bit of her medical degree
They had to examine one corpse to determine cause of death. The only clue they had was a large circular exit wound on the top of his shoulder. After much deliberation, the class decided that it was some sort of gunshot wound.
It actually turned out that the gentleman in question had been pleasuring himself, whilst stood on the edge of the bath. No bad thing, but he choose to have the handle of a broom up his bottom at the same time. And was using the shower curtain rail as something to grab hold of for support.
Unfortunately it would appear that shower curtain rails aren't the best 'wanking supports' as it snapped, impaling him upon the broom like a man kebab. And hence the shoulder exit wound.
I hope that's a warning to anyone considering having a wank with a broom up their arse whilst swinging from a shower curtain!!!
Still, you've gotta laugh, eh!
